Like, Did Anyone Actually Like Him?
A Matter of Principles
By iAmSiNnEr
“Discord, that’s enough!” Starlight yelled. “Endangering students crosses the line! I don’t know why you’re trying to ruin the school, but this ends now!”
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Discord said smugly. “What are you going to do to me?”
“This is your last warning.” Starlight’s horn lit up with an intense light, the spell crackling in the air.
“Woah, woah,” Spike laughed nervously. “Take it easy, Starlight! Discord’s your friend, remember?”
“Well, he’s not acting like it!”
Spike huffed. “She’s right. What your problem, Discord?”
“My problem?” Discord protested, glaring at Starlight. “How is the fact that Twilight decided to put an incompetent, power-hungry unicorn in charge of her school my problem?!”
Starlight gasped, her face contorting into an expression of anger. She roared, and let the spell fly. A blast of raw, uncontrolled power slammed into Discord, reducing him to dust. He withstood it for a moment, before he finally was completely obliterated.
“D-did you kill him?” Spike blurted out.
“Yeah. Buck that dude. Now, I gotta go create some magic thingmajig for Fluttershy. Maybe even erase her memories of him.”
“Wat.”
“Discord, you seem off today,” Fluttershy commented. “You haven’t done much today!”
Discord cleared his throat. “Well, uh, dear Fluttershy, I’m just really tired. No worries, we can still have the tea party!”
Fluttershy blinked. “Tired? You’re never tired! Oh, are you having a fever or anything?” She got up in a hurry, and rushed over to Discord to put a hoof over his forehead. Discord jerked back, but she was faster than him.
“You’re cold,” Fluttershy frowned. “And why does your skin feel like...metal?”
Discord laughed nervously. “Because I felt like it?”
Fluttershy stared at him. “Discord, you’re not being yourself.”
Discord swirled the tea in the cup. “I mean, being normal is the new kind of chaos.”
“You’re not him, are you?” It was more of a statement than a question.
Starlight paused, looking through the control orb. "I'm Discord! Waddaya mean, 'shy?"
"You're. Not. Discord!" Fluttershy screeched. "WHERE IS HE?"
“I’m definitely Discord!” Starlight protested. “Shy, calm down!”
"If you're Discord, do something chaotic," Fluttershy demanded.
"Ummm...." Starlight pondered the demand. "Here!" She cranked the levers, before casting a quick spell.
The avatar of Discord snapped its fingers, and peppermint ice cream appeared. "See?"
"...if you were Discord, you'd know I hate peppermint ice cream."
"Oops?” Starlight tried. “I did that on purpose?”
“Discord would never do anything that I didn’t like on purpose,” Fluttershy sniffled. “What have you done to him?”
“I, uh…” Starlight shrugged. “Time to bail!” The avatar of Discord popped out of existence as Starlight summoned it back to her location.
Fluttershy stared at the spot ‘Discord’ was in. “I’m going to Twilight.”
“Starlight,” Twilight sighed. “What did you do this time?”
“Nothing!” Starlight tried to look innocent. “Nothing, I swear!”
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO DISCORD?!" Twilight calmly asked.
“Nothing, Twi!” Starlight smiled nervously. Was it just her, or did Twilight’s voice seem louder?
“Really,” Twilight deadpanned. “I have eyewitness reports from the students, Starlight.”
“Oh, fine, I blasted him with the obliteration spell,” Starlight admitted. “To be fair, he had it coming.”
“Oh, then it’s fine, then.” Twilight sighed in relief.
“What?”
“He’s fine,” Twilight shrugged. “He just doesn’t have a physical body at the moment. I believe he’s most likely recuperating in the chaos realm - he’s the literal embodiment of chaos.”
“Be right back. Gonna learn how to get there so I can erase him from existence.”
“Starlight-” Twilight tried, but Starlight had already teleported away. “Ugh.”
"Honestly, is it so bad if he's gone?" Spike queried. "What does him not being around affect?"
"A lot of things!" Twilight protested. "Discord goes to Fluttershy's tea party every Tuesday, and she'd be devastated if he didn't come! He also-" she paused.
"Just Fluttershy, right?" Spike nodded knowingly.
"Yeah. Actually, let's go help Starlight make sure he's gone forever. After that, we can create some kind of Discord simulation for Fluttershy."
