Everypony has a guilty pleasure. Something they're embarrassed they enjoy. Something they know they shouldn't like. Rainbow Dash has one in the form her her friend, Twilight. She hates herself for it, but time after time she comes back for more.
Everypony has a guilty pleasure or two. Those things about yourself you hide from even your closest friends. For some, it’s a simple book or song that they’re embarrassed about liking. For others it’s a secret hobby they don’t want others to know about. They make you feel bad, but you can’t stop enjoying them. Can’t deny you like it.
Rainbow Dash’s guilty pleasure is Twilight. Even if she hates herself for it. Even if she knows it’s wrong.
Rainbow Dash’s hooves clicked quietly along the pavement. The sound filled her ears, echoed through her empty head. Empty by design. The streets of Canterlot were as busy as they always were, even with the moon and the stars hanging in the sky. Streetlights cast their steady glow across the ponies roaming the city, and Rainbow kept her head down, obscuring her face in shadow. Not that it would help any; her mane was her single most identifying trait save for her cutie mark, and that was on full display as well.
It was silly to hope she wouldn’t be recognized. The nobles of this city knew all of the Element bearers. They’d been showered in medals and awards more than enough times, even before one of them became a Princess. Since then it had only grown worse. To make it through Canterlot unnoticed was nothing short of a foolish wish. But it wouldn’t be so bad to be seen, right? She had just as much right to be here as anypony else.
Why did she feel like she shouldn’t be?
Rainbow scoffed. She knew exactly why she shouldn’t be here. Knew she was right, too; the fact that she was here was a problem. A problem she didn’t even know how to begin fixing. Didn’t know if she could fix. How could she? After everything she’d done - everything they’d done…
Stop.
Her mind was blank again. Just the way she liked it. No confusing thoughts. No little voice telling her how utterly wrong this all was. Does she have that voice, too? She must. How does she ignore it?
Stop!
Empty. That was what she needed.
Hooves on pavement. Focus. Clicking and clacking filling her ears. Pushing out the thoughts she didn’t want to be thinking. Thoughts like how much faster it would have been to fly to the castle. Proof she didn’t want to go. Proof she knew better. Walking was slower. Walking would delay it. Stretch out the inevitable long enough, and maybe - just maybe - it wouldn’t happen at all.
Then why was she still walking? The castle was getting closer. Inside the scene would play out as it always did. End the same way it always did. The world would go on spinning, and the past would repeat itself again and again. Rainbow felt her stomach spinning, twisting and turning as a wave of nausea passed over her.
Stop!
Click-clack… click-clack… click-clack.
Thoughtless again. She swallowed. Looked up. Saw the castle looming at the end of the street. Her gate slowed further, but she knew better. No matter how slow she walked, she’d make it there eventually. Unless she stopped. Turned around and walked away. Like she should. Like she knew she should.
She never did.
Wings shifting uncomfortably, Rainbow glanced back at her saddlebags. In one was her Wonderbolts uniform, crumpled and tossed inside, reeking of sweat. Evidence of a hard day’s work doing what she loved. Well, hard months of work more like it. Between designing the routine and practicing it, honing the movements down to perfection. Years of work in the grand scheme of things. How long had it taken to train herself to the state she was in now? Her entire life had been dedicated to making the cut.
In her other bag was a small white envelope. The wax seal was broken and its content forever burned into her mind from how many times she’d received that letter. Or one similar, at the very least. It was always the same. Perfectly elegant, tight-knit writing. A compliment on her most recent show. A request. Small and innocuous, but with so much more behind the words. An address if it wasn’t Canterlot; usually the best hotel money could by, accompanied by a room number. A signature at the bottom.
Always, always, a lipstick kiss mark to cap it all off.
That was always what caught Rainbow’s eyes more than anything. What, did she think it was cute? Twilight didn’t even wear lipstick!
She shuddered, shaking her head. How had this happened? It used to be so easy; they were friends. Nothing more. Never should have been anything more than that. Rainbow had always been happy being single; a relationship would only ever slow her down. And Twilight…
Twilight was supposed to be happy, too.
With Rarity.
Rainbow clenched her eyes shut tight. Tried again not to think about it. Focused on anything else but the thoughts swirling around her mind. Becoming louder and louder and harder and harder to drown out. Ever since that night. That one night.
It was only ever supposed to be that one night. That one moment when everything came to a head and mistakes that should have never been made were made. Promises were forged to keep it a secret, to never mention it again and to regret it for as long as they both lived.
They should have Pinkie Promised.
Then Rainbow had a show in Manehatten, and Twilight was there on an errand for the Princess. After the show, in her locker, there had been a small white envelope with a wax seal and tight knit writing. I miss you, it had said, and there was an address. That was before the kiss mark had started appearing. How could she have known what that one letter would lead to? It was just Twilight, after all; her friend. Away from the rest of their friends in a big city she wasn’t familiar with. How could she have turned down an offer to meet up?
She desperately wished she had.
It should have stopped that first night.
Rainbow looked up, nodding to the guard. He opened the gate, and she was on castle grounds. The staff knew her well. Knew better than to question her business. After all, her friend was here, and what kind of mare would she be if she didn’t stop by and see her friend when they were in the same city?
What kind of Element of Loyalty would she be if she left her friend hanging?
The thought struck her, like it always did. Knocked the breath from her longs with a punch to the gut. That was all it was supposed to be; just helping a friend. A friend who was lonely because her marefriend had been spending all her time out of town on business. Opening new shops around Equestria, sending only two or three letters back home in two months of travel. How could Twilight not have been lonely? How could Twilight not have felt neglected? Forgotten?
How could Rainbow Dash deny her best friend a hug when she was in tears at the letter she’d just received, stating that Rarity’s trip would be extended another three weeks? She couldn’t.
She never could.
That was it, though; just a hug. To comfort her friend. Assure her it was going to be okay. And that’s all it was for a while. Just that one hug. But the days marched on. Twilight locked herself in her library, studying and reading and doing anything to distract herself. Even Rainbow knew that’s all it was. Distracting herself from the pain she felt. As much as she hated to admit it, Rainbow started to resent Rarity. How could she not see how much she was hurting the mare she was supposed to love?
That anger had made it so much easier to say yes when Twilight had asked her to stay the night. Just so she wouldn’t be so alone. After all, she wasn’t about to leave her friend hanging.
Polished marble floors produced clicking louder than pavement. The sound echoed through the halls and reminded Rainbow Dash of how much more had happened since that night all those months ago.
Now it was Twilight spending time away from Ponyville. Always in a city the Wonderbolts had a show.
Heh. Funny, that.
Rainbow felt like throwing up as she rounded a corner. At the end of the hall was a door. She knew what was beyond it. Knew what she’d do if she crossed that final barrier. At first she’d tried to lie to herself. Always told herself that the last time would be the last time. That the next time she got that letter, she’d ignore it. Then she’d say oh, she was going that way anyway. She was just going to walk past and keep going. Then it was that she wanted to let Twilight know it wasn’t happening again.
Then it happened again.
She’d given up the ruse a long time ago. No point lying when it was so painfully clear to her she wanted this, too. It disgusted her. Made her physically ill. She wanted to find that part of her and cut it out herself. But there was no denying that, at some point, it had become more than just Twilight wanting this. Some sick, twisted part of her was happy that she could make her friend feel better. Hated Rarity for making Twilight feel this way. She was miserable with Rarity, left alone for weeks or months at a time, and Rainbow had swooped in and made her feel wanted again. It was only natural she’d want to keep feeling like that. Rainbow had been willing to provide that to her friend. What kind of Element of Loyalty would she be if she did nothing when she knew how much Twilight was suffering?
A better one. One that deserved the title. One that didn’t glare at herself in the mirror every morning, disgusted with what she’d become. A mockery of everything she once stood for, and yet exactly what she’d always been. Loyal to a friend who needed her.
Even if that need had long since become a want.
She was in front of the door. It was silly to consider backing out now, but still she glanced over her shoulder. Told herself to just turn around. Walk away. Fly as fast as she could. As far away as she could get. It wasn’t too late.
Who was she kidding? It had been too late for months. Ever since that first night.
The guard next to the door cleared his throat. Rainbow jolted and panicked, feeling his eyes on her. She gave him a nervous smile and reached a shaky hoof up to knock on the door. A moment of silence passed. Then two. Three…
“Who’s there?”
Rainbow felt a smile come to her face and bile rise in her throat at the voice. “I-it’s me…” she chose not to acknowledge the tremor in her words.
“Ah.” Twilight’s tone became lower. Huskier. “Come in.”
Again she became aware of the guards watching her. They had to have noticed that change in tone. Had to have known something was up. Rainbow was the only one who ever visited Twilight here in the castle. At least, the only one who did so alone. Wasn’t that another reason she was here, though? Because Rarity wouldn’t?
She gagged at her own thoughts. How could she try to justify this to herself? There was no getting around the fact that this was wrong. One of the worst things she could have done. Loyalty was supposed to be her strong suit, but she had hung that up the moment this all started.
Or maybe because she was loyal she couldn’t turn her back on Twilight.
The guard coughed. She blushed and opened the door, stepping in and hurriedly closing it behind her. Inside was dark. Pitch black, save for a sliver of light coming from a door against the wall. She knew that door lead to Twilight’s bedroom. Thoughts of leaving filtered through her mind, but her hooves carrier her forward blindly. She didn’t have a problem navigating the room in the dark. The fact that she'd done so multiple times weighed her legs down, but still she reached her destination.
Beyond the door was a room befitting the title of royal bedroom. Beautiful and elegant and several other words Rarity was fond of using. Tonight it was lit only by candles, scattered around the shelves and bookcases, because it was Twilight’s room, after all. A book was open on the reading desk, no doubt forgotten when she’d arrived. Plush carpet warmed her hooves, a deep blue that was near purple and painfully soft, making it all the easier to just stand there instead of entering further.
In the center of it all, though, was a bed large enough to house every alicorn in Equestria, plus a few extra ponies, with posts holding up a canopy on every corner. The light pink curtains were pulled aside revealing rich purple blankets made of the finest silk covering a bed that could rival actual clouds for softness. Rainbow knew that better than most; she was more familiar with that bed than she could stomach.
Atop it lay the mare that had started it all. Or the mare suffering the most. She didn’t really know. They didn’t talk about that side of things. Twilight’s regalia that she had attended the Wonderbolts show with had been discarded, replaced instead by black and purple striped socks that covered her entire leg and a matching, lacy negligee that hid nothing. Least of all the black, frilly panties underneath that covered even less.
Rainbow swallowed thickly. She wondered for a moment if the outfit was one of Rarity’s. Wondered if Twilight had ever worn it for Rarity.
Felt like throwing up again and shoved the thought to the deepest recesses of her mind.
The spark of jealousy that came with it was buried even deeper.
“Hey there,” Twilight purred, a predatory smile on her lips and a mischievous gleam in her eyes.
Suddenly Rainbow’s mouth was dry. There were so many things she wanted to say. Words like ‘this has to stop’ or ‘we can’t’ danced across her tongue. What came out instead was a low, “Hey yourself,” because she was a weak, pathetic excuse for an Element of Loyalty, and despite how wrong this situation was a part of her that grew larger every time loved it. Loved her. No matter how awful that was.
Why did she have to feel so guilty about this? It wasn’t her fault. Wasn’t her fault Rarity neglected her marefriend. Wasn’t her fault Twilight needed somepony to be there for her. All she’d done - all she’d ever done - was be there for her friend. What was wrong with enjoying it a little? Or a lot, as it often ended up.
Twilight’s grin grew. “You gonna stand there, or are you gonna join me?”
“I-...” What was she going to do? She didn’t know. But she did. She always did the same thing. It always played out the same when she decided to stick that letter in her bag instead of the trashcan where it belonged.
Screw it. Enough feeling guilty. Enough denying what she wanted. It was wrong, and she knew that, but she was so tired of regretting it every minute of every day. Why couldn’t she just be happy? Happy she felt wanted, could make her friend feel the same. What was so wrong about that?
Nothing.
Rainbow smiled and pushed every other thought to the back of her mind. Buried them deeper than ever before. Let herself enjoy it, because she did enjoy it. Because she did want it. A part of her needed it, now. Suddenly it became clear to her. Why, no matter how wrong she knew it was, no matter how awful she knew she was, she always came back. Never said no. Never said enough was enough.
Because she needed this. Just as much as Twilight did.
In a flash of feathers Rainbow dove forward, crossing the room in a single leap and landing atop the bed. Atop her friend. More than a friend. A friend that was more than a friend, but could never be more than just a friend. Twilight looked up at her with wide eyes, but a smile nonetheless.
“You’re enthusiastic today.”
“Yeah,” Rainbow said with a chuckle. She leaned down and their lips met in a horrible, terrible, wonderful way.The kiss depened, their tongues became entwined, and Rainbow felt Twilight’s hooves wrap around her neck and pull her close. It felt good. It felt right. In that moment, nothing else mattered.
Their air ran out and they separated, panting lightly. Rainbow stared into Twilight’s wide, loving, lavender eyes, and for the first time since this mistake had started what she wanted became clear. “I love you,” she whispered, and she felt Twilight tense. Was that a mistake? She should have kept her damn mouth shut. It wasn’t supposed to be like that - it was just supposed to be helping a friend who was lonely. They weren’t supposed to be-
“I… I think I love you too, Dashie,” Twilight whispered, her muscles relaxing again. As though somepony had taken a burden from her shoulders. Or finally the burden had become too much, and she simply gave up holding it.
