• Member Since 10th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen Dec 19th, 2019

Ninestempest


Fanfic writer, gamer, and whatever other labels I'm forgetting.

T
Source

(A Persona Crossover, accessible to those who have not played the games)

There is a problem plaguing Ponyville. For countless fillies and colts, every single night is filled with visions of their greatest fears, and it always seems to be at the same time: just after midnight. There are even rumors of a dark world where Ponyville is shrouded in an impenetrable darkness, and everything is still, as if time itself has stopped. While parents brush it off as part of their childrens' nightmares, the real nightmare for Ponyville is about to begin...

Cornerstone, a new resident of Ponyville, would prefer to simply continue his work building and designing homes, rather than dwell on these rumors. Unfortunately, when a pair of murders rock the town, he and a certain six mares and dragon assistant all find themselves drawn into the mystery of this other world. Thus begins the race to find its origins, as well as the murderer using it for their own nefarious purposes. And it all starts with a single question:

"Just who are you?"

"Why, you're me... and I'm you."

Cover Art by the amazing Acceleron

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 131 )

Yay, it's finally here.

Guess it's time to find out what all the fuss and angst was/is about.

EDIT: Well, that was fun. As I have no idea about the games (although I've seen the 'nightmare realm where you can die and it's filled with monsters and destroyed things' in more than a few Japanese RPG's), I have no clue how this is likely to play out.

I have to wonder why Luna hasn't gotten involved in this at all though. I get that Twilight is wanting to take care of it because she's living in Ponyville, but has she even asked Luna for advice/help? I can't help but think Luna would be very hurt if she hasn't.

I also have to wonder why you chose to make an OC for this. I get if this is how the main character entered the game, but couldn't you have just as easily used an established character to put more of your own spin on it, rather than following the game?

Then again, as I've already stated, I have no idea on the Persona games, so this could be completely different and you just did the OC to add variety to the cast and bring in non-main characters of the show.

Do I say that there is no reason to think that the murderer wouldn’t strike again

Double negative. Should be 'no reason to think the murderer would strike again, if his goal is to placate her. Good thing he didn't say it though, he would have been proven wrong inside 24 hours.

Like I said, fun story. I'm gonna look forward to more.

the fame Ponyville iss receiving from this catastrophy only grew exponentially.

One too many 's's there. And catastrophe has an 'e' not a 'y'.

3243551
Aw yis, blessed typos. Thanks!

3243448

Persona games sell themselves as half dating sims not just because you can date girls, but there's a huge aspect to living high school life, and making friends. In Persona, as well as my story in a few chapters, there's a mechanic called "social links," where if you make friends with people, and strengthen those friendships, then your character essentially becomes more powerful.

"Bonds of People is the True Power" is a quote they use.

As nice as it would be to use Twilight or someone else as a main character, making friends is a vital part of the game, and she's already friends with all the characters I'd like to use. In fact, if I didn't use an OC, I'd probably have to put a mane character in a setting with lots of OCs so she could make friends again.

“What is with the strange mares bumping into me today,” I ask myself aloud.

Everypony in this town is crazy, after all.

I have no experience with the Persona games, but this looks pretty interesting.

Love the Persona series and I will read this when I have the time. By the way, I'll drop a link to a relevant group, if you want to add your story. Or I can add it if you don't mind.

... It's here. Oh god, it's here.

I may not comment much, but know this: I have been anticipating this story's release since pretty much the first time I heard it was in the works.

It's here. And it's marvelous. And I suspect it'll only get better.

God I love Persona.

3244908
I'm not very knowledgeable on how groups work, so that'd be awesome of you.

3244909
I'm glad you're excited! I wasn't sure how many people were excited, but I'm glad someone is excited. I'm excited too.

Oh, another persona crossover fic. I really, really REALLY hope you can keep writing this. Making a fic based on the persona lore is a massive undertaking and can be overwhelming to follow through right until the end.

My fingers are crossed. Please be the first ever writer (in this site) to finish a Persona crossover fic. All the other stories I'm following here just up and died and I've pretty much lost hope.

Anyway, your story right now has promise and I look forward to seeing more.

Hmm! I've always wanted to see an MLP/Persona crossover. I'll definitely be giving this a read.

