Panic buying
Spike takes another book from the shelf, so thick that he can barely grab the spine with his hand. “War and Peace by Leo Colt-stoy. How about this book?”
Twilight uses her magic to take the book from Spike and reshelve it. “Already read that. And besides, this virus pandemic is unprecedented in Equestrian history. This is a potentially long-term lockdown that we’re talking about. A short easy read like War and Peace isn’t exactly the wisest choice. Ooh, here’s a nice one, Les Niegh-serables by…oh wait, I already read that twice.”
“I think there’s exactly one book in this bookstore that you haven’t read,” Spike said, rolling his eyes.
“Really!? Which one is it!?” Twilight says, her eyes lit up.
“It was a joke.” Spike slouches. “Aww…this is getting boring. I wanna go home.”
Twilight turns serious. “I knew you would do this, Spike. That’s why I insisted that I shop for my books first, but you didn’t listen to me.”
Spike only purchased the last 3 issues of Power Ponies that he hadn’t already collected. Twilight’s shopping bag is still empty, after nearly two hours of shopping. “Are you ever gonna make up your mind, Twilight?”
“…just need a few more minutes Spike. Ooh, is that the coveted fifth edition I see!?”
“Wait for it…” Spike mutters to himself.
“Oh wait, no, it’s just a boring old sixth edition. Oh, this is horrible!”
“Tell me about it,” Spike grumbles. “The quarantine’s gonna start, and we’re gonna get locked in a giant bookstore for two months.”
“Oh, stop getting my hopes up, Spike,” Twilight replies before moving onto the next shelf.
On Wednesday, Pinkie Pie is last seen at the Ponyville Market grappling Bonbon and Roseluck over the last roll of toilet paper.
It is the last day of the Ponyville market, before the lockdown comes into effect and all non-essential services will be closed indefinitely, to contain the spread of a mysterious new illness that has ravaged all of Equestria, parts of the Dragonlands, and as far as Yakyakistan.
The stalls selling disinfectant and masks are stripped clean within the first hour. The food shops are stripped clean within the next hour.
Pinkie Pie, being Pinkie Pie, camps out overnight before the market opens at 10am. She quickly buys up the entire city’s supply of party cannon confetti and whipped cream (because in her words, “What are you gonna do if you’ve got a party cannon whipped cream emergency~!!?”)
Pinkie doesn’t really need toilet paper—she received an electronic washlet as a gag gift from Rainbow Dash last Hearth’s Warming, and since then used water instead of wiping. Then why fight for the toilet paper?
In Pinkie’s words: “OOOH! Izzat wrestling!? That looks like SO MUCH FUN~! I LOVE wrestling~! Wait for meeeee~! Wheeee…OUCH! OUCH! Geez, chill, can’t you be a little gentle—OUCH~!”
Inside Fluttershy’s padlocked shed, is her secret…
…her secret stash of animal food.
The animals also have to eat during the lockdown, after all. And if there’s nothing to eat, they eat each other. So Fluttershy must unfortunately go to the frenzy that is the Ponyville Market to stock up.
Thankfully, the stall selling animal food isn’t completely sold out when Fluttershy arrives at noon. She quickly stocks up on all the essentials: rabbit pellets, cat food, fish flakes, and carrot extract for Angel.
The only pony food left, however, is one small bag of cinnamon nuts at the snack stall and a partially melted cherry ice cream at the frozen foods stall. Not that that worried Fluttershy. She was no stranger to long periods being stuck at home. Back when her social anxiety was at a clinical level, she often spent months on end in her cottage, too afraid to show her face at the market.
And the pony food did run out over those few months. And let’s just say that Fluttershy never went hungry.
Fluttershy learned that Chicken ChowTM or rabbit pellets go quite well with a side of wild grass salad plucked from the edge of the Everfree Forest. Dog biscuits work as tea biscuits, once you get over the “jerky” aftertaste. Fluttershy’s favorite, however, has to be canned Kitty Kitchen DelightsTM, which, after heating and adding some cracked pepper, makes a very tasty stew.
Judging from the empty pallets of pony food at the market, Kitty Kitchen DelightsTM was going to be on the menu for the next few months. Fluttershy buys twelve more cans.
Apparently, a single pony bought up all the pasta in Ponyville.
Rarity loves making spagay noodles.
They’re so easy to make.
How do you make spagay noodles?
First, you…put the spagay noodles in a box.
And then...you put it in the oven.
And then…you bake ‘em.
Ding!
And then you have…
…spagay noodles!
No water needed.
Which makes it a fabulous recipe for the apocalypse, darling.
What’s that burning smell, though?
It’s coming from the oven.
It smells like burning…
…spagay noodles.
Now you know where Sweetie Belle got her “insane” cooking skills from.
Rainbow Dash loads a bright red vinyl record onto her gramophone. She winds up the gramophone, and puts the needle into the groove. Upbeat music starts playing.
