Chapter 1 - Kindergarten is Magic
"But I no wanna!" Twilight Sparkle, age 4, is currently being dragged to a kindergarten off in the distance by her mother, Twilight Velvet.
"Honey...this is the best for you." Her mom sighed, concentrated more into her magic.
"But!"
"No more buts, missy. You're going and that's that." Twilight fell silent, pouting.
The unknown town of Ponyville passed around her, upside down. It was strange seeing the world this way. Random ponies, hanging off the ceiling, she didn't know stared at her, some confused, some amused. She snorted at them, they're strangers! Mom always said to only judge a pony after you get to know them. Why do they get to judge her and her mom! She was moments away from giving them a piece of her mind when suddenly, the world shifted again.
"Ah. There we go." Her mom stood back up with a forced smile. There was another pony beside her. A young mare with a white coat and a friendly enough smile. But that didn't mean anything. "This will be your teacher. Be nice." And trotted away.
"Hi Twilight! My name is Miss Celestia, if you'll follow me..." She paused while stretching a hoof to point behind her. Twilight followed obediently.
The two trotted into a large room and so many ponies were everywhere! Twilight's never seen so many ponies before, she couldn't even count them all! Granted, she could only count to five, but still!
"Why don't you go sit over there?" Miss Celestia pointed to a group of five. HA! "They're nice fillies, I think you'll get along with them."
Twilight nodded wordlessly and trotted over, but when she looked again, there were only four. Huh? She tilted her head and looked around, perhaps she miscounted?
"Hi!"
"AAH!" Twilight jumped away from the filly that suddenly appeared next to her.
"Pinkie! What did we say about scaring the new students!" Miss Celestia said loudly.
"M'sorry, Miss. I just get exited, ya know?" The so called Pinkie. She was pink, very pink. Her mane and coat were pink, and her mane and tail were a mess compared to Twilight's neatly brushed hair. Her eyes were a pretty blue, though.
"Don't you mean excited?" Twilight corrected softly, slowly picking herself off the ground.
"Oh yeah! Excited." Pinkie nodded with a bright smile. "M'name's Pinkie Pie!"
"Twilight Sparkle."
"Oooh, you got such a pretty name." Pinkie giggled, making Twilight smile too. "Come on, lemme show you th'others."
Twilight allowed herself to be dragged, unsure of what else to do. The first filly they came across was facing away from them, but had an orange coat and a blonde mane. A small cowpony hat covered her head, it was cute.
"Applejack! Meet Twilit!"
"Twilight."
"Twilight!"
The orange filly turned around and looked up with sparkling green eyes. They were so pretty that Twilight nearly missed the cookie in Applejack's mouth.
"Mmm MM mmm!" The filly paused, look down, then munched the rest of the cookie with a single bite. "Mjam! Howdy, m'name's Applejack, was yers?"
"Twilight Sparkle."
"Thas a mighty fine name. Wanna cookie? Muh granny made it. Is apple oat." The filly smiled sincerely while holding up another cookie. Twilight smiled bashfully and accepted. The three then spent a couple of minutes munching on the cookies. It was very good.
"Okay, thank you Applejack! M'very yummy." Pinkie bounced up, her mane and tail seemed to poof out even more. "C'mon Twilit, lesgo!"
The next pony was a cyan pegasus with a pretty rainbow mane. She was sleeping though.
"Rainbow!" Pinkie shouted into the filly's ear. It was astanishing...astinishing...astonishing to see a filly jump so high. She went so high that she crashed into a cloud mobile before falling back down into the pillows. She groaned and looked up with bleary eyes. The mobile fell too and landed next to her.
"PINKIE!"
"Sorry Miss!" Pinkie immediately looked back. "Twilit, this is Rain..."
"Rainbow Dash! I can say my own name okay, hmph." Rainbow pouted, although it was clear that she was still sleepy.
"M'sorry Dashie, I was exited. We's got a new friend!"
"We do?" The filly's head popped up again and looked at her. "Huh." Then promptly fell asleep again.
"Aw, lesgo, we no wake Dashie. She gets mad if we wake her." Pinkie half whispered, half spoke before hopping away. Twilight followed with only a single glance back.
The next filly is a beautiful white unicorn, like her! She has a curly purple mane and tail. Somehow, her whole face was smeared with something red, it looked weird.
