• Member Since 2nd Apr, 2019
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I write well when I am brave enough to speak my mind. Soy milk fund


They call her the greatest stockbroker to ever hit Wall Street. Some call her the next Warren Buffett. Working from a nondescript, shoebox-sized office, her clients have earned millions through her shrewd investments.

She's...the "Pink Pony of Wall Street."

Intended for Admiral Biscuit's Not-A-Contest for ponies working on Earth. This was an impulse write--proofreading my may be spotty.

Cover image credit (Thanks to Admiral Biscuit and Trick Question for helping me find this very appropos picture!)

Featured 5/7-5/8/2020 :yay:
Featured at #1 (with Mature turned off), 5/7/2020 :pinkiehappy: :pinkiegasp:

Chinese translation by Miracle Seal!
Audio reading by StraightToThePointStudio!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 51 )

I have to admit, if there's anyone who would know the sole five-second period in which it is at all safe to come to a sudden and unexpected stop in the middle of a Manhattan street in a car worth more than my house, it would be Pinkie.

“Well, the first thing I do is when I wake up in the morning and I have a glass of two percent, not whole but two percent milk with my oatmeal and then I check the clock and if the sun comes up and I feel my tail go all twitchy-witchy, it means the NASDAQ’s gonna be supery-bitchy...”

Actually, that is exactly how the stock market works. It's all speculation and emotion. An investor wakes up, has a bad day or a bad hunch, and sells all their stock. Or, they do a bunch of drugs, and feel really good, and buy some random stocks.

Perfect. Her 'secret' got a good laugh out of me.

Very short, very sweet--and most importantly, very fun.

The Stock Market is powered by Chaos.


Some call her the next Warren Buffet

"YOINK! MINE!"- The entire city of Omaha, Nebraska.

Comment posted by SWEETOLEBOB18 deleted May 7th, 2020

Per "Hurricane Fluttershy", they've got movies. Probably, she's surprised at how tiny the projector is.

I'm not sure what's more terrifying. Pinkie as a stockbroker, or Pinkie predicting Coronavirus.

If anyone's going to be able to time the market, it's Pinkie Pie. :pinkiehappy: 💰💰💰

I trust Pinkie for all my stock advice.

I mean, don’t you just hate it when magazines print your legal name on their cover?

This is a great touch. From most people, this would be a massive humblebrag. From Pinkie, it's a genuine, innocent attempt to build rapport.

Y’know how here in New York you only eat pizza with your hands? I wonder if using the tip of your mane to grab a pizza slice is just as sacrilegious as using a knife and fork.

It's still a part of your body. I'd say it's fine. Mind you, I'm from New Jersey, so there may be some diverging beliefs on the matter.

And yeah, clairvoyance makes for a terrifying stockbroker. Though there is a bit of prophetic feedback. Acting on foreknowledge changes the market, which alters the future. Though it can't stop viral srpeads, sadly. Still, delightful tale of Pinkie in one of the more unusual environments where she'd thrive.

Fixed, thanks! :twilightblush:

I myself am a clean hands freak. I even eat wings with silverware. And eating cheap Domino's pepperoni pizza with a plastic knife and fork just makes you that much more classy.

And yes, I suppose that's why Pinkie doesn't want her secret getting out too far. Then every stockbroker would react to her twitchy tail, and there will be that "prophetic feedback" that you mentioned. Which would render her ability useless.

Glad you enjoyed my story!

Brilliant work, can I translate your fic to Chinese? Of course I will list you as the author and attach the link.

I'm glad you enjoyed reading.
Is this on Fimtale? If so, what's your account on Fimtale?

Actually yes, and my account is a Chinese word so I wonder that could you got it?
But I would like to send my homepage to you by mail.plz check it.

This was a fun little read. I also have no idea what exactly a stockbroker does during the workday but it seems fairly reasonable.


It's all speculation and emotion.


Problem with the stock market is that it isn't a reflection of how the economy's actually doing, it's a reflection of how people think it's doing. Best example for this is that the stock market crashed in 1929, which was bad, but The Depression as we think of it (i.e. like 30% unemployment) didn't start until well into 1930, and that was because of widespread bank runs than wiped out people's savings. Of course it's more complicated than this because there was still a lot of money lost because of the crash, and more importantly it shook people's faith and actual, well respected economist still have widely varying opinions on the importance of different factors, and what some of those factors were

Well said, and very true. How the hell does she grip the wheel with hooves? Is she even tall enough to reach the pedals? How does she open the door? What does she do with all that money she makes? Did she buy any bitcoin before it's value exploded like 3 years ago? Could she make money in Vegas or off horse racing with the Pinkie Sense? I need answers!

Wow, I definitely gotta hand it to ya, this was such a heartwarming and also very humorous story! It's just so so good! I hope ya didn't mind, but I had to make an audio reading of this!

Audio Linkerloo!: https://youtu.be/Z53rgTmZYFY

(I Don't Mean To Offend Anyone With This Comment!)

No problem, I'd be honored! Glad you enjoyed my story! :pinkiesmile:
Also, two for two, huh? :yay:


How the hell does she grip the wheel with hooves? Is she even tall enough to reach the pedals? How does she open the door? [...] I need answers!

