• Member Since 3rd May, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 9th, 2013

InsufferableUnicorn


I'm also known as "Huh?" over on fimchan. Also, I'm nitpicky (part of the reason for my username). On an unrelated note, "buck" is a terrible stand-in for "fuck."

E
Source

You will be Fluttershy, and you will have difficulty facing what will happen to Twilight.

(This fic was written in response to a kind-of-sort-of challenge... dare... thing... from an Equestria Daily pre-reader.)

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 94 )

This fic was written in response to a kind-of-sort-of challenge... dare... thing... from an Equestria Daily pre-reader.

That was... odd.

And it was finely written on the technical side, so of course I won't downvote it.

And I don't get it. Oh, sure, I see the way that you were leading things on and so on, but I guess I didn't "get" it in the sense that this doesn't appeal to me at all... I suppose then the most deserved thing is for me to just click away without rating.

1278145
Odd is the goal; so thank you for that. :pinkiehappy:

I don't blame you for departing without rating. Thank you for not downvoting, at any rate! :twilightblush:

NO! COLD TEA! DAMNIT! :fluttercry:

1278151
Well, I have a personal sort of honor system where I try hard not to condemn things for content-- looking at style, attention to details, creativity, etc. and other stuff. It's all subjective in a lot of ways, of course. So, I dislike this story, but I can't / won't condemn it since it's written nicely.

You could have had Fluttershy end up serving tea with her urine in it or tea with the blood of Applebloom's corpse in it or something like that, and I would have had about the exact same reaction (no thanks-- but no downvote).

I suppose I sound prissy now, but... eh... whatever... :trixieshiftright::trixieshiftleft:

1278204
Actually, you get a brohoof from me: I only downvote when it's glaringly obvious that a writer holds FiM and/or writing in contempt. Experimental stylings and subject matter that alarms others isn't enough to earn a downvote from me.

And like you, I don't upvote stories I don't actually like. Overall I'd say you're being perfectly reasonable. :twilightsmile:

1278211
Well also like every time I think about downvoting a fic I find with 'blargh' content (but just the content) my mind starts to argue back with me...

Me: I think I might do it. I'll downvote him.

Brain: You? Doing that?

Yes!

And you're taking this position, mister 'Big Mac pleasures himself with freaky female Everfree forest plants' fanfic author?

Well... that was hot though. Weird, but hot. People actually clopped to that story.

And mister 'Shipped Rule 63 Twist with Nightmare Moon'.

But that was... ah... but there were complicated emotions behind that story...

And mister 'turned Google Chrome into a living pony and had her have the hots for Twillight'.

But that idea is so funny! And Chrome pony is so cute and just so appealing-- I'd so be tappin' dat white plot if I was Twilight!

And, let's never forget the whole 'my first fanfic was a tale of mother-son incest' thing.

Hang on, now...

Seriously, right out the gate you were like-- "Candy-colored equines having slice-of-life fun? F**k that! I'm going to do an out of left field psychological drama experiment."

Okay, fine! I'll click away without making any vote at all! Stupid brain!

>This does make me sound insane. It's accurate-ish, though, since I'd say I'm honestly "partially insane" to a functional degree.

Ahh, the challenge was to write in future-tense, eh?

1278243
Functionally insane, eh?

Mah zebra. :pinkiecrazy:

1278281
That's a part of it, aye.

Well. That was different.

I gotta say, though... I liked it. Good job.

Not the biggest fan of the ending -- then again, I'm not a fan of fake-outs in general -- but you managed to use the perspective/tense in such a way that it wasn't distracting and (at times) added to the story. Never thought I'd see the day.

Have an upvote. To avoid bias, I won't be the one pre-reading your fic, but know that I did read it. And liked it.

1343414
I've never written a piece in response to a request (or whatever) before; it was quite a lot of fun! :pinkiesmile:

I completely understand about it going to someone else for the official read. Thank you for taking a look at it just for fun! :twilightsmile:

I'm so happy that you liked it! Ha, my cheeks are getting sore from smiling too hard! :pinkiehappy:

Minjask linked this in #fic the other day. I read it, but... I don't get it. Could I get an explanation in a reply/PM?

Well, well, well ...

I think I will have liked this story. I won't have had any problems adjusting to being will willing be willing being willing have been ... [insert future progressive form of 'be'] Fluttershy - I will have been liking second-person stories quite a bit already. But I will have gone through several emotional stages at the use of future tense, which I will have understood that the story was about though.

My reactions to it will have varied from "Well, this is unusual" to "I guess I could get used to it" over "Alright, this could be annoying if it keeps going on like this" to "Oh my god, this is getting infuriating" and finally forgetting pretty much all about it as soon as the dialog will have started. I will have guessed that it really is true that my brain will only have filtered out the speech and the associated speaker, often ignoring the speaking verb. The extra narration during that part will then have caused no more stress like I will have mentioned before.

Although I will believe that some parts of the narration should not have been in future tense, which will possibly just be a matter of opinion and timeframe the story will have been set in. I will have meant passages like this:
>She’ll be the bearer of Honesty, after all; she won’t have gotten there by lying.

