I read. I write. I edit. I Twidash. But above all else, I'm just a regular guy. Shoot me a PM if you have a question.
Everypony has a guilty pleasure or two. Those things about yourself you hide from even your closest friends. For some, it’s a simple book or song that they’re embarrassed about liking. For others it’s a secret hobby they don’t want others to know about. They make you feel bad, but you can’t stop enjoying them. Can’t deny you like it.
Rainbow Dash’s guilty pleasure is Twilight. Even if she hates herself for it. Even if she knows it’s wrong.
After all, what would Rarity say?
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Honestly, I don't think it's supposed to end here in this state of the story. I would like to see how the story would finish, even though I know that these situations never end well. Anyways, I liked it. Keep up with the good work.
Saucy...
I wouldn't mind a sequel, honestly. I'd love to see how it all comes crashing down horribly.
You did very well conveying Rainbow's emotions, so Kudos to You
I know that this has to blow up on them but I really want to see the conclusion. Rarity is the one that has been betrayed but her own neglect lead to it. That won't make the hurt or anger any less. It doesn't change that what they are doing is wrong. And it doesn't really bode well for a relationship to start out of this. That's not to say it can't but they would have a lot of baggage to work through. I would definitely be interested to see how you resolve this.
*Comes out from under rock*
"Eyy no prob ya hoser."
*Crawls back under rock*
9704684
Pls don't dwell too long though
Also i HATE writers block, anyway to find a tsundere mangas?
I have to agree with everyone here. Even if it is undoubtedly going to end badly for my favourite characters, I want to see the sequel.
I’m surprised she doesn’t just cut it off with Rarity. Then again sociopathy makes it difficult to really appreciate nuances of these sorts of situations.
I think it was a beautiful study in selfdoubt and twisted emotions. I don't think you should write a sequel, though. We all know what will happen, leave that to our imagination.
I noticed no example of Rainbow's voice in the narration, but this makes sense. Her voice lends itself more to humor, that is where it shines, than to angst—and this story shows no trace of the former, outside of fleeting moments like the guard thoroughly unimpressed at Rainbow getting cold feet or the way Twilight's lingerie is described to 'hide nothing' and 'cover even less' when ponies gad about across Equestria in the buff most of the time in the first place.
But devoid of Rainbow's voice as it may be, I still found the narration to suit her perfectly. Lines like "echoed through her empty head. Empty by design" and "her mind was blank again. Just the way she liked it. No confusing thoughts" are so very, very in character from where I'm standing. Regardless of whether Rainbow has something to be melancholic about or not.
I loved the references to her status as the Element of Loyalty in Rainbow's brooding, using it alternatively as justification that she did nothing wrong or as a hammer to drive her own guilt deeper into her conscience.
Looking at your author's note though, I feel you may delve into what I consider a mistake often repeated in this fandom. To me, putting this kind of emphasis on the Elements the protagonists represent amounts to thinking 'she's loyal because she's the Element of Loyalty' when the reality is 'she's the Element of Loyalty because she's loyal.'
For the second time, I find myself very interested in seeing Rarity's side of the story. Doubly so here, because it is loyalty that is put in question in this story, and Rainbow doesn't have a monopoly on conflicted loyalties.
A mare cannot serve two masters, after all, and the Rarity of this story seems to have chosen to serve her passion for making the entire world beautiful rather than her passion for Twilight.
...assuming she ever had the latter passion, that is.
Because even with the few letters she's mentioned to have written to Twilight, I'm not sure Rarity even knows Twilight considers themselves girlfriends. Seeing as she's described to want to "feel wanted again" in the story, I wouldn't be surprised if Twilight misread Rarity's characteristic affection, misunderstood a few of her encouraging words, and got it into her head that they'd become lovers without Rarity realizing a thing or ever intending it.
Finally, I noticed two mistakes—mistakes a spellchecker wouldn't have solved because the wrongly-used words are real ones;
gait
lungs
9706818
*gasp* I'm going to disagree with you! Ready!?
I hate when authors use the Elements as character traits. The amount of times I've seen a character bring up their Element as a justification for something in a conversation or whatever kills me. In the story itself I used the Element only as Rainbow Dash berating herself or justifying herself, using it to try and hold herself to a higher standard. That is what I believe the significance of the Elements should be used for. Not to justify a character trait, but to conflict with other character traits or, in this case, itself. Mentioning it in the A/N in place of her name was just a thing I did for no real reason.
As for having Rarity be unaware of the relationship, if I were to aim for a comedy that is 100% the angle I'd go for. And in the sequel I'm not going for a comedic angle. I'm going full angst over here. Well, drama at the very least. I find it interesting to explore this situation.
Aside from that, I appreciate your kind words on this story, as always.
9707143
Thank you for replying.