Rainbow smiled, despite the tears she saw in Twilight’s eyes. Despite the wetness she felt on her own cheeks. “We can’t,” she said, looking away.
Twilight’s hoof forced their eyes to meet again. “I know. But… I can’t stop. Not now. Not anymore.”
“We can’t,” Rainbow said again, but didn’t stop Twilight from pulling her into another kiss. One with far more weight than any before it. It was shorter, and the desperation of the previous one was nowhere to be found.
When they pulled apart, Rainbow wasn’t smiling. “I… you gotta do something, Twi. I can’t… I can’t do this anymore. It’s wrong.”
“Do you think I don’t know that!?” Twilight shouted, and Rainbow stepped back, eyes wide. “I… I’m sorry. I… I know. I know, I just… it’s so hard. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this.” She fidgeted with a string from her gown, staring at her own hooves. “I don’t think I can fix it.”
Rainbow sighed and nodded, laying down next to her more-than-a-friend and staring at the side of her head. “We gotta figure out somethin’.”
“Yeah…” Twilight trailed off, eyes following along the curve of her sock-covered leg. A smile smile spread across her lips. “Tomorrow, though. It can wait for tomorrow, right?” Rainbow sighed, chewing her lip.
“Twi-”
“For tonight, are you going to help me out of this?”
Despite the nagging at the back of her mind, Rainbow nodded. “Sit up.”
Rainbow Dash groaned, clenching her eyes shut in a fruitless effort to drift back to sleep. Instead she felt the bed beneath her shift, and she opened her eyes to have her vision filled with a familiar indigo hue. For a moment before her mind caught up she smiled, squeezing the mare in her hooves a little tighter to her chest. Twilight pressed back against her, and the illusion shattered.
“Don’t,” Twilight whispered, urgency bleeding from her voice despite the lack of volume as her hoof shot out and grabbed Rainbow’s before she could pull away.
“Twi-”
“I know but… please. Just a little while longer.” She took a slow, shuddering breath.
Rainbow sighed, but obliged the request. “The guards will get suspicious,” she said halfheartedly. Despite desperately searching for a reason to get up, she was in no hurry to find one.
“There are rumours already, probably,” Twilight admitted with a bitter snort of laughter. “They know better, though; the guards have pretty tight lips.”
“Still…” Rainbow hesitated a moment, stretching out the inevitable end as long as she could. She bit her lip anxiously. “This has to stop.”
Twilight seemed to choke on her own breath. “I know.”
“We should-”
“Can we not talk about it right now?” Twilight cut in sharply. It wasn’t quite a question.
Rainbow frowned. “You can’t put it off forever, Twilight.”
“Just… just not right now. Please.” Her voice shook with desperation, and Rainbow didn’t have the heart to say no.
“What are you in Canterlot for, anyway?”
Twilight relaxed, and Rainbow leaned forward to nuzzle into the back of her neck. “Celestia asked me to sit in on a few meetings of the Magus Council. There’s been a proposal for a new method of-... well, a new theory in magic,” she said quietly, a slight smile audible in her tone. “You’d probably find it boring, though.”
“Tell me about it,” Rainbow urged gently.
“Somepony’s proposed a potential method of sustaining short-lived thaumic particles using micro-magnets and high concentrated lasers to reduce the particle’s temperature to near absolute-zero, effectively applying a form of stasis. There’s still a lot of testing that needs to be done, but the theory is solid enough. Really the only thing that needs to be decided is the budget. But…” Twilight smirked. “You didn’t understand any of that though, did you?”
Rainbow chuckled, her breath tickling the hairs on the back of Twilight’s neck. “Not a word.”
“Why did you want me to tell you if you knew you wouldn’t get it?”
There was a noticeably long pause before Rainbow answered. “‘Cause you like talking about that stuff. Same reason you let me gush at you about my latest stunt for the ‘Bolts even though you don’t really care.”
Twilight gasped. “Dashie, of course I care-”
“It’s okay, Twi,” Rainbow cut in quickly. “I get it; flying’s my thing, not yours. But even though you don’t really get it it like I do, you still listen to me. That… that means a lot to me. I don’t understand anything about your magic or science stuff, but if you ever wanna talk about it I’ll listen.”
There was a pregnant moment of silence, and the longer it stretched the hotter Rainbow’s cheeks felt until her face was practically on fire. “Ugh, that was way too mushy. Look, what I’m saying is-”
“Thank you.”
Rainbow’s eyes widened when she heard the hitch in Twilight’s words, felt the mare shaking in her hooves. “Are… are you crying?”
Twilight hastily wiped a hoof across her eyes. “I-I’m sorry. I just…” she shuddered and clenched her eyes shut. “Rarity never lets me talk about that stuff.”
Rainbow’s stomach lurched suddenly, and she had to fight the urge to withdraw. Instead, she forced herself to hold Twilight a closer. “Do you maybe wanna... talk about it?” She hoped against hope the answer was no.
“What’s there to talk about?” Twilight asked sullenly. “Whenever I try she just… ignores me. Always says she’s listening, but I can tell. It’s… it’s different with you; I know you don’t get it, that it’s in one ear and out the other, but I know you’re at least listening to me. Rarity just… she either changes the subject or treats me like background noise while she works.”
“I’m sorry.”
Twilight scoffed. “It’s not her fault; she doesn’t get it. I can’t force her to be interested in something she isn’t. And… to be fair, I don’t like listening to her talk about her dresses.”
Chewing her lips anxiously, Rainbow mulled over her next words carefully. “Have you tried talking to her?”
“Yes, clearly.” Her words were dripping with sarcasm. “We talked it out and everything got better. That’s why I’m in bed with you right now.”
“Twi-”
“I told her about you, too,” Twilight continued aggressively. “She was perfectly happy to know I’ve been sleeping with you. Even told me to keep it up! Can you imagine that? Gosh, who could ask for a better marefriend?”
Rainbow pulled Twilight tight against her chest when she felt her trying to pull away. “Twilight, stop.”
“I-... I…” a strangled sob forced itself from the back of her throat, and she broke down crying. Rainbow just grimaced and held her, nuzzling the back of her neck and whispering comfort in her ear.
Twilight rolled over in Rainbow’s hooves so they were face to face. Their eyes met for a moment before Twilight buried her face into Rainbow’s chest. “What’s wrong with me?” she asked, her voice barely above a whimper.
“Nothin’, Twi,” Rainbow said. Her hoof ran in slow, even circled on Twilight’s back. “It’s… it’s not your fault.”
“Isn’t it?” Twilight asked sharply. “I’m the one who can’t talk to her. I’m the one who ran away. I’m the one here, with you, instead of dealing with my problems like an adult.”
“You’re being too hard on yourself.” She felt the roiling mass of guilt in her stomach before the next words even left her mouth. “It’s not like Rarity’s trying, either.” Rainbow hated herself for saying those words. Hated herself for trying to find some form of justification, but it was the truth; it wasn’t Rarity holding her marefriend while she cried, it was Rainbow. It had always been Rainbow.
Twilight didn’t respond, and the room lapsed into a silence broken only by the alicorn’s quiet sniffling. Rainbow rested her chin atop Twilight’s head, staring out the large glass door that lead out onto the bedroom’s balcony. The sun was rising higher and higher into the sky, and she was reminded of their limited time together. She sighed. “We should-”
“Did you mean it?”
“Huh?”
Twilight pulled back enough to meet Rainbow’s eyes. “What you said, last night. Did… did you mean it?”
“I…” Rainbow’s words caught in her throat. She recalled the previous night, blushing slightly at the memory, and thought for a moment. Eventually, she nodded. “I… yeah, I meant it.” Her stomach twisted in guilt. “I love you.”
Twilight’s smile eased her nausea. “I meant it, too.” She leaned in and their lips met, and the burden on Rainbow’s conscious was gone for the briefest moment. Then Twilight pulled away. “I love you too, but… we can’t keep doing this. Something has to change.”
“I know,” Rainbow said slowly. “I… I know. I’m sorry. I should have stopped this sooner, before-”
“I’m going to take some time away,” Twilight interrupted quietly. “I think it’ll be good for both of us to be apart for a little while. And… I need to figure out what to do.”
Rainbow nodded. “I get it. I’ll get out of your mane. I have some vacation time I’ve been meaning to take. Go visit my parents or something. You can… spend some time back home, with Rarity, without me around.”
“Actually… I was going to be the one leaving. I… Shiny’s been bugging me to come visit for ages, and… I don’t know if I can face Rarity right now.”
“Oh.” Rainbow’s eyes widened. “So you’re-”
Twilight’s smile was fragile. “Who better to help me than the Princess of Love, right?”
“When?”
“Actually… I booked my train ticket yesterday. I leave tomorrow.” Twilight laughed at the surprised look on Rainbow’s face. “I knew this had to stop, Rainbow. I’ve always known, I just… didn’t want to. But… when I… when I realized how I felt about you, I…” she paused, rubbing at her eyes before more tears could fall. “I need to sort myself out.”
Rainbow smiled. “I’ll miss you while you’re gone.”
“Well I’m not gone yet, and until I am…” her grin turned mischievous, and with a little help from her magic she rolled herself on top of Rainbow. She leaned down and kissed the mare greedily. Rainbow savoured the moment while it lasted. It would be coming to an end soon, and despite the sadness she felt at knowing that, she also felt the guilt in her gut calming.
Twilight sighed, checking her bags for the fourth or fifth time. Everything was still there, all according to her checklist. Just like it had been when she boarded the trian. And when she got off the train. And when she left the station. And every other time she’d checked them just to make her walk to the Crystal palace last as long as possible.
But that delay tactic had only worked so well, and now here she was; stood in front of large crystal doors with the perpetually cold wind of the north biting at her coat. The crystal pony guards regarded her curiously, but showed enough to restraint to stop from saying anything, their head focused forward in rapt attention. Even as their eyes watched the princess curiously.
Twilight took another heavy breath before lighting her horn and pushing the door open. Despite its size and weight the crystal slab swung effortlessly aside, and a wave of warmth washed over her as she stepped into the palace. The hall was filled with a shimmering light reflecting off the walls, and the walls were lined with more guards who bowed respectfully as she passed them by.
Every click of her hooves on the floor echoed in her head and seemed to drive her pulse ever higher, her breathing elevating to match. As she reached the throne room doors she was a few moments short of a full-blown panic attack. What would she say? What would Cadence say? How could she possibly explain her situation, how messy everything had become? Cadence was the Princess of Love, for pony’s sake, and she was cheating on her marefriend! She’d be disowned! Cast away! Excomunicated! And Cadence would tell Rarity and her friends would find out and-
Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Count to ten. Twilight opened her eyes. Her heart still thundered in her chest and rang clear in her ears, but she wasn’t hyperventilating on the floor anymore, so that was a good sign. She looked up at the throne room doors. With a hoof she knocked, and despite how gentle she did so the sound seemed to boom in her head like a death knell.
What was about to die, she wasn’t quite sure.
The door swung open. Cadence stood behind it, not sat in her throne. Her eyes widened in surprise, then a grin formed on her lips. “Twilight!” She cried happily, and she jumped forward, ready for their traditional greeting.
“H-hey, Cadence.”
Cadence stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes narrowed slightly, and she regarded the mare before her curiously. Twilight could feel the scrupulous gaze searching her face, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to hide anything from her sister-in-law.
Then Cadence gasped and stepped to the side. “Come with me,” she urged gently. “We’ll talk in private.”
Rainbow Dash sighed, staring out across the serene blue skies above Ponyville. From her vantage point above the clouds, she could see for miles around. Canterlot glimmered in the distance, the Everfree sat along the horizon, and Ponyville sprawled out below. Twilight had left for the Crystal Empire that morning, and she’d opted to fly back home. She taken her vacation time from the Wonderbolts. A couple weeks spent at home would do her good. At least, that was what she told herself. She wasn’t so sure, now.
It had only been a few hours, and yet she was already missing Twilight. Already dreading seeing her friends. Or rather, one friend in particular.
She bit her lip anxiously. Pinkie already knew she was back; it was only a matter of time until the rest did, too. Only a matter of time before she saw them all.
“Rainbow Dash!”
Rainbow’s ears perked instinctively as she heard her name being called. She leaned forward, checking over the side of her cloud, and her heart dropped.
“Rainbow Dash!” Rarity called again, waving a hoof.
Swallowing thickly, Rainbow weighed her options. She could pretend not to hear and fly away, but that would only delay the inevitable. She couldn’t hide from her forever. Her other option, though, was far from appetizing. Eventually, with a nervous smile, Rainbow jumped from her perch and free-fell have way to the ground before catching herself, landing in front of the pearly white unicorn with a flourish of feathers.
“Marvelous, darling,” Rarity said, a genuine smile on her lips.
“Th-thanks,” Rainbow muttered, mouth dry. She couldn’t meet Rarity’s eyes. Her chest was tight. “Wh-what’s up?”
Rarity visibly hesitated, glancing away. “Well…” she chewed her lip. “I… wanted to talk to you about something.”
“O-oh?”
“It’s… it’s about Twilight,” Rarity admitted slowly. “I… I think I’m losing her.”
Rainbow Dash fiddled with her hooves, eyes fixed down into her lap. The sharp smell of a strong tea bit at her nostrils, a steaming cup sat directly in front of her. Beyond that, across the table, was a problem she wasn’t ready to face. A disaster waiting to happen. A friend she’d betrayed.
“You haven’t touched your tea,” Rarity noted idly, though her faraway tone told of how much she cared.
“I, uh…” Rainbow swallowed thickly, glancing up just enough to see her cup and grab it. A shaky hoof brought it to her lips and tipped it back, only for her to hiss in pain as the scalding liquid fell on her tongue. She covered it with a cough. “It’s good.”