I was stuck on between writing 3 different stories, each with a different genre, until now. Thank you for helping me decide on writing my Persona story! :pinkiehappy:

Sorry for bothering but, is it alright if I ask you to be a pre-reader for it too? :twilightblush:

3245849

Sorry, but I must decline the offer. I'm busy job hunting along with writing this, and of course that should lead into a job and writing this.

3245869

Ah, alright. Thanks for replying. :twilightsmile:

Seems like a mix between Persona 3 and Persona 4.

persona. persona I can't believe there's such a pony fiction crossover around. I like the way you build it up. Most of the persona crossovers I've seen has had the personas appear either too fast or too slow. Also, the way you split it up into days is reminiscent of the game so that's a very nice touch.

3245892

I can help you with pre-reading, but only when I'm not busy with college.

Then again, reading goes way faster than writing, so it shouldn't be an issue.

And just to stay on-topic: 'grats for making my list of things to read, Nines, I'm going to go check out some of your other stories first though. P:

Is this a Persona 3 or Persona 4 fic? I'm not to familiar with the series.

Well, I'm definitely interested to see where this will go. It's very good so far. Can't wait until Cornerstone get completely tangled in everything going on, that's when the real fun begins.

3247825
It uses elements from both; I'd say it is 60% P4 and 40% P3.

3247846 Thanks, I've never played 3 and I'm in the middle of P4 Gold

Seems interesting. And fun to read, please keep up the good work!

As you can probably see I am a big fan of the persona series so I am exited. :rainbowkiss:

Okay now that I had my run of it here's what I think. Oh my god it's so awesome oh my god it's so awesome! oh my god it's so awesome! I'll just let you sit around that.

Thou art I and I am thou, from the sea of thy soul I cometh.

So I read it today, and you definitely have the feel for the Persona subject matter. I was right in suspecting it was a mix of 3 and 4 with more towards 4. The description suggested it and I'm glad it was confirmed. Persona 4 was my favorite after all, although 3 has better character balance (as in I don't stick with the original group of 4, although I switched out Chie for Teddie in 4). I want to get to know the main character a bit more, but it's a good start. I do hope he takes a bit of a cue from the Yu Narukami of the anime.

Since I haven't seen much of your version of the 'dark hour' yet (although since you mentioned getting to it by listening to radio at a certain hour, I'll take it as part dark hour part midnight channel, which works as a reference back to the blink and you'll miss it mention of Midnight Radio in P4), I'll comment on what I did see. One is that it causes nightmares, which I'm theorizing is similar in nature to apathy syndrome (though I may be proven wrong). Second, Bon-Bon was found on the chimney, and while I'm sure it is a nod to P4, it doesn't have the same significance to me since in P4 they wound up on television antennas which pointed to the TV world and gave evidence that the third murder was a copycat killing. Or maybe there will be significance, who knows?

Finally, I just want to touch on Igor. It surprised me that he was human. I assumed that he would change to match the form of whatever creature was contacting him, seeing as he dwells in a realm 'between dream and reality'. I'd assume his appearance would be at least somewhat malleable, even more so since I've seen theories that he is Philemon (P1 and P2), and is at least an agent of him.

Anyway, I look forward to more.

3245849
Looking forward to it. I did make that folder for you after all.:twilightsmile: And if you need a prereader, I may have the time, depending on how my college work stacks up against me and if I get an internship I'm going for.

3252494
I'm pretty sure the wiki confirms he is an agent of Philemon, but that's only a small reason that I left him human.

Thanks for the huge comment! It's fun to see what readers think, and it helps me show more or less hints about things. Also, I'm pretty sure everyone switched chie out for teddy :I

I wonder if Fluttershy is noticing more electric-blue/shimmering golden butterflies hanging around in random places?

I can't stop imagining a bone-white pony with a butterfly mask loitering around or something.

Everything seem to be falling into place well. Would like to see longer scenes but that' what more chapters are for:raritywink:

3252494

Wow, you remember me. :rainbowkiss:

You have just destroyed Lyra, and you don't even have a dark tag. How sad.

