• Member Since 10th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen Dec 19th, 2019

Ninestempest


Fanfic writer, gamer, and whatever other labels I'm forgetting.

T
Source

This story is a sequel to Right


It's been a year since the changeling invasion of Canterlot, where Twilight Sparkle discovered Fluttershy's true nature. Since then, the shy pegasus has been more isolated than usual, scared of what may happen if anypony else were to find out what she truly was: a changeling raised by ponies since she was a foal.

After much poking and prodding from Twilight, she decides that she'll tell the other element of harmony bearers all at once. When her friends all arrive, and Fluttershy reveals her true form, the two find themselves under attack by their friends. Fluttershy and Twilight escape at the last moment, not entirely sure what just happened, and find themselves in a forest that neither pony recognizes, with no way of getting home that they can see.

They are totally alone. And totally lost.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 132 )

That was sweet. Hope you continue to build this AU.

Awesome story
:yay:

No, Nines. You totally won.

unexpected twishy is unexpected (forgot to read tags), and greatly appreciated :twilightsmile:
anyways, i don't normally do this, but both this and right where very well written, i'm adding both to favorites despite the fact that they are done, you deserve it.

2419641
That is the wrong kind of lost.

2419976
Thanks bro

daww. While I am not a huge fan of Flutterlight, i really enjoyed this story. I really hope that you may consider continuing this at some point.:pinkiesad2::pinkiehappy:

I think you should have a continuation of this story within this universe. Maybe have Fluttershy reveal herself to the rest of the town but not everypony goes along with it and she has to prove herself. :pinkiehappy:

Hey, you actually made the shipping plot-relevant!

Good story, though I preferred the original Right.

Also 'homely' means 'ugly or unappealing.' I think you were looking for 'homey.'

Why am I always interested in 'X is a changeling' fics?

Nice. They get a do-over for telling their other friends about Fluttershy, too. Still looking forward to that. :)

I love this universe, but more so I love the way you write it. Right and Faith both feel like they could be episodes from a more mature version of the show.

Very nice story. I like this and 'Right'.

I also think there should be a further sequel to this...possibly telling the rest of Ponyville.
Or perchance a Slice of Life story where Fluttershy begins to incorporate her Changeling nature into her interactions with her friends. Examples:
As Pinkie suggested, changing form to help with pranks (though pranking doesn't really fit her character, I suppose).
Using her Flutterchange appearance on Nightmare Night...
:pinkiegasp:She could use that as a way to sort of test the waters to see how accepting of her being a changeling the ponies of Ponyville can be.

I must have missed something. If there's a barrier preventing changelings from leaving, how did Fluttershy get out? Was Twilight's teleportation all that was necessary?

well changelings fights and survielists plus lesbi ponies well awsome

Fantastic! Although, I would like to see more.:twilightsmile:

Right was one of the stories that made me want to write Solitary Locust. It's really awesome that it has a sequel now. :rainbowkiss:

Best ending is best

fluttershy is second best pony.:yay:

Heh, wow. The romance was kinda out of the blue, but with the explanation that it was at least partially some kind of survival mechanism, it does fit, I guess :twilightsmile:

Some errors I spotted:
> she doubted they would even effect the two of them.
"affect". Not "effect". Effect is a noun. The verb form of "effect", while it does exist, is archaic and rarely ever used, and I've never, ever seen it used correctly.
> but if the eco system managed to be constant
"ecosystem". One word.
> The changeling queen that had lead the invasion
"had led". The past participle of "to lead" is "led".
> It was partially that that was simply not expecting to be so physically reminded of my failure.
This sounds odd. Shouldn't that be "that I was simply not expecting"?
> Yet, I accepted such long ago
"such" seems odd here. I think that should be "I accepted [that] long ago"
> and the unicorn felt instantly felt a surge of magic
Double "felt"
> Without spike to send a letter
You forgot the capital letter on "Spike".
> Neither pony noticed Bonbon roller her eyes
"rolled"

2420045
Hah, I read that wrong too there for a moment.

Well, this epilogue went pretty much as expected, I guess. Not bad :twilightsmile:

One more correction:
> It’s like, you could scared off so many ponies
"could [scare] off". No "d".

2421262
I suspect that the barrier prevented them from physically leaving the island. Being teleported by a unicorn, they cheated their way around that. As for why the teleport was necessary... besides what I just said... did you miss the fact it was an island? Derp, I fail at interpreting comments at 1:30 in the night X_x

And her eyes. Her eyes looked exactly the same as when she was a pony, with bright, teal irises.

“F-Fluttershy…”

She opened her eyes, and looked up to Twilight’s astonished face.

... how could Twi see here eyes if she had them closed?
Also, from the moment they left that island, you have some missing capitalizations. I saw one "crystal empire" and "spike". Actually, this entire part seems not proofread enough.

Chrysalis had truly doubted Twilight’s power.

I think "underestimated" sounds better than "doubted" here.

Twilight assured them that they’d be informed sometime

Why not "that they would explain everything sometime"?

Neither pony noticed Bonbon roller her eyes

I think "rolling" is the one.

The train parted

Departed.

I think that's all there. I do know there was something before, I think in that entire discussion with Chryssy. One or two missing/misplaced/doubled words, one or two typos. But overall, the entire chapter was pretty mistake-free. It seems they concentrated at the end there. Oh, and also there was a missing quotation... let me see...

