The Generation That Even Time Has Forgotten
Chapter 9
“Ungh,” Twilight groaned, “The sun’s too bright, Princess. Can’t you lower it for a bit longer?” She waited a moment and sighed. That’s right, Celestia wasn’t even in this dimension, so there was even less point to saying the same thing she would whenever she would wake up as a filly. Whenever she would stay up so late studying that she would awake around noon, and her teacher would pretend to scold her.
Twilight struggled a little to untangle herself from the grip of her bed. It was far too early for anypony to be up, but she didn’t care. She had work to do.
A soft glow enveloped her horn. She eyed a saddlebag in the corner of the room and gently glided it over and up to eye level. It was very simple, no fancy designs or added coloring, and appeared to not have been used for a very long time. It appeared sturdy, though, and would be able to perform its task of holding the few belongings she had acquired in Unicornia: a hairbrush, some assorted candies, a few packets of tea, a few slices of rainbow berry cake, and a few bushels of fresh rainbow berries.
She smiled as she looked at the multi colored fruits. It was probably one of the only unique naturally growing food here, and they tasted absolutely wonderful. The outside layer of a berry tasted like buttercream frosting, only much thinner, but somehow keeping all of the flavor in. It was possibly injected with even more sugar for good measure. The juice was some kind of sugar water, only more sugar than water. It had a slight flavor based on the color of the berry, but that was just enough of a difference that it could be noticed.
She gingerly picked a plump yellow berry off of the vine and popped it into her mouth. It made a delightful crunching noise as her teeth broke through the skin and the juice exploded out of it. The fruit slid down her throat, leaving behind a pleasantly tart aftertaste, which tempted her to pull off another from the bushel. She managed to refrain from doing so. It was one of the only things that she could use to remember her adventure when she got back, and she knew that Pinkie would be ecstatic to eat them. Twilight frowned as she remembered her friends again, but stopped herself before she could think anything negative. She had a job to do, and she wouldn’t let emotions get in the way.
She set the bag back down so she could find all of her things, but was quickly distracted as her eyesight lingered to the large pile of books surrounding the room. She blushed, recounting the events of the night before. Taking it upon herself to clean them up, she pushed a spark of magic through her horn.
The ancient books fluttered to life and floated into the air, beginning to organize themselves and return to shelves in an orderly fashion. Every once and awhile a title would catch Twilight’s eye and the line of books would halt. She read through the book again, even though she had triple checked all of them the night before. She hoped that there was a page that she had missed that would explain everything that was going on. She had no such luck.
After only a few minutes, she already found herself poured into her fifth book: “The History of Earth ponies, Unicorns, and Pegasi Alike”. It detailed pretty much everything that ever happened between all of the ponies, but she quickly grew upset at how confusing it got to understand some parts because they had no overall term for their country, like how she had Equestria. Maybe she would go propose that they do after everything was settled.
“Finding what you’re looking for this time?”
Twilight slammed the book shut and spun around, her heart beating a million miles an hour. She wiped a sweatdrop from her forehead as she realized that it was just Spike, or Kenbroth Gilspotten Heathspike. She silently smacked herself for actually remembering his full name.
“I take that as a yes?” Spike laughed, but soon shifted to a more serious tone, “What are you looking for anyway? You seemed terribly upset last night that you couldn’t find it, and I still can’t imagine what would be so important.”
Twilight stared blankly at him as she thought about how she could explain her situation. She actually had no idea what exactly she was looking for, now that she thought about it. She stepped out of the way as Spike walked over to her book and eyed the cover.
“Ah, yes, I remember this book. Very informative indeed, though it still is a bit depressing to read about the time that the three pony races got separated. I believe I was there myself, though, so that might have something to do with it...” Spike blabbered on for a while as he tried to reason through his thoughts about the event, while Twilight tried her best to block him out. Pony segregation is a pretty boring subject, after all.
Wait a minute, pony segregation? Isn’t that something Discord said a couple days ago? Twilight racked her brain to try and remember.
“This world is not of my creation. There are no records of this time, with pony segregation. This is eons before Celestia, even me, but that also means, there are no Elements of Harmony,” she recited in an almost trancelike state.
“I-I’m sorry?” Spike asked, his voice quavering a bit in fear. He wasn’t sure at all about what this pony was talking about, and he had heard quite a bit of strange things in his time. Twilight blinked, regaining her senses.
“Oh, um, well, a few days ago, Discord, who is definitely not one of the nicest fellows in the world, said that to me. He’s the one that brought me here in the first place, so I think that what he said was a clue to what I have to do to get out,” Twilight explained, trying her best to make sense to the dragon. After a few moments of processing the information, Spike nodded.
