16 year old Aussie nerd. Fan of MLP, Pokemon, HTTYD and a heap of other things. Mainly write Trixie stories and Scootaloo stories, because those characters are adorable >w<
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In the space of a few minutes, Chrysalis' home is taken over, she is exiled from everything she ever knew, and her son is severely wounded. She has only one option to save her son, and her kingdom - joining forces with her old enemy, Twilight Sparkle. Understandably, the princess of friendship is reluctant - but will both leaders learn they have more in common than they imagined? Of course they will, that was rhetorical question.
(Image by Conicer http://conicer.deviantart.com/)
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love image. what is it?
6817895 Thanks XD I just searched "Twilight Chrysalis friends" and it was the best thing that came up :P http://conicer.deviantart.com/art/Exchangeling-Perspectives-326884151
What makes you so sure adding a gore tag is "too strong"?
6824526 I'm not sure it's too strong :P I think it's probably the right thing to do, that's why I added it X'D I'm just not 100% sure.
No worries; Spike's hard to write for sometimes.
6824593 I guess so xP It's more that Spike would overcomplicate it than anything else, I've already got the entire changeling race hanging in the balance and I've reintroduced two villains, one as a sympathetic character. I don't want to make it a confusing mess by doing too much at once (which is what happened with my earlier stories
) But yeah, thanks for understanding 
An interesting start! If I might suggest, though, slow the pace a little bit.
The pace reminds me of the Gundam Wing manga, but it's still enjoyable. I saw no errors at all, which is commendable.
Kinda hoping he just knocked these changelings at the start out, but it's more probable that he just killed them.
Go Chryssie go!
6826001 yeah, though the second chapter already felt slower, probably because it all happened in one location.
Two typos to fix: Chyrsalis, Thankyou.
Other than that saw nothing wrong.
Arty the beginning, the stuff with Spike almost tipping the bookshelf over added a lot of funny little detail to the situation. I like that.
Character reactions seem to be pretty good, nobody seems ooc. And I like how the ponies actually followed their idea of friendship to all creatures.
I hope Pupa will be alright, he's really adorable.
And I like your Chryssie. She had time to deal with her defeat and she clearly knows that her son and her people come before any kind of revenge.
Snrk, the mental image of an almost mummified Pupa.
All in all, I like it so far. Liking and following.
Cya
Raziel-chan
6828317 AAaah thank you! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story so far, and you like the characters too, hopefully I can keep it up X'D Also thanks for the feedback, I don't have an editor so I kinda rely on commenters to be my editors :P
Also I noticed that all the right moments of sadness, cuteness and humor all seemed to land which is encouraging, I don't think I managed to do that with a story before, so that's good ^w^
6826001 Thanks, pacing has been my biggest issue for a long time now XD Believe it or not it's slower here than most of my other stories but still a long way to go XD
Don't be afraid to spend some time building things up. Many writers suffer the temptation to 'get to the good stuff already', but then they miss out on the joy of torturing their audience with anticipation...
Nice chapter, you put in lots of personality quirks in, making the characters feel real and true to themselves.
That was SO Fluttershy.
Cya
Raziel-chan
6836590 Heh, alright XD I'll keep torturing you then, since you asked for it :P Thanks xD
6836662 Hehe thanks X'D Glad that the characters worked out so far :P
Kids will be kids.
Kinda surprised that they're not taking all the elements of Twilight thinks it might be Sombra. I hope she at least has an emergency teleport spell at the ready and informed the other princesses that she's leaving.
Cya
Raziel-chan
6838284 Would be more sensible to take the elements, but it would also distract from the main point XD Though don't worry, I have an idea :P
They're gonna hafta stuff Pupa in a changeling-proof sack at this rate...
6839280 Yep x3 He's certainly not making it easy for them xD
6846285 Haha, that story is on my to-read list. "FIX IT!"
Alicorns are such versatile camping equipment...
Missing a bit of description here, simply put, we saw the creature beating her, but you didn't show us the damage or at least try and explain how injured she was. Also why did Twilight squeak, Did chrysalis hug her too hard? or was she panting hard out of breath? These kinds of things add a bit more life into the world.