I cannot imagine it getting any better after my failed invasion.

There you go. At the end there.

And all that stupid nitpicking aside:
This. Was. Totally. AWESOME!!!:rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss:
Yeah, it's nearing 2 AM, I have issues with expressing myself...:twilightblush:

Oh, and I wonder how many readers will be put off by usage of "girlfriend" instead of "marefriend". I know I was at first. Guess I just got used to the latter after all this time reading pony fics.

Might as well include epilogue here:
That put off bit could also could apply to the Elements of Harmony not being capitalized in epilogue, though I suppose this is a manner of personal preference. Even if they are easily their titles.
And here

ain’t gonna judge ya a cent

They have cents? How many of them are in a bit? Or is it the other way around?

who had long been released from Pinkie’s grasp

Long since?

The those teal eyes

The Derp!:derpytongue2:

Ain’t that right, Fluttershy.

Was that a question.

I like being a pony, a pony is just fine. I love ponies!

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: Best line of the story!

At the very end, last sentence of epilogue. I though hyphens used like that required spaces around them. Though my knowledge in this matter is... lacking is not even beginning to describe it.

Did I seriously just nitpicked after saying that I shall put nitpicking aside?
Too... tired...

Anyway, that was hell of a ride here! I enjoyed every bit!
Though the motive of them being lost kind of reminds me of that one fic with AJ and Shy being sent to old Earh Pony ruins far, far away from home. Not gonna throw names around, but it just floated at the forefront of my mind.
Funny, how I can still be so wordy despite my lack of concentration and a heavy fatigue...
Night, y'all...:ajsleepy:

Oh, hey this guy above found some more and one or two are even the same... meh, they stay here...

:twilightangry2: JUST GO SLEEP ALREADY!

Okay, okay, sheesh...

2421786

Was Twilight's teleportation all that was necessary?

Looks like he was asking if the teleport was what got them through the barrier, not if they had to teleport in the first place.
That said, the name Khorinis (or however it is in English) from Gothic was floating around my head from the moment Chrysalis explained things.

2421898
...derp. I somehow misread that sentence as "Was Twilight's teleportation at all necessary?" :facehoof:

in some insects with a genetic monarchy it'd common that in absence of a queen a drone can metamorph into a queen, is this whats happened to fluttershy?

meh

so does this mean that flutters is a changing queen?

Great sequel! And from a prompt no less! I look forward to any sequels of this sequel that you do!

ewww i hate faith

Well done good sir.
After this excellent follow up I shall have to read the rest of your work.
Cheers.:trollestia:

I hoped for a sequel, now all this time later it has arrived. I am happy.

I feel a bit sad for Chrysalis though. Stuck on an island and left to starve to death and all.

Changelingshy and Kuno are now my two favorite changelings.

At first I was :pinkiehappy: then I was :unsuresweetie: and now im :rainbowhuh:

Not much one for Twishy, but an enjoyable story nonetheless.

2422042
2422094
Huh? where do you guys get that idea? She just designed herself a changeling form that kinda looked like her pony form, and morphed to it... :unsuresweetie:

I liked this story, "what if (something completely different)" scenarios are always fun.
Also Twilight X Flutterling OTP :twilightsmile::heart::yay:

Vey intriguing.:twilightsmile:
I shall read on!:pinkiehappy:

Glad to have read this.:twilightsmile:
This was quite interesting,:raritywink:

Love it!!!!! i love it sooo much im adding it to my faves bar . also you have talent WHY THE HELL ARENT THE ENTIRE BRONY AND PEGAASISTERS ARMY COMMENTING ON THIS?????????????????????????????

Love it. why isnt this a book :D:derpytongue2::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::derpytongue2:

2423927

I somewhat doubt that.

2424464
Doubt that? The story literally said it...

She changed form into a changeling. But it wasn’t just a regular changeling; she looked unmistakably like Fluttershy. She had a pink mane that was filled with holes, just as changeling hooves did, but it looked dark, as if in a barely lit room. Her body was yellow instead of black, and had a similarly dark treatment. Her abdomen, which is usually not distinguishable on a changeling, was actually a hot pink. Her wings were taller and more solid than a changeling’s, but still had some holes.

“F-Fluttershy…”

She opened her eyes, and looked up to Twilight’s astonished face. “Did… did I do it?” She turned to the mirror. Any anxiety she had about her transformation turned to joy in an instant and she clapped her front hooves together, giggly madly. “I… I did it! I can’t believe I actually did it!”

setting up the fire pit in the middle,

There is a double space between "the" and "middle".

A bit too short for my tastes, especially with how everything seems to fall into place to help them, but it was still a nice read.

2424467

Compare the story image to a regular changeling, and you will see large differences that don't necessarily mean she's a queen. There is one line that I know is in the epilogue that is kind of confusing, but it's just supposed to be Twilight being all complimentary and stuff. Or I may have edited it out. I can't remember.

2421882

Also, since you're awesome and listed errors, I'll elaborate.

The dashes in the epilogue are emdashes. Those typically split up certain clauses or signal interruptions in speech. They do not have spaces.

An Endash, which is a slightly smaller version of the same thing that non-North-Americans often use, does require spaces when it is not signalling an interruption. So it depends on which you prefer. The rules about how to use dashes, though, are pretty artificial, and I do not think there would be any confusion if you spaced an emdash or didn't space an endash.

Interesting... I might read this later.

Login or register to comment