Note: Scheduled to undergo renovations. Status will be "Hiatus" until renovations are complete.
A Displaced story.
Maiko Hayakawa, a 17 year old gamer girl living in Tokyo, has some terrible luck with her favourite convention. After running into a strange old woman, Maiko finds herself to be nothing more than a voice in the mind of a young child who got dumped into Equestria during the dead of Winter. Considering that the child is the younger sister of a goddess, this promises to be an interesting experience for poor Maiko.
Chapters (7)
Interesting concept.
8374128
Not sure if you've read the original version of this, called CPU of Equis, but this story is a remake of my second story. Basically, I wasn't satisfied with the final product, and ultimately that led me to start writing this, which uses the original as a base, but I'm planning on adding a bunch of twists to the events as well as quite a bit of new content. If you want to read the original, but have trouble finding it (which would probably be due to my revoking the submission of the original), then send me a private message, and I can try linking it to you.
I'm liking the new battle system, if you can call it that. Looking forward to seeing more.
i remeber finding the original and i put it in the read later and when i went to read it it was gone so you revoking the submission would make sense as to why you did that
8374134
8374134 Sounds fun.
8374249
Hmmm... If the original vanished from your read later, that would tell me that it's no longer available here. If that's the case, and you still want to read the original, then I could try and put all the chapters of the original into documents on Google Drive and link you to those in a private message.
8374373
na no worries and besides if this is more or less a simler story I can just read this one as it comes along
Have fun really writing all those tough boss battles you told me about dude
8375102
Don't worry, the health bar will make it all worth it.
I am so damn happy with those enemy health bars. They look sooooooo clean.Well, considering the limited resources I had to work with, they look pretty damn good.I can imagine the battle going like a typical turn-based rpg, Rom on one side, the four Dogoos just grouped together somehow on the other, both sides rushing forward to attack on their respective turns (A punch/kick for Rom, a tackle for the Dogoos), then rush back to their starting points to wait for the others to act, and just stand there and take attacks if their is no for of dodge mechanic. And ANY effects of the battle such as pain, exhaistion, open wounds (IF they appear) only exsisting on the battlefield...
The actual story part is fine, and I'm happy for you for getting the Battle GUI and battle system down. BUUUUUUT if I wanted to "watch" these turn based battles, I would prefer to go and watch any of the countless lets plays/walkthroughs on Youtube instead of read it and imagine it.
Maybe you could write in whats happening between the statistics? It would certainly make it more interesting to read over-all, i literally just skipped the first time then read it after you mentioned how much work you put into it, but it didnt really add much to the story...
8376215
Alright, thank you very much for your constructive criticism. I'll definitely consider your suggestion, and will probably fill in some actions between the statistics in the near future.
8376215
I'm also going to mention this to you right now before I make any edits: Rom is from the Hyperdimension Neptunia game series. In the games, every party member has a specific weapon that they use, however they aren't seen with their weapons during dialog or out on the field in a dungeon, the weapons instead suddenly being in the characters' hands when they enter battle. Going off of this, I'm just going to assume that the Hyperdimension Neptunia characters can materialize their weapons out of nowhere.
Also, any other strange consistencies (like the monsters vanishing upon defeat) would also be things that I pulled straight from the Hyperdimension Neptunia games.
8377387
True, its a game, and games do that all the time. But you are writing this like this is a text-base, turn style JRPG. And while thats not a bad thing per say, it isn't exactally what one expects when picking up any book, digital or physical.
You do know there has an anime adaption, right? I haven't seen much, but it (and other game based anime/cartoon/manga/comics) do it better. If I may, I would suggest watching the anime or reading the webcomic The Gamer for reference on this little problem
8377405
I've heard of the anime adaptation, Hyperdimension Neptunia The Animation, and I could give it a shot, but for now I'll probably stick with what I've got. If I do like how The Animation handles it, then I could consider changing things up.
Also, I just wanted to thank you for all the advice and suggestions you're giving me. It's commenters like you that are writers' best friends.
8377471
Your welcome
Added Gore tag for something in chapter 3, just in case.
I did not expect Seija of all people to show up.
8378911
Surprise!
Anyway, yeah, it may seem completely random for her, a Touhou character, to show up in a Displaced story where the Displaced is a Hyperdimension Neptunia character, but the logic behind it will reveal itself eventually. Except those who read the tenth chapter of the original version of this story might already know why Seija is here.
8379425
I mean it's completely understandable how she showed up. Let's be honest there is only one person a touhou character can mean by hag/old lady. I was just surprised.
8379444
Shame it wasn't Kogasa that showed up then, huh?8379454
Someone quite enjoys umbrella tsukogami's don't they?
I prefer deserter moon rabbits and gate guards myself.
8379472
Meiling is pretty great. Can't tell if you're referring to Reisen or Tewi with the former though...
But yes, umbrella tsukumogamis are up there with idiot ice fairies, doll makers and aliens.
8379488
Tewi is the leader of Earth rabbits. I did mean Reisen, she grew on me since I've been playing Scarlet Weather Raphsody with her for like 3 hours. I haven't played a lot of the game obviously and I'm bad at fighting games but still really enjoyed myself. I could probably name few diffrent characters I like like Sakuya or Koishi. (Actually could you do a Koishi boss fight? She likes sneaking around so it's possible. Just curious.)
8379532
I could keep that in mind for later. I might fit a Koishi battle into the main game if I feel like it, but I'm planning on keeping the story going after the "final boss" by asking the readers for different characters they want to see battles against.
8379617
Oh, that would be pretty swell. Pretty sure there's a few other characters that would be a cool fight like Tenshi or Flandre maybe Utsuho. Just suggesting if anything. Looking forward to the next chapter!