“Wat.”
“You’re here to end me, aren’t you?” the half-formed Discord said as he looked at Starlight.
“Yep.”
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
“Too late,” Starlight rolled her eyes. “Plus, I’m pretty sure that was insincere.”
“Yeah, it was.”
“Have a nice life, Discord.” Starlight unleashed the obliteration spell for the final time.
“Fluttershy, I’m here!” Discord called out, popping into existence in Fluttershy’s cottage on the fine Tuesday afternoon. “How are you-”
“YOU DARE?!” Fluttershy screeched, swinging a saucepan at the lord of chaos. “I ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO HIM, STARLIGHT!”
“I’m Discord!” Discord protested, avoiding the saucepan. “Please, Fluttershy, believe me!”
“Why should I?!” Fluttershy yelled, still swinging the saucepan. “You tricked me last Tuesday!”
“That wasn’t me!” Discord yelped as he barely avoided another swing. “It’s really me this time! I’m just weak because Starlight yeeted me from the chaos realm and I can’t use the chaos magic until I regain my strength-”
“Likely story!” Fluttershy yeeted the saucepan at him, and he dodged aside in the nick of time. “Angel, bring all the saucepans!” The bunny saluted and hopped off.
“Fluttershy, please,” Discord begged. “You’re the only one I know that doesn’t have some kind of grudge against me. I need a place to rest and make sure I don’t die!”
“Tell me something only the real Discord would know.”
“You don’t like peppermint ice cream?” Discord tried.
“I SAID THAT LAST WEEK!” Fluttershy yelled as she took a saucepan from Angel and yeeted it at him.
“I DIDN’T KNOW THAT!” Discord yelped as he tripped over the sofa.
“Yeah, right.” Fluttershy loomed over him with another saucepan. “I’ll send the machine to your doorstep, Starlight.” She brought the saucepan down on his head.
“So.” Twilight looked stoically at her friends.
“So.” Starlight stared back at her.
“Mhm.” Rarity examined her hooves.
Rainbow burst out laughing. “I still can’t believe he met his end by Flutter’s saucepan!”
“I know, right?” Starlight giggled. “I was a little bit miffed that he still survived after I blasted him with an obliteration spell in his own realm, but he’s gone now anyways! How’s Fluttershy after she found it was really him?”
“Devastated, as you’d expect,” Twilight answered. “But like, memories are a fickle thing. She seemed to have already forgotten Discord when I went to check on her. You didn’t have anything to do with that, right Starlight?”
“Nooooo,” Starlight winked. “Absolutely not.”
“He was a douche, so…” Rainbow shrugged. “Can’t say I feel sorry for him. After all, he did trick us into that fake friendship mission.”
“He did try to send Tree Hugger to an alternate realm,” Rarity grumbled. “What if he did that to us? It’s better this way.”
“Agreed.” Applejack nodded. “Now ah can feel safe at the farm without him watering the trees with chocolate rain.”
“Anyways, that concludes our meeting.” Twilight stood up. “Same time next week?”
“Yep.” Everypony stood up to leave the room, except Starlight.
Starlight glanced at the picture that was on the table. It showed a tombstone with only one flower, and the inscription? It honestly cracked her up. It should, since she chose it.
“Here lies Discord, Beloved by None.”
I will not take any of the blame for this. If you need someone to blame, blame Sledge.
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Funniest shit I've ever seen.
Why have you done this
11022144
media.discordapp.net/attachments/867625848987582474/900757122567004180/unknown.png
Hmm, I'm kind of torn here. On the one hand, what he did in "A Matter of Principles" probably doesn't deserve a death sentence, and it was just one bit of regression after the four previous episodes with him had all been actually him becoming a better person. After "Discordant Harmony" I'd even started to like him, and that even carried through to "The Break-up Break Down" where he's a bit of a sourpuss but ultimately is not responsible for the problem of the episode and he does put in effort towards solving it.
On the other hand, not long after this episode he's going to do arguably the evilest thing in the entire show by taking three already damaged individuals and driving them even more insane all as part of a plan that at no point acknowledges anyone involved in it (least of all those three) as people, and part of how he's going to do that is to bring back to life a fourth person just to orchestrate his death again in order to threaten the Legion of Doom into falling in line. But not before allowing that fourth person to wreak havoc across Equestria, threaten a small child, mind-slave a bunch of ponies, and destroy the Tree of Harmony and the priceless artifacts that were the Elements of Harmony.
