• Member Since 2nd Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

Undome Tinwe

Some of them want to use you, some of them want to be used by you/Some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused.


In a city as corrupt as it is beautiful, a private investigator searches for her missing lover, a cop on the verge of busting open Canterlot's biggest crime syndicate.

But in order to find her beloved Twilight Sparkle, Rarity will have to enlist the help of Canterlot's former chief of police and Twilight's mentor, Celestia. And as the two race against the clock to save a life, they will have to ask themselves what's worth fighting for in a city that's already lost its soul.

(2021-03-09) Featured on Equestria Daily!

Pre-read by Snow Quill.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 53 )

I saw it was Raritwi and that was enough to get me to read.

Suffice to say, This is getting tracked by me.

More RariTwy goodnes, now with less vampires and more noir? Mono would be proud, I believe :raritywink:

Love the story, have a like, can barely wait to know how it'll go :twilightsmile:

Griffons? Nightmares? Clover and Platinum?

Clearly a lot of thought went into this! Looking forward to the remainder.

Exquisite thus far. Eagerly looking forward to seeing what the investigation uncovers, both in the crime scene and the investigators.

Brilliant setup to what promises to be an exciting tale. Super excited for chapter 2!

Excellent first chapter. I eagerly await more

This is extremely compelling but also aping the noir stuff a bit too hard IMO. It's good enough on its own that the references to genre trappings only serve to cheapen it a little.

Definitely gonna read more though!

Was expecting the bar to be owned by Sunset. Guess not.


I am gonna follow this. We NEED more Noir stories like this!

Fun start. Rarity makes such a great pulp heroine, I’m surprised there isn’t more genre work like this on the site. Looking forward to where this goes, hoping you get real indulgent with the style.

This is fantastic so far. The Rarity narration at the start was a highlight, but the third person narration was great too. I love the way you describe the grimy nature of the city, right out of noir.

From her purse, Rarity withdrew a necklace with a small crystal set into its center. In the dim lighting of the Lounge, it almost seemed to glow with a purple-pink effervescence. "The woman I'm looking for is Twilight Sparkle."

The Necklaces spotted.

I have so much... what is that feeling you get when you are extremely wowed and awed and pleased with what you read?

No fricking clue but this is gonna be a good read, I know it is!

Also, there should be, like, sequels, with the other villains if The Nightmares ever fall- Sorry, getting too ambitious.
Plus, I swear I was smelling an old book as I read this holy crap that was good.... There are not enough words to explain how pleased I am with reading this

I've always loved a good mystery story. Especially noir mystery. You've got my interest. I really want to see how this plays out.

Also, a reference to “crimson lips” right off the bat. Its like a Raritwi Easter egg hunt.

I would like to see what happens next because it left us off a cliffhanger

So, I wonder how Celestia drove Sunset away in this AU.

Damn..... musta hurt when she found out Nightmare Moon was Luna.

This was another great chapter. I loved both the past and present parts. I think it's safe to assume what Nightmare Moon's deal is, but I'm curious how that'll play out in the story. Surprised to see Fluttershy and now Sunset pop up.

So, part of me thinks that this is heading in an obvious direction. However, another part of me thinks the opposite. One thing I've caught onto here is Twilight became a cop because her brother was killed and wants to avenge him. And she's willing to do anything to make sure that happens. Also, why Celestia quit the force. But, that's just a little theory. I'm curious about how an ex-cop fits into this.

Keep going! I found the perfect noir music for this fic and would love to listen to it while reading.

Sunset lounge, but no sunset shimmer

That time skip was a bit jarring. Could have possibly put in a small montage of work dates?

But I'm a sucker for hard-boiled stories.

Plus, was that password foreshadowing between cellular and twi?

Rarity put on the ill-fitting shirt and pants and ruined her delicately coiffed hair under a large baseball cap.

Is this the Plainity disguise?

You had my interest, now you have my attention.

Also, somewhat related to the story, when you mention Rarity's car my first thought is a '53 Ford coupe. As for her gun, I'll bet it's either a .38 revolver or a .45 1911 pistol.

I was surprised to see Rarity act so aggressively during the questioning, though given how they acted outside, I assume that was partially part of the act. It was fun to see Plainity show up; clever that it was a bad enough disguise to look specifically like an undercover cop.