I've never played a Persona game myself, but it seems very ominous so far. The rumor has some wonderful visual appeal as well -- time freezing, darkness descending and mysterious doors opening? How does that not give you chills? However, I do wish the story would get a bit more personal. So far you just have these little segments, and they're typically far too short. Like we're being fed the bare minimum. I can't really appreciate them, and that means Cornerstone suffers, because I can't appreciate him. To me he's still a large blank slate, his only notable quirks being flustered by beautiful mares (sadly unsurprising) and his inability to speak his mind. That and grouchy, with obvious parent issues. So, to be blunt, kind of boring.

The character's emotions fluctuate pretty rapidly as well. They hear a passing reference about Mortar and they get all gloomy (which is understandable) but in the next instant they're smiling again. It feels too quick. I think you could stand to lengthen some of the transitions a bit, or at least hint at some kind of forced expression. Like Cornerstone, he uses those quite a bit.

Mm, the story will probably fix these with time, though, so I guess I'll just have to wait it out. Anyway, with those gripes out of the way, this is interesting and you do have my attention. I'll certainly be keeping an eye on it as you continue.

3257125
There is a mechanic in Persona games where the main character... well, doesn't have any character. It takes hints from WRPGs and lets you develop your character as you go through the game. You even have attributes to raise: Knowledge, Understanding, Expression, Diligence, and Courage. You have to raise these so certain dialog options work, or that certain jobs and events are accessible. In Persona 3, there's a certain person you can't become intimate with until you have maximum courage. In Persona 4, you can't take a tutoring job until you have maximum Understanding, etc.

I'm going half way with that. I'm not explicitly going to show them increasing over the game; that's too gamey, even for me (and I love seeing straight up video game things in crossovers I read). But usually, the main character also doesn't have any issues to overcome as a character, but you noticed those parent issues—that's 1000% more than any persona game will ever give you about the main character. Heck, even in the anime, he didn't have a major "problem" until half way into the series.

And in response to the Mortar thing... well, he died three weeks ago, and the implication is that Lyra was better friends with him than everypony else so far, which is why she did not like being reminded of him. I would agree that the emotional fluctuation might be too fast if it wasn't so long ago. That's just me though. I'm not very experienced with small towns though, so maybe everypony would be more emotionally connected? I'm not too sure.

Thanks for your opinions though, and I hope I cleared some things up! Thanks for giving an unfamiliar crossover a try.

Rarity was quite the exposition pony there. The conversation felt stilted, and probably would have worked better if she had only hinted at the trouble in Ponyville. That way you could have built intrigue until the only Ponyvillian who's investigating the nightmares could provide the info dump. But there's another flaw I was already wary of that kinda alienated me from the following scene.

Twilight plays multiple roles in Spike's life, but a mother is hardly one of them. The age gap is too small, their interactions describe siblings more than anything else, and they both look after one another in an equal capacity. Two facts have been stated by one staff member or another (Lauren or Meghan): that Spike socializes best with grown ponies, and that the mane six have to be immature enough to learn childrens' lessons. The result is that they treat him as an equal rather than a child tagging along with adults. Yet here you've taken away the loose, familiar, ambiguous Spilight (friend/family) chemistry and replaced it with a mother-son relationship that doesn't belong there. I was really looking forward to seeing Spike, Twilight, and others solve a dark mystery, but these aren't the characters I know.

Oh, and there's also that minor inconsistency when the narrator mentions how cold the afternoon is, then later buys and iced coffee.

3346791

First off, I'd just like to say that I've seen nearly equal discussions like the one I wrote between older sisters and much younger brothers. It's all how we experience certain relationships.

The mother/son thing is something that I believe is also up to interpretation. I've read many sister/brother things, and I've read a lot of mother/son things. Given that Descendant is one of my favorite authors in the fandom, his interpretation of mother/son naturally rubs off on me, so I guess that's just how I wrote it as such here. Despite the word of god, I don't see the mother/son interpretation as any less valid.

Yay updates!

Work harder you :trollestia:

I wonder what Spike's persona is going to be like?

Wow this fic is actually addictive!!! I notice that Cornerstone although worried for Lyra, is leaving her alone... I dont know why that bothers me to be honest. i get that he is giving her space but the thing is she is one of his closest friends in Ponyville apart from Twilight. Surely he would be trying to get more then just her attention by now.

Awsome fic :D How long before the next part?

3414624

Trying to do one release a month. I'd like to speed it up to at least one every three weeks, though I got a job basically as soon as I finished the first two chapters, so I'm not sure how I'll write more when working full time. We'll see what happens.