We're actually not in disagreement; as I wrote in my comment, I noticed and enjoyed your use of the Element of Loyalty in Rainbow's brooding. I just took the opportunity to give my two cents on the "Elements as character traits" thing because I find it very widespread in the fandom.
I can easily imagine angst and drama about that interpretation. All these nights of longing for the attention, the return of your beloved, all these missed moments, all this pain, all this guilt... absolutely, entirely based on a lie Twilight told herself because she was just that desperate for someone, anyone to want her.
But the utterly hilarious comedy of the situation would always be there, yes—especially when Rarity learns about them getting together and brutalizes her schedule in order to beeline straight to their current location so that she may congratulate this beautiful, wonderful couple.
But moving on from my farfetched interpretation, I remain very interested in Rarity's point of view about the whole ordeal. Mind you, I'm not telling you to turn your plans for this story upside down if that's not in the cards.
train
delaying
Nooooooooo!!! Don't end this in RariLight!!! Please!! It'll kill me! 💔😭
(Amazing btw!)
Interesting that Rarity goes to Rainbow of all people to talk about her feeling that she's losing Twilight. We did recently have an episode entirely devoted to showing that the line between absolute contempt and pleasant understanding was very blurred between the two of them and that their feelings about each other tended to tango across both sides of the border, after all.
She probably realized Rainbow was the one among her friends who was closest to Twilight, of course. Especially if Twilight was telling Rainbow the truth when she ranted that she straight out told Rarity they were sleeping together, something I'm still unsure of, seeing as she specifically worries about Cadance telling Rarity later on.
Mind you, Rainbow being one of the protagonists of this story probably had something to do with Rarity's choice.
Seeing how she was—understandably, logically—presented as the bad guy at the beginning of the chapter, I was pleased with the way the end turned out.
Going back to the voice of the characters, if you're still going for that, I don't think "urgency bleeding from her voice despite the lack of volume" fits Rainbow's. This early in the morning, I'm not sure it'd fit Twilight's either.
Besides the two mistakes Corax Morn pointed out, I also found "Excomunicated!" which should be "Excommunicated!" instead.
Finally, I liked these lines;
Okay wow, lets see this through I guess, I do want to see where this goes and I'm insanely curious to know more
Wonderbolts
Really liking this story so far. Looking forward to more.
I'm gonna go feral
This is so painful to read about, but I also can't wait for an update
why am I like the way I am?
God, this whole thing is a trainwreck. It hurts to read. Don't you dare stop.
Actually, I think Big Pink pretty much has the situation pegged. Twi's hurt the ponies she loves most in the world, and as much as she had her reasons to... that doesn't make it okay. Communication, trust, respect, and love, the cornerstones of any relationship. Twi's kinda blown the ever-loving shit out of them, and done so willingly, unlike a certain short sighted fashionista.
I was looking forward to Rarity's chapter, and I liked what I read.
Seeing how skilled Rarity is at reading and manipulating people, I'm very curious about what she thought of Rainbow's several false starts and stutters. She can't have missed them. Only time will tell whether she thinks she's just jittery from being dragged into a talk about feelings, leads her to have her first suspicions or confirms already-existing suspicions... I can also imagine Rarity refusing to believe whatever her instinct tells her about Twilight and Rainbow's affair, because her other instinct is adamant that her closest friends would never betray her like that.
There are still some bits of Rainbow's vocabulary I find not to mesh with her but again, I didn't actually watch the show in English. Specifically, I'm not sure she'd use "dampen" in regards to "her knee-jerk reaction," and I feel she'd use 'throwing up' rather than "vomiting."
I loved the irony of Rarity berating herself for being selfish when Twilight and Rainbow display some serious 'it's all about me' vibes in the story. I mean, after all, what's Rainbow's thought immediately after "Twilight deserves better?" That's right, "You’re making me feel guilty." And is it "look what you’re doing to your friend" that makes her bluescreen in abject disgust? Nope, it's "You’re doing the same thing to Twilight."
I found a typo;
-> lamely
Finally, I liked many lines;
I loved Cadance in this. Laying down the home truths on Twilight like that. And she realizes there's a difference between trusting someone again and forgiving them, too.
She remained gentle even with her harsh words, though. But that's expected; she's the Princess of Love and Twilight is her "sister-in-law" and "favourite filly to foal-sit for." Of course she'll be biased and forgiving.
And the irony is back with a vengeance. You're not as selfish in this story as you believe, Rarity... or at least you're less selfish than our 'heroes.'
I noticed a few typos, along with the spelling dancing between "Cadance" and "Cadence;"
heartbeat
croak
but her
mare
Finally, there were several lines I liked;
Okay... for a guard, he's either incredibly inobservant, or a right bastard, asking that question when he did.
