An eight year war has been going on between the creatures of Equestria and huge monsters called Kaiju. To combat these monstrosities, the creatures banded together and let go of old rivalries and created monstrosities of their own; Jaegers.
When the war went sideways however, it's up to a has-been and a rookie to save the world.
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March 11 2022: This will not be a direct copy and paste with names swapped around, nay, this is based on Pacific Rim but it will have my own ideas and twists besides the 'has-been and rookie part.'
March 28 2022: I wasn't inspired to continue this, but I'll post what I have cuz why not.
March 30 2022: I wasn't expecting such a good response, so I guess I'll continue. But don't expect it to come out so fast.
November 19 2022: Just a heads up for those who are curious, I'm not going to go back and fix mistakes. It shows how my writing has improved over time and hopefully makes it a more satisfying experience. At least, in my opinion.
Wished I have noticed this story earlier, too bad it's canceled. I would say the writing is lacking descriptions and context, like who Mac and Brea are and why they joined the group, but the writing was getting much better toward the end. I would have liked to see more pony mecha's like to draw, oh well. I think the story would have needed to have been put in more writing groups like mecha, scifi, crossover and stuff
Well thanks for admitting that you were uninspired and just weren’t going to continue mindlessly as it stands now it’s a decent one chapter story, I’ve definitely read worse
Cool idea
That is actually a massive improvement in the writing, compared to the last one and I do like, that Mac and Brea were killed in the previous attack, despite also disappointing me that we won't see them anymore in the story. it is interesting that Pear butter and Bright Mac were also killed by then suggesting that the Apple already have a family legacy in piloting Jeagers at that point and that the program is already a international cooperative fort at least.
While your descriptions have improved a lot from the last chapter, and keeps on improving all through out the chapter, you still have issues with forgetting using description, atmosphere, of places and locations, mashies, as well as what the introduction various characters look like, not just so much how they look like but also the impression they give off. The point of doing of putting description is not just to give a visual description but also establish what the MC's first impression of the characters and locations to better get into the mindset of what they are thinking and feeling in the moment:
This helps set the tone and overview in the relations dynamic between the MC and Rara as an example, but can also serve as a time skip montage in-between dull moments and to sum up events along with separation from different scenes you want to better focus on. It also serves to describe her experience there.
You also have trouble putting in descriptions of places and event when you switch form one scene to an other, as well as time. it would really help to best visualize how things looks to her.
One things I would have liked to see is what was Apple Blooms opinion of Mac and Brea, it's clear that she looked up to them to some degree, but we don't get a sense that she was all broken up about losing them in the first place as well as her parents.
I could also suggest that you try using a text to speech program like Balabolka(yes it's totally free) it might help you better pick up on how your writing sounds like to your reader and spot how you could better structure your writing. I hope everything I just gave you will help you in your writing.
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Thanks for the feedback, I am genuinely thankful. I will try to improve my descriptions but I can't make any promises that it'll improve drastically as it's not really my style. From here on out, I will think double time to improve my writing, adding descriptions to add more flair and character into this world, and basically make this a fun read!
Much appreciated! :)
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You're welcome, and from the progress of your writing I think you would have come to those conclusions yourself eventually with out without my input on that matter, so you have that going for you. The main reason I suggest your add description is also prevent the reading to sound like just one continuous, and endless, stream of actions, that runs through the chapter on the same tone from start to finish which makes it feel like you are describing a video game level as you walk through it, no offence intended. Descriptions helps to break and control the pacing of the reading as well adding much needed context to what the reader is supposed to feel explicitly and implicitly from the character and the situation. You might start to notice if you listen to your own writing through a text to speech program and compare it to an audiobook that you can listen to on youtube or something see how descriptions helps to add 'flavor' to your writing.
I might add that you would also have to looking into how to get into the character's 'head space' through a limited perspective narrator or omniscient one but that is something for another time.
I wish you the best of luck.
EYYYYYY best chapter yet! now u better write the next one REAL fast COS IM GONNA STAB U IF U DONT. love u bai <3
A cutie mark summoning I wonder where that’s gonna take them
Is there going to be a squeal?
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maybe, not sure yet
Honestly, I'm really enjoying this. I went in thinking it would just be Pacific Rim with ponies, but you've made an interesting and original story while still hitting the primary story beats of Pacific Rim.
This is a solid fanfic, and I hope it comes off hiatus someday.
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Thanks! This means a lot, and to be honest, it will probably continue soon. I've felt some urges to continue the story.
Where is Spike? I'll like to see him being a pilot.
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oooh, that's an interesting idea. thanks!
Well dang. I didn't really expect this. Good chapter though! I still find it hilarious that no one has put two and two together for the sister Jaegers. And a Pinkie clone wound up as a Jaeger pilot? Awesome. And they're going to
Britainthe Griffish Isles, which should be interesting. More Griffon Jaegers?I'm pretty sure it's usually Las Pegasus, as that's the canon spelling, much like Cadence is just a word, but Cadance is her canon name. Outside canon, I've always preferred Neighpon. It just sounds better. Besides, it's a bit weird if Equus mirrors Earth too closely.
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Thanks!
And yes, more griffon Jeagers! It's going to be interesting. And to be completely honest, I have no idea how i came up with the pinkie clone side-plot.
Neighpon does indeed sound better, dunno, just saw the many different altercations around Fimfiction. t'was very confuzzling.
The war continues….
Congrats with finished epic story!
Will gobble it up ASAP
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Thank you!
And so I gobbled it
I appreciated the uncertainty and growing doom. Characters here were alive and interesting, and everything was constantly in motion, just lovely. Gotta watch Pacific Rim now, I guess
I can see that this was a work of passion for you, kudos for sticking it out until the end!
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Aw, thank you! Means a lot. Glad you liked it.
And yes, Pacific Rim is too epic of a movie to not watch.
That would’ve been awesome. If this had been the finale of Pacific Rim uprising, all the home built against the Legion of infected jehers
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I KNOW RIGHT? So many missed opportunities with that movie.