“So do you think that you’ll find something about him in my books?” he asked, “Because I can assure you that if there is such information that I would know about it.”
“Well, that’s not exactly it,” Twilight sighed, beginning to gather her things back up again, “I was just hoping I could find at least a word or two about the Elements of Harmony...” She put on her saddlebag and turned to the door. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”
Spike nodded sympathetically and watched her leave, closing the door behind the pony. He hesitated for a moment and leaned on the door frame, deep in thought. He wished he could help her, but he had never even heard of the Elements of Harmony before. Wait, the Elements of Harmony...?
“Wait! Miss Sparkle, come back!” he cried, after a moment of striking realization. Twilight, who was almost gone from sight, stopped in her tracks and turned around. She bounded back to the door of the building and skidded to a halt.
“What? What is it?” she gasped, “Did something bad happen?”
“No, no, my friend,” Spike said, trying to calm her down, “It’s just that...” He collapsed to the ground in shock, his claws over his head.
“What? What?” Twilight worried, trying to squeeze the reply out of the dragon. He couldn’t reply, he was too shaken.
At this point Twilight turned to address another noise that came from behind her. It was her new acquaintances, who looked almost like they had just gotten up, galloping in her direction.
“Fwee- Twilight, Twilight! Are you alright?” she heard Thistle call. Twilight smiled. Even if they did get a bit annoying and weren’t that smart, she had to admit that she found some comfort in being around this new group of ponies.
“Darling!” Rainbow Dash cried after coming a bit closer, “Oh my goodness, are you okay? We came in last night and there you were on the ground and you looked so upset and tired and-” She stopped after reaching the entrance. “I-Is Spike alright?”
Minty walked up to the crumpled heap of dragon on the ground and poked him tentatively. He opened his mouth to groan, but no sound escaped him.
“Uh, I take that as a no,” she concluded.
“Woah, what happened?” Sunny Daze asked with a bit of awe in her voice, “Spike never gets this upset. What did you do to him?”
“I didn’t do anything!” Twilight insisted, “I just said something about The Elements of Harmony and left. Then he shouted for me to come back and proceeded to do this.” She motioned toward him.
Suddenly, Spike lifted his purple head to look up at the ponies.
“The... Elements...” he said weakly. Twilight turned back to him and paused to process what his fragmented statement could indicate. She then dropped her saddlebag without a thought onto the ground, kneeling down and cupping his face in her hooves.
“You know about The Elements of Harmony?!” she cried, shaking his head up and down, “How? There’s nothing about them anywhere!”
“B-but there is...” he exclaimed, finding the strength to get to his feet, “I have a book on it, it’s just that it’s such an important document that I had to hide it. If that book got into the wrong hooves, then the media will know information that they really shouldn’t know.”
“What does it say?” Twilight asked in a suddenly hushed whisper after realizing the gravity of the situation. Spike smiled.
“Perhaps it would be best that we head inside and see it for ourselves, shall we?”
wow already featured. Nice. I remember when this happened to me memories. great job dude! Poor Twilight
Flan chan whar ars you doing, flanchan staaaap....I to late. Anyways I will swe where this goes, it's not like I knew the horrors of that gen so CArpexiem
Oh man, I read all of Spike's dialogue in his actual voice, and I'm not sure if I should be incredibly proud or ashamed to have remembered it
1696016
But what about Jesus?
1696027
They worship the almighty socks
Nothing says Christmas like a pair of socks, after all
1696053
So they celebrate the birthday of a pair of crucified socks? Seems legit.
1696027
Megan told them about it.
1696391
She wasn't even in G3.
1696404
Dude, do you actually want to discuss the logical implications of pastel colored equines celebrating an bastard version of the holiday dedicated to the birth of Christ in a toy commercial?
No?
There: Megan did it. Merry Christmas!
1696027 I suspect that the G3 ponies were the Pharisees. Sure they looked all cute and innocent and behaved like mentally incapacitated Munchkins... but when they got pissed... well, crucifixion was one of the nicer ways they dealt with enemies.
(FACT: In fictional worlds, it is frequently the case that overly cutesy things are a facade covering up the most vile demonic entities.)
1698081
AKA Story of the Blank.
1698298 Hee, not gonna go into all the plot problems with that story...
It's a fun little game, but totally falls apart with a little logical analysis.