It'll be interesting to see how the shootout is handled next chapter.

"I lost my sister," Celestia replied quietly. Rarity turned and saw her bowing her head low, immeasurable sadness radiant from her form. "Luna was my best friend. I loved her more than anything and, after that night, I lost hope like you did. I stopped believing that this city was worth saving."

Did rarity pick up on that or did she assume that Luna is dead?

"Sunset Shimmer, her lieutenant," Celestia replied. "And, once upon a time, one of my best officers."

Ah good times.

And good choice to open with a work date. Like I said, it felt missing from the last chapter.

That plot twist… It’s unexpected. And it hurts.

And of course it just has to be Valentine’s when it is revealed that Cadance is the actual baddie…

Oh my... Somebody is in a way more trouble than I thought. And, the stakes just got way higher.

I..... oh SHIT... WOW I was wrong!

Sunsets line about Celestia wanting her and Nightmare Moon to get along and 'what's left of your family' makes SO much more sense now.

Great story, though I kindof want to know what Sunset found in the box, and what specifically Sunset did to have Celestia kick her off the force (I'm guessing planting evidence or somesuch).

........ really? ALL of that and it's just Twilight leaves the force at the end? REALLY? That's..... that's so anti-climatic. And from how it sounds things finally were going to go Twilight's way in taking down The Nightmares and Cadence. But instead we get that? I dunno about that.

It is anticlimactic, but I don’t think the story has anywhere else to go. IMO it would be so hard to handle Twilight killing Cadance right that I’d call anyone who successfully pull that ending off a genius, not to mention the absence of a Tragedy tag.


Oh no no no. See I meant arrest her and send her to jail. No Rarity made the right call stopping Twilight from doing that.

Well it’s established that the whole system was corrupt and Cadance essentially dominated the city. With this I think even if Twilight could arrest her, she would still evade justice easily, one way or another.

Considering they talked about how big of an evidence pile that Twilight had against her, likely including BLACKMAIL, I think it's safe to assume that Cadence would've been arrested and sent to jail. As it stands. I find the ending rather lacking.

Maybe. This isn’t a particularly long piece and the author did more work with the atmosphere than with the worldbuilding. For me I just think the world’s essentially a place devoid of hope and it would take a lot more than a few piles of evidence to bring a crime lord down. Not saying this ending isn’t a little bit anticlimactic, even disappointing after the giant plot twist that no one foresaw, but still, I find it reasonable. It’s just natural that people who have different opinions on how the world they actually live in works would have different opinions on the rules of a fictional one.:rainbowlaugh:

.... eh. Fair enough. Seems like this story wasn't intended to be a longer story. Hope this world comes back though at some point.

Very fun noir detective story!

I'd honestly love a sequel, but this left off on a hopeful note of good things to come.

Bravo! Very good fic. If you plan to do a sequel, I'll watch for that. But, if not, you left it on a good note. Nice work. :raritystarry:

Nice twist, and good job laying the groundwork for it. Celestia’s motivation for leaving feels way more grounded now.

Oh dang, I forgot that you mentioned the Nightmare Moon twist when you were outlining this. Didn't see that coming at all.

And yes, I see that Crimson Lips reference. Plus the other show/EQG allusions.

It was frustrating seeing Cadance lie through her teeth to Twilight, but thankfully things were exposed after that. Everyone assembling at the end was a bit cheesy, but this is still MLP, after all.

To those confused as to why Cadance wasn't arrested, we just had a real life example of how such a trial would go.

Overall, great story.

Quite the thrilling tale... though Nightmare Moon's flagrant hypocrisy really rubbed me the wrong way. Trying to kill someone for keeping you from making the city less violent is bad enough, but you don't get to go from relishing the memory of avenging your husband to calling someone else a murderer like it's a bad thing.

Also, noir conventions aside, there are presumably bigger things than the city in this world. Suppose Twilight got all that evidence to the feds.

So yeah, the ending feels... off. Good stuff overall, but it does strike some sour notes. Still, thank you for a fascinating glimpse at this world.

They're vague on the "documents," but it sounds like something that could fall under some variant of RICO, in which case the prosecution could have all assets related to the criminal enterprise frozen. It also would move the case out of the local jurisdiction.
Part of what makes it so anticlimactic.