Whoa. I can't believe you beat me to writing this Ponysona fic. I had similar ideas, but you beat me to it. Ah well, good luck with your fic though! Will read it soon as well.

Oh my god!
You killed Bon Bon!
You bastard!

Okay now that I got that out of my system. :pinkiehappy:
Good start, certainly has the feel of Persona 3 and 4 and I'm looking forward to where it's heading.
The fact that Twilight considers Sonata to be the prime suspect makes me believe it's not her. It seems too early for the real murder to be 'revealed'. Especially since I'm assuming this will follow the pattern of the Persona games and take place over the better part of a year. Unless of course you're going for a double twist where we all write off Sonata and then it turns out that it really is her, but then having seen an LP of Persona 4, you might have quite a few twists planned and... oh no I've gone all cross-eyed.

And poor Lyra. First Mortar and then Bon Bon and now she's locking herself away. I fear she'll be the next to vanish. If so, let's hope Cornerstone and our heroes rescue her in time.

Man ,this is really really good.heck i read most of it with the soundtrack of p4 and its absolutely great so far!!.

3430897

I listen to the anime OPs to get ready to write :V and thanks!

......I do not understand how this can have 1215 likes, while this fine piece of fiction here can only have 94 (95 now thanks to my own input).

Are people really this stupid?:rainbowhuh:

...........................:facehoof:

Apparently so.:ajbemused:

3468291
Well it's official, everyone in that video is drunk or something:facehoof:

Hmmm.

Nice solid start... Pretty cool OC...

I like what I see so far.

Wonder why the town is so upset at the death of... Mortar, was it?

~Skeeter The Lurker

And the mystery deepens...

Did you just kill off Bon Bon?

~Skeeter The Lurker

Killed Bon Bon. Damn.

That... Damn.

Also, he found his way to the late hour. TIME TO INVESTIGATE!

~Skeeter The Lurker

3545845

You did. You bastard.

~Skeeter The Lurker

And now... Things. Get. INTERESTING.

Cornerstone best think quick, or he's gonna have a real bad time.

~Skeeter The Lurker

I've read it. I've though on it. And I've considered it.

And I like it.

Approved for Twilight's Library.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Well, then. What can I say? I just read through the chapters up to this one, and I can say it's all pretty satisfying. Being a P3/P4 fan, perhaps I'm biased (leaning more towards P3 though), but I'll try to have some foundation on whatever I say.

I like the path you chose to play this character as a whole. It makes for a much more enjoyable reading experience to have the character have set traits and quirks instead of being full-on blank slate. Of course, in the earlier chapters he could be taken as being blank-slate himself, but it isn't like you never hinted his issues before. The deal with his parents and, most notably for me, the anger issues (because Pinkie Pie is best pony and he was about to upset her :pinkiesad2: ). So yeah, it makes for a more belieavable and well-established character in the long run, while still maintaining that feel of "I wanna help/be friends with everyone" feel of the Persona 3/4 protagonists. Also, I thought it to be a great move to have the character face his Shadow, instead of being granted the power from a higher source, and that matches your choice of making the main character have actual charater really nicely!

I wasn't a fan of the scenes in your 2 first chapters, though. They had an important role of setting everything up, to be sure, but some felt pretty unnatural. When not giving plot exposition or future plot points, they mainly focused around the main character himself, and while I'm all for the protagonist of a Persona game/story having copious amounts of inner swag that gives them an advantage in dealing with friends, it just didn't feel... right. However, you did explain this overattachment with the protagonist occasionally, most notably on Lyra's part, so I can't knock much for that. And I do understand the size of the scenes themselves only allowing them to contain more of what mattered to be said, so yeah. Worth nothing that this felt much more natural in the third chapter onwards, though, so good job. Moving on.

There's definitely a lot of thought put into the progression, as evidenced by the pacing, and the amount of small things happening in the background that I'm fully expecting to make a reappearance with some explanation, the most notable of which is the protagonist's incident when bumping into Twilight on the first chapter. And that quite intrigues me. Also Lyra's disregard for the main character now, though that's a bit easier to piece together. It's always nice to find a story in which you can speculate over the little things. Great job on that. Keep up the good work!

Also, that fight with the Shadow didn't nearly have enough "I'll Face Myself" in it, so I'll just add some here.

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