She's Pinkie Pie.
She's Pinkie Pie.
She's Pinkie Pie.

But to be frank, the seats on a Lamborghini are so low that Pinkie would probably fit quite well.

Ah! I didn't know ya remembered that! x3 It's always a pleasure to read some sweet ol' stories! Yours are prime and amazing!

10221898 And even if not, the Lambo people would take one look at her, say something passionate in Italian, get out their wrenches and make it happen.

Because Italian car designers are insane.

Both of these amused me far more than they have any right to. Also, does Germany produce good cars? Toyotas last forever so that's what I use and I otherwise don't pay attention.

10222115 Germans produce very good cars. But those cars tend to come with precise tolerances and maintenance requirements, and when something breaks on one it's going to be expensive and annoying as hell to fix.

Italians tend to produce beautiful cars. And, to be fair, Italians are actually more innovative than the Germans. The problems are twofold:

(1) Italian engineers are a bit like Winston Churchill: they have some really brilliant ideas and some really terrible ideas, but they can't tell which is which, so they pursue them all with the same intensity; and

(2) Once the idea is made tangible the Italians lose their edge and let things sort themselves out. The customer is the beta-tester, and often an Italian car will break down for absolutely no reason whatever. Alfa Romeo in particular was INFAMOUS for this.

There's a reason why, these days, all Italian car makes except Fiat are owned by German car corporations. Lamborghini is a Porsche brand these days...


when something breaks on one it's going to be expensive and annoying as hell to fix.

Glad to see one thing hasn't changed at least. And the new part actually lasts too!

Very fun read. I love stories like this where you don't have to be updated on the show to understand what's going on.

Gee. I was planning to change the cover picture to this, but I'm getting some serious uncanny valley vibes from the "Hello Pinkie Pie" CGI head on a human body. :pinkiesick:

Go check Admiral Biscuit's blog. He has one where it isn't a 3d head.

And you should change the image. It will direct a lot more ponies to your story, I'm sure.

Though I'd ask the original artist if possible. I don't know who that is in either case, but reverse GIS might find them.

I changed the cover pic. Thanks for the tip, the 2D verison looks a whole lot less creepy!

P.S. Couldn't find the original artist. Reverse image search didn't turn up anything conclusive. :applejackunsure:

The new cover art looks good, but the previous art looked great as well.

Have to wonder if what’s shared here counts as breaking the promise.

I suppose my main criticism of the stock tip is the lead time. Pinkie's trigger was probably the first case, but the stock market didn't crash for another few months, and that can be ages in the finance world. Heck, there was a period in March when Amazon's stock was lower than it was in November, but now it is up 50%.

Or they have a drink too many, and end up trading 7 million barrels of oil, worth $500,000,000 while blackout drunk.

Yes, I suppose you're right. I thought about making it early March instead of November, but that wouldn't have proven Pinkie's prescience very well.

I'd have picked January or maybe February. Delta Air Lines started its way down on the 24th of February.
People anticipating a bear market would have mostly made moves starting in February, and the bear market itself started mid to late February. To give Pinkie the appropriate prescience without wasting months, January was probably the best time for her to give advice.

Then again, when a trader who makes the right moves more often than not, makes a big move, then everyone else starts to move too. She might have heralded the crash, and therefore February was the right time.

Pinkie and stock markets was something I didn’t knew i wanted.


Wait, you're not supposed to eat pizza with your hands?

No, you're absolutely supposed to eat pizza with your hands (unless the slice is so saturated in grease that it can't structurally support itself when held aloft.) I was just saying that prehensile hair is an acceptable hand substitute.

Would seeing the future be considered insider trading? Hope she doesn't get in trouble with the law.

Yes, I thought about that. Then comes the philosophical question of whether the future is "public domain" knowledge.

It's Pinkie. Don't question it.

Or maybe it’s just Ms. Pie. Weaving across three lanes on the BQE, illegal right turns, running at least five stop lights. Maybe because she drives a Lamborghini, she thinks she owns the goddamn road. Though I think she’s just hella ditzy. She’s covered the Italian leather seats with this hideous hot pink fabric, and she insisted on blasting music that even my two-year-old son would consider “too childish.”

She told me she was driving fast because she was in a hurry to meet with a client, but that didn’t prevent her from stopping in the middle of the Williamsburg Bridge…to offer me a lollipop.

Or maybe its because she went from JFK to the BQE and ended up on the Williamsburg Bridge.

For those who don't know NYC geography, the BQE runs north to south and the Williamsburg Bridge runs east to west. Neither are connected to JFK Airport.

Nice story, but I would KILL to work with brokers as patient as Mark.

I followed these Google Map directions:

Based on these directions, she would have taken the BQE for at least part of the trip. Though it's probably more likely that she dropped off Mark somewhere in the Upper East Side, not Wall Street, in which case she would have probably avoided the BQE.

Oh yeah, Google Maps... yeah, don't take that path. Thats a "shortest path" map and I'm willing to bet that its the "fastest path" because of the virus. (Taking local streets through in Manhattan? What could POSSIBLE go wrong?)

I wonder who suggested Pinkie to become a broker in the first place.

Listened to the audio reading, and just now remembered to log in and upvote! This was fun.

Glad you liked it!

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