"This is Rarity!" Pinkie presented her like a big surprise. "The pwettiest filly in Kindergarten!"
"Oh, dawling, m'not that pwetty." Rarity giggled. "Thas why I'm putting on make-up!"
"...Rarity. Did you steal my make-up kit again?" Miss Celestia was suddenly behind the filly with a stern look. Rarity looked back with shameless innocence.
"No." Then fluttered her eyes and smiled prettily.
"Nice try." The teacher snatched the tube away from the filly and trotted away.
"Awwww..."
"I think you're pretty." Twilight said suddenly, unsure where that came from, but it was true. Rarity was pretty!
"Thank you, dawling." The filly beamed, only marred by that red stuff everywhere. "You're pwetty too!"
Twilight smiled bashfully and shifted her little hooves a little.
"I'm Twilight Sparkle."
"Rarity, pleasure to meet you." The last line sounded well reherthsed...reharsed...rehearsed. Like that one time Twilight had to perform for her pre-school.
"Yay! Now c'mon! We has one last friend to get to." With warning, Twilight was whisked away by Pinkie once again. She found herself by the window in a few seconds. By the window was another pegasus, this one yellow and had a pink mane. She was also pretty.
"Fwuttershy!"
"Aah!" The filly squeaked and fell to the floor and curled up. The bird she was watching flew away. Twilight felt sad for some reason.
"Oop, sorry Fwuttershy. I was exited..." Pinkie really did seem sorry. Twilight decided to initiate a hug. Mom always said, 'initiating hugs are good' or something like that. Fwuttershy seemed to appreciate that as she stopped shaking. Before long she uncurled and looked up, one pink eye hiding behind her mane.
"Hi, I'm Twilight Sparkle."
"Umm.........I'm Fluttershy."
"Wha?"
"Fluttershy."
"Fluttershy?" A nod. "Nice to meet you!" Another nod.
"Yay!" Pinkie giggled and bounced on the spot with a huge grin. "New friends! Now, c'mon! The rest of the class gotta meet you!"
Before she could react, Twilight was once again taken for the ride.
"B...but, waaaait, noooooo." Twilight's protest fell on deaf ears. Then promptly found herself on top of table.
"Everypony! This is Twilit! Say hello!" Pinkie shouted to the many, many foals of Ponyville Kindergarten.
There was a deafening roar of "Hellloooooooooooooo!!!"
"Hello..." Twilight replied meekly, feeling very insecure about all of this, but when her gaze landed on her friends, she smiled.
Then, without warning, scary laughing filled the room. The room was immediately filled with screaming as fillies and colts started running around and trying to find cover. Twilight tried to do the same but felt the world turn again and found that it was upside down for the second time. She squirmed her pudgy legs, but nothing happened.
"My my, what a precious little snack I have here." An evil cackle was right behind her. Twilight started screaming for help.
"Don'tchya worry! We're here!" A hanging Applejack said with a sure grin before pouncing. She was immediately followed by her other friends.
"Let go of her!"
"Rawr!"
"Meanie!"
"Oh..."
Twilight was dropped onto some pillows and she quickly scrambled upwards to find her five new friends on top of a dark mare. She was howling about being van squished. Twilight felt angry and jumped in with her new friends. This meanie had attacked her, she deserved to be van squished! ...whatever that meant.
The mare started giggling after a while and slowly pushed off the fillies much to their annoyance. Twilight was prepared to pounce again but then Miss Celestia cleared her throat. She stopped, as did the other fillies. When an adult pony clears their throat, it means they gonna speak.
"My Little Ponies, I want you to meet my sister, Luna. She's going to help from now on, there's just been so many of you little guys that it's been getting a bit hard." She chuckled. "She likes having fun from time to time, so don't be afraid, okay? Okay!"
That seemed to be the end and the Kindergarten erupted with chatter about the new teacher. Twilight was a little disappointed that she wasn't actually a bad pony, but just in case, she stuck out her tongue.
"Hey, nice fighting!" A raspy voice appeared next to her. It was Rainbow. "I'm Rainbow Dash."
"Twilight Sparkle, and thank you."
