• Member Since 22nd Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 6th, 2013

GentlemannlySniper


T

When Twilight and Fluttershy move to another world to learn more about a race that even Celestia knows nothing about, they get into a very unusually strange, friendship-less world...

Now, these 9 strangers have to help our two heroines survive what is known as "war", and get them home safely.
That can't possibly go wrong, right?

(Sorry, this is going to be on hiatus so I can make room for a new project I'll be working on!)

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 331 )

I am excited to read the next chapter!

This is pretty well-written. It's a little different from the normal TF2 crossover, as only Twilight and Fluttershy are going to the wondrous land of Teufort together. :rainbowwild: I'll keep up with this one.

Loving it so far, keep up the good work! :raritywink:

Comment posted by GentlemannlySniper deleted May 25th, 2013

Aside from pointing out the Demoman is a "black Scottish cyclops", as he calls himself, no complaints from my part. I also agree with GraphicalError.

Slight gramatical problem, the "-'s " go when we try to condense the "x is" to"x's",not when it's plural.

everyone aimed their guns at them, with a little mounted robotic machine gun firing weapon was build for any kind of backup.

I believe it should be:

everyone aimed their guns at them, and a little mounted robotic machine gun firing weapon was built for backup.

But other than that, no complaints. Keep going, this will be great! :twilightsmile:

Alright, thanks everyone, I'm just gonna fix those up a bit and then I'll get to work on the Demoman's story about dem evil blus :twilightsmile:

Good verk! However, you should at least capitalize the class names.

First of all, good start! This seems like an original story at least.

And now *cracks knuckles* here's what I find "wrong":

Sometimes you say Names with capitals, and sometimes you don't (Spike, Sniper, Spy...) I think you should just capitalize them all...

"We have take the enemy's intelligence!"

Probably taken, not take

but in fact a natural man.

Nothing really wrong here, just kind of... awkward wording. Maybe try normal man

make things sound better than what they really are.

Shouldn't this be what they really were?

the sudden could and noise

The sudden cold and noise??

But then again, great story!

2629456

Thank you so much for telling me what is wrong, this is my first time trying to write my own story, so I know something is just bound to be wrong, I'll try to fix those right now, and please, don't hesitate to tell me what's wrong, your comments will not be in vain, fellow artist of words :pinkiehappy:

Technically, it was a trick to made RED Demoman and BLU Soldier to hate each other.

2629490

I read the comic, I know what it was, the Demoman and Soldier didn't though, so they don't know it was a trick...

Nice. Improvement over the first one, definitely. However:
The capitalization problem still exists (I know, I know)

A man in a full body firesuit

Not really a problem, but... are you sure he is a MAN?! *dun dun duuuuuuun*

face palmed

I think it's written facepalmed, but don't quote me on that.

Weeeeee!

2629545

Thanks for the help...

And please don't start that "Is it a man or a woman?" thing everyone does
IT HAS SCIENTIFICALLY BEEN PROVEN

*Cracks knuckles again* Oh boy, this one has some funny stuff in it:

The first place we got stationed

The first place were we got stationed?

They was like looking at

They were like looking at? Unless that's how Demo talks, in that case it's alright.

when you make a friend in this place, they end up breaking up and hating each other even more.

you end up breaking up, if you start with "you make a friend in this place"

Apparently, he...well...slept with Scout's mom

Wait... wasn't that BLU scout and RED spy?
I think Demo drinks Scrumpy, not beer. Don't quote me on that either.

"Lad, shouldn't I mention that ya' bloody traded me fer BLOODY WEAPONS?!"

Again, wasn't that RED demo and BLU soldier? Waht?

"Ey, are they cryin'?" the Scout pointed out, both physically and verbally.
As a matter of fact, they actually were crying!

I don't know other people, but I thought you were referring to the ponies in this line, until I read the next paragraph.

than back to

then back to.

and gave them a hug...
[...]
slightly awkward...

Capitals?

money the bet

money they bet

"Nien"

It's actually spelled NEIN! (ei,not ie)
Aaaaaand that's it.

Weeeeeeee

2629545 I suppose that was supposed to be quoting me, not yourself :/
Also, I'm a loyal theorist too, but until it's cannon, I'm not believing anything!

2629607
I'm know that there will be a time where there's going to be another story

AND MY GRAMMAR WILL BOMB EVERYTHING IN THE ENGLUSH LANGUAGSHE

2629624 Bitch please. This is not the worst English I've seen. It's not eye killing or suicide inducing...
Still, you may want to get yourself some editor or something, because not everyone is as loving and tolerating as me... (Go to any commenting section on youtube to see I'm right...)

2629607

Alright, so to clear things up about the obvious paradoxes between the Red and Blu events,

I believe that each event that happens on Red, is then copied onto Blu, and so on and so forth.
So if the red spy slept with the blu scout's mom, the blu spy would have slept with the red scout's mom...

Something like that, does it make sense? I dunno if it does .-.

2629645 It makes sense... but then why does RED scout hate RED spy? Do they share mothers? Even worse with Demo and Solly, what's up with hating their teammates? (You can still delete these comments, noone will ever know...)

2629654

Well, since they look exactly like eachother, just in red and blu, It would kinda make sense that they would hate the image of their ex-best friend, even if they have to work together.

This rabbit hole goes deeper than I think even I know it does :twilightoops:

2629665 *Presses fix-everything button* They look alike. So they hate each other, but they really don't. You have to read it twice to understand. TF2ception.

2629703
BWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG

Oh, and they actually do hate each other, despite the team they are on, because if a Blu spy does something, it's most likely that the Red spy will do the same thing, because they are the same person.

STILL A TF2CEPTION

*Repeat verse 1*

2629714 So... You're saying that RED spy f***** BLU scout's mom and, because BLU spy did the same with RED scout's mom, RED spy imitated it and did his own team's scout's mom too? So, each Spy had "fun" with both scout's mothers, and then had gay sex? And all Demos and Soldiers were friends and started a rock band, but now they all hate each other?!?!? ... ... ... This is getting out of control.

2629887 I think we should stop now before we scare someone off this site and continue it after next chapter. Not that I'm not enjoying it...

2629907

I agree, we're having way too much fun with this...
BUT I WANNA HAVE FUUUUUUUUUUUN!!! :raritydespair:

But I really should work on chapter 3 1/2....

2629914 I'll let you be then... For the moment. Get to an upgrade station (?)

As much as im trying, i can´t imagine the soldier writing.
Cool story btw

2630270
wanna see what he wrote?

"Mai naime is shoulder, nd I have ovur 8thausond medals frum da wur"

It is written in the legends, that he is still trying to write the next sentence to his story today....

2630292
okay, i can imagine THAT pretty well :rainbowlaugh:

gratz on the feature :pinkiehappy: cant wait for more chapters :D

2630772
Welp, that's enough for me to come out of my break...

CHAPTER 4, COMING RIGHT AT CHA (In about two hours.... Eeeeee-:eeyup:)

A very angered man, or a very angry man? Which do you think sounds better? And with Soldier, he never says anything. HE SHOUTS EVERYTHING YOU MAGGOT!

Fluttershy is (second) best scrapper. Pyro gets this. Only kung-fu marshmallow pony is better.

2631136 Scottish, actually. According to the wikia, at least.

2631136

"Aye, Mr.Aussie's right, let's ask two bloody ponies from another dimension wat their favorite tea is why dont 'cha?!" Said an African american man, geared up with a flak jacket and bombs attached to said jacket.

Scottish, bro. He's bloody Scottish.

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