“Come one, come all! This is Iron Will’s Iron Pony Super Shred Workout!”
Rainbow Dash adjusts her sweatband, then lies down on the mat and starts doing wing-ups in her living room.
“67…68…PUSH! IRON WILL WANTS THOSE MUSCLES TO BURRRRRRN! DON’T YOU DARE QUIT ON IRON WILL!” the record player booms. Rainbow Dash’s wings tremble, and she’s dripping with sweat.
The virus outbreak has reached every corner of Equestria, and Cloudsdale is no exception. All Wonderbolt trainings and performances are suspended, and most of the city is under lockdown, with a no-fly curfew in effect to prevent the spread of the virus.
Stuck at home, unable to go out and fly—what’s the strongest Wonderbolt in Equestria to do?
Work out a ton, of course.
Rainbow Dash grabs a 100-pound bar and begins doing bench presses. “55…56…PUSH! PUMP THE IRON WILL!” the record player booms. Rainbow Dash lets out a little whimper after the 74th rep.
Rainbow Dash hates getting bored, and she wasn’t about to get bored doing the same workout everyday. A glass bookshelf that once displayed her signed Daring Do books is now filled with at least 1000 workout records.
Which means no repeated workouts for exactly 1 year (Rainbow Dash’s mantra is “three meals a day, three naps a day, three workouts a day”). She’s got everything from YakBody Y90X 90-Day Shredder to Sleep-Walk Off the Inches by Somnambula.
She even found a discontinued workout record at the Rainbow Falls market called “Cough Off the Fat”, where you sit in a sauna for 20 minutes, and then come out and induce a cough which helps to “reduce ketone buildups and cleanse your metabolism.”
But unfortunately, the health inspector came in while Rainbow Dash was on the “coughing part,” and she’s now under in-home quarantine for at least 14 days.
Needless to say, Dash threw that record away.
There’s one family in Ponyville, of course, that has no issues with food shortages. Aside from the apple orchard, the Apple family keeps a small plot to grow staples like corn, potatoes, wheat, and assorted vegetables for subsistence purposes.
Applejack is actually turning a handsome profit from the pandemic. Apple Bloom was the first one to suggest the idea of a mail-order delivery service for Apple family products: things like canned apple sauce, frozen apple pie, freeze-dried apple slices, and toilet paper. Why toilet paper? Because everypony wants toilet paper. So much so that they’ll pay 20 Bits a roll, or 350 Bits for a box of 20. And, apple wood pulp creates a nice soft paper for wiping.
Apple Bloom and Applejack do the deliveries, while Granny Smith, Big Mac, and Sugar Belle stay on the farm to fulfill orders. Business is booming: by noon, there’s a six-inch stack of unfinished mail orders by the door, and the oven is on for a good twelve hours a day.
Applejack’s precious hat is getting worn out from the long days of deliveries and being exposed to the elements. Many pegasi in the town have fallen ill, so the weather isn’t as controlled as it ought to be. It’s about time that she got the hat replaced.
Not a chance of that, though. The hat shop is packed with other ponies (because they also sell face masks, which means the store is packed with panic buyers), and Applejack can’t risk getting infected. Granny Smith is especially susceptible due to her age, and spreading it to her would surely spell disaster.
Applejack already takes extra precautions during her deliveries: she washes her hooves after each delivery, she always wears a mask and hoof covers, and she never opens the door when she makes deliveries. She drops the package at the doorstep, taps on the door to signal her arrival, then leaves before she’s exposed to a potentially infected pony.
While making deliveries on a particularly stormy day, a gust of wind blows Applejack’s hat off her head and over a thick row of bushes.
By the time Applejack climbs over the bushes and reaches the spot, an entrepreneurial young filly has cut up the tough leather hat into small squares with ear loops. The filly sits behind a makeshift stand with “lemonade” scribbled out with a crayon.
“Novelty face masks! Get your novelty face masks! Only 2 Bits each!”
Applejack starts tearing up, but it is quickly burned off by her rage.
“WHERE THE @!&# IS THAT HAT SHOP!” Applejack drops her deliveries and makes a run for it.
Comment if you get the reference.
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Oh good grief. And I thought mankind was too fucking stupid for its own good. I stand corrected. It is NOT the end of either world, you bucking idiots.
I love the story by the way.
10134873
Glad you liked it!
10134873
I'm with you, mankind is just plain selfish and greedy when something like this happens.
This story is glorious,
10134873
I agree with every word.
10134911
Glorious and brave...?
This is... sadly accurate.
We're idiots, and everyone knows it.
I miss being able to buy bread.
10134941
I'm living with my mom now, and we make homemade sourdough bread. I just ate some. It's delicious, and flour goes a long way compared to pre-made loaves.
Exploiting panic for personal gain. You magnificent filly.
I just want to point out, in all seriousness, that disinfectant is something you SHOULDN'T use, since you end giving more power to superbugs.
