At the bottom of Stable 10, the great generator that has kept its residents alive for centuries is beginning to fail. As solutions are sought within, one pegasus sets her sights on the very ponies who built - and possibly sabotaged - her home.
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Finally it is here! Now Julip will re-intruduce herself and-
Well, there is always next month.
10203258
Haha! Blame Quincy for that! ;)
Why did you make the chapters so long?
10204250
Hi there! I apologize for that, especially this chapter as it did get a little out of hand due to the depths I went into exploring Rainbow Dash's flashbacks. Going forward, I'm going to try to get things back down to the 20,000 word count.
As a general question, what would you consider to be an ideal chapter length? Or better yet, what word count do you see that makes you leery about jumping in? I'd love to get a better sense of my readers' preferences so I can pin down a best practice going forward. :)
10204455
I just want more pony-words. If shorter chapters mean more frequent uploads, then sure. If they mean less words-per-month, then please no.
10205090
Shorter chapters would mean more frequent uploads, yep. Writing Renewal is my primary at-home project, especially since I'm laid off potentially til May 26th. As a rule, I want to keep the arcs in each chapter contained within those chapters wherever it's feasible to do so. It helps me keep to a steady structure, and I think it works better for readers when they want to reference back to a particular event.
That said, I get that seeing a 38,000-word chapter in the lineup can be daunting for the casual reader. Going forward, I'll see if I can't do a better job at keeping things under the big thirty. ;) No promises except for an assurance that I'll be more mindful. If a nice cut-off point presents itself that doesn't disrupt the flow, I'll nip it there. If I have to wait a bit until I'm comfortable that an arc has been resolved, it might be a bit chunkier.
I think the key will be finding a happy medium. :)
"He gave Ginger’s foreleg a tug"
Shouldn't that be "hindleg"?
"One that had remained empty since the day Equestria burned.
For the first time in her life, Ginger dreamed."
Huh. Interesting.
"his shotgun around her perforated foreleg"
"his shotgun around his perforated foreleg"?
By the way, where did Julep get the rifle? Am I missing or forgetting something? (She had it when she landed last chapter, it looks like, but I don't recall thinking to question it then.)
I wonder what did happen to Big Mac...
Whew! What is it with FoE stories and long chapters? :D
Anyway, made it through, and enjoyed it! Thanks for writing!
10205346
Ooh, good eye on those goofs! Went ahead and fixed them, thank you!
> Ginger dreaming for the first time? Well heck, that's probably nothing. ;)
> Julip was issued her rifle, but now that you mention that, I'm going to take a look back to see if I actually *included* that it was issued. (edit: I did, huzzah! It's mentioned very briefly in the previous chapter ;p)
> I'm sure Big Mac is fiiiine... >_>
I swear, I think these oversized chapters are a canonical requirement. If a FoE fic doesn't have at least one 40,000 word monster in it, the characters suffocate from lack of breathable font.
I like this story but man those flashback scenes drag. Especially when you put them in the middle of something important happening.
10205376
You're welcome. :)
(I think there were some I didn't get, but I don't recall clearly at the moment, sorry.)
Yep, first dream anyone's had since the end of the war? I don't know why you even put such a boring inconsequential detail in. (:))
(More seriously, I'm kind of surprised she didn't have more of a reaction to it... but I don't think that't not understandable, given the reaction she had to the content of it. I wonder if she and Aurora will talk about the dream and the implications of her having one once things calm down, though...)
Ah, I think my confusion is that it's not actually mentioned where she's talking about the rest of the equipment she was issued for this, whereas the SMG and its ammunition are and could give the impression that a full list of weapons has been. I don't think it actually says that's her only armament, though, so, yeah. Not technically a contradiction, but I can see why I was confused, I think (not sure why I don't recall noticing it last time, but, eh; sorry, though).
Ponies suddenly get noticeably larger for no readily apparent reason all the time, right?
Hah! :D
edit:
10206847
Ah, I'm sorry about that. Personally I like them (which you're free to have different tastes on, of course), but I also think they serve a useful function in showing us this different FoE Equestria?
