Chapter Six; Cost of Business
Guilty Pleasures
Chapter Six; Cost of Business
Twilight glanced around the empty train station, confused and, if she was honest, a little hurt.
“Girls?” She called again, half expecting to be covered in confetti and streamers at any moment as Pinkie Pie announced the beginning of her surprise ‘welcome home’ party. But there was no blast of a party cannon. No warm smiles.
No friends.
Twilight frowned, shaking her head. Maybe the letter had been delayed in the mail? She’d sent it almost as soon as she’d arrived in the Crystal Empire; there should have been plenty of time for it to make it to Rarity. Had the fashionista merely missed it in the deluge of mail she was constantly assaulted by? Possible, but unlikely; Rarity was a diligent mare. For her to miss something like that…
The alicorn sighed. “No point standing around wondering,” she muttered to herself, stepping from the platform down onto the dirt road leading back into Ponyville proper. Her eyes trailed the sky, hoping to see a rainbow contrail making a line straight for her. But there was nothing; not even a cloud to hide a sleeping pegasus.
Twilight’s hooves carried her forward before she even knew where she wanted to go. Home was a tempting option; she’d hardly slept since she’d arrived in the Crystal Empire. An unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room had combined with the lack of a familiar body pressed against her.
She shuddered, and her gaze fell on the cloud house that constantly hovered on the edge of town.
No, she thought, fighting off the almost magnetic pull the building seemed to have. There was something more important to deal with right now. No matter how much she craved that brash pegasus’s embrace, she knew it would only deepen the hole she’d dug herself. If she caved in now, she’d never find the strength to dig herself out again.
Then Twilight looked to the spire atop the roof of Carousel Boutique, sticking out above the thatch roofs of Ponyville. She felt the way her chest tightened, but forced herself to face it. Forced her hooves to keep moving even as they filled with lead, weighing her down. Holding her back. Begging for just one more day. One more night. Just a little while longer. A little more pretending.
Twilight Sparkle refused to be that weak.
The streets grew busy and the buildings denser as Twilight made her way through the heart of town. Ponies passing by smiled at her. Some waved. Some even bowed, despite her many attempts to stop it. She ignored them and pushed forward. There was that nagging reminder in the back of her mind, telling her that if she let herself stop, let herself get distracted, it would be over.
With an extra deep breath Twilight rounded a corner, and her destination was in front of her. Foreboding and welcoming and ominous and cheerful all in one. A testament to her failures and a monument to her greatest sin.
In front of it, a sky blue pegasus with a rainbow mane sat, her forehead pressed to the door.
“Rarity, please,” Rainbow pleaded - practically begged, a hoof weakly knocking. “Let me in. It’s not-... okay, it probably is what you think. But just… please, let me explain. I-”
“Rainbow?”
Rainbow jolted, and what Twilight saw when the mare’s head turned chilled her to her core. Rainbow’s face told her everything she needed to know. “Twi!”
Twilight’s heart dropped. “Oh no.” She ran over, not caring who saw as she grabbed Rainbow by the shoulders. “What did you tell her?” Twilight demanded, wishing her words weren’t so harsh but unable to temper them. “Rainbow Dash, what did you say!?”
“I- I’m sorry, Twilight - I, I didn’t mean to, she must have heard me talking and- and-”
“She knows…” Twilight trailed off, looking between the pegasus and the door. “It’s okay,” she said, releasing Rainbow as she fell back on her haunches. “I-I was going to tell her anyway. It’s fine…”
Rainbow’s eyes widened. “You were going to tell her? About us?”
Twilight nodded, hanging her head. “I had to. It’s… I had to tell her.” She took a breath and straightened her back. “Go home, Rainbow; I’ll deal with this. I was ready for it, I just didn’t expect it to happen like this.”
“A-are you sure, Twilight?” Rainbow asked, almost timidly, but before she could get an answer Twilight lifted her hoof and knocked. Three, solid bangs.
“Rarity?” She called, and there was no waver in her voice. “It’s me.”
They waited, each with bated breath, for a response. None came, but as Twilight lifted her hoof to knock again, they heard the lock click open, and the door swung inwards on its own. The two mares shared a glance.
“Good luck,” Rainbow said, giving in to the part of her still clinging to what she used to have as she leaned forward to hug the alicorn. Instead, she was surprised to feel herself get pushed away.