Well I'm coming into this late. Showed up on my radar when it first came up but I elected to wait until it was all posted to start reading. Then I forgot for a while, oops.

This was a lot of fun to go through. I often read one or two chapters of a story per night before bed but for this one after going through the first chapter I just had to get the rest of it right away. I always enjoy seeing new interpretations of Rarity and I can absolutely buy this incarnation of her as a slick and alluring detective. Cliché, perhaps, especially in the flashbacks in which you can imagine a melancholic saxophone playing in the background at all times, but very appropriate, and the diction is much appreciated.

It really shows how much detail there is in this setting even though the reader is only seeing a fraction of what is actually happening. Every name that gets dropped adds a tantalizing list of possibilities for what might be going on behind the curtains. That there is presumably a gang called "The Griffons" might be my favorite in particular; makes one imagine what other groups based on different Equestria races might exist.

I greatly enjoy when something can be taken as having multiple different meanings like this title can be. It's pretty obvious that the "woman" in question is Twilight, but it becomes apparent that "saving" her means stopping her from losing herself to the senseless cycle of violence like so many others in the city have, rather than just saving her life. One could also say though that the "woman" could just as much be Rarity, Celestia, or even Cadence, all people who were in danger of losing their way or had already become lost. Rarity and Twilight saved each other, Celestia hopes to make amends for her mistakes, and it is heavily implied that one day even Cadence may see the error of her ways. Even if, you know, she'd still have to go to prison at that point. I see in the comments that some were disappointed with the ending, and I can understand that to a degree, but I think that it doesn't really matter that it leaves the overarching conflict open, since that's not really the main point of the story. This isn't a story about saving a city from a criminal empire, it's about holding true to one's convictions in spite of that overwhelming hopelessness.

I do feel that there could have stood to be a little more foreshadowing regarding Cadance's presence in the story and some offhanded tidbits that might justify her decisions--some more concrete evidence of how there's less wanton violence in the city since most of the Nightmares' business is conducted behind closed doors. I honestly almost thought during the first half of the final chapter that we weren't even going to see her, that the protags were just going to finish up with their intervention and leave, and I wouldn't have minded that much since, again, that's not the focus of the story. As it is, it comes a bit out of nowhere that this character who has far more sympathetic motivations than Luna presumably did is trying to play the role of a well-intentioned extremist, and it's a position based off of information which the reader isn't privy to. I can buy it, I just think it's a little too jarring in the way it's presented.

Overall an enjoyable romp, though. I'm curious to see if anything else ever comes of this story, but as it is I'm plenty satisfied with what we got. Rarity, Celestia, and Twilight made for a phenomenal trio in this noir world.

I want to raise a very important topic that concerns every woman. No matter which country they belong to, women will always take care of their children and family members first and foremost. I suggest you try here to find out more details about this, as well as to understand what is the role of women in modern society. One of the most important factors leading to gender inequality is the position of caregiver held by women.

This story was exquisite. I do so love an AU that is so far from canon, with characters that remain so true to their namesakes. As I was reading, I was mentally counting the members of the mane 6 seen so far, wondering when we'd get the whole gang together... no pun intended.

In some ways, my hope for this city lies in the characters' little divergences from canon. Ideology aside, Sunset Shimmer is still in her "Queen Meanie" phase, but the arcs of the other characters suggests that like canon Sunset, soon enough Twilight Sparkle will reform Sunset. Similarly, Cadence has so much humanity left in her despite her evil that it's hard to see her remain in her current role for life, however short that may be for her. It's easy to imagine a sequel where Sunset and Cadence soften and join forces with the Mane 6. I can see Cadence as an effective charismatic figurehead of a new Daydreamer Party, let's just say... without stepping down from her current role.

Like any good story, the characters are complex. There is nobody here, protagonist or antagonist, who is clearly good or evil. Everyone here does bad things for reasons that they believe are good. Likewise, the relationship between the state and organized crime is blurred here.. It's probably fair to say at this point that the Nightmares are the local government. That has some horrifying implications of its own ... but that pattern is not wholly unfamiliar from our world.

All in all, this story will stick with me for a while.

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