(And as for going in the middle of something important happening, well, those to me seem like cliffhangers that just don't mean the posted words have run out yet; of course, you might not like cliffhangers either.)
10206847
Totally valid, considering this middling scene for Rainbow was a bit slower paced, too.
10206939
Hmm, something to go back and peek at to be sure, regarding Julip's weapon. To clear it up in the meantime, the SMG is all she's armed with. :)
Sudden dreams and mysteriously growing applestallions? Oh yeah, we'll be touching on that soon.
10206961
...Um. So, she does not have an SMG and a rifle, just an SMG that's sometimes called a rifle for some reason? Thank you for the clarification! You might definitely want to look into clarifying that in the story too, though, sorry.
:)
10206990
Ooh! I see where I'm confusing things! Heck, she doesn't have a rifle, I just keep calling her weapon that because I'm a dingdong! Corrections will be made, she only has an SMG. :p
10207024
Oh, thanks, and, heh, sorry. :)
10206990
Aaaaand fixed! Thanks for clearing that up!
10207033
Oh, you're welcome; thank you for your part. :)
I absolutely love your story. Read it and caught all the way up, and cant wait for more.
10214046
That's really heartening to hear! More is on the way!
10214086
would it be possible to do some art for your story?
I really like flipswitch. griffons are my jam ^^ and she seems pretty cool!
10215183
If any readers would like to create fanart, I'm absolutely for it! :)
10215185
YAY! can you give me a description of flipswitch? maybe in a personal note?
10216120
Oh sure, give me a second and I'll send you some details!
10220755
I'm glad to hear you're hooked! As for your question, I think I understand what you're asking but feel free to clarify if I miss the mark completely! FOE: Renewal is entirely separate from Kkat's original universe, events and characters, yes. The reason for the war starting, the events that escalated it and the decisions that caused it to culminate in the way it did are entirely unique, and play a critical role in the events that take place 200+ years later. I don't want to give out much more than that for risk of spoiling what's to come, but I can say with confidence that this story isn't tethered to any prior Fallout/FiM stories of their histories. I hope you stick along for the ride - we're about halfway to the end!
What an enjoyable read. Did you The Godfather some characters? Oranges, it's always the Oranges! That'd be pretty cool. It's a nice touch. Also, I don't know if you were doing it on purpose, but the Mangos could be a nod to Scootertrix. Cool detail, even if I'm just making up the connection in my head. Gave me a hearty chuckle.
I personally was a big fan of the multiple timeline swapping you were doing. I'd get upset when the story changed over, but then I got excited because I remembered the previous context we were in. To me, it kept the story going and gave it major reread value. I think it fell flat one time, but that's not bad at all.
I hate the feelings that I'll get/got from Ginger's dream (in a good way, writing wise). I thought it was her own at one point. I thought we were going down some "getting too close with the slaves" storyline which could make that really dark. I guess it still could be, or maybe I misread and it is. That's the value of a good scene like that. I have to re-read and come up with my own theories now (after I catch up, lol).
I also love that RD was caught on an audit. As somewhat of a financial professional, this brings me great joy. Batman couldn't even hide from a good audit. You better believe the finance folks have eyes EVERYWHERE!
Last thought, when you ship RD and AJ, are you really just telling Ashleigh Ball to go herself? Not being mean, I like it, but it makes you think.
10225947
Oh wow, I never got a notification for yours either! FIMFiction seems to be dropping them once in a while, or I may just be flighty. :)
And yep, I wanted to keep the familiar terminology to avoid the appearance of throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I'm still a little iffy on what the courtesies are in fanfiction and didn't want to swear off Kkat's original entirely. She kicked this train down the tracks, I'm just happy to rent time on the same rails.
10318562
Ooh, I'm glad the flashbacks are having the intended effect for you! I know not everyone prefers a story that toggles between two focuses, but it's good to know it works for the most part. I definitely have a few nonstarters - the Worlds Collide chapters were my way of "catching up" the backstory to where it needed to be with Aurora's, and it was not ideal looking back. Going to need to spend some time spreading those out in revision.