On the backhand, he hasn't done that yet. But...he's going to.
Ultimately? Fuck Discord. Fuck him sideways.
Yeah I approve of this.
11022185
Not the conclusion I'd have come to, but fair enough. That being said, given that the story is labeled as "not to be taken seriously", I can't shake the sense you're imposing baggage it wasn't built to carry onto it.
(Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, SiNnEr.)
11022209
I mean, to be fair, the main story idea was based on what they was talking about. I just don't do much serious stories so I decided to shitpost my way into the idea
11022146
And of course, you succeed in proving that there is, indeed, funnier shit.
This makes me conflicted and confused because on one hand it’s funny and discord did some bad stuff, on the other hand everyone in this are emotionless psychopaths just as capable of doing bad things as discord. That is why this is comedy I guess
I wish this was canon.
Bye DIscord. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Oh wait you can't because you have no corporeal form anymore.
Ah yes, saucepans, the deadliest weapon available to ponykind
Yeah, I... just don't get Discord at all in that episode, and Starlight APOLOGIZES to him? I mean, I get the whole "Chaos" thing, but still.
I'm kinda curious what he was thinking before the saucepan hits him in the noggin though, surely even he knows it's gonna be a fatal blow
I’m not sure what I expected.
11022213
I like shitpost stories. That's prolly why I followed you.
I don't know. Discord could have just been trying to help by bringing chocolate apples, and just hoped Applejack would finally get it and his real reasons.
Ah, who can I kidding? He was just doing it to be a troll.
Why blame Sledge? One does not apologize for art.
And now, once I erase Starlight, Equestria will be saved from OP characters! .... Until I arrive and take over the world....
I even got a Darth Vader mask!
Great Story. I liked the bit with Starlight's duplicate. You really capture the jerkish spirt of Season 8 and channel it towards a worthwhile target.
And the twist was masterfully done. Never saw it coming. Feel like the ending was unnecessarily cruel to make Fluttershy kill him, but that's the extent of my complaints.
Kudos to 11022144 for coming up with the original idea.
11022377
I know right? It's like watching Season 8 all over again!
11022185
I mean, he did threaten the lives of innocent teens, and he did it in such a way that one came fairly close to being gored by a vicious animal so...
Yeah what he does in "A Matter Of Principals" deserves as much (if not more) scorn then what happened in the final.
It established him as a would be killer well before the final did, and showed exactly where Nicole Dubuc wanted to take the character.
Bad ideas aren't always born in a vacuum. Some marinate slowly over time, until something that seemed passable at first, becomes completely untenable.
Took a while for me to come around to this story — ironically enough, it seems I was imposing my own brand of baggage upon it — but now that I've had the chance to mull it over, I must admit that it's actually pretty darn funny. My inner "twilight years" enthusiast begrudgingly applauds you, SiNnEr.
:P
11022448
Yeah, I'm gonna have to take umbrage with this.
Think about what actually happens in this story: Starlight gaslights Fluttershy into brutally murdering one of her best friends (a friend who, depending on how you interpret their interactions in "The Last Problem", she may have had romantic feelings for), then brainwashes her into forgetting said friend's entire existence — an act the rest of their friends are either bizarrely ignorant of, or, even more abhorrently, downright complacent in. At a time in the show's run where even 11022185 RDD admits he was fairly okay with Discord's character.
If this had somehow been the episode's canonical ending, I have to imagine you'd have hated Starlight and the Mane 6's guts just as much as you hate Discord's right now. Hell, maybe even more; as objectively asinine as Discord's actions in Season 9 were, at least somewhat of an argument can be made that they were an earnest effort to help his pony friends. Everypony here is acting entirely upon pure, apathetical spitefulness. Unlike 11024355 Wild Stallion, I fail to see how that's a good thing (comedic value aside).
(And don't get me wrong, I found the story funny — hence why I came back to reread it in the first place. Again, apologies to SiNnEr for taking this "not to be taken seriously" story and going in the completely wrong direction with it.)
11024528
Simple. Discord is a active threat to the well being and safety of everyone around him.
