• Member Since 2nd Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Feb 1st, 2014

LunarShadow


Hope you enjoy some writing.

E

Scootaloo goes to the park with her fellow crusaders to see the Cake's new foals. When she meets them, she notices that Pound Cake can already fly. This reminds her of her own inability to fly. She leaves the park depressed. However, a visit from Spitfire gives her an idea.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 48 )

Alright! Got this reviewed and rewritten to be longer and to have better grammar. Hopefully, I slowed down events sufficiently. Yes, I do plan a sequel to be posted in a few weeks.

Thank you to all who read the first draft. Thank you to those who come back and reread this. Thank you to all those who read this now.:scootangel:

Lastly, a special thanks to Dublio for going over this... twice. He's been such a good sport about not losing his head over all the small mistakes I make. :rainbowderp:

Enjoy! And please don't forget to comment and leave a rating with stars. I do love knowing that I may or may not be doing a good job. Plus it helps me produce even better quality stories to satisfy. (Also, it might be one of my pet peeves, them ratings, even if they are bad... :ajbemused: )

An excellent read, 5 stars and a favorite. Looking forward to what you write next :twilightsmile:

I love me an amazing scootaloo story :scootangel:

Teehee spitfire "are you a spy?" hahah lol'd at end

Having a Wonderbolt in town seemed a tad unrealistic. And I don't see how Rainbow Dash couldn't give a similar speech. So I assumed that she was dreaming that scene.

But still a good story. Now we need Studio B to give Scootaloo a chance to have the spotlight on her in an official episode.

that's awesome. scootaloo is best filly. :scootangel:

Much better pacing with this iteration, I must say.

I do love me some scoots. I'll admit, not a whole lot went down in this story, but it was concise. Short, sweet, and to the point. Though to have Scootaloo focus her self doubt SOLELY on her wings is a little short sighted, she's a bit of a kid so that's understandable.

Didn't stumble over any grammar or spelling mistakes on my foray through.

I suppose my only gripe is what WAS Rainbowdash doing hanging out with Spitfire. Is this story connected to another one where that's explained somewhere?

And why WOULD she take a celebrity to visit a sad little kid in a clubhouse in the woods, when that in all honesty could have been handled by Rainbow herself. She looks up to Spitfire by virtue of her being in the wonderbolts like people look up to sports stars. She looks up to Rainbowdash in a much more personal idol sort of way, and hearing a little life lesson from HER would have carried more weight.

Scootaloo is best flightless pegasus. :pinkiehappy:

Looking forward to the sequel!

Anyways is not a word. :facehoof: Please fix.

But other than that, great story!

153084

It's an idiomatic word. It's OK to use it in character speech (assuming it matches the character's linguistic habits).

I L.O.V.E.D this story! PLEASE WRITE MORE!!!

152899


There's a reason for Spitfire being being the one to teach Scootaloo. There's also a reason for her to be in Ponyville. However, I can't tell why just yet. I save that tid bit of information for the second story. :rainbowderp:

152568

Same comment as before, and no, not a dream. Like I said, I've got stuff planned for story two that might make people go, "Ohhh, that's why!"

Excellent story you wrote there even though i just read it to criticize it I was actually enjoying reading it :twilightsmile: you might think that I'm just being easy but i have to admit that i really liked how you kept it simple and not adding too many details(i think adding too many details into something just makes it plain boring and overdone) and i can totally imagine this as episode keep up the good work.

but still i have one tiny criticism which is"IF YOUR'E WRITING A SEQUEL PLEASE WRITE FASTER BECAUSE I HAVE ABSOLUTELY ZERO PATIENCE"

anyways thanks for using my favorite filly Scootaloo as the main character :scootangel::

oops i forgot 6 out 5 stars as my rating sorry :fluttershysad:

Cute story :scootangel:

Wow, a Scootaloo fic that's not about her being abused OR adopted by Rainbow Dash! This almost feels like an episode of the show actually. Lauren Faust should read more fanfictions.
5 stars my friend. And 5 Scootaloos
:scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::scootangel:

:rainbowkiss: tl;dr haha just kidding good story i give it 5 pinkie smiles :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:out of 5

pretty great story! :pinkiehappy: excited for the next one!

Nice, simple and adorable. I like it. :twilightsmile:

i'm glad your'e doing a sequel! :scootangel: yay! :yay:

Me Gusta, I so prefer Scootalove to Scootabuse. Happy times :scootangel: anyway, is the sequel gonna be a newer chapter in this story, or a different story all together? I'm suspecting the chapter option, but calling it a sequel instead of a newer chapter threw me off :twilightoops:

156571

Actually, it's not going to be a new chapter. It's going to be a separate story that refers back to events in this one (And picks up only a little while after this one), but doesn't actually pick up the exact plot of this.