Ginger's dream was not easy to write, I'll be honest. It's subject matter I'm not comfortable with on any level and I couldn't help but worry it was too dark for the story. Stuck with it, though, and I'm relieved that it didn't blow up in my face! More to come on that!
I got a laugh from your reaction to RD getting snagged by the audit. I've done my own time in finance and as soon as I wrote up RD's attempt to smooth over an illicit deposit, I knew I had to make it the reason things went south on her. You can hide your hacks from a programmer, but Finance reps will bend you over and make you regret dicking with the ledger. :3
Break's over, I gotta jet! Happy reading!
Blue is going to use that to help Stable 10 I think...
Honestly I wouldnt have let her manipulate me like she did. Soon as I had the chance, I'd squeal. It'd tear apart the ministry, and it'd cripple Equestria. But it would completely remove her power (I'd make sure ponies knew she played a part) and if Equestria lost the war, then at least the war is over.
If millions of ponies die as a result; it would happen anyway. At least less die in the end.
there's a special place for literature that makes you feel helpless. That place might be hell, but I only think that because i'm still so emotionally charged.
The first time I felt this was while reading a book from the maximum ride series (don't remember which one) It had the main character being told that everything that happened was a hallucination followed by a sequence of chapters where that simulation breaks down. It was 2 am, I was a wee lad, and I was stomping about because it felt so unfair.
Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons has a similar sequence that felt a little better because the main character was resisting.
Anyway, these, and the Spitfire encounter all make a character in question feel helpless. That bleeds over to the reader and is a powerful example of evocative writing.
I think it also can be an example of bad writing too. When a writer builds up a character for a specific purpose and feel and then turns it on its head the reader feels cheated and angry. Evocative, yes, but more likely to lose readers than enthrall them.
i'm coming back to this comment, I don't know where I was going and I'm not willing to find that thread again. I've been loving this story and can't wait to keep reading.
ALRIGHT, it's been half a day since i've started this comment, i'm posting it now
Sellable is the word you need.
This is a wonderful description, but I still hate that you’ve included them, you absolute heathen.
Quincy is a complete idiot, to a degree such that he seems purely like a plot device present only to cause a conflict, rather than simply an idiot being an idiot at the wrong time. He’s a prisoner just as much as the other slaves, so why would he sabotage Aurora and Co’s attempts to free them? He could have gone along with the escape attempt and snuck off later to tell the slave masters what had happened.
Well, this is going to be the first time I comment on your story, author!
Coming from a dude who isn’t really a fan of the Fallout: Equestria Multiverse (much less the Fallout series itself), this one is interesting, to say the least.
Setting aside the colorful profanity, violence, NSFW stuff, and gore that come with F:E, three things stand out to me compared to the other fanfics of this sub-fandom I have read so far. The first one is how there’s another “story” in the background that takes place in the past through the use of flashbacks. It’s interesting so far, and I kind of like it. The second thing I found interesting is how different this universe is compared to the canon version of Fallout: Equestria. It’s similar, but different enough to make it separate from the original story. From an outsider's perspective, I think your world and Kkat’s are cool, with differing strengths and weaknesses. I do like how the Enclave is in control of the region around Canterlot, as it strengthens their claim of being the surviving remnants of the Equestrian government. The third and final piece I found noteworthy is how the concept of religion is focused more than a few times in this book compared to the other stories I’d read in the past. Besides Murky Number Seven, I can’t think of any other F:E fan fiction that says a lot about not just the present religions and cults of the Equestrian wasteland but also of religion as a whole. As a Christian, I do wonder sometimes what would’ve happened if magic suddenly appeared in the real world. Would this erode the beliefs of many about the idea of an all-powerful deity or trust in said deity because almost everyone can do “miracles” to some degree? (Probably, but that didn’t stop Christianity in the Marvel Universe)
I’m not sure if I’ll ever finish this (because of a multitude of reasons that concern Fallout: Equestria as a whole), but I’ll keep in touch to see where Rainbow Dash’s treason and the slavery thing will lead.
May God be with you.