A dry chuckle forced Rainbow to lift her eyes. “It’s too hot, right?” Rarity sighed. “I tried using my magic, like… like Twilight taught me, but… I’m afraid I haven’t quite gotten the hang of it yet.”
Rainbow flinched. “No, no not at all!” She clenched her eyes shut and forced a mouthful down her throat. The taste was all but non-existent as she felt the pain traveling down her chest. “It’s… fine…” she frowned, swirling her tongue around her mouth and noting the lack of sensation.
“You’re just humouring me,” Rarity muttered, then she looked up, and she smiled. “But thank you anyway.”
Rainbow felt like throwing up. “So…” she trailed off, not wanting the conversation to start but wishing for the silence to end.
Rarity nodded. “So indeed.” She paused, blew gently across her cup, and took a sip. “Well, I suppose I won’t get anywhere stewing in silence, will I?” With a breath, her entire body seemed to inflate as she sat a little straighter, held her head a little higher. “Twilight’s-”
“Why are you talking to me about this?” Rainbow cut in quickly, cringing inwardly at her own cowardice. Anything to delay the actual conversation. “I mean, romance isn’t exactly my thing and, uh…” she shuddered. “You would know Twilight better than I do.”
“Ordinarily, I would agree with you,” Rarity said, a pensive frown on her muzzle as she swirled her tea, staring into it. “If you’d told me a few months ago I’d be coming to you of all ponies about personal problems, well…” she giggled. “I’d not have believed a word.”
Rainbow couldn’t keep the indignation out of her voice. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I do better than you, apparently. She cursed herself for the thought. Hated that she knew it was true.
Rarity looked up again, wincing slightly. “Nothing insulting, I assure you. Just that… well as you say; romantic relationships aren’t your… ‘thing’. I’d sooner go to Fluttershy about these kinds of problems than you or, say, Applejack. But… well, nothing about this is ordinary.”
“So why me?” Rainbow asked again, forcing herself to meet Rarity’s eyes and dampen her knee-jerk reaction.
“Because you’ve been spending quite a bit of time with Twilight lately,” Rarity said, shrugging casually.
Rainbow’s felt her heart stop. “Wh-who told you that? I-I don’t-”
“You don’t?” Rarity sounded genuinely confused. “I mean, I didn’t know for sure, I suppose, but I just assumed- the Wonderbotls are often in the same city as her, and I’d heard that she attended your shows whenever she could. I thought you’d get together in your off time. Am I wrong?”
“I- I mean, yeah, I guess...” She bit her lip. What was more suspicious?
Rarity’s shoulders slumped. “But… well, that’s not really the whole truth. I came to you because… you’re the Element of Loyalty, right?”
Rainbow’s stomach curled in on itself. “Y-yeah… I’m loyal, alright…” she heard the bitterness in her tone, but Rarity seemed to miss it.
“Truthfully, I’ve been worried about how… faithful I’ve been to Twilight. I’m concerned that’s why she’s grown distant.”
“Faithful?” Rainbow’s eyebrows lifted, and she gasped. “Rarity! You… you haven’t been… cheating on her, have you?” The word was uttered in a hushed whisper but seemed to thicken the air in the room. As it passed Rainbow's lips it left a foul taste in her mouth that lingered long after it had left.
Rarity all but jumped out of her chair. “Cheating!? Good heavens, Rainbow Dash, no! Of course not! I could never-” she stopped herself and took a breath, and Rainbow realised she did so the same way Twilight did.
“What I mean to say,” Rarity continue in a calmer tone, “Is that I’m having… problems balancing my obligations - my loyalties, if you will.”
“O-Oh…”
Rarity giggled. “Honestly, Rainbow Dash, I may have phrased it poorly, but you should know I would never cheat on Twilight - she means far too much to me.”
Rainbow’s jaw clenched tight, and bile rose in the back of her throat. Of course; Rarity wouldn’t even consider doing something like that. How could she? She was actually a decent pony. “I-I dunno,” Rainbow said shakily, “Just… the way you said it, I guess. A-anyway, what do you mean?”
“It’s just…” Rarity gestured vaguely at nothing in particular. “Twilight’s been spending a lot of time away, recently,” she said, staring solemnly into her cup. “I know it’s important, and everything, but… well, I still miss her. Then I started thinking - what she’s doing isn’t so different from what I do to her, is it? I’m often traveling between my other stores, usually for a month or more at a time, and… we don’t really see each other. Of course I always miss her, but I’m just so busy, I don’t really think about it. Don’t really think about her.
“But now that she’s the one gone, and I’m here… I think I’m realizing how much I might have hurt her - and with this impromptu trip to the Crystal Empire… I can’t help but feel like she’s trying to tell me something. Give me a taste of my own medicine, as it were; she didn’t even stop to say hello, just a letter, then she was gone.” Rarity sighed, shaking her head. “I’m afraid the time I spent away made her feel-”
“Neglected,” Rainbow deadpanned before she could stop herself.
Rarity nodded. “Exactly! I suppose I was just wondering… well, firstly if Twilight had said anything to you about it, but also how you balance the Wonderbolts with your friends; you make it home quite a bit more often than I do sometimes. I don’t want to lose Twilight because I’m too wrapped up in my work to see her suffering.”
“Sh-she… hasn’t said anything…” Rainbow tried to ignore the pounding in her chest. The way the tips of her hooves and wings felt numb. “As for how I balance everything…” I care, some part of herself cried, I make an effort. I’m there for her when you’re not. Her hoof gripped her cup hard as she forced those thoughts to the deepest corner of her mind. She hated those feelings, hated the part of her that thought of them, hated herself for wanting to agree. “I dunno. I mean, the wings help, I guess,” she said lamley, glancing over her shoulder. “It’s not too hard to fly back home between training.”
Slouching forward, Rarity nodded. “I suppose it would just come naturally to you,” she said, a hint of hollow laughter on her tone. “It’s not so easy for the rest of us.”
“I never said it was easy,” Rainbow correctly tersely. “Just that… y’know; it’s not something I think about.” She looked anywhere but at the unicorn in front of her. It felt like she was being torn in half; one side of her wishing desperately to help her friend, and the other wishing Rarity would just give up. Some dark part of herself whispering in her ear that with Rarity out of the picture she could have Twilight to herself. Give Twilight what the mare clearly wanted.
Twilight was miserable with Rarity. She’d said so over and over. It was the entire reason they were in this situation. It was what had let to those three terrible, horrible words being uttered that night. Those words that should have never been shared between them.
I love you, she had said. And Twilight had returned it. And Rainbow had meant it, no matter how much she regretted it.
But Rarity… Rarity made everything complicated. Rarity made Twilight sad. Rarity made Twilight cry.
Unless… maybe it wasn’t Rarity making Twilight cry. Maybe it was something else. Somepony else.
The thought made Rainbow’s heart beat harder. More painfully. Every thump like a hammer driving a nail deeper into her.
“I really don’t know how you do it,” Rarity admitted, running her hoof around the rim of her cup, gaze distant. “My other stores need me. This store needs me. You girls need me. My sister needs me. Twilight needs me. I don’t… how am I supposed to decide who’s more important?”
“Twilight’s more important than your stupid dresses!” Rainbow snapped, before quickly clamping her muzzle shut with her hooves. The blood drained from her face as her eyes met Rarity’s, the unicorn’s face one of shock. “I-I mean-...” She knows now. She has to know. There’s no way-
Rainbow had to catch her jaw before it hit the table. “I-I am?”
Again, Rarity nodded. “Of course you are; she’s… she’s Twilight. She’s my marefriend, for Celestia’s sake, and I… I put my work ahead of her. Of course she’d feel like I don’t care about her. Not as much as I should, anyway.
“It’s funny, in a strange way.” Rarity laid her head in her hooves atop the table. “I really noticed her absence while I was working on my dresses the other night, after I got her letter. She used to sit with me while I worked. She’d bring a book and I’d make her a cup of tea and she’d sit there reading while I lost myself in my work. We didn’t even talk - not really, but… it was nice, spending that time with her. The very thing that drove her away is a part of what I miss most…”
Rainbow watched Rarity’s eyes shimmering as she lost herself in her memories. “Rarity-”
“I… I don’t think I ever did anything like that for her…” Rarity sniffled, and a tissue was summoned in her magical glow. “She would take time out of her life just to spend it with me, no matter what I was doing, and I was too selfish to do the same for her.” Her sorrow shifted as her eyes hardened. “Selfish. That’s what I am; selfish. The Element of Generosity, and I couldn’t give her even a little of my time. Dresses and ribbons and shoes and gems - I give them all away so freely, but the one thing that really matters, that would really make a difference - my time - I couldn’t spare her a single second.”
“Rarity, stop,” Rainbow said, wishing her voice was firmer. It’s your fault. “It’s not your fault.” Twilight deserves better. “Twilight could have said something.” You’re making me feel guilty. “You can’t just blame yourself.”
Rainbow knew she had nopony to blame but herself for the thoughts she refused to acknowledge. Knew they were a part of her. The same part of her that had let her fall in love with a mare she could never have.
But that was why this was happening, right? It had to stop.
I don’t want it to stop. Rainbow felt like she choked on the breath in her lungs. She didn’t want it to stop. But it had to. Look what you’re doing to your friend. She forced herself to look at Rarity, the mare on the furge of full-blown sobbing. You did that. It’s your fault.
You’re doing the same thing to Twilight.
Rainbow staggered to her hooves, her breathing growing rapid. “Rarity, I-I’m sorry, I… I have to-” What? Have to what? The room was starting to spin. Run away. You have to run away. You can’t stand what you’re doing to your friend. The walls were closing in. Element of Loyalty, never leave your friends hanging, but you’re running away when they need you.
Because it’s your fault.
“I’m sorry!” Rainbow turned and bolted for the door, barely slowing as she slammed it open. She took two steps outside, gulping down the fresh air, before turning to the nearest bush and vomiting. Her mouth hung open and ragged pants barely managed to fill her lungs.
“Rainbow!” She heard the shocked gasp. The sound of hooves running up behind her. The gentle touch on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”
No! Rainbow’s thoughts cried, unable to even look at the mare next to her. It’s my fault. Why can’t you see that it’s my fault!?
“You must be coming down with something, dear. Would you like to lay down for a minute?” Rarity’s voice was full of compassion. Compassion Rainbow didn’t deserve.
Didn’t need.
“I’m fine!” She barked, shrugging Rarity’s hoof off and marching forward. You should be taking care of Twilight. Not me. “I… I’m just gonna go home and rest.”
Rarity didn’t sound convinced. “Are you sure? It’s no problem-”
“I said I’m fine!” Rainbow’s wings flapped and she launched into the air, soaring through the sky. Away from Rarity. Away from her problems. Her feelings. Her failures.
Pathetic, her mind taunted, you’re pathetic. Your friend is hurting because of you and you run away scared.
She clenched her eyes shut, tried to block out the nagging thoughts. But she couldn’t silence them. She knew it was true.
Rainbow looked to the horizon. Out there, far away, was Twilight. Suffering because of her. And yet… despite how much she hated it, how wrong it was, Rainbow missed her. She found herself craving the alicorn’s touch that had become so familiar over the months. Longing to hear her voice, calm and soothing and assuring her that it was going to be okay. That she wasn’t a terrible pony.
Even if they were lies. Some lies were nice to listen to. Believing them made her feel better, just for a little while.
Twilight stared down at her hooves, the crystal floor passing by below, her reflection looking back. She could hear the clicking of her hooves, the sound empty and hollow to her ears. Ahead and slightly out of sync with her own were the footsteps of another pony. Full, long, confident strides. If she looked up, without raising her head, she could see the end of Cadence’s tail bobbing just in the top of her vision. The Princess moved with a dedicated purpose, and Twilight was reminded how foolish it was to think she wouldn’t instantly know something was wrong.
“At ease,” Cadance commanded, and Twilight glanced up just enough to see them pass through a pair of double doors flanked by guards. They were much deeper into the Crystal Palace now, further from prying eyes.
Further from an easy escape.
A left turn. Then a right. Where were they going? Twilight didn’t have this castle as memorized as her own or Canterlot. Cadance’s chambers? A private dining area?
A dungeon? She wouldn’t be surprised; it would be exactly what she deserved. There was no doubt in Twilight’s mind Cadance already knew. She’d always seemed to know exactly what the problem was when it came to relationships. She could pass a couple on the street and tell them what they needed to fix and how to fix it. A small spell and a fight would be over. Just like that.
Just like that…
Twilight held in a scoff. That was what she thought as a filly. She knew better now; magic didn’t work like that. No matter how powerful the caster, there was no such thing as a spell that could fix a relationship. Magic could help, but it could never fix everything.
“Twily!”
No. Twilight felt her chest tighten, her heart throb. They came to a stop. She looked up enough to see white hooves running down the hall towards them. Please no. Not him, I can’t-
“Shiny, dear,” Cadence’s voice cut in, smooth and effortless and commanding. “I’ve taken a break from my duties, could you fill in for me for…” she trailed off a moment. Twilight lifted her head and their eyes met for a split second before she looked away. “An hour?”
Shining skidded to a halt in front of them. “Cadance! What are you talking about, Twily’s-” his words stopped, and Twilight knew he was looking at her but couldn’t find the strength to look back.
“I’ll be in the throne room,” he said, his voice deeper and professional. The tone that had been beaten into him by his superiors in the guard. Twilight heard his hooves getting closer, closer… she clenched her eyes shut, bracing for it. A hug, a hoof on her shoulder, a word of comfort, none of which she deserved.