"I think we gonna have lots of fun." She said with a grin. Behind her, the other four also smiled. Twilight trotted forward to her new friends with a big smile of her own. Maybe coming here wasn't such a bad idea after all.
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There are some very big inconsistencies in this story for example, you constantly switch between past tense and present tense, use one and stick to it.
Also, you might want to have somebody look over this and tell you where you are missing words and stuff like that.
And you open with Twilight and her mother presumably in Ponyville but we don’t actually know because you don’t show us where they are.
In order to make a good story, you must get the reader really invested and involved in your characters and what they are doing.
Maybe you are still learning how to do this, and so am I, but please do not take this criticism as harsh. It is not meant to be it is only meant to be helpful and that you will hopefully learn from it..
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Alright, seems fair. I'll give the story a quick read, make a few changes.
Although, I feel the need to point out that the 'large description' is also part of the story. On a fanfiction website like this, the littlest details are everywhere. I am not the only one who utilizes the resources given such as the description and author notes to add details. In this case, the description pointed out that Twilight moved to Ponyville because her mom got a job there.
Not trying to throw your feedback in the trash, I'm just pointing it out.
As for the have somebody look over it, it just isn't my style. Yeah, it probably backfires badly in some places, but it's my style.
Thanks for the feedback! :) Really, I do appreciate it.
Well, not much I can say other than this looks like it could be a really cute AU series. Definitely liked the stuff in the first meeting of the main six fillies as well as Miss Celestia and Luna.
REALLY got a few good laughs out of this and, considering how dark some fics get, it is actually pretty refreshing to get one that is as light-hearted as this appears to be (and logically so when the main characters are kindergarten age children).
Anyway, very much looking forward to more of this.
I’d make the story a bit longer, add a part in canterlot where Twilight comes home and sees her parents packing up and her mom saying she got a new job and they were moving to Ponyville with Twilight giving a loud, “NNNNNNNOOOOOO!!!!”
So what’s the movie going to be about? Is it going to be anything like those Rugrats movies?
Is Spike is gong to be part of this story?
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Glad you liked it!
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Aye aye!
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Yes, I have plans for him to show up as a baby. Like, a baby baby, not the 'baby' the show depicts him as.
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It's going to be about Tempest Shadow and the Storm King
They sometimes dream that they are adults and having adventures with the Elements of Harmony
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Imagination is Magic
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👍
I'm looking foward to it
Bro, this is going to be awesome, I already want to know what will happen in the next chapter. Although the fact that they speak like babies makes the translator give it a stroke and my super ultra basic English is put to the test, but still, I am interested in continuing reading this story. (My main language is not English) But apart from that, continue the story as you are doing, the fact that they talk that way is an incredible detail.
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Hell no, it would be an overused joke that at this point is no longer funny, do you know how many cartoons have implemented that joke? 9999999 times.
I would add a scene, rather, of Twilight trying to convince Twilight Velvet that even though she has to work in Ponyville, she can stay alone in Canterlot or that Twilight even suggests to Twilight Velvet to look for another job that is in Canterlot, as an ordinary child would do, having no idea of adult life, this would add originality to the story from my point of view.
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Aw thank you, glad you enjoyed it!
I might just do that. That is a pretty good idea and it does fit with the show where Twilight was questioning Celestia.
Interesting concept.
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You're welcome dude, keep the good work!
This is a really cool concept, I love how the characters introduce themselves.
Don't burn yourself out writing all this, it'll take a while. I'm looking forward to it! Keep up the great writing.
Happy new year.
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Thank yooou! I'll be sure to watch over myself.
And happy new year!
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As am I. And 'm guessing Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo would also be showing up as babies later on.
And I'm guessing Shining Armor, Big Mac and Cadance would most likely be pre-teens.
What’s the update schedule for this story?
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Yessir, right on the money
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Whenever I have the time and the motivation. So at the very very least, once a month.
This is really cute! Little Pinkie is even bouncier as a filly
I'd be glad to see more!
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Glad you liked it!
OOOOOHHHHHH! I am going to love this!
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I hope I'll be able to write to your expectations!
I loved it all!! When does the new chapter come out?
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Sometime soon!
I'm gonna try to make this happen, do you know anyone who could help?
https://www.castingcall.club/projects/ponyville-kindergarten-audiobook
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Omg, that's insane! What kind of people are you looking for?