At the bottom of Stable 10, the great generator that has kept its residents alive for centuries is beginning to fail. As solutions are sought within, one pegasus sets her sights on the very ponies who built - and possibly sabotaged - her home.
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and now Primrose just ROYALLY Pissed off Aurora, Ginger was the ONLY pony keeping her on an even keel and now the Enclave is going to pay DEARLY for it. I believe Vegeta of the Ocean Dub of Dragonball Z (whose VA actually voiced Carrot Cake on MLP!) has an accurate representation of what is about to happen:
Wow, I didn't think you were going to have the balls to actually do it, since i'm so used to fakeouts to preserve core protagonist cohesion, or writers too scared to pull such a thing off. When the talisman started erupting in the containment chamber, I thought she was gonna get fried. When she made it to relative immediate safety, I rolled my eyes at her being saved from a guaranteed death. But then the story went on.
I've been an idle reader for a while, and despite my mounting problems with this story I think I have to commend you for being super cool in doing this. It made for some great imagery, too. I should have noticed the red flags from the anime death trope of heavily developing or showing a character being safe and happy with focus on them before their tragic death.
Fucking hell. Drive the knife in and twist it why don't ya.
Couple little issues I found while reading this monster chapter.
She smiled and the conversation meandered on. It felt nice, and not just the gentle pull on Ginger’s magic on her mane.
Pull "of" gingers
She dropped her saddlebags at the foot of their unmade and resisted
"Bed" missing?
That was... Devastating.
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Gonna use tactical spoilers for this response!
I've been planning the events of this chapter for, heck, over two years now. Ever since I wrote Aurora and Ginger's first flight together after the array I knew this was something the story would be working toward. It's part of the reason why the release of the last several chapters has been slowed both in publication and in pacing, because I needed to make sure critical moments were put to page before this chapter could happen. If you'd like, you're always welcome to DM me to chat about the problems you're having with the story! I'm all for hearing what people are enjoying but it really helps to know where readers are getting stuck, or what's driving them nuts, or what they just flat-out dislike. ^_^
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All of your sentiments, I agree with! Except you have cited the inferior version of Vegeta losing his crapbaskets. ;)
I feel like this might be more accurate, in duration and tone.
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Knives are meant for twisting, that's why they have handles! Haha and yep, I'm gonna go fix those typos right now. That's the one thing I suck most at when writing - catching my own brain goofs. Even after reading this chapter through before uploading it, I'm sure there's a bunch of hiccups I missed.
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That means I did my job, right?
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I could consider it. However, this is an absolute behemoth of a story in wordcount and the things I take issue with i'd really need to do a reread to confirm and highlight. This would take ages, and i'm not sure I want to go through 800k words (this time with an even more critical eye that takes longer) to do so.
Though, in the interest of giving feedback, I might go ahead and try anyways. It won't be perfect, and I won't be covering all possible issues as I never noticed many objectionable things about the earlier chapters. That being said I also may come to some incorrect conclusions, so if I missed a detail that explained everything you would have to let me know.
We'll see, I suppose.
Brilliantly devastating. Still mulling it over. Haven't been gutpunched like this reading a story in, well, decades, and I've seen enough major characters die in enough stories that I've become jaded, so that took skill. Excellent work. Here's hoping paybacks a bitch named Aurora, or Tandy. There's no punishment fitting Primrose's crimes, but she needs to suffer agonizingly before eventually dying. Knowing all she did has been exposed and her name will forever be infamous before she goes would be a good start.
It's good to see the enclave already starting to fray and fracture from the inside out. Centuries of planning and so much sacrifice turning on her will be devastating for Primrose. I can't say I'm not devastated by the big twist at the end there myself though. I guess it should have been obvious with all the flags, and the fact things couldn't simply end easily here, but I still didn't want to believe what was right in front of me. Great writing. I do wonder how Tandy will respond to this news. I can't imagine she'll handle it well. Even a goddess's dream could be a powerful force to be reckoned with when truly angered. Looking forward to more!
what
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Like they say, a house built upon lies cannot stand. From the first moment Aurora contacted the Enclave through their roving Spritebot, Primrose was walking on a tightrope between the dogma she created that elevated pegasi to a nearly sacred status and the stark reality that the truth of her crimes becoming known. Still, she's intelligent as she is cruel. Something tells me she won't just lie down and let the Enclave go to pieces around her. As for Tandy's reaction, we'll have to wait and see how that plays out.