Then his hoofsteps passed, and faded down the hall behind her. Her head snapped up, surprised, and she realized Cadence was looking at her again.
“He knows better,” she said. “Though you will have to spend some time with him before you leave.”
And like that, without waiting for a response or an acknowledgement, they were on their way again. Another left, and again they stopped. This time, in front of an ordinary, unassuming door. Cadence lit her horn and a key was summoned. The door opened, and Twilight was ushered in first.
Inside was a fairly small room, the crystal walls a warm blue lit by the comfortable orange glow of several lanterns. Against the far wall was a window that overlooked the crystal empire, far too high off the ground to support a voyeur and too small and innocuous to be of any interest anyway. The hard crystal floor had been covered by a plush carpet, and in the center of the room were a few chairs placed around a table upon which sat a tea set.
Looking over this room, which could only be described as cozy, Twilight realized.
She was Cadence’s client. Just like any other pony with relationship troubles. A mare seeking advice from the Princess of Love. Nothing more.
The thought brought with it a sense of ease Twilight hadn’t expected. Cadence had seen it all before, and here, in this room, she wasn’t a Princess of Equestria or Friendship. She wasn’t the Element of Magic. She was just Twilight Sparkle, a mare who needed help.
“Sit,” Cadence said, her gentle tone at odds with the fact it was anything but a request. “Tell me about it.”
Twilight hesitated, but before long they were both sat in comfortable chairs - though not too comfortable. The cushions were such that you could spend hours sitting in them, but you didn’t want to. Just soft enough to support a conversation of any length without making it hard to get up.
Finally, Twilight looked up, and their eyes met properly, and Twilight saw nigh boundless compassion radiating from Cadence's face.
She wondered how long that would last.
Her mouth opened, dry as cotton. Words came slow and thick from her throat. “W-what do you know?”
Cadance pursed her lips a moment. “I know you have a problem, and that you need my help. That means it’s a problem not with a friend, but with a lover, which means Rarity…” she trailed off, and Twilight knew there was more.
“Cadance…”
“You didn’t come to me so I could tell you your problems, Twilight; you came here to get my advice. I can’t give you that without you opening up.”
Sighing, Twilight nodded. “I… Rarity and I, we’ve… we’ve been having problems lately, and I…” I betrayed her trust. I ran away. I made a mistake. “I don’t know what to do.” I’m hurting her. Because she hurt me. I’m a terrible pony.
Cadence's eyes narrowed. “What kind of problems, Twilight?” She lit her horn, and Twilight felt her heart beat slow, her breathing calm. It was a tiny spell, designed to help relaxation, but here it was the line between a conversation and a panic attack. “Please, be as specific as you can.”
“I…” I ran away from my problems and buried them by… by… “She spent so much time away from home, I felt alone, but now… I’m doing the same thing to her.”
“Twilight.”
She looked up again. Saw the frown on Cadance’s lips. No angry or sad or disappointed, but worried. “You have to be honest with me, Twilight; nothing you say here will leave this room, and I will never judge you.”
Yes you will. You’ll hate me for what I did. What I’m still doing. “I am telling you the truth,” she said, eyes shifting away.
Cadance sighed as she leaned back in her chair. “We have all the time you need, Twilight. Tell me about what you mean; what are you doing to her?”
Chewing her lip, Twilight’s eyes fell on the kettle between them. “Tea?” She managed to croke out. Her throat felt like it was closing up.
“Sure.” Cadences horn lit, and in the fortless dance Twilight had long grown used to watching tea was prepared before her. “Same as always?” Twilight nodded, and the kettle whistled as the water boiled under a magic glow. “This takes me back.”
“It’s been a long time since we had tea together,” Twilight all but whispered, watching attentively as two cups were poured. She blinked, and when her eyes opened a pearly white unicorn sat across from her, a bright beaming smile lighting up the room. A shudder ran through her body, and the image vanished. Gone, just like that. Always gone.
Cadance watched the mare out of the corner of her eye. “Rarity’s quite fond of tea, if I remember correctly?”
“Earl Grey,” Twilight replied with a slight nod. A cup on a saucer was set on her side of the table.
The princess laughed, bring her own cup to her lips and gently blowing away the rising steam. “Of course; a proper tea for a proper lady, no?”
Twilight didn’t respond, lost in her tea. The image of a monster stared back at her.
“How is Rarity doing, anyway? I’d heard she’s opened another store, but I haven’t had a chance to visit it yet.” Cadance took a gentle sip, eyes constantly focused on the lavender mare. Twilight could feel the scrutinous gaze. Knew that Cadance knew.
“She’s… busy…” Twilight trailed off, fidgeted with her hooves. You already know. Stop toying with me. Cadance smiled ruefully. “Ah, such is the life of an entrepreneur. Especially one as young as her. She must be away from Ponyville a lot.”
“All the time.”
“Must be hard,” Cadance said, and there was an undertone to her voice that made Twilight’s blood run cold. “Being alone for so long.”
“Stop. Please, stop,” Twilight felt herself choke down a sob.
“Twilight-”
“You know!” Twilight cried, tears forming and rolling down her cheeks. “You know what I did! Please, don’t… don’t do this to me. Don’t make me say it. Please, Cadance, I can’t-”
“I don’t know anything you haven’t told me. I just-”
Twilight’s eyes clenched shut. “I’m cheating on her!” She yelled, shoulders shaking as sobs wracked her. The cry left the room in silence for a few tense moments before, with a shuddering breath, she continued. “She abandoned me for her work! All she- all Rarity cares about is her stupid dresses! I’m not even important enough for her to take a single day away from her store! She doesn’t deserve me!
“So I found somepony that actually cares about me! Somepony that would drop anything to be there for me. Somepony who’s always been there for me when I needed her! I… I know it’s wrong, but I- I don’t care anymore.” Her crying was at odds with the horribly twisted smile on her face. Sorrow and anger and guilt and so much more warring for control, and Twilight didn’t know which to feel the most. The smile was sad butt he teary eyes were bright with fond memories. “When I’m with Rarity, I feel more alone than when she’s away, but with her… Even if she’s not there I know she’s with me.
“I don’t… I can’t go back. I don’t want to go back, not to the way things were. It’s not fair! Why should I suffer because Rarity’s too self obsessed to notice me? Why should I have to deny myself what I want just because it might hurt her? She hurt me first! It’s not fair! I shouldn’t- I can’t- I…” She stopped, and for the first time she heard what she was saying, her own words bringing a wave of disgust washing over her. “I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”
Twilight’s tirade ended, and the only sound in the room was her own sobbing. She felt Cadance’s magic, and again her heart slowed. It still throbbed painfully against her ribs, despite the soothing spell.
“It’s okay, Twilight, just breathe, I-”
“It’s not okay!” She screamed, burying her face in her hooves. “Nothing I did was okay! I’m a horrible pony! Everypony will hate me when they find out - and I deserve it! What I did to her, I-I-...”
Cadence’s frown grew deeper, but she didn’t say anything more as she waited. Minutes ticked by, and Twilight’s sobbing quieted, and finally Cadence said, gently; “I don’t hate you, Twilight.”
Twilight’s head snapped up, eyes bloodshot and swollen. “B-but I-”
“What you did was wrong, yes…” Cadence sighed, leaning back slightly. “But I don’t hate you for it. I’m not even mad at you; you’re my sister-in-law, Twilight - my favourite filly to foal-sit for; I love you, and there’s nothing you could do that would change that.”
A moment of silence bought fresh tears to Twilight’s eyes, but she managed to smile. “Thank you.”
Cadence didn’t return the smile. “I am, however, disappointed in you.”
Twilight choked on what little hope she had.
“Don’t act so surprised,” Cadence chastised lightly. “You know full well what you did was wrong. That’s the entire reason you’re here. Or am I missing something?”
“N-no…” Twilight sighed shakily. “I-I know that… that I made a mistake, but-”
Cadence leaned forward. “No, you didn’t make a mistake.”
“Wha-”
“A mistake is an accident,” she explained, her gaze meeting Twilight’s and boring holes into the younger alicorn’s very soul. “This wasn’t an accident, this was a choice. You chose to cheat on Rarity. Whatever justification you may have had, however hurt you felt, it was your choice to do what you did. You didn’t make a mistake; you made a bad decision.”
Twilight hung her head. “I know.” She felt the urge to add a ‘but’, but she knew better. Knew better than to try and explain herself. Excuse her actions. Not to Cadence.
Seemingly satisfied with the answer, Cadence allowed herself to relax into her chair. “So, why are you here?”
“I don’t know what to do,” Twilight admitted slowly, choosing her words carefully. “I… I feel horrible, but I…” she sniffled. “I don’t know how to fix this. I know I can’t ever go back to how things were before, and I don’t want to, but…”
“What you do now depends on what you want to do, Twilight.” Cadence kept her scrupulous gaze on the amre across from her. “I know you; you’re not the kind of pony to do this kind of thing for a cheap thrill. You must have truly felt hurt and alone. That by no means excuses it, but… it does tell me that your relationship with Rarity has problems.”
Twilight nodded, more to herself than anything. “So I should break up with her?”
“That’s not really your choice right now,” Cadence said, her eyes narrowing slightly. “The first thing you need to do is talk to Rarity.”
Twilight’s jaw fell open. “T-tell her!? I-I can’t, I couldn’t! She’ll hate me! I-I can’t-”
“That’s the risk your took when you betrayed her trust, Twilight. If you ever want her to trust you again, you have to tell her the truth. Because believe me; she will find out, one way or another. That’s the one universal truth in these situations; the other party always finds out eventually. You can either tell her yourself, or you wait until she finds out on her own. Trust me, Twilight; no matter how impossible it may seem that she would forgive you, it’s a lot more likely if you tell her rather than letting her find out later.
“Then, after you tell her, it’s Rarity’s choice if she wants to try to salvage a relationship. At that point, that’s when you can decide if you want to try. Rarity holds all the cards; she’s the one who’ll be hurt, not you. She’ll be the one to decide if you’re deserving of a second chance.” Cadence’s words were cold, but there was a compassion behind her eyes that held Twilight’s tears at bay.
“I… I don’t know if I can, Cadance. I…”
“Think about it this way; if Rarity had cheated on you, wouldn’t you want to know?”
Twilight frowned, her hooves running over the fabric of her chair idly. The slight scratching adding some sound to the painfully stagnant air. “I… I don’t even know, at this point. I just… I want her to be happy, and if that’s with somepony else, then-”
“And what if it was Rainbow Dash being unfaithful?”
Twilight felt like her lungs were filled with concrete. No air in our out, her chest tight. Her last secret dragged kicking and screaming into the open in front of her. “Y-you did know. How-”
Cadance sighed, and took a long draught of her tea. “Of course I knew, Twilight; the second I saw you I knew there was another mare. I’m the Princess of Love, I can sense a pony’s love, and yours felt very different from the last time I saw you after you and Rarity had started dating. I didn’t know how far it had gotten - whether it was simply an infatuation with somepony else or… more, but I did know there was something.
“I also know that you’ve been making appearances at just about ever Wonderbolts show Rainbow’s performed in. It wasn’t that hard to put together.”
Slowly, Twilight nodded and sipped at her tea, eyes faraway. It’s that obvious? Then… who else knows?
“Well?” Cadance prompted after a moment. “If Rainbow Dash were doing to you what you’re doing to Rarity, wouldn’t you like to know?”
“I…” she hesitated, mulling over the thought. Imagining Rarity with another pony was… it just was. Her Prince Charming, at last. Twilight almost chuckled; there was a time she thought she was to play the role of the prince. But… she didn’t feel angry. Didn’t feel betrayed or upset. If anything, she was glad. Rarity was happy.
Or maybe she was just off the hook.
The thought made her feel ill. The idea she could put her own needs so high above Rarity’s. But then, hadn’t she done that already?
Twilight set down her tea, swallowing thickly.
Then… then she pictured Rainbow Dash with another mare. A pegasus in a Wonderbolts uniform. A mare that could truly match Rainbow, one that could give her what Twilight couldn’t. That was when a seed blossomed in her gut. Anger or sadness or jealousy, she didn’t know, but it was there, and she knew immediately she'd do anything to make it go away.
“I… I have to tell her…” Twilight said slowly, eyes wide. “That… nopony should have to feel like that.”
Cadance nodded. “If you’re lucky, and if you work very hard, she might trust you again one day - but I don’t recommend expecting forgiveness.”
“But I don’t... “ Twilight hated herself more than anything in the world. “I don’t want to stay with her. I-”
“That’s…” Cadance sighed, choosing her words carefully. “That’s going to hurt her even more if she is willing to forgive you, Twilight. If you go to her and confess and apologize, and she wants to try to fix things, and you reject her?”
As much as Twilight wanted to deny it, a small flame of indignation flared in her gut. “Why don’t I get a say in this?”
“That’s not what I’m saying, Twilight; if you’re not happy in the relationship, you shouldn’t stay in it. But… you have to be careful. Put yourself in Rarity’s shoes and imagine how much that would hurt. To find out the mare you trusted - the mare you loved - was going behind your back. Imagine having to watch every day as that mare shares what you had with somepony else.”
“So, what, I should tell Rarity and break up with Rainbow?” Twilight asked accusingly. “What about what I want? I don’t want to lose everything.”
Cadence's eyes hardened, and Twilight grew silent on reflex alone. “That’s the price you might have to pay for what you did, Twilight. You put yourself in this position, and if you expect sympathy from anypony, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.”
