"Creativity flows when boredom grows." -The Bored Author (of Doom)
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Filly Twilight Sparkle moves to Ponyville because Twilight Velvet got a new job. She now has to go to a different school with foals she doesn't know. These are the tales of their hijinks.
5 Movies
10 Specials
15 Double Episodes
207 Episodes
237 Chapters of Ponyville Kindergarten!
Featured: 3/1/24 & 4/1/24
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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There are some very big inconsistencies in this story for example, you constantly switch between past tense and present tense, use one and stick to it.
Also, you might want to have somebody look over this and tell you where you are missing words and stuff like that.
And you open with Twilight and her mother presumably in Ponyville but we don’t actually know because you don’t show us where they are.
In order to make a good story, you must get the reader really invested and involved in your characters and what they are doing.
Maybe you are still learning how to do this, and so am I, but please do not take this criticism as harsh. It is not meant to be it is only meant to be helpful and that you will hopefully learn from it..
11789431
Alright, seems fair. I'll give the story a quick read, make a few changes.
Although, I feel the need to point out that the 'large description' is also part of the story. On a fanfiction website like this, the littlest details are everywhere. I am not the only one who utilizes the resources given such as the description and author notes to add details. In this case, the description pointed out that Twilight moved to Ponyville because her mom got a job there.
Not trying to throw your feedback in the trash, I'm just pointing it out.
As for the have somebody look over it, it just isn't my style. Yeah, it probably backfires badly in some places, but it's my style.
Thanks for the feedback! :) Really, I do appreciate it.
Well, not much I can say other than this looks like it could be a really cute AU series. Definitely liked the stuff in the first meeting of the main six fillies as well as Miss Celestia and Luna.
REALLY got a few good laughs out of this and, considering how dark some fics get, it is actually pretty refreshing to get one that is as light-hearted as this appears to be (and logically so when the main characters are kindergarten age children).
Anyway, very much looking forward to more of this.
I’d make the story a bit longer, add a part in canterlot where Twilight comes home and sees her parents packing up and her mom saying she got a new job and they were moving to Ponyville with Twilight giving a loud, “NNNNNNNOOOOOO!!!!”
So what’s the movie going to be about? Is it going to be anything like those Rugrats movies?
Is Spike is gong to be part of this story?
11789494
Glad you liked it!
11789511
Aye aye!
11789515
Yes, I have plans for him to show up as a baby. Like, a baby baby, not the 'baby' the show depicts him as.
11789512
It's going to be about Tempest Shadow and the Storm King
They sometimes dream that they are adults and having adventures with the Elements of Harmony
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Imagination is Magic
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👍
I'm looking foward to it
Bro, this is going to be awesome, I already want to know what will happen in the next chapter. Although the fact that they speak like babies makes the translator give it a stroke and my super ultra basic English is put to the test, but still, I am interested in continuing reading this story. (My main language is not English) But apart from that, continue the story as you are doing, the fact that they talk that way is an incredible detail.
11789511
Hell no, it would be an overused joke that at this point is no longer funny, do you know how many cartoons have implemented that joke? 9999999 times.
I would add a scene, rather, of Twilight trying to convince Twilight Velvet that even though she has to work in Ponyville, she can stay alone in Canterlot or that Twilight even suggests to Twilight Velvet to look for another job that is in Canterlot, as an ordinary child would do, having no idea of adult life, this would add originality to the story from my point of view.
11789557
Aw thank you, glad you enjoyed it!
I might just do that. That is a pretty good idea and it does fit with the show where Twilight was questioning Celestia.
Interesting concept.
11789771
You're welcome dude, keep the good work!
This is a really cool concept, I love how the characters introduce themselves.
Don't burn yourself out writing all this, it'll take a while. I'm looking forward to it! Keep up the great writing.
Happy new year.
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11789853
Thank yooou! I'll be sure to watch over myself.
And happy new year!
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11789551
As am I. And 'm guessing Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo would also be showing up as babies later on.
And I'm guessing Shining Armor, Big Mac and Cadance would most likely be pre-teens.
What’s the update schedule for this story?
11790104
Yessir, right on the money
11790107
Whenever I have the time and the motivation. So at the very very least, once a month.
This is really cute! Little Pinkie is even bouncier as a filly
I'd be glad to see more!
11790136
Glad you liked it!
OOOOOHHHHHH! I am going to love this!
11791260
I hope I'll be able to write to your expectations!
I loved it all!! When does the new chapter come out?
11792543
Sometime soon!
Again, this was an adorable job on this latest chapter. Definitely liked the work that went into the dialogue, characterizations, general wrap-up and future chapter set-up. Of course, a side benefit of setting this in kindergarten is that it makes most of the episodes' lessons make even more sense as it would be hard for kids that young to learn that sort of stuff As for the Equestria Girls stuff, perhaps simplify things by not doing a kindergarten version (though Sunset Shimmer could be introduced as a student at a rival kindergarten [perhaps taught by Mister Discord a possibly TOO friendly rival of Miss Celestia if you catch my drift] bullying Twilight and her friends until they teach her a better way).
Anyway, really looking forward to more of this.
11793282
Aw, thank yooou!
Indeed, kindergarten is quite the playground for lessons. It's a bit surprising and saddening that MLP didn't do much with the CMC and their fellow classmates.
We'll see for the Equestria Girls, I'm still undecided.
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More than fair enough. Of course, I could see "the Last Problem" being set two decades in the future with a now young-adult Twilight taking over for Miss Celestia (who ends up becoming the Superintendent of overall schools in the city) as the new kindergarten teacher. But that's still a long way away, so you will have lots of thinking time.
11793294
That is actually a really good idea, I haven't thought that far. I'll try to remember it, thanks!
Nice chapter! Looks very similar to the Grand Galloping Gala episode where Twilight doesn't have enough tickets
Keep up the good work!
11793468
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!
11793298
You're welcome. On another note, Adult Twilight's class in a possible version of the series finale could include kindergarten age versions of Luster Dawn, Sunny Starscout, Hitch Trailblazer, Sprout Cloverleaf, Izzy Moonbow, Misty Brightdawn, Zipp Storm and Pipp Petals.
11793579
Perhaps, perhaps.
11793777
Thanks for considering that. And, on another note, considering Shining and Cadance are only eleven, maybe twelve in this universe, I'm going to guess that the second season mess isn't going to be a wedding - just their first date.
And another thought concerning the Equestria Girls thing - perhaps it IS just a kindergarten in another part of the city that the fillies' imagination (akin to Rugrats or Muppet Babies) leads them to believe is another universe.
11794013
I'm not sure about a date, they're too young. I was going to have them be substitutes for the class, considering that Cadance was a babysitter in canon.
As for EG, I'm going to add Sunset Shimmer in, but I'm still undecided how, but we've got plenty of time till then.
11794038
Yeah. Makes a lot of sense concerning Shining and Cadance.
And thanks for the verification on the other point. :-D
11794063
Anytime!
Why did a tummy ache make her pass out?
Otherwise, good chapter!
11798669
Because babies have low Constitution. That’s why.
I'm going with the head canon this alternate universe came into being thanks to Flurry Heart wanting a happier, simpler world.
11794038
I've always assumed that Sunset is older than Twilight in Equestria. So she could be in a higher grade than the girls.
11798669
She's a kid, so her body is not that developed. She was constantly dragged around, upsetting the stomach even more, as well as the stress of trying to be a 'good filly', can lead up to fainting.
11798717
That's actually a good idea, thanks!
11798709
It's now canon! Flurry Heart just decided to rewrite the world on a whim. Wooo!
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11798717
Opinion respected, but I always thought same age tbh