• Member Since 6th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 7th, 2018

FlanChan


U.N. Owen Was Her? ↑

E
Source

When Discord returns to Ponyville, the ponies think they already know all of his tricks. But when Twilight Sparkle gets sent to another dimension, where Pegasi dwell on Butterfly Island and Unicorns make rainbows in Unicornia, there seems to be no way to reunite the ponies! The Elements will have to find new hosts, and Twilight some new friends, as the ponies of this new world will have to learn true danger and bravery, and Twilight true friendship.

~~~~
This is my first pony fanfic. I just felt like letting you know.
If you're too lazy to read, there are very fine Youtube readings of this story by this fine fellow and this fine fellow. I do revise my story a lot, though, so they might be outdated. Sorry about that! ^^;

Chapters (11)
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Comments ( 260 )

I feel like my lack of previous generational knowledge is causing me to miss some things....

But otherwise, I am intrigued.

1405029
Why it is, darling! How darling of you to notice darling!
:rainbowhuh:
:twilightsheepish: okay, I'll just say now that from left to right it's Rainbow Dash, Sunny Daze, Minty, Twilight Sparkle (as if you didn't already know!), Wysteria, and Thistle Whistle. :twilightsmile:

I absolutely love this fic!!!! Why hasn't it been featured?!?! :rainbowhuh: I've always kinda liked some of the g3 ponies, but just not their settings or overly juvenile stories. But when you throw Twilight in the mix, they either become amazing or really dumb. I can't wait for more!!!!!!:yay:

a few more chapters would be gladly accepted

Aww, all of these nice comments :twilightsmile:
They make me so happy! :pinkiehappy:

A pegasus that's afraid of clouds...This is indeed a strange universe.:ajbemused:

Love the story... full of amazingness. Totally twilightlicous :twilightsmile:

I really didn't intend for this chapter to be so long :rainbowderp:

Enjoy, anyway :twilightblush:

(This also doesn't necessarily mean that chapters will now be this long, I think I just got a bit carried away with this one)

Very amazing story. Very deep. I can almost see everything from Twi's point of view.:coolphoto:

Love the story! :yay:

1462123 (Evowizard25)

In the dimension that us Bronies love so much, there is a pegasus who is scared of heights, dragons and her own shadow. :fluttercry:

In that retrospect, is a pegasus who is afraid of clouds really out of place? :fluttershysad:

1564183
Exactly :pinkiehappy:
I dunno why clouds, of all things, but I guess if there are a lot, then giant walls in the sky can be kind of scary :rainbowderp:

wow already featured. Nice. I remember when this happened to me:fluttercry: memories. :raritydespair: great job dude! Poor Twilight:twilightblush:

1564183
Yep, because clouds are much more dangerous than a huge, gigantic, terrifying, enormous, teeth-gnashing, sharp-scale-having, horn-wearing, smoke-snoring, could-eat-a-pony-in-one-bite, totally-all-grown-up dragon.

Also, how could they celebrate Christmas if they don't have Jesus Christ?

Flan chan whar ars you doing, flanchan staaaap....I:pinkiecrazy: to late. Anyways I will swe where this goes, it's not like I knew the horrors of that gen so CArpexiem

1688298 It's fictional and about magic we don't gotta explain shit! xD jk true what you say though.

Oh man, I read all of Spike's dialogue in his actual voice, and I'm not sure if I should be incredibly proud or ashamed to have remembered it :facehoof:

1688298
Watch "A Very Minty Christmas", Minty goes to the North pole (by hot air ballon) to meet Santa.
And this :pinkiehappy: is Pinkie Pie, I presume you haven't met her yet.
She will take any reason, excuse and/or opportunity to have a party, irregardless of G3 or G4.

1696016
But what about Jesus?

1696027
They worship the almighty socks
Nothing says Christmas like a pair of socks, after all :pinkiehappy:

1696053
So they celebrate the birthday of a pair of crucified socks? Seems legit.

1696027
Megan told them about it. :trollestia::facehoof:

1696391
She wasn't even in G3.:trollestia:

1696404
Dude, do you actually want to discuss the logical implications of pastel colored equines celebrating an bastard version of the holiday dedicated to the birth of Christ in a toy commercial?
No?:ajbemused:
There: Megan did it. Merry Christmas! :scootangel:

Uhm... how did Discord escape? That's... rather an important plot point to ignore.

Chapter 6: Discord made Twilight cry. *Alondro's mouth bends into a scowl that would have shocked even the Grinch.* No one makes Best Pony cry!

*Discord is merrily tormenting ponies when Alondro appears and decks him through a mountain* And now, for my next trick... *he plays 'she loves me, she loves me not' with Discord's ribs*

>>>“Any reason why you thought I was Santa?” Twilight smirked (she knew what Minty was talking about because she had read up about Christmas before, even though Equestria didn’t celebrate it).>>>

Wait, when did Twilight have time to do that? And where did she read about it? It doesn't exist at all in Equestria.

I'm seeing quite a few spots where more expositionary dialog or narrative in previous scenes is needed to prevent plot holes.

>>>“Hi there, I’m Rarity!” the pink unicorn exclaimed enthusiastically.>>>

And Twilight didn't even so much as raise an eyebrow at that revelation? Come on now, you need to put some thought into the character responses!

1696027 I suspect that the G3 ponies were the Pharisees. Sure they looked all cute and innocent and behaved like mentally incapacitated Munchkins... but when they got pissed... well, crucifixion was one of the nicer ways they dealt with enemies. :fluttershbad:

(FACT: In fictional worlds, it is frequently the case that overly cutesy things are a facade covering up the most vile demonic entities.)

:trollestia:

1698081
AKA Story of the Blank.:applecry:

1698298 Hee, not gonna go into all the plot problems with that story...

It's a fun little game, but totally falls apart with a little logical analysis.

1697785
Well, Twilight is in G3 world, so she has no clue on it either. The other ponies back in Equestria have probably figured it out by now :twilightoops:
1697958
Maybe while she was in the Canterlot Archives at some point? Equestria may not celebrate Christmas, but other countries might
1697983
She just kinda... got over the name similarities. She had already met ponies with the same names as ponies she knew already and realized that they had totally different personalities, so names weren't really that important. (I really hope that made sense :twilightsheepish: )

1688303
Is this a positive reaction? :rainbowlaugh:

1688362 Dood, Galaxy Quest gif? If it was an option her I'd give your comment a thumbs up for that alone.

1440314 He may have meant for the chapter.

I love this so much so far.

You're a preteen? I am too. Except you're ten times better an author.

1731155
I am now going to respect you a lot for the sole reason of liking my story and being in the same age group I'm in :pinkiehappy:

And also, if you liked it, would you mind filling out this? I would really like lots of people's opinions on it :unsuresweetie:

This story was added to the Investigations Folder in the Impartial Investigations Ensemble.
This means that either you or someone else has requested that it be reviewed, something that seems a little odd given that this story has literally no negative comments.

Still I'll gladly give it a shot.

Characters
Characters seem to be very well represented as far as remaining true to the source material is concerned. As far as the G4 characters go, Rainbow is brash and somewhat arrogant, Rarity is obsessed with her fashion lines, Pinkie thinks that changing from milk to dark chocolate is a significant change to a plan.
Twilight does seem a little bit arrogant towards the other worlds ponies at times, talking down their IQ or expecting preferential treatment in Unicornia because she is the student of a monarch they have never heard of.

One thing I noticed was that Twilight didn't seem to react to two of her friend's names being called out in the bakery during chapter 3

“This is Cotton Candy, that’s her assistant Sweetberry, and this is Sparkleworks, Wysteria, Sunny Daze, Razzaroo, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash! Everybody, this is Twilight Sparkle!”

.
Given that she was surrounded by ponies whom she did not know, hearing two familiar names should have sparked her interest, especially since she went to the bakery looking for Pinkie Pie.

Descriptions for the G3 ponies are done well for those not familliar with prior renditions of MLP. They seem to be almost mindlessly happy at all times, a disaster for them is running out of icecream.



Grammatical
Overall, this seems very well written, very few instances of bad usage of punctuation. Usage of paragraphing is good, one speaker to each line. One little thing I would change is passages like Discord's poem/riddle/song in chapter 4 and Twilights recollection of it in chapter 9 should be in Italics, something to indicate it is not a normal conversation.



Plot and Pacing
Pacing seems to be well done for the first few chapters, which is very important for retaining viewers. Keeping the chapters fairly short and focused on a single topic helps to prevent a reader from being overwhelmed with information. After the first few chapters though the plot itself seems to be a little bit bland at times. Aside from Discord's release, nothing has actually happened to compel me to side with or care about the new ponies, but this is likely an aspect of the reality they are in - nothing bad happens in this other world.

Twilight gazed at the mural. All of the colors would go away if no rainbows were made? And here she thought that rainbows were just decorations for the sky, an aftereffect from the rain.

This struck me as a bit odd. In her own reality, Twilight knows that it is the Pegasi who make rainbows, and in this alternate one it seemes to be the unicorns that do it. Why would she think that it was just a water refraction?



Things that could have been expanded on
At the start of the story, the mane6 do not seem particually interested in how Discord escaped his stone prison, or about what he has done with Celestia, they went directly to how to defeat him with the Elements. If he was able to escape after a year, that may suggest that the Elements now lack the power to fully ensnare him again, or that he has found a way to counter the Elements magic. This should suggest that they need to develop an alternative method for dealing with Discord rather than rely on a unknown and mostly untested beam of rainbow light.



Final comments
For a first fanfic, this is very well done. The characters are engaging for the most part, the plot seems well thought out, the pacing is generally well timed, and the entire story appears to be free from major grammatical errors. All I can really say is that you should keep doing what you are doing. Nearly 4,500 chapter views and zero downvotes, you are clearly doing something right.

Sorry if this review seems a little bit grasping or nitpicky at times, but there was very little that I could actually comment on that wasn't just a variation on 'Very well done.'

~ Fimbulvinter. Assistant Battalion Leader for The Impartial Investigation Ensemble

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