Twilight’s head hung low under the surprisingly harsh reprimand. “I… I know, but-”
“And how does Rainbow Dash feel? Does she want to keep the relationship going? Does she feel nothing for what you’re both doing to Rarity?”
“I… I hadn’t thought of that,” Twilight admitted, Cadance’s words a punch to the gut. I… I never thought about her. I never thought about Rarity. All I thought about - all I cared about was myself. I… I don’t deserve either of them. I’m disgusting.
Cadance finished her tea. “I know this is hard, Twilight. I know you never meant to hurt anypony. But I also know you, Twilight; you spent a very long time without friends, without having to worry about other ponies felt, and despite how much you’ve grown, when you’re hurting or afraid you slip back into your old ways as a defense mechanism. It’s not that you didn’t care how they felt, it’s that you just didn’t think about it.”
“I…” Twilight sniffled. “I’m a horrible pony. I don’t… how are any of them friends with somepony like me?”
“No, Twilight, you’re not. You made a poor decision, that’s all. A bad choice the snowballed out of control. What seperates good ponies from bad ones is how you go about fixing things. You own up to you choices, and you make things right, no matter how hard that’s going to be.” Cadance stood, finally, and circled around the table. She knelt down in front of Twilight and wrapped her in a hug. “You’re going to be okay. I promise.”
Twilight’s shoulders shook as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. “You don’t know that.”
“Sure I do. I know you have wonderful friends, and even if they’re mad at you, I know you’ll work hard to earn their forgiveness.”
Twilight all but threw herself into the larger mare, chest heaving with sobs as she cried into Cadance’s chest.
Rainbow Dash’s back ached, her wings tingling as they were pinned awkwardly beneath her. The wooden bench she lay on was the furthest thing from comfortable she could get, but as her eyes scanned a spotless cyan sky, she knew it was her best option. It was either an uncomfortable bench or wait somewhere else, and that wasn’t a choice for her.
A loud, piercing whistle filled the air, and Rainbow’s nose was assaulted by a wave of smoke.
“Last call! All aboard for Canterlot!” A conductor shouted. There was a pause, then another whistle, then a gentle chugging whirred to live.
Rainbow rolled her head just enough to see the train leave the station out of the corner of her eye. She sighed; Twilight was due home today, but she didn’t know when. The first train from the Crystal Empire had been hours ago, and Rainbow had been waiting ever since. Not like she had much else to do; ever since she’d come back to Ponyville, she’d cooped herself up in her home, wallowing in her own guilt and self pity.
Now that Twilight was coming back, she couldn’t just sit around in her house. Couldn’t risk not being there when the alicorn showed up. Wrong as she knew it was, she also knew she had to see Twilight first. Before whatever was about to happen happened. Everything was about to change, and she wanted to cling on to what little was left of how things were.
She chuckled to herself; it wasn’t that long ago she wanted things to go back to how they were before any of this started, and now she wanted nothing more than for things to stay the same. Maybe she was just afraid of change.
There was a squeal, and another train pulled into the station. She looked up and watched as the doors opened, a careful eye scanning the crowd that emerged. A gentle din filled the air, between the idle humming of the train and the murmur of those disembarking. The wave of ponies washed around Rainbow and her bench, and the doors of the trail closed without the pony she was looking for.
Sighing, Rainbow rolled her head back to looking at the sky. The sun had passed its zenith, beginning its descent towards the horizon, and she realized how long she’d been there, waiting. Her stomach growled at her, and she sighed again. Patting her barrel with a hoof, she shook her head. She couldn’t risk leaving now; Twilight could well be on the next train, and she had to be there. Even if it was just a few moments, she needed to cling to how things were for as long as she could, knowing it would be the last time.
“Rainbow Dash?”
Rainbow jolted at the deep voice calling her name, a shadow washing over her. She looked over at an unfamiliar stallion. “Uh… yeah?” She rolled her eyes. “Look, if you’re a fan, that’s great, but I’m on vacation right now, so could you-”
The stallion chuckled, shaking his head. “Well, to say I’m not a fan might not be quite true, but that’s not why I’m here. I wanted to talk to you. About Princess Twilight.”
Rainbow’s ears perked at that, and she groaned as she pulled herself to sitting halfway upright. “What about her?” Her gaze hardened. “I can’t get you favours from royalty, if that’s what you’re after. You should-”
Again, he shook his head. “I assure you it’s nothing of the sort. Though I’m not surprised you don’t recognize me, what with the enchantment. My name’s Silver Spear, I’m a royal guard at Canterlot Castle, assigned to Twilight’s personal protection when she’s visiting.”
Rainbow’s eyes grew wide and she froze, staring at the stallion. He certainly looked the part; well built and muscular, the only thing missing was the signature white coat of the Guard - his being a dark silver, almost grey - but she knew the armour was enchanted for that. “You-”
“I’m often posted outside Princess Twilight’s chambers,” he said, and his eyes narrowed pointedly.
“Oh,” was all Rainbow could say. Her head thundered in her chest. What was this about? Obviously he knew - how could he not? Was he here to threaten her? Blackmail her and Twilight? What-
He smiled kindly, motioning to the bench. “May I?”
Swallowing nervously, Rainbow sat up fully and shifted aside as he took a seat. “What, uh, what can I do for you?”
Sighing, Silver Spear nodded to himself. “I suppose it makes sense for you to be nervous, but please relax; I’m not here to cause trouble, or anything.”
Rainbow’s teeth clenched. “Then what do you want?” Her patience was already wearing thin. The fact that the idle smile never left his lips was getting on her nerves. There was no way this was going to go well.
“Look, Miss Dash; I’m a Royal Guyard, and it’s a job I take very seriously. We all took an oath swearing our devotion to the Princesses and their protection, no matter the danger to ourselves, and though I suspect if it ever came to that Princess Celestia would do everything she could to allow us to retreat, we are willing to do whatever it takes to ensure her safety. The same goes for Princess Luna, and Princess Twilight and Princess Cadance when they visit.
“For many of us, though - myself included - in these times of peace we take the oath to mean something different. We also do everything we can to ensure our charges are happy. Few realize it, but we Guards spend all day with the Princesses, and the trust we place in them is mutual. We watch over the Princesses, and we see when they’re upset or frustrated, and we offer our services in any way we can.”
Rainbow rolled her hoof in the air. “Can you get to the point?”
“Ah, my apologies. My point, Miss Dash, is that I value the Princess’s happiness as much as I do their safety, and your visits to Princess Twilight have not escaped my notice. In fact, the entire guard knows of your…” he paused, searching for the word. “Complicated relationship.”
“So what, are you here to blackmail me or something? Want me to stop visiting?” Rainbow’s voice came out as an aggressive snarl, and she surprised herself at how much that idea hurt her.
Silver shook his head rapidly. “No, no of course not. Quite the opposite, in fact; I want you to do whatever it takes to stay with Her Highness.”
Rainbow jaw dropped open. “You what?”
“Look, Princess Twilight’s relationship with Miss Rarity is no secret; even the public knows of it. But the guards know of your relationship with her, and we - well, we’ve noticed the difference in the Princess’s behavior. For example, do you know how many times we’ve seen her cry?” Rainbow shrugged, still trying to process what she was being told. “I’ve only ever seen Princess Twilight openly cry once, when she received a letter from Rarity. She never said what was in it, but up until that letter she had been excited for Miss Rarity to visit her, and that visit never happened. I can only assume that’s what the letter contained.
“It wasn’t long after that that you started visiting her, Miss Dash, and the difference was night and day; Princess Twilight was always downcast while she was in Canterlot, away from all of you and Miss Rarity. She would pace the halls at night, unable to sleep, and spend most of her free time locked either in her chambers or the library. But when your relationship with her started, it was like we were guarding a different pony entirely. She became brighter, more cheerful, than we’d ever seen her. We don’t want her to go back to how she was.”
Rainbow felt like she’d been slapped. All this time, ever since it started and every moment of every day she’d felt horrible. The guilt had consumed her and the only thing that kept her going was a disgusting mix of her own selfish desires and a sense of obligation. But now… “You’re saying we should… stay together?”
“That’s… a loaded question.” Silver sighed, scratching the back of his head. “I don’t wish to speak ill of an Element Bearer, nor a pony close to the Princess, but… Miss Rarity was hardly present in Princess Twilight’s life. You, on the other hoof, were constantly visiting - sneaking in through the window even when the Princess told us not to let anypony disturb her.
Rainbow blanched. “H-how-”
“We are guards, Miss Dash, and we are good at our jobs.” Silver chuckled. “We knew, but we also knew even when the Princess requested to be alone, that wasn’t what she needed. We turned a blind eye to you, and without fail you managed to make Princess Twilight happy. That is what I’m here to protect; don’t let that stop.”
After a moment of silence, the news weighing heavily in Rainbow’s gut, she snorted. “I don’t think it’s really my choice to make. Twi’s… she’s killing herself over this.”
“I’d assumed as much; and, frankly, that’s probably how she should feel.” Silver shook his head wearily. “As much as I want her to be happy, and as much as I know that she’s happiest when she’s with you, I also know what you’re doing is wrong.” He looked over, giving her a small smile. “I’m sorry, I know this must be hard on you, as well. I just wanted you to know that you really did make a difference to Her Highness, and that no matter what happens, I request that you continue to do so. However you can.”
“And what about Rarity?” Rainbow shuddered, recalling her conversation with the unicorn. “I can’t… I can’t stand what we’re doing to her, either. She trusts us, and I-” she trailed off, unable or unwilling to put words to her actions. “It has to stop. How it stops… that’s up to Twilight.”
Silver Spear nodded slowly. “I understand. For now, just know your secret’s safe; the Guard knows better than to let things like this slip.”
Rainbow chuckled dryly. “Yeah, I guess knews of one of Equestria’s Princess cheating on her marefriend with one of her friends probably wouldn’t be too good, huh?”
“No, it wouldn’t.” Silver stood and stretched. “Well, it’s time I leave. Before I go, however, may I ask a question?”
“You gonna blackmail me if I say no?” Rainbow asked, her tone only half-joking.
Silver laughed. “Who knows? I just wanted to know… do you love her?”
Rainbow jolted at the question, and her eyes lowered to the floor. Silver saw her look, and quickly waved his hoof dismissively. “Sorry, forget I asked; I don’t-”
“Yeah…” Rainbow admitted, her voice small and quiet. She looked up, and her eyes were firm. “Yeah, I love her. She said she loves me, too, so who knows; maybe something will work out, I-” she was cut off by a gasp from behind, and her heart dropped into her stomach. Slowly, painfully slowly, Rainbow turned her head, and froze.
A bouquet of lavender flowers fell to the ground.
Rainbow jumped from the bench and took off running. “Rarity, wait!”
On the horizon, a train barreled towards Ponyville, a pillar of smoke trailing behind.
Twilight sighed wistfully, watching the empty sky pass by through the window of the train. Her car was empty save for herself - a fact she was thankful for. The silence, marred only by the rhythmic clanking of the train, was a blessing. After the bustling Crystal Castle and the time spent with Shining and Cadance, some time to herself to relax before dealing with the inevitable was more than welcomed.
Her stomach roiled with nerves, but no longer did she feel the paralyzing anxiety she once had. She didn’t know how, but Cadance’s words had helped, and her trip to the Crystal Empire had become more of a vacation than she’d anticipated.
Now, however, it was time to face her friends. And Rarity. And Rainbow Dash.
Twilight groaned, her forehead thumping against the cool glass. She’d spent enough time worrying. She knew what she had to do. Knew what was going to happen. Knew what she might lose.
But that was okay. She’d get through it. She took a breath, and managed to smile as the train lurched and began to slow.
“Next stop, Ponyville!” The conductor announced, and Twilight saw the small town approaching. Her smile widened; her friends would likely be there already, waiting to welcome her home. She’d sent Rarity a letter detailing when she’d be back, who’d probably gathered the rest of the girls.
Rainbow would be there, too… Twilight sighed, and her smile melted. To say she was looking forward to the coming conversation was as far from the truth as physically possible, but it had to be done. The truth had to come out, and after, she’d take stock of what she had left. With any luck, she might just have something.
The breaks squealed, and Twilight clambered to her hooves before the train even stopped moving. Now, she wanted more than anything to see her friends. Some small piece of normalcy before her life crumbled around her.
As soon as the doors opened Twilight jumped onto the platform, smiling widely as she scanned the platform for her friends. Moments passed, and her heart fell.
“Girls?” She asked aloud, spinning in a circle.
The station was empty.
A bouquet of lavender flowers lay on the ground next to a wooden bench.
Twilight glanced around the empty train station, confused and, if she was honest, a little hurt.
“Girls?” She called again, half expecting to be covered in confetti and streamers at any moment as Pinkie Pie announced the beginning of her surprise ‘welcome home’ party. But there was no blast of a party cannon. No warm smiles.
No friends.
Twilight frowned, shaking her head. Maybe the letter had been delayed in the mail? She’d sent it almost as soon as she’d arrived in the Crystal Empire; there should have been plenty of time for it to make it to Rarity. Had the fashionista merely missed it in the deluge of mail she was constantly assaulted by? Possible, but unlikely; Rarity was a diligent mare. For her to miss something like that…
The alicorn sighed. “No point standing around wondering,” she muttered to herself, stepping from the platform down onto the dirt road leading back into Ponyville proper. Her eyes trailed the sky, hoping to see a rainbow contrail making a line straight for her. But there was nothing; not even a cloud to hide a sleeping pegasus.
Twilight’s hooves carried her forward before she even knew where she wanted to go. Home was a tempting option; she’d hardly slept since she’d arrived in the Crystal Empire. An unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room had combined with the lack of a familiar body pressed against her.
