Know your Mare

by overlord-flinx

Big Macintosh

Know your mare, know your mare, know your mare...

Strong as the red coated stallion was, he seemed almost humble beneath the single spot light in the darkness.

Big Macintosh...

...Never finished school...

"Eeeeyup..."

Big Macintosh...

...Is over compensating for something with his name...

"Eeeeyup..."

Big Macintosh...

...Is a lord of the tap-dance...

"...Eeyup..."

Big Macintosh...

...Is in cahoots with Applejack to steal the Apple Family's money...

"...Eeeyup..."

Celestia...!

This colt's a wall...!

Yes...

...He's too even tempered for us to unbalance...

...Miss...

...Take it from here...

With pleasure...

Big Mac...

...is sexist...

"Eee-nope..."

Big Mac...

...Is perfectly willing to let a girl buck all the trees without help...

"No filly can do that alone..."

He budged...

...Push him over Scarface...

Big Mac...

...admits to thinking a filly can't buck trees without help...

"Not all of 'em."

Now you know...

Big Mac the Sexist...

"Ask my sisters, I'm always fair."

Don't worry...

I will...

With narrowed eyes Big Mac departed from the light like so many before.

Comments

[not-so-anonymous]

not sure what to say here....

[Doctor Derpin]

winning!

[Autumnfire]

Is it just me or are the voices starting to lose more than they win?

[overlord-flinx]

699670 ...Who ?

[DJ DASH3R]

Your making my job harder!!!!!! So many pones need revenge>_> wait......cN you tell us what race the are (gryphon, dragon, pony, some unknown race similar to discord, etc)

[littlelf1116]

...umm...all i know is that i really wish know who the voices are. Also, if another of the talks turn up like Diamond Tiara's (even if it is fiction) You will have lost a reader.

[overlord-flinx]

699698 Sorry, I can't tell you... You'll just have to guess.

699710 In what manner? Having a little girl cry or letting a character no one likes off easy?

[Lucky Roll]

Italic was called Scarface. Do we know any ponies whose face is scarred? I doubt.
We know that Italic is the cruelest out of the three.
It's a bit of a long shot, but I'd also say that if you observe him/her, (s)he usually talks about sex (even if it's only implied slander). Well, in this particular case, sexism. Or, instead sex, should I say making love?

Let's think about it for a moment. Do we know anyone who has a deformed body (such as holes in her legs, wings, crooked horn etc.), is cruel and spends most of her time with getting love in mind?

Eeeyup. I'll leave the conclusion to you.

I'm not as sure about this one as the previous one (Underlined being Pip), perhaps still needing some evidence, but I think we're starting to close on our target...

[overlord-flinx]

699726 My my... clever deduction.

[overlord-flinx]

699757 Splendid then.

[overlord-flinx]

699834 Yes... for now...

[Nightingalehound]

So, one is a changeling, another has a british accent, and the first one from the story is cruel but just not that cruel and actually has a frickin heart unlike the other two.

[Silent Breeze]

699726 ..... Cheerilee?

[DJ DASH3R]

699757 you spelled gryphon wrong >_>

[Lucky Roll]

699731
To be fair, I've expected something along the lines of "Are you sure? Maybe I'm just messing with your mind..." but you actually approved. Now some might say this is because I'm on a false track and you want me to follow it, but I think you just might want to play reverse psychology. Nice try, but y'see, Detective Roll from the Scoltland Yard is an old fox, Mr. Flinx.

699850
Why yes! Yes, you've nailed down our top suspect. That Cheerilee is one sick abomination!

[overlord-flinx]

699912 If you're a fox, than I'm a hound.

[DJ DASH3R]

699892 if so the gdoc is retarded. it spelled gryphon according to every english teacher I've ever had, and every dictionary I've ever used to look it up-_-

[overlord-flinx]

700039 Actually, it can be spelled either way. There are three ways to spell it 'correctly' but the one you use is the more Greek-esque manner. He's technicly right, but you're more so right for using the more Greek form. Also, please refrain from using the word 'retarded' around here. I hate to be a prude since I'm more friendly and kind, but I don't like that word. Thank you

[DJ DASH3R]

700051 sorry. It was the first insult that cam to mind to describe one of my least favorite google apps.

