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The Celestial Era has lasted for hundreds of blissful, peaceful years. The Glorious Sun rules all, sees all, knows all. The citizens of Equestria are happy, perfect specimens- because they have no other choice, nor would they want it to be otherwise. A young mare, Twilight Sparkle, finds a small, unexpected, inquisitive spark leading her to ask questions. Difficult questions. Questions to which she will not like the answers.
For The Sun Rises, but The Sun Never Sets.
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Interesting worldbuilding you've got there! You could try to spread out the information over several chapters, so as not to bog down readers. But this is off to a great start. Keep writing!
This is a good start and I'm interested in where it's going. Its got elements similar to Brave New World, a dystopian novel that's got a similar premise to this. I'm curious to see how Twilight's feelings of discontentment will play out and how much trouble she'll encounter going forward with her decision to break the rules.
I'll mirror the previous commenter in saying that the exposition is pretty thick here and could be spread out. For example, the scene with Twilight, Rarity, and the stallions they meet up with says plenty of the society you're building up. If you left it at that, you've effectively teased out a key element in this world that could be expanded upon later. However, you then go into great detail less than a page later about the whole thing, leaving nothing to the imagination. You're allowed to tease your audience!
Heck, you have the perfect plot point in Spike to explain things like that to.
Still, I'm intrigued. Let's see where this leads.
11181006
Brave New World was definitely a source of inspiration for this. I wanted to make a world that drew on aspects of a few different well-known dystopian and utopian works.
I did ponder on where to end this chapter and what to save for the next, as there were a couple of points I felt could work, but I decided ultimately to settle for this. There's still more to learn about the world though, both for the reader and, certainly, for Twilight too!
Night is taboo, Luna is missing...
Very good start!
Well. That's both dark and infuriating.
Well, this is an interesting little dystopia you have crafted. Definitely looking forward to seeing where it goes!
I think Twilight will have some trouble in the future.
I like
This is unsettling stuff, I have a feeling that Twilight's world is about to change irrevocably.
I felt the exposition was better dealt with this chapter. We're learning as Twilight is learning, which makes me more engaged. I don't feel like I'm being lectured to.
Now to see how far Twilight is willing to go with this new knowledge. She's already stirred the bees nest and I'm sure the queen bee won't be far behind.
I find this story extremely interesting so far. :)
I’m liking this, can’t wait to see where it goes
This story is fascinating, and your diction is wonderful and refreshing; it's much unlike the usual styles I find on this site. I've been hard-pressed to find something nearly this pleasant to read lately. I hope you continue and will be eagerly watching out for updates.
I always thought that canon Equestria would certainly have a certain amount of Classism and Tribalism but this world of yours takes it to a horrifying new scale. Hopefully Twilight is truly ready and set for the journey ahead.
Sounds like fun
11183608
Thanks, that's high praise indeed! I hope you'll enjoy the rest of the story!
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They'd certainly keep you on your toes, that's for sure!
have you forgotten your joy?
11184412
The fact is that you can't react not knowing what the fa-[REDACTED]-s.
Tries to steal eggs while on his 'best behavior'
Nice Spike. Good job even.
Oh boy, time to see how much of a friend rarity truly is
This... Isn't going to end well.
I highly doubt deleting the phone records in this dystopian world will be enough. Twilight is playing a very risky game.
11186480
Stern instructions can only go so far, after all!
Why do I get the feeling that her fellow students might have dropped a couple of IQ points when they came back ""smiling""?
i.ytimg.com/vi/EuWov75fXrY/maxresdefault.jpg
This whole world/government is like a rotten piece of fruit, the skin/shell looks fine and shiny, but the innards a reeking unholy mess.
Twilight's little quest to find answers are inevitably going to lead her to Celestia. But... will this be a real, living Celestia, or somepony putting out messages using Celestia's name and voice? Who's really running things behind the scenes?
I'm intrigued enough to continue reading!
I am so super excited to read more of this intriguing story
Quite the story so far, good job. Looking forward to more chapters!
This quote reminds me of a similar one from 40K... The meaning is one authoritarian governments use a lot.
This chapter was very interesting. I don't think Twilight is going to find what she is looking for in a newer building.
11190650
That's because the 40k quote is where I borrowed the basis for this one from! Suitably adapted and expanded for the Glorious Sun, of course!
11191256
Ha, I had a feeling that was the case! Very much enjoying this story. You have crafted a VERY interesting world.
I honestly thought this was a Prey and Lamb side fic and got happy for a moment, as the the last chapter before epiloge and Author's notes was named, "The sun rises, the sun sets"
11191288
I made that connection too lol.
Oh crap, she's been caught. It was going to happen eventually of course, but damn, I was hoping it would be a bit longer.
Does Princess Luna appear in this story?
I wonder what gave Twilight away... Or is this a red herring and Rarity has done something? Makes me think she didn't turn Twilight in for fear of her own secrets.
Damn, you're really pumping these chapters out, I love it! Also rip twily, gonna have to take a time-out in some correction facilities...
11191339
No spoilers I'm afraid!
FBI OPEN UP?!
Well... crap.
Well, this isn't going to end well for Twilight. Also, seriously... Sending a family member to do this? That's... Effective but seriously messed up.
Well, what happens now. Someone going to rescue Twilight? Or does she just get programmed to love the Sun again?
Is the Rarity tag applicable now?
11194176
That's... Effective but seriously messed up
Welcome to the dystopian future!
Hmm so applejack is a jackbooted thug and Shining is apparently a complete and utter monster that is going to cold bloodily torture his own sister?
This certainly deserves it's dark tag.
Alas, poor Rarity...
I know it's an AU but
Eff ya Applejack and Shining Armor.
AJ be like "heh heh your friend ded I know cuz I killed her"emoji.gg/assets/emoji/6178_Scar_Evil.png
I knew from the beginning that this was not going to be an easy read, but sheesh this latest chapter takes the cake.
I wonder what kind of skeletons Rarity had in her closet to go this hard while getting swatted
Aj killed Rarity and now shining shear to break Twi.
All bets are off
Reads chapter
Looks to the side to see a Comedy Slice of Life story of Twilight and Shining stealing cookies
Frowns
Like I said, aware of it being an AU but
Man, go off yourself, Shiny.
[1] Missing punctuation.