She shuddered, and her gaze fell on the cloud house that constantly hovered on the edge of town.
No, she thought, fighting off the almost magnetic pull the building seemed to have. There was something more important to deal with right now. No matter how much she craved that brash pegasus’s embrace, she knew it would only deepen the hole she’d dug herself. If she caved in now, she’d never find the strength to dig herself out again.
Then Twilight looked to the spire atop the roof of Carousel Boutique, sticking out above the thatch roofs of Ponyville. She felt the way her chest tightened, but forced herself to face it. Forced her hooves to keep moving even as they filled with lead, weighing her down. Holding her back. Begging for just one more day. One more night. Just a little while longer. A little more pretending.
Twilight Sparkle refused to be that weak.
The streets grew busy and the buildings denser as Twilight made her way through the heart of town. Ponies passing by smiled at her. Some waved. Some even bowed, despite her many attempts to stop it. She ignored them and pushed forward. There was that nagging reminder in the back of her mind, telling her that if she let herself stop, let herself get distracted, it would be over.
With an extra deep breath Twilight rounded a corner, and her destination was in front of her. Foreboding and welcoming and ominous and cheerful all in one. A testament to her failures and a monument to her greatest sin.
In front of it, a sky blue pegasus with a rainbow mane sat, her forehead pressed to the door.
“Rarity, please,” Rainbow pleaded - practically begged, a hoof weakly knocking. “Let me in. It’s not-... okay, it probably is what you think. But just… please, let me explain. I-”
“Rainbow?”
Rainbow jolted, and what Twilight saw when the mare’s head turned chilled her to her core. Rainbow’s face told her everything she needed to know. “Twi!”
Twilight’s heart dropped. “Oh no.” She ran over, not caring who saw as she grabbed Rainbow by the shoulders. “What did you tell her?” Twilight demanded, wishing her words weren’t so harsh but unable to temper them. “Rainbow Dash, what did you say!?”
“I- I’m sorry, Twilight - I, I didn’t mean to, she must have heard me talking and- and-”
“She knows…” Twilight trailed off, looking between the pegasus and the door. “It’s okay,” she said, releasing Rainbow as she fell back on her haunches. “I-I was going to tell her anyway. It’s fine…”
Rainbow’s eyes widened. “You were going to tell her? About us?”
Twilight nodded, hanging her head. “I had to. It’s… I had to tell her.” She took a breath and straightened her back. “Go home, Rainbow; I’ll deal with this. I was ready for it, I just didn’t expect it to happen like this.”
“A-are you sure, Twilight?” Rainbow asked, almost timidly, but before she could get an answer Twilight lifted her hoof and knocked. Three, solid bangs.
“Rarity?” She called, and there was no waver in her voice. “It’s me.”
They waited, each with bated breath, for a response. None came, but as Twilight lifted her hoof to knock again, they heard the lock click open, and the door swung inwards on its own. The two mares shared a glance.
“Good luck,” Rainbow said, giving in to the part of her still clinging to what she used to have as she leaned forward to hug the alicorn. Instead, she was surprised to feel herself get pushed away.
Twilight smiled sadly at her. “Not right now. I… I need to talk to you, too; I’ll come find you when I’m done here, okay?”
“Alright…” Rainbow said slowly, and she turned away. Every fiber of her being was screaming at her, demanding her to stay, to be there. It was just as much her fault as it was Twilight’s, wasn’t it? Twilight shouldn’t have to face the consequences alone.
And yet, she didn’t fight her hooves as they carried her away. Didn’t stop her wings from spreading, launching her into the air and putting her problems behind her. Didn’t deny she was running away again.
Twilight watched the mare go, knowing it was for the best and still wishing Rainbow had stayed. Then her head turned, and she looked at the open door.
It would be okay in the end. One way or another. She took a long, slow breath, held it a moment, and released it as she stepped into the darkened shop. The blinds had been drawn, casting the room into a dim light tinted by the fabric of the curtains. A light shone from the back of the shop, where Rarity’s living area was, and Twilight swallowed nervously. Her hooves felt as though they were welded to the carpeted floors, and for a few long, tense moments she stood. Waiting. The only sound was her own shallow breaths.
“Well?” Came Rarity’s voice. It was a far cry from the gentle tone the mare normally carried. No longer full of compassion and elegance. Her voice was low and cold, sending a shiver down Twilight’s spine.
Finally she moved, chewing her lip nervously as she crossed the room to the hall in the back, then through to the kitchen. Rarity sat at the table, and Twilight shuddered as the unicorn’s eyes fell on her. Glassy and empty, but not from a lack of emotion. Rather an overabundance; there was rage and sorrow and confusion all piled together and trapped behind a slim mask that already had cracks.
Rarity’s face was devoid of any trace of makeup; even the mascera the mare wore perpetually was gone, but it wasn’t enough; the job had been hasty, and Twilight could still see dark streaks in Rarity’s fur that betrayed the reason the makeup had been taken off in a hurry.
“Rarity…” Twilight’s tongue felt like it was pushing through peanut butter, her words slow. Not that she was in a hurry to put them out; she didn’t even know what she wanted to say. What she could say.
“How was the Empire?” Rarity asked, putting on a smile that didn’t even touch her eyes and fooled no one.
Twilight bit her tongue. Hard. “Rarity… what did you hear?”
“Hmm? Why, whatever do you mean?” She fluttered her eyelashes innocently. “I haven’t heard anything. Well, except this nasty rumour floating around, but I’ve never been one to believe such things. Especially about you girls!” Her eyes narrowed. “Honestly, you wouldn’t believe some of the things I’ve heard about you, Twilight darling.”
Twilight nodded, mostly to herself. “Fair enough,” she said quietly. She didn’t move from the doorway, her eyes fixed on her hooves. “I’m sorry, Rarity. I am so, so sorry.”
“What could you possibly have to be sorry about, Twilight? You don’t mean to tell me those horrible, awful rumours are true, do you?” Her words were barbed, each piercing Twilight’s skin.
“Please, Rarity, just tell me what you heard. I’ll tell you everything, I just want to know what you know,” Twilight pleaded. She looked up in time to see Rarity’s glare turn murderous.
The unicorn’s false smile fell away. “I overheard Rainbow Dash talking to a stallion I’m not familiar with,” she said. Her voice was flat. “Talking about you. And her. And cheating. Said she loved you.” Rarity’s voice faltered and cracked. “Said you loved her back.”
Twilight felt her chest tighten. Cursed herself for ever allowing things to get this far. Cursed Rainbow for being so careless, then herself again for blaming Rainbow.
In the silence, Rarity spoke up. “Is it true, Twilight?” She asked, and before Twilight could answer she continued; “And don’t lie to me; I’m not stupid.”
“I know you’re not, Rarity, I-”
“Could have fooled me,” Rarity scoffed. “Honestly, I don’t know how I didn’t see it sooner. Always out of town at the same time she was. Always in the same city as the Wonderbolts. Always made appearances at her shows. I should have noticed it a long time ago. I guess I just… didn’t want to see it.” She chuckled quietly to herself. “And she’s been so skittish around me, too.
“Maybe I am a fool.”
“No, you’re not, I-”
Rarity’s hoof slammed down on the table. “Be quiet! You had your chance to talk!” She yelled, teeth grinding together. “How long has it been going on? How long have you been going behind my back instead of talking to me!? Months? A year? Since we got together!? In all that time you could have talked to me. Could have ended things. Could have been a decent pony. But no. I knew, Twilight; I knew things were never perfect between us. But you never talked to me about it, and I thought it wasn’t anything serious. But now…
“Is it me? Is it something I did? Tell me why, Twilight. Just tell me why.”
Twilight couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. “It’s not your fault, Rarity, I-”
“I know it’s not my fault!” Rarity practically shrieked, toppling her chair as she stood. “Don’t you dare tell me that. Don’t. You. Dare. I am not so naive, so stupid, so blind as to think for even a moment any of this is my fault. I didn’t ask you who’s fault it is - I asked why.”
“I’m sorry,” Twilight said again. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
Rarity righted her chair and sat back down. “Why?” She repeated tersely.
“Because…” Twilight hesitated, watching her own hoof scuffing across the floor anxiously. Her frown deepened. “Because I felt alone,” she admitted, wincing as she heard Rarity snort. “Because you were away for so long for your work, and I felt like I wasn’t important to you. Do you remember the first time you left, and our letters to each other were almost daily?” Twilight asked, smiling despite the situation as she recalled herself, giggling like a filly as she laid in her bed, reading over a letter that smelled so strongly of Rarity’s perfume. The image vanished from her mind, and her face fell. “Do you remember the last time you were away? For two months? How many letters did you send me?”
“Three…” Rarity trailed off, her rage at odds with the sudden guilt building in the pit of her stomach.
Twilight nodded. “And one was to let me know you’d be away another two weeks.” She sighed, shaking her head. “I felt like your work was more important than me. And even when you were home, you were always so busy, I just… I felt abandoned.”
Rarity swallowed the ball in her throat, forcing her anger to stoke hotter and cover any trace of guilt or regret she felt. “Are you trying to blame me for this?” She demanded indignantly.
“No.” Twilight’s tone didn’t even attempt to equal Rarity’s. “It’s my fault - I know that. I don’t want to even try and say different. But… you asked why; that’s why. I felt alone, and… I didn’t when I was with Rainbow.”
“Ah, yes. Rainbow Dash.” Rarity leaned back in her chair, her eyes narrowing as her anger shifted targets. Or maybe she wanted to change topics. Get away from anything that could be her fault. “How did that happen?”
Twilight shrugged. “She was there?” She offered, sounding uncertain in her own answer. Was that all it had been? Could it have been anypony that was nearby at the time? The thought brought with it uncertainties she didn’t want to think about. It had to have been more, didn’t it? There had to have been something there. Something more than just being lonely.
If not, why did she want so desperately to be back in the pegasus’s hooves as everything came crumbling down around her?
“Is that all?” Rarity asked. She snorted. “Figures. She never was all too fond of me, was she? Probably jumped at the chance to hurt me. Surprised she didn’t feel the need to brag about stealing you away, the little-”
“That’s enough,” Twilight growled, and for the first time she raised her voice. “Leave her out of this. You can say whatever you want to me, about me - but Rainbow doesn’t deserve it.”
“Doesn’t she!?” Rarity matched Twilight’s volume, then doubled it. “Doesn’t she deserve to feel guilt over what she did? Are you trying to say she’s innocent in this? That she somehow didn’t know what she was doing? Didn’t know it was wrong? Just how stupid is she!?”
Twilight slammed her hoof down, the tiled floor cracking under her strength. “It’s my fault! Rainbow never wanted any of this! She never wanted to hurt you! She wanted to help me. So please, take it out on me. I deserve it. Celestia knows I deserve it. Hate me for the rest of your life if you have to, but don’t blame her for this.”
For a moment the room was left in silence, until Rarity broke it with a weak chuckle. Or maybe it was a sob. “I don’t believe it…”
“Please, Rarity; don’t blame her.”
Rarity stood from her chair and turned away. “Just… leave, Twilight.”
“Rarity-”
“Go away!” Rarity’s horn flared and the front door of the shop all but slammed open.
Twilight glanced over her shoulder. “I’m sorry. If… you know where to find me, if you want to say anything else.”
Rarity could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks. “You really do love her, don’t you?”
Hesitating, Twilight regretted not making a faster retreat. “I promise you, Rarity; I will never lie to you again,” she said slowly. “Do you want me to answer that?”
Rarity laughed bitterly. “That’s all I needed. Get out, Twilight.”
Rainbow Dash sat atop a cloud, staring out across Ponyville. In the distance she could see the rolling hills covered by Applejack’s trees. Fluttershy’s shack, nestled at the edge of the forest. Sugarcube corner, a lineup stretching out the door and down the street.
She wondered what her friends would think of her now, when word got out.
Her eyes fell on Carousel Boutique, and she shuddered.
Then Rainbow looked to the crystal tree Twilight called home, shimmering on the outskirts of town. Twilight’s words danced in her head.
“Not right now. I… I need to talk to you, too; I’ll come find you when I’m done here, okay?”
She remembered the somberness in the alicorn’s tone. The sad look in her eye. How it had felt to be pushed away.
“She’s going to break up with me…” Rainbow said aloud, refusing to acknowledge the crack in her voice. She smiled despite herself. “Of course she is; this… this could never have happened, could it?”
A gentle wind tousled her mane.
“And I’m talking to myself. Great. See what you’ve done to me, Twilight!?” She shouted into the empty air. “You’ve turned me into you.”
Rainbow’s laugh sounded hollow to her own ears. “You never even asked what I wanted…”
She was being selfish again, wasn’t she? Who cared what she wanted. Twilight was more important. Rarity was more important. Rainbow’s stomach still twisted whenever she thought of the unicorn. What did it matter what she wanted? Rarity was the one being hurt. Twilight was the one suffering. All she did was reap the rewards without taking any responsibility. She should be there facing the consequences alongside Twilight.
Or maybe that was just the desperate, clinging thoughts that refused to accept her relationship with Twilight was over. Rainbow didn’t know. Didn’t really want to know, either. The more she thought about it the more she knew that things between them would never be the same. Could never be the same. What right did she have to ask Twilight to love her? What kind of horrible pony would she have to be to demand her own love be recognized?
Rainbow Dash’s head raised to the bright blue sky above, wondering why she felt drops of rain rolling down her face. “So that’s it,” she said, and smiled, tasting the salty rain on her lips. “It’s over. Good. I can’t do that to Rarity. What kind of Element of Loyalty would I be?”
