• Member Since 27th Dec, 2016
  • offline last seen August 9th

AJtheRaven


Appledash shipper. Critical of everything. Except Appledash. Because Appledash.

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When Twilight Sparkle accidentally casts a spell on Applejack that forces her to voice all of her thoughts, Applejack realizes that she is in danger of revealing her feelings for Rainbow Dash to the entire world. At least Rainbow Dash isn't around to hear her.

Right?


Cover art by the amazing and talented Multiversecruise!!! Love this dude!!!
Entry for the Appledash contest.

Featured on August 24, 2017!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 33 )

Funny and cute, just the way I like my Appledash shipping. Here, have a Mustache.:moustache:

8386432
Thank you! The mustache is appreciated. ;)

It's just pure cute fun and I enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

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Nice.

I liked it. Not my favorite ship, but it was cute sweet and short.

8386609
Thank you, I appreciate it!

8386620
You're welcome! Thanks for reading.

AJ: You and Ah have got t'have words. Ya just can't go 'bout tugging' on heartstrings like that.

Allykitty: Hush you. Sooooooo cute!

I enjoyed this cute little fic though!

8387079
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed. :3

8387283
I'm glad!! Thanks!

8387079
Nice to have some Appledash in the feature box for a change :)

8387369
Now go make MOAR cute fun fluffy fanfics like this one! Preferably with more unusal ships! >=)

8387382
Awww!! I'll try ;)

That was really funny and adorable, well done :rainbowkiss:

8387389
"Do or do not, there is no try" =P

I tried. I really did. But... let's face it, this story is pretty much the worst thing I've ever written.

Hmm... I am decently exclusive about my Favorites, and am willing to defend all my inclusions on that list. Even if the criticism is coming from the author. :ajsmug:

So, why do I think this story is good?

First, and most importantly, it has a great concept. I have a couple dozen other stories sitting on my Bookmarked bookshelf here that I am planning to read in the near future. I normally prefer shorter stories, under 3000 words. In spite of this, yours got bumped to the head of that list from the concept alone. And you executed on that concept brilliantly.

The way you wrote about this from Applejack's perspective is compelling. Not explicitly telling the audience when she actually spoke is a great way to get the reader to experience her struggle. Immediately slipping out lightly to Big Mac, then right away revealing her secret to Apple Bloom, made the stakes immediately clear and showed that any stray thought could become words without the reader knowing until the words were being reacted to. This is a brilliant touch and every paragraph after Apple Bloom, I was on the edge of my seat. And I felt legitimately proud of AJ when she was able to hold back her words successfully as I felt I could understand how hard that was.

The creative choices for the set-up were spot on. Having Applejack unknowingly cause the situation, and making that clear to the audience, helps to align sympathies appropriately. It is arguably somewhat contrived, and a strange detail if the story is viewed as being from AJ's perspective, as she herself does not know this detail, but it keeps blame off of Twilight without putting it on any other character. We feel sorry for AJ, but can't blame anyone else, so the story focuses on the struggle entirely. And, as I said, it rapidly becomes a struggle.

Something that truly surprised me was how the kiss occurred. The cover art made it clear this would happen, but the sudden timing, while at first shocking to me, made sense in retrospect. A sort of blaze-of-glory moment brought on by the escalating desperation of the situation. It is believable because of the struggles shown before hand; it makes the scene in the marketplace important to show how dangerous the spell truly is.

Each part of the story is well paced. The story flows nicely from set-up to resolution, demonstrating the struggle through show-don't-tell and keeping the characters in-character. While arguably a contrived conflict, it was compellingly written.

Truly, I'm not a big AppleDash fan (this is just the 2nd one to make it into my Favorites), but with how well you did on what you say is your worst story, I'm going to have to give some of your other stories a read. :twilightsmile:

Congratulations on being Featured and thank you for posting this story!

8388327
Oh wow, thanks so much! I feel a lot better now. Thank you for enjoying it enough and for being kind enough to comment. :heart:

Wonder why Big Mac never invited Sugar Belle to Sweet Apple Acres?

8389242
Eh. I didn't think about it. ;)

I really enjoy this story, and I'm not really the kinda person to whine about a story because "eeeeh Twilight messes up a spell, how original!" or anything like that. However, there is one thing that bugs me, and it's that the name of the story, and the supposed conceit of it doesn't fall in until the very end of the fic.

I think title alluding to the fact that Applejack can't shut up would be more appropriate, but honestly, it doesn't bother me that much. You earned your thumbs up if for no other reason than letting us see how AJ deals with the spell's effects.

8400489
Thanks for the thoughtful review. Glad you liked it overall :pinkiehappy:

HUCK this is so amazingly adorable! (How...did you find time to write it with College Stuff ((TM))?) The only reason it's your worst work is because everything else you've written is like the AppleDash equivalent of stuffing your face full of gourmet chocolate. I really liked Applejack's thought process, with the constant "RAINBOW DASH", and Applebloom was definitely the best-portrayed character. I also like the little addition of Applejack giving Rarity an extra apple to eat on the road, seems very Apple. I think it might do better if you added a tad more exposition; say, AJ choking on her pony-fur trying to muffle "Ack, gotta stop talking about that wonder Rainbow Dash, and..." or Rainbow Dash's wingtips brushing Apple's back as she tries to read her expression, causing Applejack to go wankers. Other than that, cute story! :ajsmug::heart::rainbowlaugh:

8500162
Thanks for the review! Yes I agree a little more exposition would have gone a long way, I just wanted to churn something out for the Appledash contest and didn't have time to make it anything fancy:( someday I'll try to redo this story and make it awesome!

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