Twilight smiled sadly at her. “Not right now. I… I need to talk to you, too; I’ll come find you when I’m done here, okay?”
“Alright…” Rainbow said slowly, and she turned away. Every fiber of her being was screaming at her, demanding her to stay, to be there. It was just as much her fault as it was Twilight’s, wasn’t it? Twilight shouldn’t have to face the consequences alone.
And yet, she didn’t fight her hooves as they carried her away. Didn’t stop her wings from spreading, launching her into the air and putting her problems behind her. Didn’t deny she was running away again.
Twilight watched the mare go, knowing it was for the best and still wishing Rainbow had stayed. Then her head turned, and she looked at the open door.
It would be okay in the end. One way or another. She took a long, slow breath, held it a moment, and released it as she stepped into the darkened shop. The blinds had been drawn, casting the room into a dim light tinted by the fabric of the curtains. A light shone from the back of the shop, where Rarity’s living area was, and Twilight swallowed nervously. Her hooves felt as though they were welded to the carpeted floors, and for a few long, tense moments she stood. Waiting. The only sound was her own shallow breaths.
“Well?” Came Rarity’s voice. It was a far cry from the gentle tone the mare normally carried. No longer full of compassion and elegance. Her voice was low and cold, sending a shiver down Twilight’s spine.
Finally she moved, chewing her lip nervously as she crossed the room to the hall in the back, then through to the kitchen. Rarity sat at the table, and Twilight shuddered as the unicorn’s eyes fell on her. Glassy and empty, but not from a lack of emotion. Rather an overabundance; there was rage and sorrow and confusion all piled together and trapped behind a slim mask that already had cracks.
Rarity’s face was devoid of any trace of makeup; even the mascera the mare wore perpetually was gone, but it wasn’t enough; the job had been hasty, and Twilight could still see dark streaks in Rarity’s fur that betrayed the reason the makeup had been taken off in a hurry.
“Rarity…” Twilight’s tongue felt like it was pushing through peanut butter, her words slow. Not that she was in a hurry to put them out; she didn’t even know what she wanted to say. What she could say.
“How was the Empire?” Rarity asked, putting on a smile that didn’t even touch her eyes and fooled no one.
Twilight bit her tongue. Hard. “Rarity… what did you hear?”
“Hmm? Why, whatever do you mean?” She fluttered her eyelashes innocently. “I haven’t heard anything. Well, except this nasty rumour floating around, but I’ve never been one to believe such things. Especially about you girls!” Her eyes narrowed. “Honestly, you wouldn’t believe some of the things I’ve heard about you, Twilight darling.”
Twilight nodded, mostly to herself. “Fair enough,” she said quietly. She didn’t move from the doorway, her eyes fixed on her hooves. “I’m sorry, Rarity. I am so, so sorry.”
“What could you possibly have to be sorry about, Twilight? You don’t mean to tell me those horrible, awful rumours are true, do you?” Her words were barbed, each piercing Twilight’s skin.
“Please, Rarity, just tell me what you heard. I’ll tell you everything, I just want to know what you know,” Twilight pleaded. She looked up in time to see Rarity’s glare turn murderous.
The unicorn’s false smile fell away. “I overheard Rainbow Dash talking to a stallion I’m not familiar with,” she said. Her voice was flat. “Talking about you. And her. And cheating. Said she loved you.” Rarity’s voice faltered and cracked. “Said you loved her back.”
Twilight felt her chest tighten. Cursed herself for ever allowing things to get this far. Cursed Rainbow for being so careless, then herself again for blaming Rainbow.
In the silence, Rarity spoke up. “Is it true, Twilight?” She asked, and before Twilight could answer she continued; “And don’t lie to me; I’m not stupid.”
“I know you’re not, Rarity, I-”
“Could have fooled me,” Rarity scoffed. “Honestly, I don’t know how I didn’t see it sooner. Always out of town at the same time she was. Always in the same city as the Wonderbolts. Always made appearances at her shows. I should have noticed it a long time ago. I guess I just… didn’t want to see it.” She chuckled quietly to herself. “And she’s been so skittish around me, too.
“Maybe I am a fool.”