“Rainbow!”
The pegasus jolted, dread and nervous anticipation welling in her mind as she leaned over the edge of her cloud. Far below her she could see a purple blob, and for a moment she wondered why the alicorn didn’t simply fly up to talk to her.
“Twilight…” her voice trailed off to a murmur, and before she could react she saw Twilight spread her wings. A moment later two ponies were sat on a cloud high above Ponyville. There was hardly enough room for both of them, and Rainbow found herself thinking back to their nights spent together as she felt Twilight’s coat rubbing against her own.
“I talked to Rarity…” Twilight said quietly, eyes glassy and distant. Neither one could look at the other. “She’s angry.”
Rainbow almost laughed. Instead it came out as a strangled snort. “Could have fooled me,” she mumbled. “And here I thought she wouldn’t let me in because she was setting up a surprise party.”
There was a short laugh, but by time Rainbow looked the smile that might have been there had vanished from Twilight’s face. “Pinkie Pie… Guess I should be glad I never Pinkie Promised to be faithful, huh?”
Rainbow frowned, looking away. “She’d have known the second you broke it. Maybe it would have been better; none of this would have happened.”
“Is that what you want?” Twilight asked, and her voice sounded almost fearful. “Would you be happier if this never happened? If we went back to how things were?”
“I mean…” she hesitated. Why was she hesitating? Of course that was what she wanted. She wanted more than anything to just pretend. Pretend she hadn’t betrayed the trust of one of her friends. Pretend she hadn’t fallen in love with a mare she could never have. Everypony would have been better off if none of this had happened. And yet… she didn’t - couldn’t - say that. Some stubborn part of her still clung to whatever shred of hope she could find. “I’m gonna take some vacation time,” Rainbow said eventually, sidestepping the question entirely. “I, uh, don’t think Rarity really wants to see me around right now, and…”
Twilight’s eyes widened, and finally she looked over at the pegasus next to her. “You’re leaving?”
“Just for a little while,” Rainbow explained slowly. “Spend some time back in Cloudsdale. My folks have been bugging me to come visit. Not a lot of time, with the Wonderbolt thing and all. And… I…” I don’t want to be around you. Not if we can’t be together.
Twilight chewed her lip, and Rainbow could see the conflict flashing across the alicorn’s eyes. Slowly, she nodded. “If that’s what you need - what you want…” Twilight sighed. “I’ll miss you.”
Rainbow chuckled weakly. Humourlessly. “Aw c’mon; I’m only gonna be gone a week or two. I’ll be back before you know it. It’s not like I’m leaving forever.”
“Isn’t it?” Twilight asked, quirking her head to the side. “That’s… that’s what this is, right? You’re leaving me?”
The pegasus jerked away like she’d been shocked. Noticed the lack of warmth where her coat wasn’t pressed against Twilight’s. Wondered when they’d gotten so close. “Isn’t… isn’t that what you meant? When you said we needed to talk?” Do you still want to be with me? Even knowing how much that would hurt Rarity?
“I…”
“Twi? That’s what you meant, right?” We can’t do that to her. We can’t. But I don’t want to leave you, either.
“No,” Twilight whispered, hanging her head. “You’re right. We… we can’t do that to Rarity. But I thought - wanted… hoped… but…” she took a long, slow breath. “I don’t want to lose everything.”
Rainbow couldn’t stop herself from wrapping the mare in a hug on instinct alone. Just like all those nights before when Twilight needed her to be there. Needed a shoulder to lean on. An ear to listen. It had always been Rainbow, and in that moment she knew no matter what, she’d still be there. “Twi… I…” I want to, but… “I can’t do that to Rarity.”
“I know.” Twilight sniffled, leaning into the embrace, some part of her knowing it would be the last. “We can’t, but… please, Rainbow; please… don’t make me let go of you, too.”
“I…” Rainbow’s gut felt like it was being torn to shreds. She’d promised herself ages ago, back on that first night, that she’d never make Twilight cry like Rarity did. Never be the reason she hurt. I’m sorry… that’s one promise I can’t keep. We’ve both caused Rarity too much pain already. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Twilight.”
Twilight nodded shakily. “You’re right. Oh, Celestia, I know you’re right. I… I’m sorry; I never should have said anything.”
“Hey, don’t be like that,” Rainbow said, forcing a fake smile onto her face. “We’ll still be friends, right Twi? You’ll still come to my shows, and I’ll make sure to crash into you castle at least once a week, okay?”
Despite everything, Twilight chuckled. “Yeah…” she felt Rainbow pulling away, and grabbed her before she could. “Just… a little longer. Hold me a little longer. This’ll be the last time, right?”
Hesitantly, Rainbow obliged, covering the alicorn with her wings. “Just for a little while.”
“I can’t believe the nerve of them! When I get my hooves on those two, I’ll-”
“Applejack, please.”
Applejack looked up from her angrily pacing hooves. Rarity sat in the middle of carousel boutique, her bloodshot eyes the only evidence that remind of her tears. Fluttershy was next to her, wrapping the unicorn in a hug and shooting a glare at the farmer. “That’s enough.”
“I…” AJ sighed, kicking her hoof and grunting when it failed to bleed any of her anger. “You’re right, Fluttershy. I’m sorry. I just… what they did to you, Rarity, I-”
Rarity lifted her head slightly, a pained smile on her lips. “I appreciate it, Applejack, but… I didn’t tell you all what happened so you would get angry on my behalf.”
There was a slam, and Pinkie Pie marched through the front door like a soldier, hooves stomping in perfect lock-step. “Here,” she said gently, offering a brown paper bag in her extended hoof. “You medicine, Lady Rarity.”
“Medicine?” Rarity asked, accepting the bag into her magic and giggling as she pulled out a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream. “Thank you, Pinkie Pie.”
“Only the best,” Pinkie said, smiling when she heard Rarity laugh. “No sign of the enemy either-” her voice dropped, and the act dissipated “-What they did is horrible, Rarity. Take all the time you need to feel better. I’ll bring you as much ice cream as you want.”
Rarity’s lips twitched upward. “I appreciate it.”
Spike wandered out from the kitchen, a perpetual frown on his face and a tray in his arms. “Tea,” he said quietly, offering Rarity a cup on a saucer.
“We’re here for you,” Fluttershy said and Rarity blew gently across the cup. “If you ever want to talk, we’ll listen.”
Rarity lifted her head properly, smiling gratefully at her friends with all the poise she could muster. “Thank you girls, really - I’m glad I can count on you all,” she paused, looking out the window at the darkening streets. “But you all really should be getting home; it’s late.”
“Horesapples,” Applejack spat. “We’ll stay as long as you want us to.”
“You shouldn’t be alone right now,” Fluttershy agreed. “If you want, maybe we could stay the night with you? Keep you company?”
“I’ll stay,” Spike volunteered without a second thought.
“Oh, no, I couldn’t ask that of you,” Rarity urged. “Really, I insist; you all go on home. I’ll be fine. I just… need some time, you understand.”
Pinkie Pie didn’t seem the least bit convinced, but was the first one at the door. “If you’re super-duper-sure,” she said, opening the front door and allowing the light from within to spill into the shadowed street. “I’ll be back tomorrow with a refill,” she chirped, stepping outside with a hopeful smile thrown over her shoulder.
Rarity turned, hardening her gaze. “Applejack,” she said shortly. “I know for a fact you need to get some sleep; the farm needs you, and if you’re with me all night you’ll be far too tired to do your chores.”
“Like I care about my chores at a time like this!” Applejack argued. “I can’t just leave you - not after what happened. I-”
“Have your own responsibilities. I promise, Applejack; I’ll be fine. Please go. I’d feel even worse if I made you or Big Mac have to work harder on my account.”
Applejacked tossed her head between the door and Rarity, chewing her lip. Eventually, she gave in with a defeated sigh. “Fine. But I’ll be back soon as I can.”
“Thank you.” Rarity waved as the farmer walked out the door, leaving only her and the mare who hadn’t stopped hugging her since she’d retold the story that still felt foreign. “Fluttershy…”
“I’m going,” the pegasus said quietly, her hooves tightening slightly. “I need to talk to her.”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “I told you, I don’t want to-”
“I’m not mad,” Fluttershy said, before shaking her head slightly. “Well, I am angry, but that’s not why. Don’t worry.”
Nodding, Rarity couldn’t help but shudder as she was finally released from Fluttershy’s warm embrace, watching as the pegasus followed the rest of her friends out the door.
“I’m not leaving,” Spike said, failing to entirely temper his gruff tone. “Where would I even go? I’m not going back to… her.”
Rarity sighed quietly, nodding her head. “I understand how you feel, Spike, but you have to go home. I’m sure Twilight misses you, and-”
“I don’t care about her!” He yelled angrily. “Why should I!?”
“That’s enough,” Rarity snapped firmly. “I know you’re upset but I already told you not to be mad for me. Now go home.”
“Rarity-”
“I won’t hear it any further,” Rarity said simply. Her horn lit at the front door opened. “Please; for me. Go be with Twilight. She’s all alone and needs her number one assistant.”
Spike gawked at her for a moment, but when she said nothing further, his shoulders slumped. “Fine,” he muttered. “But she can find another assistant. I’m not helping her anymore.”
Rarity watched from the corner of her eye as he left, a frown on her lips. “Oh, Spike… I’m sure we’ll both forgive her in time…”
For a moment Rarity sat in the desolate silence of her shop, before turning and climbing the stairs to her bedroom with heavy hooves. The day had taken its toll on her, and she was bound and determined to get a good night’s rest.
A lady needed her beauty sleep.
She was back on the market, after all.
Rarity felt her chest tighten in that familiar way it did whenever she thought of what had happened. It didn’t loosen until she all but collapsed into her bed, instinctively rolling and wrapping her satin sheets around herself. Her horn flashed and the lights clicked out, and she found herself staring out the window at the moon rising into the sky.
She rolled, facing her bedroom door.
Groaned and shifted onto her back.
Waited. Counted her breaths.
Rolled again to the window, connecting the stars with her eyes and forming imaginary constellations. She’d never been interested in such things, and didn’t know any real ones. Maybe she should have paid more attention when Twilight was rambling on about astronomy or-
Rarity huffed, kicking off her blanket. But that only made her too cold, the hairs of her coat standing on end.
The clock told her twenty minutes had passed.
With a sigh, Rarity resigned herself to her fate and fell out of bed, landing on her hooves and leaving her bedroom. She made a brief stop at her desk, scribbling on a piece of paper. She stared at her words for a good, long while, before crumpling the sheet and grabbing a fresh one. Again she wrote on it, and regarded it.
Nodding to herself, she folded the note and slipped out the door into the evening streets.
“Another!”
The bartender raised a single eyebrow. “Ma’am, I closed ten minutes ago.”
Rainbow growled. “Shut up and give me another!”
The stallion across from her rolled his eyes and walked away. She watched him go, grumbling under her breath. “Don’t you know who I am?” The question wasn’t directed at anypony in particular - not that there was anypony there to answer. The back alley bar was all but abandoned, the only ponies left being her and the owner. That was fine, though; she wanted to be alone.
“I remember this place having better service…” Rainbow mumbled, her chin hitting the surprisingly soft counter. Though everything was soft when it was made of clouds. Cloudsdale was like that - padded. Like the cells in a loony bin. Made crashing a lot better, at the very least. Though Rainbow would be lying if she said she didn’t miss the sound of a proper crash into a tree. Made of crystal and filled with books. Always a satisfying sound, even if the twenty minute lecture after only made the headache from the crash worse. Still, she supposed, it would be worth it to hear Twilight’s voice-
“I thought you’d be here.”
Rainbow jolted at the all-too-familiar voice, swiveling around in her chair. Her eyes landing on one of the last ponies she expected to see. “Fluttershy?”
“Uh-uh! No way! We’re closed, lady!”
Fluttershy smiled gently. “We’ll only be a minute, sir.” Her voice lowered as she leaned down. “I talked to Rarity.”
It was impressive how fast the blood drained from Rainbow’s face, leaving her stark white and gaping like a fish out of water. “I-”
“How are you?” Fluttershy asked, her tone soft as she took the empty seat next to Rainbow. Her nose wrinkled slightly, the pungent smell of alcohol wafting over her, but she kept up a smile.
“Fine,” Rainbow muttered, crossing her hooves on the counter and laying her head atop them, eyes scanning the bottles along the shelves. They landed on the bartender, glaring daggers at them, his hooves folded over his chest. “We should go.”
“You should talk to me,” Fluttershy responded simply, watching from the corner of her eye as the other mare fiddled with her hooves. “What happened?”
Groaning, Rainbow buried her face into her forelegs. “Nothin’ ‘Shy! Rarity told you what she-... we did. That’s it. End of story. Show’s over.”
“Bar’s closed!”
“We get it!” Rainbow snapped, staggering to her hooves, squinting as the room wobbled slightly. She took a few steps forward, and nodded to herself; tipsy, but not drunk.
Needed to find another bar.
Rolling her eyes behind her bangs, Fluttershy stood as well, following a step behind as Rainbow lead them out onto the street.
“How’d you find me, anyway?”
Fluttershy raised an eyebrow. “I’ve known you for a long time; you always end up here when you’re upset.” They turned, seemingly aimless, and started down the road. The moon had long since taken over the sky, bathing the pure white city in a pearlescent glow.
Rainbow snorted. “I’m not upset. Why are you here? Wanna chew me out? Think I got off too easy?”