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I don't suppose it makes it any better that I've been planning this chapter for over two years...?
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Heh... And once her initial fiery rage and grief have cooled and sharpened to a frigid, calculated point it goes to Robin Loxley's cover of Cash's God's Gonna Cut You Down
(Spoiler'd so as not to spoil the chapter for future new readers glancing ahead at the comments)
Wow. This chapter was certainly a kick to the teeth. This time though, I feel like it was my fault for being so naively trusting; it is not like "you" as the author pulled this out of your arse for a cheap "GOTCHA!" trick. We have been shown time and time again just how ruthless she is and the lengths she will go to secure their goals.
The whole song and dance about "preserving the Stable" was a sneaky bit of misdirection. It certainly fooled me just as it fooled the characters. We have been told time and time again the Stable was a liability to the Powers that Be back then and it certainly is a liability now. I think Dash's connect-the-dots memories with the Element of Loyalty in the clinic was when I started to twig onto the fact that something was not quite right. Of course it was way too late at that point.
"We" (or at least me) keep underestimating
CozyPrimrose at our peril, thinking "Pony Shirley Temple" when she is actually "Pony Damien Thorn".I mentioned earlier that this story felt like "Nick Cave" levels of dark. I think "Shattered Ground" would be a fitting lament for ████████ to sing for █████████
I will be all alone when you are gone, all alone when you're gone
And I will not make a single sound
Not make a single sound, not make a single sound
But come softly crashing down
Come softly crashing down, come softly crashing down
My pieces scattered all around
Scattered all around, scattered all around
Toppled on the shattered ground, on the shattered ground
You're making me going from a lurker to a commenter darn it. I gotta say at first when I started reading this the word count was so intimidating I wondered if I'd be able to read it all but guess what, here we are. I started reading when there were only 39 chapters. I haven't been able to stop, it's been nonstop reading from morning to well after midnight, and the story has come to my dreams, too. You wonderful creature you. I just. There are no words.
I don't think I've yet come across a story as immersive as this one. It just sucked me in right from the beginning and forced me to care about the characters and everything that has happened. It's so strange that I don't feel out of breath even though there's been so much happening in just a few in-story weeks. Your story telling skill is amazing. I'm probably not even able to count all the povs but the way you juggle all of them blows my mind. I love the way every character has their clear ambitions and how every choice each character makes affects the whole story. It's also very refreshing how you've managed to bring the whole world alive without any info dumping. I really like that you're not force feeding the story but instead give reader the chance to put two and two together, and boy are there a lot of those.
After the latest chapter I'm probably gonna need some time to put myself together. Just. Wow.
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Well good gosh that was wholesome, I'm so glad you're enjoying it this much! I was torn early on whether to commit to multiple POVs, especially when it came to prewar backstory, but the entries I made for Teak's journal ultimately convinced me there was a story behind the story I wanted to tell that didn't boil down to a melancholy tour of the olden days. ^_^ Leaving some details for the reader to connect is so not my strength, and it's awesome to hear leaving those gaps behind worked for you! I think you have an advantage being a newer reader since you've not had to wait a month or two in between chapters. Everything's nice and fresh in your head as you move onto the next and it's a relief to know you loved the journey that much!
More to come, as always!
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I appreciate the spellchecking, but do you have any thoughts on the story itself?
Damn, that was... I haven't felt like that since Project Horizons, amazing and absolutely terrible in one damn feeling that I cannot explain. I need a drink. I liked Ginger so much... That fucking hurt. The chapter itself is amazing though, and the story too, I loved every second of reading it,
even if I felt gradually worse and worse as the scenes unfolded. At first I didn't understand why I felt as if something very bad is about to happen, like, everyone was super happy, but there was some lingering feeling that I had in my mind, which got worse and worse. And, in the end, you've done it, holy shit, my heart and soul. How much I care for all of them is solely on you, you got that skill mastered. Now I gotta go and stare at the wall a bit... [spoiler/]
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Oh, as PMs? Sure, I can do that; sorry in advance if I forget at first, but I'll probably remember. If I do forget, just remind me.