“No, you’re not, I-”
Rarity’s hoof slammed down on the table. “Be quiet! You had your chance to talk!” She yelled, teeth grinding together. “How long has it been going on? How long have you been going behind my back instead of talking to me!? Months? A year? Since we got together!? In all that time you could have talked to me. Could have ended things. Could have been a decent pony. But no. I knew, Twilight; I knew things were never perfect between us. But you never talked to me about it, and I thought it wasn’t anything serious. But now…
“Is it me? Is it something I did? Tell me why, Twilight. Just tell me why.”
Twilight couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. “It’s not your fault, Rarity, I-”
“I know it’s not my fault!” Rarity practically shrieked, toppling her chair as she stood. “Don’t you dare tell me that. Don’t. You. Dare. I am not so naive, so stupid, so blind as to think for even a moment any of this is my fault. I didn’t ask you who’s fault it is - I asked why.”
“I’m sorry,” Twilight said again. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
Rarity righted her chair and sat back down. “Why?” She repeated tersely.
“Because…” Twilight hesitated, watching her own hoof scuffing across the floor anxiously. Her frown deepened. “Because I felt alone,” she admitted, wincing as she heard Rarity snort. “Because you were away for so long for your work, and I felt like I wasn’t important to you. Do you remember the first time you left, and our letters to each other were almost daily?” Twilight asked, smiling despite the situation as she recalled herself, giggling like a filly as she laid in her bed, reading over a letter that smelled so strongly of Rarity’s perfume. The image vanished from her mind, and her face fell. “Do you remember the last time you were away? For two months? How many letters did you send me?”
“Three…” Rarity trailed off, her rage at odds with the sudden guilt building in the pit of her stomach.
Twilight nodded. “And one was to let me know you’d be away another two weeks.” She sighed, shaking her head. “I felt like your work was more important than me. And even when you were home, you were always so busy, I just… I felt abandoned.”
Rarity swallowed the ball in her throat, forcing her anger to stoke hotter and cover any trace of guilt or regret she felt. “Are you trying to blame me for this?” She demanded indignantly.
“No.” Twilight’s tone didn’t even attempt to equal Rarity’s. “It’s my fault - I know that. I don’t want to even try and say different. But… you asked why; that’s why. I felt alone, and… I didn’t when I was with Rainbow.”
“Ah, yes. Rainbow Dash.” Rarity leaned back in her chair, her eyes narrowing as her anger shifted targets. Or maybe she wanted to change topics. Get away from anything that could be her fault. “How did that happen?”
Twilight shrugged. “She was there?” She offered, sounding uncertain in her own answer. Was that all it had been? Could it have been anypony that was nearby at the time? The thought brought with it uncertainties she didn’t want to think about. It had to have been more, didn’t it? There had to have been something there. Something more than just being lonely.
If not, why did she want so desperately to be back in the pegasus’s hooves as everything came crumbling down around her?
“Is that all?” Rarity asked. She snorted. “Figures. She never was all too fond of me, was she? Probably jumped at the chance to hurt me. Surprised she didn’t feel the need to brag about stealing you away, the little-”
“That’s enough,” Twilight growled, and for the first time she raised her voice. “Leave her out of this. You can say whatever you want to me, about me - but Rainbow doesn’t deserve it.”
“Doesn’t she!?” Rarity matched Twilight’s volume, then doubled it. “Doesn’t she deserve to feel guilt over what she did? Are you trying to say she’s innocent in this? That she somehow didn’t know what she was doing? Didn’t know it was wrong? Just how stupid is she!?”
Twilight slammed her hoof down, the tiled floor cracking under her strength. “It’s my fault! Rainbow never wanted any of this! She never wanted to hurt you! She wanted to help me. So please, take it out on me. I deserve it. Celestia knows I deserve it. Hate me for the rest of your life if you have to, but don’t blame her for this.”
For a moment the room was left in silence, until Rarity broke it with a weak chuckle. Or maybe it was a sob. “I don’t believe it…”
“Please, Rarity; don’t blame her.”
Rarity stood from her chair and turned away. “Just… leave, Twilight.”
“Rarity-”
“Go away!” Rarity’s horn flared and the front door of the shop all but slammed open.
Twilight glanced over her shoulder. “I’m sorry. If… you know where to find me, if you want to say anything else.”
Rarity could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks. “You really do love her, don’t you?”
Hesitating, Twilight regretted not making a faster retreat. “I promise you, Rarity; I will never lie to you again,” she said slowly. “Do you want me to answer that?”
