• Published 1st Nov 2018
  • 346 Views, 33 Comments

Starlight Rider Kicks Everything - PresentPerfect

Starlight Glimmer has gotten her hooves on Twilight Sparkle's Friendship Journal. And a time travel spell. And a Driver. And a bunch of Ridewatches. And she realizes that she could fix everything with time travel and Rider kicks. So she does.

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Rainbow Falls

Starlight Rider Kicks Everything
by Present Perfect

Part 3: Rainbow Falls

Soarin flew intricate loops through the practice rings as the Ponyville relay team watched from below. The Cloudsdale cheerponies started cheering, and he lifted his goggles to give them a wave, because he's kind of an idiot. Which was why he flew right into a--


...An incoming flying armor pony, who kicked him right in the jaw and sent him spiralling into the sky somehow. More into the sky, anyway, since he was already flying.

"I regret everythiiiiiiiing!" he cried, and then he exploded.

The armored pony, who kind of looked like a red dragon, 'cause of the wings and stuff, did a superhero landing right in front of the other two Wonderbolts, who were shocked for about two seconds. That was enough time for the pony to lay a hoof right upside Fleetfoot's jaw.


Fleetfoot flipped end over end, clearing the Cloudsdale team tent and exploding when she hit the ground on the other side.

Now, say what you will about the Wonderbolts. They're kind of shit, right? Well, Spitfire had just seen two of her teammates get one-shotted and then explode. Her opponent was in full body armor and had unknown capabilities. And Spitfire went for it.

In no time flat, the two ponies were locked in hoof-to-hoof combat, superior strength countered by superior agility. Despite having no augmentations whatsoever, Spitfire, Captain of the Wonderbolts, stood her damn ground against the masked assailant, and for every blow she evaded, she gave two more to her foe.

Not that they did much, mind you. But the ponies around them were cheering like crazy. They didn't know what was going on; all they knew was it looked awesome.

That is, until the armored pony got in a good feint and knocked Spitfire sideways into the dirt. This gave her just enough time to spin the grey thingy on her chest three-hundred-sixty degrees.


The pony launched herself into the air and shouted, "RAIDAH KIKKU!" again. Spitfire dragged herself to her hooves, saw the armored pony rocketing towards her from above and faced her end with the dignity and courage only a true master of the skies could possess.

She exploded on impact.

Kamen Rider Essu-Zi superhero landed on the other side of the explosion. She thrust a hoof out and a little blue plastic watch dropped into it, bearing the likenesses of the three Wonderbolts she'd just creamed. Her audience gaped as her armor dissolved, revealing a familiar pink unicorn beneath.

"I have so many questions right now," mumbled Fluttershy.

"Starlight?" Rainbow Dash screamed, her voice cracking. "What the hay did you do that for?"

"That's what happens when I'm not in season three," Starlight "Mayan Apocalypse" Glimmer growled. "Also, I just really wanted to punch Fleetfoot in the teeth."

She removed the red dragon watch from the Siggu Driver and plugged the Wonderbolt one in its place. She gave the thing a spin, and it projected an image of Spitfire in front of her.


"Hold on," cried Rainbow, rushing forward, "you can't just armor up and leave again. I'm still trying to work through all that stuff you told me about Applejack! Especially because she's doing app--"

"Ugh, I know." Starlight made a face. "The apple brown betties thing. You have my sympathies, Dash, but I never said love was easy."

She kicked the image and it armored her back up. Now, she was all blue with yellow stripes and regular, non-dragon wings.

"Anyway, I gotta book. Smell you later, Rainbow Dash."

She kicked off the ground and rocketed into the stratosphere. The only reason Rainbow Dash didn't catch her was that she was too stunned for words. Well, and Starlight disappeared through space and time and stuff.

My god, what the hell. Who's even the hero in this story? Was that good, what we just saw? Was that something we should be rooting for? Well, the armored pony watching from the shadows certainly didn't think so...

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