• Member Since 29th Apr, 2020
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Starswirl the Beardless


Don't let your dreams be memes

E
Source

Rainbow Dash is a simple mare. She loves flying, she loves napping, but most importantly of all, she loves her friends. She loves her family. She loves the little tortoise who sleeps in the corner of her bedroom. She loves her town, she loves her country, she loves her world.

She's never thought about what she would do without it all. She's never thought about what she would do if she woke up one morning, only to discover that the world had passed her by. She's never thought about what she would be willing to do, how far she would be willing to go, to get it all back.

Featured 7/2/22 - 7/8/22

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 64 )

I wonder what caused this to happen? You have me interested

That cover art is beautiful. Who is the artist?

I feel dread reading this... I don't know what would I be in RD's position. :fluttershyouch:

I like how you managed to 'show it' instead of 'tell', it's not boring very entertaining to be heard from text-to-speech and can make up for its long and slower pace. (Also the covert art did help catching my attention to your story too.)

11288450
If you on PC, hover your mouse over the picture, it should show a button on the lower left corner of the picture with text "Source" on it.

On phone... I guess you can try to press and hold the picture to show it?

11288450
The cover art is Faraway Land by GaellDragons (#1738223 on Derpibooru).

The day the whole world went away..

Interesting premise, and I like your characterization of Dash. As someone with temper regulation issues largely because of an anxiety disorder, I have always empathized with that aspect of Dash's character. Anger often comes from places of fear or uncertainty, not disdain for others. Sometimes this aspect of Dash wasn't written that well but there were plenty of times it was, and where she owned up to it.

Curious to see where this goes! :rainbowdetermined2:

Well, this seems like the start to a horror story.

Also, that art is amazing.

Any vague idea of how this will be before I read it?

11288515
On mobile, you just tap the image and it shows at the bottom right.

However, the source of the image just links to fimfiction's CDN, so it's not all that helpful.

I really enjoy your writing style. I don't know enough about writing to know why. The details are all so well thought out

11288421
I personally think it has something to do with that chilling wind Rainbow felt before going to bed. Wind doesn't just give a feeling of being watched and dread, even if cold.

I think the author was using foreshadowing in regards to the disappearances in the first place and/or a hint as to what caused it.

look for Sunset's journal Dash!

Reminds me of The Quiet Earth 1985, a hidden gem of a film. Pretty much the same exact premise, you have got me interested, interested to see where this goes!

Watch out for the Langoliers, Dash.

She's never thought about what she would do without it all. She's never thought about what she would do if she woke up one morning, only to discover that the world had passed her by. She's never thought about what she would be willing to do, how far she would be willing to go, to get it all back.

She would Fly East, of course.

This is gonna be a good one, I can feel it.

What?! Over 7k words and we're only getting started?! The suspense is killing me!

11290762
Yeah, sorry about that. I tend to stretch things out too much.

One chapter in and I am thoroughly invested. Can’t wait to see more.

11290781
So are we going to see Sunny Star scout? Or is this not a dumped into the future fic?

11291027
This story is not related to Generation 5 and will not contain any characters, locations, or other elements from it.

Why is it always Rainbow Dash that ends up in these kinds of fics?

11290781
Oh no, it's not a bad thing. It's just that I was getting into it and was surprised I got to the end when things were starting to get serious. I was looking for a long series to binge and this looks like the perfect one.

11291334
Because she's the one who's action would be unique based on the situation. Rarity and Fluttershy, for all their growth, could never take this, and would likely go catatonic and just roll over if something like this happens. Pinkie and AJ would both literally try to ignore the bad thing happening around them, as we've seen previously. And Twilight would try to magic up a solution, and given her skill and power, she might be able to.

Rainbow though? What she would do would vary heavily based on the situation's specifics. If it were some kind of plague, she'd run as far away as possible, because she can be no help if she dies herself to it. If it were some kind of spell, she'd search the world over for anyone able to help her. If the others fell to some kind of attack, she'd fight back, even if there's no one left to save. Heck, her element is loyalty, but she's probably just as good at leadership by the end, and might try to organize something, if not survivors found immediately, than never stop searching for them.