To be fair he always was, but in the actual episode "A Matter Of Principals" his endangerment is just as blatant and spiteful, as anything that happens in this story.
And the only punishment he gets is a time out (that Starlight all but apologies for giving him), and a lecture from someone he actively enjoys ticking off.
That isn't keeping anyone safe, and it certainly doesn't teach him anything, if his smugness' at the end of the episode is anything to go by.
I'd prefer to see some change in him myself, like what happened before Nicole screwed his character growth, so that the last five seasons of bending over backwards for him, weren't in vain.
But at least if he's dead, he can't threaten anyone else.
11024528
Oh, absolutely. Like I said, while “A Matter of Principals” was a regression for Discord’s character, it wasn’t yet anything truly atrocious.
11024561
I wasn't really trying to invoke the FiM equivalent of the "Fat Man v. Trolley" moral dilemma. I was only suggesting that, had this fic actually been Principals' canonical outcome back in 2019 — with zero foreknowledge of Discord's future actions — the backlash very well could've rivaled what TEoTE got IRL.
The misunderstanding's probably my fault. Admittedly, my initial reactions to this fic were disproportionately kneejerk, and I'm sorry to say some of my resulting unfinished ramblings were recycled into my retort to TOMNICE's comment. In essence, I just didn't understand why they (and the four people who liked their comment) thought that this fanfic's outcome being canonical would've been any less controversial. That's all there was to it, and I apologize if it inadvertently implied some sort of overarching offense that I didn't mean it to.
Even if it ain't exactly my cup of tea on a normal day, don't let my dumb ass stop you from getting a kick out of seeing Discord 11022185 "fucked sideways".
(That being said, coming from someone who inexplicably doesn't completely hate the guy yet, I think he'd just get a kick out of the abnormal orientation. Best keep the fuckery right side up.)
As you were.
11024702
I get it. It's a emotional charged subject. And that can be a wonderful motivator sometimes, if balanced. I find It's not always bad feeling that way, as long as I can work through it.
Perhaps. But for me, the hatred of Discord very much started with this episode.
By this point none of the Young Six were fleshed out enough to be a actual character, yet seeing Yona running away from a rampaging animal, with that terrorized look on her face, was still very much a full fledged gut punch.
It made me actively hate Discord, and was one of the reasons the Twist didn't phase me all that much. Because Nichole had already proven that she could sink that low when writing him, and because entertainers tend to be very predictable in their writing choices.
So for me, it's not a question of what he might do in the Final, but what he was actively doing by publicly endangering people, and not receiving even a slap on the wrist for it.
I could've gone for something much more heartfelt, that would've shown Discord progressing as a character, but that's not what we got in this episode.
What we got was a even more terrible version of a already borderline villainous character, serving up misery and danger to everyone around him despite the fact that he should have know better.
Simply put, behavior like that can't be ignored, nor should it.
It doesn't help this was a running theme throughout most of Season 8 in general, and I was getting sick of it and (by extension) the whole show by this point.
So yeah, this fic is cathartic for me in a lot of ways, if only because it shows someone putting their foot down when it comes to this kind of outright criminal conduct.
It wouldn't have been necessary, had the writers of Season 8 known how to write likeable characters, but that's just how things work out sometimes.
Howdy, hi!
This was fun. The escalation of comedy was enjoyable and I did quite like the repeated murder of poor Discord. He really did deserve after everything he had constantly been putting them through over the seasons in canon. Spike's constant exclamations of "wat" were also great.
Everyone is super extra in this and its great. This line also killed me:
I just love the idea of Angel carrying in all of these pans into the living room for Fluttershy to throw at Discord over and over. Funny stuff.
Quality shitpost, Sin. Thanks for the read!
ah, this was great stuff! Discord meeting his third and final end by Fluttershy yeeting saucepans at him was a great mental image. as was the over-the-top cruelty the Mane Six show to the memory of Discord at the end. i also liked how Twilight just ended up agreeing with Starlight, making Spike go "Wat." for a second time. now i kind of want some peppermint ice cream for some reason.
A very appropriate ending for his character arc.
Starlight (after using an Obliterate spell on Discord twice): WHY WON'T YOU DIE!?
Discord: NANOMACHINES, SON!
Seriously tho, this had me laughing solidly
I love this i never like him so I LOVE THIS