8379649
Ha, maybe keep your boss suggestions in mind for the "post-game", I'll be trying to take as many as possible then.
Flandre is so overrated. #triggered jk
8379661
Little vampire child is innocent but deadly. I even had a plan for Tenshi as a boss fight when I mentioned her. It wasn't very detailed though. Also will there be a scene before they fight or just the fight? Also how do you make the text be cut in half by a line?
8379767
I'd probably have a scene before the fight. Also, little vampire child is more than deadly: if she feels like it, she can obliterate anything.
8379770
I am aware that deadly is an understatement when we're talking about little vampire child. She was hinted at being able to destroy abstract concepts once. That's hardcore. And she's still not the most overpowered character in the series! She's up there with people like gap hag and nuclear raven though.
8379784
I would agree, she's OP but not the top. I personally consider gap hag the top, since she's the only Phantasm Stage boss in the entire series so far.
Also, strikethrough? You know how to do italics, right? Strikethrough is the same, but you put "s" in the square brackets instead of "i".
8379799
True. Also from other sources Watatsuki no Yorihime aka Reimu on steroids. Because apparently she has the same power as Reimu but she isn't lazy. She won a fight against Remilia, Reimu, Marisa and I think Sakuya and some other people at once and by herself. So she's pretty damn good. Also my notifications are filled with you replying to my comments and it's kinda funny.
Also thanks for this.8379883
Yeah, Yorihime seems to be Mary Sue, except minus the "loved by everybody".
8379959
ZUN did say she won't be in any games because of it. But she kinda has an excuse to being powerful. I mean come on Reimu is lazy and she succeds easy, why not a Reimu who trains and works hard who demolishes everything. I've read Inaba of the Moon&Inaba of the Earth and she wanted to check if Reisen kept up with her training along with Rei'sen (That's totally not confusing). On one test they needed to open a reinforced door that had several locks on it. After a while they gave up trying to force it open and started thinking it was a test for cleverness or something. Yori proved them wrong and showed that the answer is always "push harder", by annihilating the door by pushing it lightly . So overpowered she is but an excuse she has, atleast.
Alice Margatroid is from Mystic Square I think. I'm bad with PC-98 canon. Or Perfect Cherry Blossom. Also damn, will you keep pulling out unexpected characters? First Seija and now Alice? In like three chapters or so, the group will run into little vampire child in a very dark alley and I won't stop laughing.
8381731
Ha, the trick is, Alice is from both Mystic Square and Perfect Cherry Blossom. She appears in both games. But I want to see if people know which one this Alice is from. Little Scarlet is a bit too OP for them to run into pre-final boss I think, so unfortunately that won't happen, as funny as it would be. I do plan to bring in more characters that weren't in the original, though not exclusively Touhou characters.
8381736
I know she's from both but it kinda depends on if you consider PC-98 canon. I for an example was exposed to Touhou Nekokayou pretty early when getting into Touhou and the comic author had an entire thing on making it canon for the comic. So while I never played PC-98 I know a bit about it (and it's not like I played a lot of Windows era either). Also I'm totally recommending the comic. (Warning! It got discontinued but it's still pretty big.)
8381763
Well, I personally consider PC-98 and Windows as separate canons, because ZUN put a lot of work into making the two canons as difficult to connect as possible by having different backstories for characters that appear in both PC-98 and Windows, the biggest one in fact being Alice, who has a completely different backstory in Windows compared to PC-98. Using the alternate universes theory, I believe that both canons do exist independently though.
8381775
I do love me some alternate universe theories. I for one believe that there is an infinite amount of worlds, we just happen to live in one of the more boring ones. Touhou would be one of the universes I'd like to hop to along with Neptunia and a few others. But oh well.
8381845
Touhou would be a bit dangerous I feel, but Neptunia would almost definitely be fun I think.
8381876
Of course it would be dangerous. That's why it would be interesting. Besides you wouldn't even have to leave the human village for entertainment. Incidents left and right if you wait long enough :P. Neptunia would be actually amazing since all you really need to do to have a time of your life is to train hard and go Planeptune and if you're good enough fate (or Nep's protagonist sense) will pick you up. Alternatively you could become a villain that "has seen the error of their ways" or a someone as magnificent as Anony. (Because everyone loves gay robot the most).
8381954
"gay robot". I can't stop laughing. But yeah. With my low level of physical strength, I would probably train in knife combat, or maybe create my own sword style using a Wakizashi, or possibly study magic if possible in Neptunia. In Touhou, I would definitely try to come to all of Alice's performances in the Human Village, because I think it's implied somewhere that she puts on shows with her dolls in the Human Village. Though I could just be remembering some fan lyrics to her boss theme.
8382076
I'd probably would try to be a mage. If that just didn't work out, then an archer. I really like both of those options. In Touhou... well they do say that everyone has a power, it just doesn't always awaken. It would depend on what it was.
finally neptune got to join the party ;p
this story is weird I LOVE IT
8390538
The Hyperdimension Neptunia game series is a bit kooky as well, so if this story is a bit kooky, then that's just unintentional accuracy to the source material. XD
8391592
lovely to know nice icon btw
8391601
Thank you. It's Kogasa Tatara from the Touhou Project, except in pony form.
8391608
nice mine just a human drapion (A pokemon)
8391621
Don't worry, I know Drapion. Though I couldn't tell that your pic was a human Drapion until you pointed it out. Now that you have, it seems painfully obvious what it is whenever I look at it. XP
8391638
i wanna do a fan fic about a drapion but the problem is drapion itself drapions are territorial aggressive and hard to take down (unless you have a ground type move)