• Published 1st Nov 2018
  • 346 Views, 33 Comments

Starlight Rider Kicks Everything - PresentPerfect

Starlight Glimmer has gotten her hooves on Twilight Sparkle's Friendship Journal. And a time travel spell. And a Driver. And a bunch of Ridewatches. And she realizes that she could fix everything with time travel and Rider kicks. So she does.

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Flutter Brutter

Starlight Rider Kicks Everything
by Present Perfect

Part 4: Flutter Brutter

"Wait for me, sweetie!"

Flashy Glasses laughed as she chased her fiancee from cloud to cloud high above Cloudsdale. She had never been one for fast flight, and neither was Swishy Topknot, but together, the two introverted ponies could have conquered the world. They gave each other the strength they needed to be the ponies they truly were, deep inside.

"Think you can catch me, future Mrs. Shy?" he laughed, turning over on his back. His mustache and long, turquoise dreadlocks flowed in the breeze as his wings plowed the air below hm.

Flashy adjusted her flower crown and, tongue sticking out the side of her mouth, put on an extra burst of speed. "I think I can, future Mr. Shy!"

Early in their relationship, they had latched onto the similarity in their names: the letters S-H-Y. It was their own private joke that one day, they would share "Shy" as a last name.

They were disgustingly cute and saccharine like that.

They were also being watched, unbeknownst to them. So add "careless" to the stack of things which described their state.

Because, in flying on his back, the future Mr. Shy had left a very important and, shall we say, vulnerable part of his anatomy open for all and sundry to gaze upon.


Sundry indeed was the armored pony who rocketed from a nearby cloud, hoof aimed straight for Mr. Shy's junk.

The air whistled past her helmet as she plummeted through the sky like a bomb loosed above a sleepy seaside town. The happy couple laughed and played together, entirely oblivious to the Sword of Damocles hanging above them.

Starlight's armor screamed against the air pressure. Mr. Shy's ghoulies lay, helpless and unaware, bringing thoughts of nookie to Ms. Shy.

The hoof drew inexorably closer to its target.

Fifty hooflengths.



Somewhere in the back of Starlight's mind, an unborn Fluttershy cried out for her own existence. Too late; the price was too high.


Starlight was knocked off course as something large and red collided with her. She went shrieking through three clouds in a row, finally catching the attention of the would-be Shys, who startled, screamed and hugged each other close.

Starlight bounced off the cloud surface, rolling until she was able to catch herself with her forehooves. Her rear legs dangled over the edge as she screeched to a halt.

Lungs heaving, she glanced up to see what had attacked her.

Hovering a few dozen hooflengths away was another armored pony. This one wore red and yellow, instead of her own grey with pink. The second pony had a spinny neck thing similar to her own, only its display read "GEIZ". Whoever they were, Starlight could tell their gaze was filled with nothing but condescension.

Starlight got to her hooves. "What's the meaning of this?" she growled.

"You have gone too far, Essu-Zi," sad the other pony. A mechanical modulator garbled the pony's voice to unidentifiability. "If you won't stop yourself from destroying the timeline, then I will."

On the one hoof, Starlight had to agree. Maybe she had gone a little too far, this time. She'd left quite the trail of destruction behind her, after all.

On the other hoof, she was Starlight "Goddamn" Glimmer. And nopony, but nopony, told Starlight Glimmer what to do.

With a yell, she launched herself into the air at the other armored pony. They saw the attack coming but reacted too slow, taking a series of blows to the face that broke their midair stance. Instantly, the two fighters were at each other's throats, kicking and punching at blinding speed. A particularly hard strike sent Starlight flying backward.

She pulled out the dragon Ridewatch, inserted it into her Driver, and spun it.


The other pony pulled out their own, pink and yellow watch and inserted it in their Driver, spinning it.


Starlight surged forward with the might of a dragon, but a single glance from the other pony stopped her in her tracks.

She swapped the dragon watch for the Diamond one.


Exerting her will, she pushed back against the Stare that held her at bay. But the other Rider pulled out an orange watch with an image of three ponies on it.


Suddenly, Starlight found herself surrounded by three opponents. Try as she might to control one of them, the others would surge in and double-team her.

"Two can play at this game," she said, pulling out another watch.

"WONDERBOLTS!" said her Driver.

Starlight grinned to herself as she split in three, gaining the upper hoof at least. The power of three full-grown pegasi was more than a match for three fillies. But her opponent had one more trick -- and watch -- up their sleeve.


The three Riders merged back into one, who turned into a blue-and-rainbow blur. Despite the high speed her own Ridewatch granted her, the effort needed to keep her three selves organized was too much. She couldn't muster the reflexes to react to the light-speed attacks thrown at her.

In a trice, two of her clones exploded. The now-blue Rider appeared before her, cocking its head to the side.


A single hoof strike shattered Starlight's helmet, and the rest of her armor evaporated off of her as she fell through the sky.

"You haven't heard the last of meeeeee!" she shouted, though the wind stole the words from even her ears. "I didn't want a Zephyr Breeze Ridewatch anyway," she added in a grumble before winkeing out of existence. The other Rider vanished moments later.

The two Shies, still embracing tightly, looked at each other, panic written across their faces.

"When we get home, we are having so much nookie."

"Oh, Celestia, yes."

Later, they would agree that "Fluttershy" sounded like a good name for a filly.

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