• Member Since 6th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen January 9th

FlanChan


U.N. Owen Was Her? ↑


T
Source

Twilight Sparkle has been in Canterlot Castle a whole lot more with her becoming a princess and all, but one thing still bothers her: the basement. She's never seen it. On top of that, she's been told not to go down there. That won't stop her curiosity from getting the best of her, though. She's going to go down there, no matter what. But you know what they say: curiosity freed the 495 year-old Alicorn vampire devil with Christmas light wings!

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Originally written by Dunsparce but he deleted it due to lack of interest. It was transferred over to my account to finish it after his retirement. The only parts not written by me are The Dark Side of Fate and a portion of A Soul as Red as a Ground Cherry, so there may be a slight shift in prose.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 9 )

I would recommend going over this chapter and cleaning up a lot of the mistakes before continuing. It switches between past and present tense, the dialogue is rushed and seems to be there just for the sake of talking, not actual character interactions. Flan comes off as flat and boring, both in her actions and her words (she is, after all, a 495 year-old vampire with a childish personality) and Twilight just accepts the fact that there's a vampire that Celestia had in the castle basement with no trouble what-so-ever.

Also you should probably fix up how long Flan was in the basement. She's 495 years-old, sure, but she was never SEALED that long in said basement. And if she ended up in Equestria any time after the events of Embodiment of Scarlet Devil, in which Flandre was finally allowed to leave the basement, then you'd have to come up with a reason as to why she was sealed again and for how long. The first part should be relatively easy to do, the second not so much.

Still, seeing as how this first chapter is not your own, and is instead somebody else's, I am at least willing to see what it is you can do with this story as a whole.

though you have some errors, i await your chapters with hope you have improved. I was once a writer myself but stopped due to losing my nack for writing. But no matter: Here's a treat for you!

Oh you did not just write a story about my 2nd favorite character of the franchise!
By that, I mean thank you.

Edit: Oh I remember this from Dunsparce. I hope that you'll update it more than he did! ;p

4982665
hey my user name is FlanChan for a reason :derpytongue2:

I think this is the first fanfic I've seen with Flandre in it, surprisingly.

Well this is relevant to my interests.

Well, Twilight, aren't you just a bloody moron?

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