Oh my GOD Kodeake you're killing me man. I m loving this story and how it deals with cheating. And seeing that last comment about perspectives made me realise just how cool it is to read this comic, and now I'm wondering how perspectives will shift. You have the guilty cheatee, the Cheater, the oblivious lover, and the confidante. Will we see it from an outsiders perspective, will it suddenly shift to someone who doesn't even know who these epople are but just happens to see it? I don't know maybe it'll jump back to Rainbow, either way I'm waiting for the next chapter
I probably should've updated the page before commenting on the last chapter lol
Eh, I feel like the last part of the chapter kind of ruined things. The breakup felt completely forced and seemed to just be one big conflict ball for seemingly no reason. The misunderstanding just came out of nowhere because it's abundantly clear what they both wanted, so having both of them utterly miss that was just baffling.
9796596
Misunderstanding? Perhaps i wrote it wrong. The intent was for it to be abundantly clear what they wanted, but neither wanting to hurt Rarity further. Or at least... Neither wanting to make the first move in that regard.
As for the breakup, its purpose is more to set up the epilogue, but fair enough if it feels forced. Ive been told im not great at those kinds of scenes. Practice and all that though.
EDIT: Upon reading the chapter over, I realized my intent wasn't as clear as I thought. It was 3AM sue me. Made some changes, extended the chapter, much happier with it now. Thanks for pointing it out.
9796787
Thanks for the reply, and the edit! It's much better and clearer now and works a lot better.
Yep I agree entirely with TheArchive. Although not because it was a misunderstanding. The advice you had Cadence give Twilight was some of the worst relationship advice you could have put in her mouth. I almost commented on it then but now that you are letting it play out I need to say something. I have been in Rarity's place exactly. You cant expect others to put their lives before yours and if you do, even if they do, it will hurt you more in the end. You will hurt them more and yourself more once the anger is gone all you have left is the guilt you kept two people that cared enough about you to kill their love apart. It was bad advice for the princess of love to give and even worse advice to follow. Be respectful of Rarity's feelings sure but two people cant give up their own love especially if they believe its true just for the sake of anothers temporary anger. It just ends up causing more pain to everybody including the slighted party.
I don't know that I would call this "fuzzy-feel-goods" maybe more bittersweet. It was well written and, while I think Rarity's blessing came a little too fast, I could actually see Rarity taking this stance. It leaves a huge mess to be cleaned up, not just between them and Rarity but all of their friends. And between each other as well. They are still headed for a lot of struggles and a lot of work to repair the relationships they've wrecked. I understand perfectly how Rarity feels. This story was odd timing for me as I am going through something very similar on Rarity's end of things. So this story hurt to read but I love TwiDash so I read it anyway. Coming from you this was more or less the ending I expected, and hoped for. I don't like fics where they don't end up together and I most certainly don't like endings where just everybody is miserable. It was a great read and probably only not going on my favorites list right now because it brings up too much of my own negative feelings. Always looking forward to your work.
I'm glad at least Rarity understood anger and hurt fades but the actions we take due to them can be a lot more permanent. I figured this was going to be the type of ending it would get. It was just the idea of every other pony including Cadence not realizing how harmful that advice would have been.
TwiDash for Ever!!!!!!
Very enjoyable read
I want everyone to go home happy, and loved, and friendships intact.
Personally I’m glad that you went for the happy ending. Because sad/angsty/dark romance with a happy/hopeful ending is the reason I get out of bed in the morning.
Now it needs a sequel where somepony helps Rarity love again.
Somehow you managed to write a story where all three guilty parties are both dislikable and sympathetic in almost equal measures. Well, Twilight is without a doubt the least sympathetic one of the lot by some margin, but at least her reasons for doing what she did are... understandable. Not condonable, mind you, but understandable. It was also an interesting thing seeing RD's element twisted against her!
"Don't cheat on your partner(s)" is certainly a good lesson to take away from this one, but I believe another worthy lesson to be taught by this fic is "Never, ever grow complacent and start taking your partner(s) for granted."
damn preaching some life lessons
Wow. This was insane and really kept me on edge, loved every moment.
Yeah this is the wedding all over again . . .
Good for Twidash to win, fuck the others.
Rarity has doomed the world, if the bearers are ever needed again.
ohhh no no no no
This was one crazy, bittersweet tale
thank you for writing this
baby, talk science to me
I never liked this romance drama type stuff but I think i get it now!
Props to you for writing a very believable story with a very complicated concept. A lesser writer would have devolved this into romance tropes but I can look at everypony's actions and reactions and think "Yeah, that's a realistic reaction to what happened. I can see why they feel that way."
Bravo.
A happy ending. How wonderful.
The two lovebirds are together at last, and the old evil hag Rarity is vanished back to her lair, never to be though of again. Why she even gave them her blessing!
And what of the others? Perish the thought darling! They'll come back around after they see how just wonderfully happy the couple is together...