1697785
Well, Twilight is in G3 world, so she has no clue on it either. The other ponies back in Equestria have probably figured it out by now
1697958
Maybe while she was in the Canterlot Archives at some point? Equestria may not celebrate Christmas, but other countries might
1697983
She just kinda... got over the name similarities. She had already met ponies with the same names as ponies she knew already and realized that they had totally different personalities, so names weren't really that important. (I really hope that made sense )
1688303
Is this a positive reaction?
1709792 Mmmayyyybeh...
I love this so much so far.
You're a preteen? I am too. Except you're ten times better an author.
1731155
I am now going to respect you a lot for the sole reason of liking my story and being in the same age group I'm in
And also, if you liked it, would you mind filling out this? I would really like lots of people's opinions on it
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Derek from ponypokey likes minty. All she does is fuck things up.
This story was added to the Investigations Folder in the Impartial Investigations Ensemble.
This means that either you or someone else has requested that it be reviewed, something that seems a little odd given that this story has literally no negative comments.
Still I'll gladly give it a shot.
Characters
Characters seem to be very well represented as far as remaining true to the source material is concerned. As far as the G4 characters go, Rainbow is brash and somewhat arrogant, Rarity is obsessed with her fashion lines, Pinkie thinks that changing from milk to dark chocolate is a significant change to a plan.
Twilight does seem a little bit arrogant towards the other worlds ponies at times, talking down their IQ or expecting preferential treatment in Unicornia because she is the student of a monarch they have never heard of.
One thing I noticed was that Twilight didn't seem to react to two of her friend's names being called out in the bakery during chapter 3
.
Given that she was surrounded by ponies whom she did not know, hearing two familiar names should have sparked her interest, especially since she went to the bakery looking for Pinkie Pie.
Descriptions for the G3 ponies are done well for those not familliar with prior renditions of MLP. They seem to be almost mindlessly happy at all times, a disaster for them is running out of icecream.
Grammatical
Overall, this seems very well written, very few instances of bad usage of punctuation. Usage of paragraphing is good, one speaker to each line. One little thing I would change is passages like Discord's poem/riddle/song in chapter 4 and Twilights recollection of it in chapter 9 should be in Italics, something to indicate it is not a normal conversation.
Plot and Pacing
Pacing seems to be well done for the first few chapters, which is very important for retaining viewers. Keeping the chapters fairly short and focused on a single topic helps to prevent a reader from being overwhelmed with information. After the first few chapters though the plot itself seems to be a little bit bland at times. Aside from Discord's release, nothing has actually happened to compel me to side with or care about the new ponies, but this is likely an aspect of the reality they are in - nothing bad happens in this other world.
This struck me as a bit odd. In her own reality, Twilight knows that it is the Pegasi who make rainbows, and in this alternate one it seemes to be the unicorns that do it. Why would she think that it was just a water refraction?
Things that could have been expanded on
At the start of the story, the mane6 do not seem particually interested in how Discord escaped his stone prison, or about what he has done with Celestia, they went directly to how to defeat him with the Elements. If he was able to escape after a year, that may suggest that the Elements now lack the power to fully ensnare him again, or that he has found a way to counter the Elements magic. This should suggest that they need to develop an alternative method for dealing with Discord rather than rely on a unknown and mostly untested beam of rainbow light.
Final comments
For a first fanfic, this is very well done. The characters are engaging for the most part, the plot seems well thought out, the pacing is generally well timed, and the entire story appears to be free from major grammatical errors. All I can really say is that you should keep doing what you are doing. Nearly 4,500 chapter views and zero downvotes, you are clearly doing something right.
Sorry if this review seems a little bit grasping or nitpicky at times, but there was very little that I could actually comment on that wasn't just a variation on 'Very well done.'
~ Fimbulvinter. Assistant Battalion Leader for The Impartial Investigation Ensemble
1743104
I just really wanted an in-depth review on the story, and I'm very happy that you were able to supply it!
1736183
B-but... socks!
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1743935 Hope you got something out of it. The story was a pleasure to read
1743937 She sings a song. Called 'Nothing says Christmas like a new pair of socks'
1744153
I know, but it's just that you can't stay mad at her for too long when she has her cute little socks!
1744294 I like gen 4 MintySocks©!
Just reread chapter 9 while editing.
I read my description for rainbow berries.
Celestia I'm hungry.
1744294>>1745040 I see your Minty in socks and raise you Luna
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1746190
I see your Luna and raise you the Mane 6 + Minty
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1746205 I can't compete with that. I fold.
Have some Best Pony as a parting shot
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Ooh I'm dying to know too,!