Rarity laughed bitterly. “That’s all I needed. Get out, Twilight.”
Rainbow Dash sat atop a cloud, staring out across Ponyville. In the distance she could see the rolling hills covered by Applejack’s trees. Fluttershy’s shack, nestled at the edge of the forest. Sugarcube corner, a lineup stretching out the door and down the street.
She wondered what her friends would think of her now, when word got out.
Her eyes fell on Carousel Boutique, and she shuddered.
Then Rainbow looked to the crystal tree Twilight called home, shimmering on the outskirts of town. Twilight’s words danced in her head.
“Not right now. I… I need to talk to you, too; I’ll come find you when I’m done here, okay?”
She remembered the somberness in the alicorn’s tone. The sad look in her eye. How it had felt to be pushed away.
“She’s going to break up with me…” Rainbow said aloud, refusing to acknowledge the crack in her voice. She smiled despite herself. “Of course she is; this… this could never have happened, could it?”
A gentle wind tousled her mane.
“And I’m talking to myself. Great. See what you’ve done to me, Twilight!?” She shouted into the empty air. “You’ve turned me into you.”
Rainbow’s laugh sounded hollow to her own ears. “You never even asked what I wanted…”
She was being selfish again, wasn’t she? Who cared what she wanted. Twilight was more important. Rarity was more important. Rainbow’s stomach still twisted whenever she thought of the unicorn. What did it matter what she wanted? Rarity was the one being hurt. Twilight was the one suffering. All she did was reap the rewards without taking any responsibility. She should be there facing the consequences alongside Twilight.
Or maybe that was just the desperate, clinging thoughts that refused to accept her relationship with Twilight was over. Rainbow didn’t know. Didn’t really want to know, either. The more she thought about it the more she knew that things between them would never be the same. Could never be the same. What right did she have to ask Twilight to love her? What kind of horrible pony would she have to be to demand her own love be recognized?
Rainbow Dash’s head raised to the bright blue sky above, wondering why she felt drops of rain rolling down her face. “So that’s it,” she said, and smiled, tasting the salty rain on her lips. “It’s over. Good. I can’t do that to Rarity. What kind of Element of Loyalty would I be?”
“Rainbow!”
The pegasus jolted, dread and nervous anticipation welling in her mind as she leaned over the edge of her cloud. Far below her she could see a purple blob, and for a moment she wondered why the alicorn didn’t simply fly up to talk to her.
“Twilight…” her voice trailed off to a murmur, and before she could react she saw Twilight spread her wings. A moment later two ponies were sat on a cloud high above Ponyville. There was hardly enough room for both of them, and Rainbow found herself thinking back to their nights spent together as she felt Twilight’s coat rubbing against her own.
“I talked to Rarity…” Twilight said quietly, eyes glassy and distant. Neither one could look at the other. “She’s angry.”
Rainbow almost laughed. Instead it came out as a strangled snort. “Could have fooled me,” she mumbled. “And here I thought she wouldn’t let me in because she was setting up a surprise party.”
There was a short laugh, but by time Rainbow looked the smile that might have been there had vanished from Twilight’s face. “Pinkie Pie… Guess I should be glad I never Pinkie Promised to be faithful, huh?”
Rainbow frowned, looking away. “She’d have known the second you broke it. Maybe it would have been better; none of this would have happened.”
“Is that what you want?” Twilight asked, and her voice sounded almost fearful. “Would you be happier if this never happened? If we went back to how things were?”
“I mean…” she hesitated. Why was she hesitating? Of course that was what she wanted. She wanted more than anything to just pretend. Pretend she hadn’t betrayed the trust of one of her friends. Pretend she hadn’t fallen in love with a mare she could never have. Everypony would have been better off if none of this had happened. And yet… she didn’t - couldn’t - say that. Some stubborn part of her still clung to whatever shred of hope she could find. “I’m gonna take some vacation time,” Rainbow said eventually, sidestepping the question entirely. “I, uh, don’t think Rarity really wants to see me around right now, and…”
Twilight’s eyes widened, and finally she looked over at the pegasus next to her. “You’re leaving?”
“Just for a little while,” Rainbow explained slowly. “Spend some time back in Cloudsdale. My folks have been bugging me to come visit. Not a lot of time, with the Wonderbolt thing and all. And… I…” I don’t want to be around you. Not if we can’t be together.