The way I will have read the story is: "I am the reader right now. I exist. I am Fluttershy, therefore Fluttershy already exists." Then passages like this will have led me to believe that I (Fluttershy) will already have met my (her) friends:
>They’ll have helped you many times in the past

But this will just have been a minor complaint and probably a matter of opinion. Overall, this I will have deemed this a successful attempt at the challenge.

I will also have pointed out the only error I could find in my one read-through:
>and the cup of tea will tremble in you hooves.

EDIT: Will have forgotten to point out that I really will have felt like I'd gotten an insight into Fluttershy's head and insecurities.

1406547
I'll thank you for your thoughts and insights. :pinkiesmile:

I'll relate to you how strange it will have been to write in future tense, to the point that my brain will have felt like it was itching. :pinkiecrazy:

I'll then clarify my terrible wording, and reveal that the "bearer of Honesty" part will have been meant to show that the fic will have been set in Fluttershy's personal future at a young age, as though it will have been something she has yet to hear from a seer. I'll then confess that this style will likely be beyond my ability to execute properly. :twilightsheepish:

I'll finish by announcing that it will be due for an editing run--as I will have submitted it to plague the minds of EQD's readers--and by thanking you for having caught that spelling derp, which both the pre-reader and I will have missed. :pinkiehappy:

Hm. Interesting, though not exactly my cup of tea. Not sure whether the hint in one of the bits of dialogue is a good thing or not, as it's nice to suspect what's going on before the twist, but then, is the twist really as satisfying? Tough choice.

Still, well executed. Just... odd.

You, sir, have done something I previously thought impossible. Not only have you written a good second person fic, but you have written a good second person fic in future tense. Looking at this fic is like looking at a paradox. I have trouble believing that this is a real thing that exists in front of me.

So basically what I'm trying to say here is good fucking job. I'm seriously impressed.

1459014
I'm honestly not sure which line you're referring to, as most of them were meant to be hints on the first read and/or facehoof-inducingly obvious during New Read Plus. :derpytongue2:

Either way, I'm glad you didn't hate it! :twilightsmile:

1459653
Ha, thank you very much! :pinkiehappy:

I totally thought the ending was going to be "and Flutters was imagining all of this after somehow marginally increasing the risk of a fire at the library tree, and she just hates herself so much that her imagination runs crazy!"

Future tense? This is...different.

Wow, that was certainly interesting. Never seen something written in future tense before. I almost didn't read it, but I'm glad I did. I enjoyed it.

Um. Am I the only one that actually really enjoyed this fic? I mean, first of all, it's written in 2nd person future-tense. Holy hell that must've been hard. And more importantly, you pulled a magnificent bait and switch. A lot of times you see the whole "sex but not sex" trick, but I've never seen a "Mane 6 death but not Mane 6 death" before!

You get an upvote from me, good sir. :pinkiehappy:

As much as I admire the attempt to write a story in second person future, I think this story shows clearly why people never write in second person future. It's... not very good, really. The presentation is a constant distraction, and I don't see any way around that other than either 1) writing in a more traditional format, or 2) writing a story where the tense and perspective are somehow integral to the ability to tell that story (for the record, I have no idea what such a story would look like).

Still, there's something to be said for novelty. And while the fact that this is extremely well-executed highlights the weakness of the choice in structure, but it is well-executed for all that. If this was your attempt to show a pre-reader that it could be done, then good for you; you've succeeded without a doubt. If your intent was to show that it should be done though, I'm not convinced. Either way, props for trying something different, at least, and I hope you'll excuse me for not rating.

1468710

All that and a bag of chips. The only other thing I could really say to the author?

Start at 0:41, otherwise, it's too long.

This was different, man. And I like different--good, "I actually used my brain and not my penis or childhood fantasy complex" different, which is a rare thing around here. Bless you and please, continue to stimulate our thoughts and feels with such creations.

RBDash47
Site Blogger

After reading the first paragraph:

<amused look> Was the challenge to write a good second-person future-tense fic? I will admit I've not seen one of those...

You didn't just get along well enough with the future tense. You actually used it to make the story even better. The future tense really helped sell the ruse, I felt. Having that separation of time in there made it feel all the more genuine to me. This is a very good piece of writing, and I applaud you for it.

I am tempted to downvote this because I simply have no bloody idea what the author wanted to do. But I won't because I have no clear idea what the author truly managed to do.

Also, the future-tense storytelling is just... weird.

It was certainly interesting. Had me completely fooled until the fake out was revealed too. Well done. :coolphoto:

No vote on this one. Nicely laid out, great twist at the end. I'll echo previous comments: that it can be done doesn't mean it should, and the novelty of the format takes away from the otherwise fun story.

Saw it coming, but still awesome xD

Ugh! I thought Twilight was dead!

PPS

That was pretty amusing. It was clear that a twist was coming, and with that expectation in mind, it was easy to predict what the twist was. 2nd person future tense was funny - not something that'd work for a longer story, but it worked here. The future perfect made me smile whenever it came up, especially the punchline.

Wait...what's the significance of the last line? I get what was going on, but I feel like I'm missing out on something.

