With the creation of her new palace in the wake of Tirek's rampage, Twilight begins to settle and adjust to her new roles. That is, until an unusual visitor to her Court changes everything. How will Ponyville cope when it becomes host to a Changeling Hive?
This story is based off prompts originally written for the TwySalis Prompt Collab: Tainted Love.
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Shining Armor is going to have a cow when he finds out. Good start up voted and tracked.
Need More.
So want more love this
The sentences seem to run on a little; may want to clean that up some, perhaps find an editor.
It seems like the chapters in general are trying to hurry to an impact speech at the end of each. The second for one could've used a lot more dialogue between Twilight and the others. After all, they are discussing something pretty major ...
5227441
Thank you for the feedback. I realize how short on dialogue the second chapter is and I probably should have written more. But originally I had written the first two-three chapters as more of a monologue heavy prologue. While I did attempt to add in more dialogue, it didn't work out that well. So if it seems a bit rushed I do realize that, but I decided to leave it as is. In later chapters they do become more dialogue heavy and it is with those chapters that I will explore more on the thoughts and feelings of the other characters.
As for the run-on sentences, I will work on trying to correct those but it something I still struggle to realize that I have written it as such.
this story has potential, but it also has a serious case of 'telling, not showing.' mind if i ask when you joined the fimfiction herd? it's more common to see these types of things in new members who are not as experienced in writing, or who have not read many of the stories that are highly followed and Favorited on this site.
5381077
I've been around for a while, just the end of Season 2. It is more of the nature of how I wrote this story in the first place that lends itself to this telling instead of showing. I've noticed it more as I tried to post it, so I am working on fixing it a bit for future chapters.
YES! MORE CHAPTERS!!! I've been waiting for more of this for a while and what a surprise there's more then one, tonight is a good night indeed!
it's weird not seeing any other comments
I like how each chapter swaps between Twilight's and Chrysalis' POV so you get how each of them is handling what's happening.
nice speech Twilight.
why am I not surprised Fluttershy is working behind the scenes?
I am enjoying this story a lot, I can't wait till you upload more chapters.
and yes I did find a reason to comment on every chapter.
You write a very good Discord.
6839848
Thanks, I'm glad you liked the aspect. I was a bit worried the rotating prospectives wouldn't work out or be somewhat confusing.
6839897
This is something about Fluttershy that I see as part of her character, her unseen and often unspoken acts that helps others. That and I think Fluttershy is probably one of the few an angry Rainbow would even listen to.
6840860
Thank you, Discord was a lot of fun to write.
Before, you had my attention. Now, you have my favorite.
Somewhere far away a certain white unicorn stallion suddenly punches a wall.
Nice start, good to see Chryssie being reasonable and capable of swallowing her pride to a degree.
'relieved one of my many crowning moments' - relived
Always happy to read stories where ponies behave realistically. Too many times I've seen one where they are consumed by endless hate for the attack.
Snrk, poor Chryssie's sanity.
Wooo, go Chryssie! And I know it's difficult, but try to refrain from strangling Discord with his own tail, as difficult as it may be.
nice up dates
6841534 Nah, they work fine, since they alternate between the two with each new chapter. Plus you make it clear whose head we're in by giving their thoughts a distinctive style.
Now if only they could get a changeling to Blueblood, shift him into Blueblood and Blueblood's narcissism would give the hive enough energy to last centuries.
Nice speech. Nicely summarises the spirit of the setting, where friendship is literally magic and forgiveness is an important part of life.
... God damn it, Rainbow.
You can always count on Fluttershy.
A new challenger approaches!
6843295
While narcissim isn't usual Changeling food.... this sounds like either a terrible or wonderful (or a terribly wonderful) idea for a random one-off. The one Changeling who can feast on narcissim and he's assigned to Blueblood. Huh....
Oooh, a mystery. Perhaps Discord had a hand in how changelings came to be.
Moaaaaaaaaar!
I like the fun Discord is having with all of this. Also the Spike and Chrysalis scene I think was a bit rushed.
That... turned out about as well as can be expected, I guess.
Not hard to fix, if changelings are allowed to be out and about, I can see myriads of ways they can help in to pay for their food.
Still, it went as well as possible, I guess. The real meltdown will come once Shining arrives.
I am sad to see that the story has come to a close but I believe this is a fitting end to it, though it would have been nice to see the courts.
I enjoyed this story a great deal. You wrote it very well and I am glad you took the time to write it.
Farewell good sir, may we meet once more under another story.
6853366
Thank you, I'm glad you liked this story. The courts were another idea I had considered as well, but I found this style didn't lead itself too well to writing them out.
Not bad, but a little weak of an ending. Pretty good overall.
The ending was a bit sudden, but fitting. And negotiations in such this are overplayed, it was nice to see if concentrate more on personal relationships and mending.
This Radiates New writer. But it the best way it has potentional, its just a tad boring.
6843343
i've read several stories where Discord created the Changelings...
but my favorite Changeling origin story is in "the Celestia code", the chapter appropriately named "Metamorphosis".
I love the name you gave Twilight's palace. Crystal Oak. Perfect since her last residence was the Golden Oak Library. I would like to know If I could use the name in my stories?
Beginner
doesn't that make her the Sol victus, then?
10710321
It says so-called.
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Snerk!