Twilight chewed her lip, and Rainbow could see the conflict flashing across the alicorn’s eyes. Slowly, she nodded. “If that’s what you need - what you want…” Twilight sighed. “I’ll miss you.”
Rainbow chuckled weakly. Humourlessly. “Aw c’mon; I’m only gonna be gone a week or two. I’ll be back before you know it. It’s not like I’m leaving forever.”
“Isn’t it?” Twilight asked, quirking her head to the side. “That’s… that’s what this is, right? You’re leaving me?”
The pegasus jerked away like she’d been shocked. Noticed the lack of warmth where her coat wasn’t pressed against Twilight’s. Wondered when they’d gotten so close. “Isn’t… isn’t that what you meant? When you said we needed to talk?” Do you still want to be with me? Even knowing how much that would hurt Rarity?
“I…”
“Twi? That’s what you meant, right?” We can’t do that to her. We can’t. But I don’t want to leave you, either.
“No,” Twilight whispered, hanging her head. “You’re right. We… we can’t do that to Rarity. But I thought - wanted… hoped… but…” she took a long, slow breath. “I don’t want to lose everything.”
Rainbow couldn’t stop herself from wrapping the mare in a hug on instinct alone. Just like all those nights before when Twilight needed her to be there. Needed a shoulder to lean on. An ear to listen. It had always been Rainbow, and in that moment she knew no matter what, she’d still be there. “Twi… I…” I want to, but… “I can’t do that to Rarity.”
“I know.” Twilight sniffled, leaning into the embrace, some part of her knowing it would be the last. “We can’t, but… please, Rainbow; please… don’t make me let go of you, too.”
“I…” Rainbow’s gut felt like it was being torn to shreds. She’d promised herself ages ago, back on that first night, that she’d never make Twilight cry like Rarity did. Never be the reason she hurt. I’m sorry… that’s one promise I can’t keep. We’ve both caused Rarity too much pain already. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Twilight.”
Twilight nodded shakily. “You’re right. Oh, Celestia, I know you’re right. I… I’m sorry; I never should have said anything.”
“Hey, don’t be like that,” Rainbow said, forcing a fake smile onto her face. “We’ll still be friends, right Twi? You’ll still come to my shows, and I’ll make sure to crash into you castle at least once a week, okay?”
Despite everything, Twilight chuckled. “Yeah…” she felt Rainbow pulling away, and grabbed her before she could. “Just… a little longer. Hold me a little longer. This’ll be the last time, right?”
Hesitantly, Rainbow obliged, covering the alicorn with her wings. “Just for a little while.”
“Thank you.”
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Eh, I feel like the last part of the chapter kind of ruined things. The breakup felt completely forced and seemed to just be one big conflict ball for seemingly no reason. The misunderstanding just came out of nowhere because it's abundantly clear what they both wanted, so having both of them utterly miss that was just baffling.
9796596
Misunderstanding? Perhaps i wrote it wrong. The intent was for it to be abundantly clear what they wanted, but neither wanting to hurt Rarity further. Or at least... Neither wanting to make the first move in that regard.
As for the breakup, its purpose is more to set up the epilogue, but fair enough if it feels forced. Ive been told im not great at those kinds of scenes. Practice and all that though.
EDIT: Upon reading the chapter over, I realized my intent wasn't as clear as I thought. It was 3AM sue me. Made some changes, extended the chapter, much happier with it now. Thanks for pointing it out.
9796787
Thanks for the reply, and the edit! It's much better and clearer now and works a lot better.
Yep I agree entirely with TheArchive. Although not because it was a misunderstanding. The advice you had Cadence give Twilight was some of the worst relationship advice you could have put in her mouth. I almost commented on it then but now that you are letting it play out I need to say something. I have been in Rarity's place exactly. You cant expect others to put their lives before yours and if you do, even if they do, it will hurt you more in the end. You will hurt them more and yourself more once the anger is gone all you have left is the guilt you kept two people that cared enough about you to kill their love apart. It was bad advice for the princess of love to give and even worse advice to follow. Be respectful of Rarity's feelings sure but two people cant give up their own love especially if they believe its true just for the sake of anothers temporary anger. It just ends up causing more pain to everybody including the slighted party.