“Honestly? I’d like to.” Fluttershy paused and sighed, noticing the way Rainbow’s ears were pinned to her head. “No, Rainbow Dash. Rarity made us all promise not to act out for her. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Me? You’re kidding.” Rainbow spun around, throwing out her hooves. “I’m great! Never been better!” She landed back on all fours with a grunt. “Good enough?”
Fluttershy stared at her flatly. “Talk to me.”
Teeth grinding together, Rainbow turned her back on her friend and continued down the street. “Talk? About what!?”
With a huff, Fluttershy jumped and flapped her wings, flying around and landing directly in front of Rainbow. “Tell me how it happened.”
Rainbow’s eyes narrowed. “I seduced her,” she said simply.
“Wha-”
“Twilight. I thought it’d make a pretty good prank, so I seduced my friend’s marefriend. Who was also my friend. Great idea, huh? Fell right into my hooves. You shoulda seen the look on her face, ‘Shy, it was-”
“Don’t try and protect her,” Fluttershy interrupted harshly, her cold tone throwing Rainbow off. “What Twilight did was horrible - both to Rarity and to you.”
Rainbow’s mouth opened before she could stop it. “Leave her out of it,” she snapped. “Twi didn’t do anything wrong.”
Tilting her head, Fluttershy raised an eyebrow. “Rainbow-”
“It was my fault!” Rainbow yelled, almost angrily. “I should have stopped it. Should have said no - but I didn’t. Twilight… Twilight just felt alone - I’m the one that let it go too far.”
“You’re saying Twilight had nothing to do with it?”
“Of course she didn’t!” Rainbow snapped, falling back onto her haunches with a groan. “Don’t you remember how she was, back when Rarity was traveling all over the place? She was so sad, all the time, ‘Shy. At first, I just wanted to drag her out of her castle to go flying with me, but… I found her crying over a letter, one day.
“It was from Rarity,” she spat the name with more venom than she thought possible - more venom than Rarity diserved. “She was so upset. So lonely. I just… I just wanted to be there for her, y’know? But Rarity kept ignoring her, and I kept being there, and I don’t regret that.” Rainbow frowned, eyes falling to her hooves. “I don’t regret any of it.”
Fluttershy’s frown grew, and she ducked her head in an attempt to catch Rainbow’s gaze. “You don’t feel bad about what you did? How much you hurt Rarity?”
Rainbow’s head snapped up, and there was a fire in her eyes Fluttershy hadn’t been expecting. “Why should I!? Does Rarity ‘feel bad’ about pushing Twilight away? Do you have any idea how much it hurt her every time Rarity would abandon her, forget about her? I just did what I always do; I was there for my friend. And yeah; maybe it went too far, but why is that my fault?
“Unlike her, I was there for Twilight. Can Rarity say that? Can Rarity say she put anything aside for Twilight’s sake? Do you know how many citations I got for sneaking out of practice early so I could be with her? Rarity couldn’t see what she had right in front of her, so she lost it. Her loss. I felt so guilty for so long about this whole mess, but you know what? It’s not my fault. And it sure as hay ain’t Twilight’s.”
“Rainbow-”
“But it doesn’t matter anymore; it’s all over. Rarity knows, me an’ Twi are done - everything can go back to normal.”
Fluttershy stepped forward, forcing Rainbow to look at her. “I’m sorry,” she said, quietly. Rainbow’s eyes widened as she found herself wrapped in a hug she wasn’t expecting. “You really do love her, don’t you?”
“Doesn’t matter,” Rainbow mumbled. “It’s over.”
Twilight sat on the crystal chair that bore her cutie mark, looking out across the map room. Five other cutie-mark emblazoned chairs sat before her, empty. The castle was silent and cold, and she found it fitting.
The door slammed open and Twilight jumped as a small purple dragon walked in. His head turned away as though just looking at her would make him sick.
It probably would.
“I forgot my toothbrush,” he grunted, passing her without another word.
Twilight watched from the corner of her eye. “Where are you staying?”
Spike snorted. “None of your business.”
With a frown and a flash of magic, Spike leg’s were rooted to the floor. Twilight sat up properly, leaning forward. “You have every right to be mad at me, but I need to know if you have somewhere to stay. I need to know you’re safe.”
After feebly struggling against the magical might of an alicorn, Spike huffed. “Scootaloo’s parents are letting me stay over. Sweetie Belle’s there too.”
Twilight nodded, and Spike’s feet were released. “Thank you.”
Spike just snorted again, disappearing into the twisting halls of the crystal tree. Twilight watched him go, heard his footsteps across the cold crystal floor. He returned a moment later, then went back out the door without a further word.
“I’m sorry,” Twilight whispered.
Again the castle was empty. The Castle of Friendship without any friends. Twilight almost chuckled at the thought, before catching herself with a sigh.
“It’ll be okay,” she said to herself. “It’s a fresh wound; they’re angry and confused. Give them some time, then start working to earn their forgiveness, right?” Her eyes fell on her reflection in the arm of her crystal chair.
“Right.”
Her own voice sounded hollow in the empty throne room, and she wished with all her might for time to pass more quickly.
Slowly, Twilight stood, deciding it best to pass the time sleeping rather than sitting and thinking. As she turned, however, her ears perked, and she heard the door open again.
“Forget something else?” She asked, before glancing over her shoulder and choking on her words.
“In a sense,” Rarity said quietly. She stepped into the room, shutting the door behind her and meeting Twilight’s gaze - the alicorn quickly looking away.
“Rarity, I-”
Rarity hissed through her teeth. “Don’t. Please. Not yet. I’m not ready.”
Hesitantly, Twilight nodded, facing her… friend? No, not anymore. Maybe one day. “What can I do for you?”
Instead of answering, Rarity looked around the room, scuffing her hoof along the floor. “Spike?”
“Scootaloo’s. He’s pretty angry with me.”
Rarity sighed. “I told him he should stay with you. And…” she shuddered, twisting her head away. “Rainbow Dash?”
“Cloudsdale, I think. Said something about visiting her parents,” Twilight answered slowly, her frown deepening. “She… we broke it off, just so you know. Didn’t think it was right, to keep seeing each other after… everything.”
“Just so I know?” Rarity asked sharply. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? That you-” she caught herself, pursing her lips shut and taking a few deep breaths. When she opened her mouth again, her words were measured and level. “That’s actually what I’m here to talk to you about; I… thought that might have been the case.”
Twilight glanced up, tearing her gaze away from her hooves for the first time. “Huh?”
“Look…” Rarity sighed, pinching the bridge of her muzzle. “I am… unbelievably hurt. I don’t even really think I’m angry; not yet, anyway. What you did to me, Twilight, I-...” she trailed off, unable to put words to her thoughts.
“I’m sorry,” Twilight whispered in the void, and she saw Rarity flinch away.
“Stop. The point I’m trying to make is that you’ve already caused a lot of pain. Make sure you’re not doing the same to Rainbow Dash,” Rarity explained. “What you did was wrong, but I don’t think your life should be destroyed over it, either. Especially because I’m not blameless in this.”
Twilight’s eyes widened. “What? Rarity, what are you-”
“I keep going through it in my head, over and over. What did I do wrong? What could I have done better.” She frowned. “At first I decided nothing; it was all your fault, and I’d done nothing to deserve it, done nothing to cause it.
“But I was wrong, and… I’m sorry; I should have seen what I was doing to you, how much I was hurting you. Looking back…” Rarity chuckled, shaking her head. “Well, it’s easy to see why you found somepony to give you what I wouldn’t. You deserved better, Twilight. I just wish I realized that sooner.” She lit her horn and a small folded note floated forward, landing on the table in the center of the room. “Give that to Rainbow Dash for me. And…” she sighed as she turned away. “As a sort of parting gift I’ll honour your request; I don’t blame her for what happened.”
Rarity stepped out the door, pausing before she closed it. “Just make sure you don’t hurt her like you hurt me.”
With that she left, leaving Twilight staring curiously at the letter.
Twilight paced anxiously, eyes fixed on her hooves as the crystal floor passed by beneath her. Every now and then she furtively glanced to a nearby table, atop which sat the folded Letter Rarity had given her.
She looked to the clock, then out the window. Rainbow was late. As always. One of the pegasus’s infuriating charms, she supposed. Twilight sighed; she was starting to realise just how much she would miss about her.
There was the familiar sound of flapping wings, and Twilight couldn’t stop herself from smiling as a familiar pegasus landed on her bedroom’s balcony, looking awkward and uncomfortable. In a magic glow the doors were opened, and Rainbow scratched the back of her head instead of coming inside.
“H-hey,” she said, unable to meet Twilight’s eyes. “Fluttershy said you wanted to… talk?”
“Yeah,” Twilight stepped forward. Rainbow stepped back. Twilight sighed at the action, nodding to herself. Some part of her had thought, hoped that nothing had really changed. That on some level they’d still be…
She shook her head. “Rarity came by last night,” Twilight explained slowly, noting the way Rainbow’s ears splayed back at the name alone.
Rarity was right; I’m hurting her too. Oh, Rainbow...
“She left this.” The letter was lifted from the table and set down on the border between the balcony and the bedroom, sitting at Rainbow’s hooves. “Said it was for you.”
Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “What is it?”
“I don’t know,” Twilight said with a shrug. “She said it was for you; I didn’t open it.”
Snorting, Rainbow prodded the small paper. “Probably some formal renouncement of our friendship or somethin’...” she chuckled under her breath. “Maybe a bill for that Gala dress she made.”
“I doubt it.” Twilight’s eyes fell, and she found herself looking at her own reflection. “She also said she doesn’t blame you; I made sure she knew everything was my fault.”
“Huh?” Rainbow paused, ignoring the letter for a moment. “What are you talking about?”
“Everything that happened between us was my fault,” Twilight explained, looking past Rainbow at the bright blue sky outside, the colour only reminding her of the mare she could hardly bare to see. “I’m the one who couldn’t talk to her. I’m the one that kept asking you to come over, kept asking you to be with me. I-I’m… I asked you to stay over, that night - it was all me.
“I’m sorry, Rainbow; I dragged you into this mess without even considering how you felt. It must have been awful to be put in that position. I couldn’t even see what I was doing to you; I was too blinded by my own selfish desires.”
Rainbow’s jaw visibly flexed. “Now hold on a second. It’s not like you forced me into anything. I kept being with you because I wanted to. Don’t you think for a second I didn’t want to be there. You’re my friend, Twilight; I wasn’t gonna leave you. And that night…” she shuddered at the memory. The guilt and regret it brought, but also a sinful desire for more. “Well, it wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t want it to. I didn’t get dragged into anything I wasn’t ready for; I knew what I was doing.
“I’m just as responsible as you.”
Twilight blinked, surprised at the outburst, but also at how close Rainbow was to her; she’d crossed the boundary and entered her room, and they were face to face, muzzles mere inches apart. “Rainbow…” Twilight could feel the pegasus’s breaths on her cheeks, a sensation that brought forth images and scenes of countless nights spent together. Her chest felt tight. Her cheeks growing hot and before she realized what she was doing she was leaning forward. Her body yearning for that connection once more. Just once more wouldn’t hurt anything, would it? Just one more time, before it all had to end.
But Rainbow was too fast; she stepped back, leaning away. “Twi…” Her eyes were as firm as they were sad. “I’m sorry; we can’t. You know we can’t.”
“I-...” Twilight’s breaths were heavy and ragged, and she coughed into her hoof. “I’m sorry. You’re right.” She shook herself and rubbed at her cheeks. “You should open it.”
Rainbow looked down at the letter. She nodded, mostly to herself, and gently unfolded it, moving slowly as though holding an ancient scroll that would crumble if she were too rough. Or perhaps as though the paper itself would bite her. Was there a spell that could do that? Maybe have the note yell at her? Sounded like something magic could do.
Watching, Twilight rubbed the back of her neck. “For what it’s worth… I don’t regret what we had. How it happened was wrong, and I’d do anything to take that back, but… if things were different, I’d-”
“Twilight,” Rainbow interrupted, her voice shaking as much as her hooves. “This is from Rarity, right? You’re not pulling my leg here?”
“Huh? Of course it is, why- mmmph.” Twilight didn’t fully know what happened. One moment she was stood in her room, the next she was one her back on the floor, soft and smooth and familiar lips pressed against her own. A warmth and weight she craved above her, pressing her down.
Rainbow pulled back, and their eyes met, both wide open. “Rainbow, what-”
“Shut up.” The pegasus dove forward again and kissed her forcefully, silencing any further complaints. Not that Twilight had many - plenty of questions, but complaining was far from what she wanted to do right then.
What she wanted more than anything was to return the kiss with everything she’d held back since the last time they’d been together like this. It felt like years, even though it had only been a few weeks since she’d left for the Crystal Empire, and only days since she’d thought it over between them. She kissed back with all the passion she could muster, her eyes closing.
Moments, minutes, maybe hours later, they parted, panting. Rainbow’s face was an awkward mix of relief and guilt. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I never wanted it to end, I just thought… it doesn’t matter. I love you, Twilight.”
“I didn’t want to lose you, either, but what you wanted was more important. I-... I love you, too, but what-”
“Doesn’t matter what,” Rainbow mumbled, lowering herself so she was laying fully atop the larger mare. “Just… yeah, don’t worry about it. We’re good.”
Twilight wasn’t at all appeased by the half-answer. “What was in the letter that changed your mind? What did Rarity say?”
Fishing around on the floor with a hoof, Rainbow grabbed the paper and held it up for Twilight to see. “Read it yourself.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow curiously; there wasn’t much, just two lines and a signature in Rarity’s distinctive writing.
If you really do love her, and you can say beyond a shadow of a doubt she loves you back, you have my blessing.