-Davidtin, reader of this story
11740812
Well hey, thank you! I do hope you keep reading, from what I hear it's a pretty nifty story! ;)
I do think it's fair to say Renewal kicks off the "A" story pretty quickly, and I took a bit too long to get momentum behind the "B" story. Full disclosure, when I started writing I hadn't intended there to be flashbacks at all! I'd planned to stay laser focused on Aurora & Co. while having them occasionally come across evidence pointing back to the events leading up to the bombs falling. Teak's journal was meant to be one of the first instances of that, but it quickly evolved into a recurring chapter header/footer that I ended up using to ease the story into regular flashbacks. If I had to do it all over again, I think I would have planned out the pacing of that transition a little more thoughtfully but I think it does a serviceable job as it stands.
I'm nudging you to keep on reading only because you're close to the point where that flashback narrative begins connecting more tangibly to what Aurora & Co. are encountering in the wasteland. I won't hint at anything more than that, nobody likes spoilers. ^_^
With regards to how Renewal presents religion, I've been trying to avoid falling into the easy trap of painting it as an awful, terrible, no-good thing that automatically marks the bad guys as bad guys. Early on you get Ginger and Roach's perspectives on the Enclave which are roundly negative, but as Julip begins to enter more consistently into the story you start getting a window into how what the Chapel of the Two Sisters added stability and foundation to her life. I grew up in a Christian household and although I'm no longer religious I'll still happily agree that religion did a lot to make a scary world seem less scary to me. I try to channel that sense of security through Julip. Yes, she's on the other team, and yes she's a believer in the religion the Enclave invented, but she's also a normal person (horse person) trying to make sense of a terrifying world with the resources she has.
It's tricky territory to write in, so I'm trying not to beat people over the head with it. At its core, the story is about character growth and the gradual unearthing of the truth of what happened before the bombs fell. I started writing Renewal because I've always wanted to read a Fallout Equestria story that had more to say about the end of Equestria beyond watching beloved characters become their worst selves and getting a handwave scene or two about zebras and ponies both pressing the button. ^_^
Let me know what you think if you keep reading!
So far I've been loving this novel. It has been especially captivating as my first read into the FoE universe.
I did notice a couple of continuity discrepancies in this chapter though.
In this chapter, Ginger's flashback dream regarding the traumatic event that prompted her to run away:
This conflicts with Chapter 10 when Roach is thinking to himself about when he found Ginger:
In this chapter, Ginger laments the Rangers confiscating her jacket:
This conflicts with Chapter 15 when Ginger and Co. are on the road, after leaving the Bluff:
I apologize for being nit-picky, I am so enthralled with the story that I notice these things. Love what I've read so far and I eagerly look forward to the next chapters. Thank you for writing such an entertaining story.
Man...
This ah.... Did not go where I was hoping it would have gone. At all. I do gotta say that you did a good job subverting expectations but man my heart was really really rooting for that pair.
I do feel like the concept of exploring the idea of the world crashing down around Dash's shoulders to have a lot of potential for emotional impact and interesting storytelling. But it's also just.. so unpleasant. This inescapable position Dash is/was now in is absolutely terminal. Her role in this sequence of events is now over, the same as if she'd gone to prison. In fact, she now has to pretend everything is okay while having the axe hanging over her head constantly. With such a restricted living situation, I feel it would almost be a mercy for the bombs to fall, if only she would have made it into the stable.
That poor couple was so likeable; I was worried something would happen to them but as the chapter went on, I started hoping and thinking maybe they would survive? Then the sudden twist came in so surreally, I thought it might have been a tranquilizing dart or something. Wasn't expecting them to do the big sleep D:
Ah well time to see where the rest of the chapter goes lol
YOU DENSE MOTHERBUCKER
Congrats Quincy, you just played yourself.
This does shine a much better light on the whole perspective tbh; this whole scene I mean. It's such a good feeling to be relieved of responsibility after riding the redline of burnout. Perhaps not so bad for rainbow after all; though maybe if spib hadn't been so snoopy things could have gone differently
LOL!
Omgomgomgomgomgomgomg!!!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT! And we're right back into the kind of twists that make my emotionally blunted heart leap with excitement! Such an awesome way to solve this problem!
BUCK YEAH! Ginger is slowly becoming the most powerful unicorn in the wasteland and I love it