6846285 Oh really? I'll have to check out the fic owo
6846285 Are you ok with me using the picture? I can post a link to your story in the description?
6847129 Thanks for the feedback :3 That's probably what was wrong I guess XD
6846536 True that, I want an alicorn 8D That'd be the only thing that'd convince me to go camping, being able to have an alicorn with me XD And we could read books together XD
Snrk, chortled a few times reading this. The mental image of Chryssie running around and shrieking with bats in her hair is hilarious. If be even funnier if one of them stowed itself away in one of her leg holes.
Cya
Raziel-chan
6850702 Sorry if I came off as harsh, but you asked what you were missing, I checked to see what could use a bit more description, or doesn't make as much sense as it should.
6851297 No it's fine, I appreciate it XD I have a long way to go and I know that I need to be listening to feedback so I know what to improve on.
6850750 Alright then :3
6850996 That would be amazing XD Glad you enjoyed this :3
So far I like this story, but I actually find it a little too quick. I'm used to stories that take a long build up with lots of backstory and then have a short culmative action shot, or a long story with multiple action sequences woven in. I must say I enjoy it a lot though. Not enough of Chrysalis being shown as sensitive.
One major error I picked up on:
I think you meant He and his.
Edit: fixed Chryslais spelling error. I hate it when I do that.
Again, good chapter, still quick, but I haven't read a fast paced story for a while, so it's a refreshing change. Another case where you called Pupa a girl though.
Twilight! Go for either the Necromancy or Possession ones! They are not inherently evil; they just have more evil uses than good ones (yes I can think of benevolent uses for possession).
That's why you should've brought all the elements along, Twilight.
Oh god, if Pupa can control and boost his cuteness levels... He'll be like a walking heart attack.
Cya
Raziel-chan
6856551 That's a valid point actually :3
6858865 Silly Twilight!
Even princesses make mistakes from time to time I guess XD
His cuteness levels are already off the charts - he could become a national danger xD
6856181 Thanks x3 I'll go back through to try to find and fix these. Pacing and gender pronouns have historically been my 2 biggest issues lol :P
6859102
That's not even counting the 'gray area' categories like mind magic and fleshcrafting, which have plenty of good uses but are forbidden because they are truly terrifying when used with evil intent.
6859472 Well Twilight's used mind magic before,
it seems like that's the area she'd be most int- AHEM SPOILERS YOU HEARD NOTHING XDSo Sombra is trying to corrupt Twilight by making her use Dark Magic? This is one of those times where the idea that dark magic makes you evil comes from. Granted, it would definitely screw up your moral compass, but it shouldn't completely destroy it, you know?
6867610 I really don't want to spoil the story but trust me, I'm going somewhere with this XD I'm dying to tell you where I'm going but no, wait and see XD
6867610 Just... trust me XD
6870697
I do and honestly my complaint is more to do with that trope as a whole. To memory, I have seen less than a handful of stories featuring good-aligned dark magic users, with a slight up-tick for stories of a normal person placed into the body of a dark magic user (looking at you Bucking Nonsense). On the other hand, there have been quite a few instances of stories blatantly stating that dark magic turns you evil.
That beginning with Chryssie and Flutters, just priceless.
Cya
Raziel-chan
Now that was a proper entrance.
And Sombra gained better vocal skills, but no new brain cells.
Cya
Raziel-chan
6871862 Hey, progress is progress xD He is a couple thousand years old so I guess he's allowed to be a bit senile X'D
6871841 Thanks x3 Glad you liked it x3
King Sombra: Load-Bearing Evil.
Serriously, bro? The "everything blows up if the bad guy gets beaten" thing? Ugh, it's so old and cliche. I should give you a dislike for even using it.
But it's why I like Metroid so much. So I am going to tell you one thing.
Don't disapoint in the next chapter. If you're feeling like it, maybe you could pull a metroid prime 2 and put a final boss on the way out. Maybe one of those predators from outside.
6886291 Wait that's a cliche? XD I thought just beating the bad guy and walking off was cliche lol xD Well alright, duly noted, I'll try to make the next chapter better XD
EDIT: Yes, I checked TVTropes, it is a cliche XD I never knew lol XD