I just
Someone is a fan of scotertrix abridged.
10134951
I see waving your bread wealth in my face, touché.
We haven't had bread in stock since last Thursday.
The things we miss.
Oh, well.
I have a healthy stock of pop-tarts to ride out the olé end of days.
Great fic, btw.
10134955
No, there is not resistance to alcohol based hand sanitizers. You are thinking of antibiotics. Disinfectants like bleach or alcohol work on more drastic measures than antibiotics do, such it's relatively possible for bacteria to gain resistances.
10134984
I've just read that while you do need to keep yourself clean, completely isolating yourself from bacteria can also be bad.
10134986
Well yes, microbiomes and being adjusted to environmental factors are also important.
Getting a staph infection, not so much.
10134973
Hey, someone got it.
10134977
Glad you enjoyed reading!
This is a fun story playing off the stupidity of people going into panic mode over a virus that isn't too bad, yet.
oooooooof
10135079
If we stay sensible, we can weather the storm.
10135079
The flu is killing more people than it.
Also why buy tons of toilet paper? I could maybe understand a pack if your low, but a garage full is overkill.
Me.
10135265
Leaky ass syndrome is apparently in much higher case counts than covid-19. Next thing to go is butt plugs.
10135265
Because humanity as a species is fucking stupid. Toilet paper aint gonna save you for sure. And what about the people who actually do need it?
Just saying.
Besides the hat thing...AJ's got it made; Fluttershy probably comes second or third in prep considering where you wanna rank Pinkie and Rainbow. Rarity might be higher but...burning the food and Twilight's in last; she gonna die in a bookstore, her perfect tomb.
Great story. Still dont get the Spagay Noodles reference but if nothing else Rarity has all the Spaghetti in Ponyville as a trade good.
10135355
Shameful thing is there is no need to be doing this, but one lemming sees another and well... this happens.
10135355
That's actually not a bad ranking.
10135374
It's from Scootertrix the Abridged.
https://youtu.be/qRF_B6iN_hU?t=270
Toilet paper
One other suggestion I'd like to make: if you absolutely must go shopping, beware of pandas hawking cheese. And if you hear someone croon "Just you know why..." in the background, run.
This kinda falls apart when you realize that ponies walk on all fours so their hooves are constantly dirty.
10135401
damn you bet me to it
10135265
its basically the problem we have with shopping therapy where people need to feel better by just shopping
10135377
Which explains why shelves are barren here in the real world.
10135401
I thought it felt accurate going off what I read. Do wish Flutters could get actual food for herself but...mare always puts others before her. n_n
10134941
You still can. You just need to stop trying to buy from stores that are smack-dab in the middle of civilization try going to the out-of-the-way places. People ARE lazy, you know. Also, if you make it yourself, it's MUCH more easy to find it. Bread really isn't hard to make, it's just time-consuming.
10135416
It really is something that you're supposed to plan ahead for when disaster-prepping specifically because of nonsense like this.
Oh, and State of Decay 2 saw this kind of thing coming: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1XxxLPM1Ds
10135355
No no. Definately not! Twilight is fed on BOOKS, don't you remember?
And in Chinese we call this "啃书".
derpicdn.net/img/2018/8/18/1810400/medium.gif
Another fanfic joking about the Coronavirus I see?! I must read! x3 I loved every bit of this! My gosh it was just so good and such a nice lil' random piece of writing art to see! Great work mang! Hope ya didn't mind, but I made a lil audio thingy on it!
Audio Liiiiink: https://youtu.be/nSyYWbtimxw
(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment!)
10136043
Thank you so much! I am honored.
I loved it! Have a upvote sir!
Hello! Dear auther!
I'm a Chinese brony who have the habit of translating something when I get free time. I'd like to inquire: may I translate this story into Chinese and share? Of course I'll credit you and keep all the relevant information, incuding the author, the cover art, and a link to here. And after I'm done, I'll sent you the link to the translation.
May I have your permission, please?
10135265
OK, as a simple point of fact Coronavirus is 10-20 times more deadly per infection than the flu.
The flu has killed more people so far because we are at the beginning of the pandemic and it hasn't had time to go through the population, which it will. The panic may be stupid, but taking it seriously is not and please don't spread misinformation which can quite literally get people killed.
You deserve an upvote even in these unfortunate times.
10136226
可以啊， 没问题。
(LOL I apologize if my Chinese literacy is pretty bad. I'm what you would call a "heritage speaker.")
10136197
Thank you!
I wonder how the Princesses are doing with it... Maybe it could be good a sequel as we see Discord, Celestia, Luna, Cadence, Tirek and Chrysalis deal with the virus.
Maybe the crusaders (except Apple Bloom) bored in house as they can't go out and are forced to do homework.
Suddenly the idea of Twilight writing bad fanfiction or crappy novels just so she could read something come to my mind.
Very topical but pleasantly humorous.
10135344
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