11290436
This seems to be set well before Twilight even became an alicorn since she's referred to as as a unicorn which means sunset and the EQG world either isn't known about or isn't isn't thing.


As for my thoughts on the story, I am interested and definitely looking forward to the next chapter.

Well, missing the apocalypse fuckin' sucks! 🥴

Safe bet would be Twilight did something stupid/impulsive again or had another of her crazy episodes.

If this is a “National No SpongeBob Day” Type of thing I’m going to be sorely disappointed.

Seriously though. Great start to the story. Feels like the Mystery of Roanoke Island.

Considering the burnt muffins and the position of the Sun, whatever happened to cause this happened almost instantly in the morning.

Well now this has all my interest.

11291334
Honestly, I was thinking the same thing when I read the description. It's always/usually dash that this happens to. Feels bad

11292408

If this is a “National No SpongeBob Day” Type of thing I’m going to be sorely disappointed.

I can tell you that's not what's going on here.

I am intrigued and wish to see more.

If you allow one... well, it's not criticism, more of an observation: The super majority of the text, especially at the very beginning, is composed of 5-7 lines of paragraph text after paragraph text with long sentences on the main, forming an unbroken monotonous wall that can cause the reader to skip text. Ideally, in writing you want there to be alternate paragraph lengths like you want them in sentences. You want to apply this following image in both your text but also your paragraphs:
writerswrite.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Writers_Write_-_The_imprortance_of_varying_sentence_lengths.png

11294632
I can't exactly disagree with your assessment, since I recognize that is how I tend to write. For some reason, my brain finds it more satisfying to write paragraphs that are around that size visually. Of course, on an intellectual level, I recognize that variance in sentence and paragraph length is important, and that I should probably be making an effort to do that.

11294775
It is only something to keep in mind and slowly work towards, not a demerit or criticism, as it's not as easy to implement as, say, some specific grammar rule. It's more like pacing or proper plot lining, and one can only get better at it slowly in time. I haven't got it down proper yet, either—I tend to vary between only long or only short sentences. :twilightsheepish:

BTW, I should have mentioned before, but one little thing that really impressed me and found extremely smart was using the absence of Tank, and how it would naturally make Rainbow frantic, so she wouldn't notice every pony missing, or other clues like the sun, immediately. That's what got me to read further. I was all "Oh, you sneaky bastard, I see what you did there!" :raritywink: Super good way to make Rainbow work organically and not hold the idiot ball as many others have done.

EDIT: Oops, forgot to upvote the story. Let me fix that.

11288421
Well my theory is that since this takes place before the season 3 finale (where Twilight becomes an alicorn), is that either Celestia became Daybreaker early because in the story it's said that the sun didn't move at all so maybe Celestia/Daybreaker caused Equestria to he in total light all the time like how she wanted to do in the show, in Starlight’s dream. Or, Discord did something crazy to cause everyone to disappear since this is around the time where Discord just got reformed so he would be more of an anti hero than a actual ally/friend.

This reminds me of a similar concept with Pinkie Pie as everyone vanished. Looking forward to updates

The gradual realization of the situation is done magnificently. In any crisis it takes people time to fully process what's going on and the long term ramifications so it is very good you're taking your time. Guess Rainbow's next stop would be Canterlot to figure out if anything there could indicate what's happened.

Empty Ponyville is creepy. Reminds me of this Twilight Zone episode.

Or the beginning of The Langoleers, but hopefully it doesn't get that dark.

11291486
That why she make a good division agent

Backrooms? Pony rapture?

This brings back The End of Ponies flashbacks. I'm somewhat intrigued, but maybe I'll wait till/if its finished. Just in case.

Comment posted by Goodluckfox deleted July 19th

11304705
No scampering, now…

This gave me chills as it progressed

11304705

Or the beginning of The Langoliers

Colours and smells (at least according to Dash's senses) are still sharp and distinct, so I do not think this would be the case. I guess we will find out soon enough.
:rainbowderp:

At any rate, the story is playing out like one of my nightmares

Login or register to comment