[overlord-flinx]

700053 Either way.

[DJ DASH3R]

700059 as I said, I'm sorry.

[overlord-flinx]

700070 Well I don't know, I think it's going pretty well

[Wi11ki11]

Im going on a limb here and saying they're ALL disembodied voices, just 'cause.

[Silent Breeze]

699912 Yes! YES! I KNEW IT!

In all honesty, I always thought it was that one mare with the holes ever since the 'Perfect'. A very flimsy thing to hold on to, yes, but I'm sticking to it until the end.

Underlined one though....... I don't know, mind controlled Manehatten accent Applejack? No idea, honestly.

[Jumpitydude]

Oh my god, I think the cruel voice is Fluttershy!

[Lucky Roll]

700188
Nope, if I'm correct (and I always am), Underlined is Pip.

Anyway! I read back a few chapters, and here I a few things I'm not sure everyone noticed:

Italic always talks about Canterlot ponies. Like she led an attack against Canterlot, and is familiar only with Canterlotian ponies...

Italic called Underlined "blank". Don't forget, Pipsqueak is a blankflank.

Bold's line: "When I have to be the voice of reason here, something is wrong." Who's the one you'd suspect the least being reasonable? Somepony, or rather, someone who thinks making sense isn't fun...

As a direct answer, Italic calls Bold a "glorified hodgepodge". Quoting my dictionary, a hodgepodge is "A motley assortment of things". Starting to suspect who he is?

Italic later gets "royally burnt". Like she was royalty... say, a queen...

All right, I'm willing to make my bet. I think I'm fairly sure about all three voices' identity...

[overlord-flinx]

700550 So much thought... I'm touched.

[Lucky Roll]

700667
Underlined is Pipsqueak. Think about it...

-He speaks with a british accent.

-He was called "blank". Blank, as in blankflank.

-Diamond Tiara recognized his voice.

-His only line in the Pipsqueak chapter was a compliment, even though voices are supposed to annoy the guests. (And anyway, who in their right mind would compliment Pipsqueak?! Aside from maybe Woona, that is.)

-He put in a trap door, because that's "the next best step to the plank". 'Walking the plank' is an execution commonly associated with pirates. And Pipsqueak likes to masquerade as a pirate.

Still not convinced? It would make no sense for Discord to team up with somepony like Pipsqueak. And that's precisely why he did it!
Okay, this last one was a joke, but all in all, I think we have an airtight case here, don't we?

700718
Yeah. Because, y'know, that's just... *puts on sunglasses* how I Roll.

[Lucky Roll]

700785
Here you go. You are welcome!

[Moon_Dew]

With narrowed eyes? From a pony like Big Macintosh that's enough to make a Space Marine soil his carapace armor. Let's face it, those voices are bucked!

[Neuex]

[ImRaidAccount]

At least you didn't mention his less than favorable relations.

[SuperChaosKG]

699955

And I am Sly! Together, we shall be SLYFOXHOUND!! XD

[Doctor Derpin]

699644 Not sure who... but somepony is definitely winning!

[SuperPinkBrony12]

The mighty Big Macintosh wins again.

[Octavio the Umbreon]

Scarface huh?
You're going down. helll down

[Rather Tired]

Big Macintosh is a mare?

[Rather Tired]

To clarify, because the title of the piece is "Know your Mare".

[iloveportalz0r]

dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/eenope.png

[Enmar]

cant tell if draw
>.>

[Stiggerzz]

not sure who won that round >_>

[pinkiedash27]

1963140
Lol me too

[Thunderbird Resurrection]

1963140
ITS A TIE! You hear me! IT'S. A. TIE! Nopony won, we can all go home! G'night!

[DarkStarWolf53]

700550

Think you just nailed it!

On topic: I think Big Mac and the Voices are tied...

[INACTIVE_ACCOUNT]

700550 Wasn't pip just up last chapter?

[Rubystars]

He admitted to stealing the Apple Family's money?

Also... no fair of the voices for saying he's sexist both for not helping and for saying that a filly can't do it on her own. They can't have it both ways!

[lunaDaRula]

I haven't read it yet but I am going to assume that the voices get a smack down!

[lunaDaRula]

I WAS WRONG?!?! I'm never wrong!

[Levana]

2913763 But somebody called pip handsome... A recording of pip?

[Simon GHOST Riley]

701787