(Does this make any sense? It did in my head :twilightoops:)

Hmm...it seemed like Scoot was sort of pushed into 'learning the lesson' rather than actually learning it. It felt like Sweetie Belle shoved her into it rather than helping her realize it on her own. I didn't really believe that Scootaloo wasn't just relaying off that information because she was almost bullied into it. Seemed unbelievable is all.
Right lesson, but I'm not sure it was really learned.

Great story! Five Derpys.... Derpies....Derpees... for you! :derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2:

you know, this could totally be an episode. But anyway it was a great story
Scootalove is best chicken :scootangel:

Very nicely done, I could see this as a very canon episode, only mistake I saw was "tos how" instead of "to show" but that's a simple typo, and nothing to worry much about. This is a very nice break from "sad" and "grimdark" and I like it a lot! 5 Scootaloos! :scootangel: :scootangel: :scootangel: :scootangel: :scootangel:

159639 Its Derpys, since Derpy is a name.

That was great! I'm not usually one for fanfics, but this was really good. Scoots for the win! :scootangel:

Not the best story I've read, but still nice and happy and cute. A good filler read for when you're bored. 4.5/5.

Nice and simple, match the flavor of friendship is magic.

I like your dialogue. The plot was a little strange though. I felt like you were for sure building up to a moral where she couldn't get her wings back. But then she did and it was like 'oh cool, everything worked out great'. I guess I'll have to see where you go with this.

This was a nice, short fan fic of cuteness! It seemed like it would be perfect for an episode.

Geez, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are annoying, but they're so adorable! :scootangel:

“Ya, we don’t know what we’d do...”
“Ya, I guess you’re right."

'Yeah'.

Good short sweet fiction(Chicken Flavored):scootangel:

You know, Jmo, there are a bunch of fic writers who can't manage the canon style half as well as you did here. Well done indeed.

Scootawoo! :D Out of all the background ponies/fillies I think Scoots is my favorite. You get 10 Scoots out of 10!
:scootangel: :scootangel: :scootangel: :scootangel: :scootangel: :scootangel: :scootangel: :scootangel: :scootangel: :scootangel: And, for that special touch that ONLY she can provide, an Applesad. owo :applecry:

Excellent Story. I love Fan Fic Stories that about Scootaloo and this one was excellent.:scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::scootangel:

It did feel short but I don't doubt that Scoots would miss having wings almost immediately. I can feel having wings just by imagining them to be on my back. As for anyone who actualy had them, the phantom limb syndrom alone could never let them forget that feeling. I'd expect her to be anxious to have them back. Don't give up what you already have, just make more lemon aid! I love you scoots. :lunasmile:

I really don't want to be a troll but I could not help noticing a little trouble with repetition. For example:
"Scootaloo tossed up the blanket and dove under as it fluttered down to cover her. She closed her eyes, and tried to clear her mind. However, the conversation she had just had kept bouncing around in her head."

Correct me, if I am wrong, but both "her" in the second sentence seem to be unneeded. The reader can easily guess whose mind and whose eyes these were from the context.

The other example:
"Quickly, the tendrils of magic swirled around Scootaloo, encasing her into a cocoon of magic. The magic flowed around her, but she closed her eyes and just let the feelings it caused to wash over her."

How about changing "a cocoon of magic" into "a cocoon of purple energy" or... I don't know. After all, English is not my native language so I probably don't even have the right to give you any advices.

205817

Heh, any advice is welcome. The first her in the second sentence is needed. Read it, she closed eyes hardly makes sense. The second one could be dealt with somehow, but I'm not 100% sure how I would go about doing that.

Always learning, eh? I'll work on not repeating myself over and over. Thanks for the feedback!

206357

Sorry, my bad. You're right. You're absolutely right. "She closed eyes" even bare "closed eyes" would make sense... in Polish. :facehoof: Sometimes I forget how hard it is to omit pronouns in English. Sorry once more.

206751

Don't be, you wanted to help, you weren't a dick about it. That's what counts. Thank you very much!:pinkiehappy:

if someone one walked up like that in my club i would send them right out with a speech on the rules:scootangel:

Nice, original, and cute! :scootangel:

This was really cool. I actually, I thought that the whole Spitfire pep talk was going to be part of some in-depth dream sequence and she was going to have some epiphany when she woke up. But I really liked this a lot better. Great job! :scootangel:

Scootaloo is already making use of her wings.

As shown in The Cutie Mark Chronicles, Scootaloo can easily take flight a few inches above the ground. Her wings are definitely not worthless.

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