Huh interesting

Second-person, future tense seems stranger to me than talking, magical ponies. Go figure.:twilightoops:

Thunbs-up for a really good illustration of how awful it must be inside Fluttershy's head.

1469189

I know right.

Insufferable Unicorn did that on purpose, right?

Your dear friend—your third pony friend ever, after Rainbow Dash and Rarity—will be gone. You’ll picture entering the new town library—likely built atop the ashes of the old—and encountering some strange pony where Twilight should be. The thought will be almost too much for you, and the cup of tea will tremble in your hooves. You'll set it down carefully, not wanting your body to hurt the way your heart will already be doing.

“Is it…” You’ll pause to blow your nose. “Is it nice there? Where she—where Twilight… is?”
Rainbow will smile gently at you. “Yeah,” she’ll say. Her still-wet eyes will take on a faraway look as she’ll remember. “We picked out a great little spot for her, up top of a cliff by the ocean. There’s this huge old tree right on the edge there, and the view!”

Wait, so Twilight died???

i.ytimg.com/vi/SB6OGvgEvi4/0.jpg

That reminder will make you wince. Pinkie will embrace you instantly, and say, “Aw, don’t get all down in the lumpy-dumps again, Fluttershy!” You’ll hear your front door open as she adds, “Twilight’s in a better place now.”
“I’ll say,” Twilight Sparkle will say from behind you. “I mean I loved the library, but my new house is just amazing!”

forum.reachingperfection.com/file/n3251064/129923751541-MLP_I_see_what_you_d.jpg

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!............................

cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/9871273.jpg

Good one man. Good one...
I give a thumb up for the unorthodox writing style.

I always use images to convey my thoughts. :trollestia:

I liked the future tense, not a style I've seen before and you made it work. Good job.

Second person fic written in future tense... Well that sure sounded unusual. :derpyderp2:
Then it seemed that Twilight died and I was wondering why no Sad or Tragedy tag? :rainbowhuh:
Then I got to the end. :facehoof:
Well written, but the trolling. :twilightangry2:

Oh, Fluttershy, you can't even troll right. :fluttercry: Without a Sad tag, this twist doesn't work.

Still, a wonderfully ambiguous story. You honestly had me guessing EqD forgot the tag this time. An exercise in detail and wordplay. Were this written two years ago, you would be the most famous writer in the fandom. As it is, you deserve all the views and the EqD feature.

1278243 is it sad that after reading your comment I'm browsing your stories?

I have to admit, I'm...not used to second-person perspective stories. I've read only a few of those...but I've read even fewer that were written in future tense. So to get a double-whammy, if you will, is even more intriguing than usual. I have to admit though, aside from the future tense, the use of the second person perspective was actually handled well.

Title was just a bit misleading. Though, considering the twist at the end, that was probably intentional. You really had me going until the fake-out was revealed. Good job!

Well, I usually see this kind of thing coming, but you managed to get me here. Good show!

:rainbowlaugh: Brilliant twist at the end, there, I can honestly say I didn't see it coming! You did an excellent job of hiding the twist (perhaps almost too good; some of the reactions felt a little exaggerated perhaps, in order to achieve the hiding); I would've never guessed at it in a million years.

And I won't spoil anything for those that have yet to read this; all I'll say is this: after getting to the ending, I understand why this wasn't "sad" tagged.

That has got to be one of the few if not first fics I have read that was entirely in future tense.

I really did think that Twi had "moved on" so for that I salute you and did raise "I see what you did there" at the end.

From a technical stand point it was really well done. I half expected it to slip into present tense at the end and make it all seem like a really bad dream but how you finished this was perfect.

Well Done. :twilightsmile:

As many others have stated, this was a very different fic. The idea is unique, and mostly solid. My only issue that I had, was the forcing of the thoughts on the reader. The constant "will" and "you'll" and forcing the actions on the reader instead of allowing them to happen naturally made it feel like you're just reading something, not experiencing it.

Bottom line, for whatever "style" of story this is, it was nice. I kinda guessed the ending... but well, that's how most fics go anymore. You just hope the author adds in details and emotion between the beginning and end to suffice the read. I'd say you did that quite well. Many of the thoughts that Fluttershy (or well, "you") have I could easily imagine running through not just anyone's head, but Fluttershy's as well.

With that said, I give it a 3.5. Over all, a deserved thumbs up. :twilightsmile:

I liked it, but I would daresay the fakeout was not only not needed but actually detracted from the story. The thing is (except for the pizza party) this is more or less how I see the mane six reacting to Twi's death. Other writers can go so overboard with emotions that it just looses all plausibility even though they are very close. Also the writing style is unique and works well for this fic. Good job.

1469964 Yes, you are right.

Very well done. Though I can't help but wonder why they were all wearing black if Twilight had merely moved to a new house.

I did enjoy the story, and the twist was a pleasant turn of events that actually made me smile.

On a technical level, I don't believe I could ever grow comfortable reading second-person future tense. It's very distracting, however, kudos to you on pulling it off.

But with that being said... I feel like I've missed something in this whole story. I can't pinpoint it, exactly, but I just feel ike there's some information missing about this, somewhere.

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