(And sorry if I'm clogging things up here; since it's taking me so long to get through this, I've been avoiding looking at the comments for spoiler reasons and am not aware of what's going on in them. Well, and, of course, the typos are split up over more comments than usual.)
i got here quick
I am satisfied with the explosion, 10/10 would explode again.
It was about time for it.
Spoilers in my reply.
Roach and Julip went and fucked off and Julip didn't croak after her near-miss, and naturally Aurora wasn't going to, but it was immediately clear the ignition talisman was fucked the second the mute emotionless Enclave twat showed up. The red flags had already popped when Spitfire drove home the point that Primrose wanted to bury Stable 10, and I knew she'd still want to do that with what secrets lie down there. All she needed was access, and then she got it. The chapter title was a hint, too.
Also you introduced Colonel Flutterstripes and gave her a reason to bugger off from the Enclave like a ticking timebomb in her head of realisation that still hasn't quite popped for her just yet, so it seems clear to me that we were due for some loss to drive the plot forward. It seems Flutterstripes (This is her name now, you cannot deter me ), along with Dash, Chops, and Lt. Dick-slapped (Also his name now ), are going to soon become much more important.
I will levy some criticism at you though, in that this death while a bit of a slap, felt completely unnecessary and as I say, a plot-pushing slap. It's rare that a death can hit where it feels like a justified gut-punch. Sacrifice is worthy of death when there's a good cause, and death can lead to vengeance for a satisfying conclusion, yet for Ginger this felt poorly executed (Of which she was ). I believe it's due to my feelings that Ginger was just as close to the balefire as Aurora was and just as harmed from its effects, and could have just as easily gotten out the blast zone along with Aurora. She and Aurora could have zapped away and left the bomb to detonate with the Black Wing in the sky. You could argue that she didn't have enough magic to whisk them both away, but then the answer becomes zapping the bomb high into the air instead. Unless she had utterly exhausted her magic to the point of burnout before it all began, then the death simply feels hollow and unnecessary.
Ginger still had cards to play and didn't use them for what I believe was an attempt on your part to have a major reason to keep Aurora fighting out in the wasteland. It felt about as natural as Project Horizons, and Somber deciding it was a good move to kill off two major characters at the end of the story where deaths were wholly avoidable, for the sake of hoping to pluck heartstrings and giving the main character an overflow of reason they already possessed to want to defeat the big bad.
For comparison, Julip (when it seemed like she was dead) is a character whose story hadn't come to 'an end' as such, and she was locked and surrounded with no time to react to her situation (even though she laments that she could have changed things to Roach later) because she's a Pegasus and so is Aurora. They have no out, no way to interrupt the magic locking them in place, and Julip had no way to fight the situation. Her 'death' was a gut-punch because it was instant with little time to process, there was very much no way out, and her options were miniscule. She had no weapon, was in enemy territory, and didn't have a semi-all-powerful Unicorn to shield her.
For comparison to another unnecessary instant death was Steelhooves in Kkat's FO:E, in that a Hellhound simply pops out the ground and lops his head off without a second thought. It was an 'Oh?' rather than an 'Oh shit' because he was shown the entire story to be very alert of everything while fighting off everything against all odds, no matter how much things progressed. His character was undermined by author wish. Whereas, I feel Julip was shown to have naturally let her guard down progressively more and more as she became part of the group, and that she relaxed too much, paying for such consequences.
Hopefully you see where I'm going with all that and understand it's simply opinion. It's not seeing characters killed off to boost others that should drive story progression, it's the injuries, scars, and events they survive to then still bring themselves to fight on that endears. Having said that, the story isn't any less readable in certain regards. I didn't attach to Ginger as much as I did Julip and I think it's probably because I like characters like Julip a lot more. I'm going to be curious to see how Aurora picks herself up and sustains this rather heavy setback.
Wow...that chapter hit hard. I loved it!!
Also ginger noooooooo
Hey. I made a comment on the previous chapter. (I actually meant to send it before I left for work but I guess it didn't want to)
Hey. Do me a favor? Turn on your location. I just want to talk.
I just want to talk.
GINGER DIDN'T DESERVE THIS. I READ THIS AT WORK. I WAS TRYING NOT TO CRY. HOW DARE YOU. HOW DARE YOU.
This is a good fic.
I could FEEL like things were going too safe. There had been too many close calls of deaths. Julip, Ginger before with the stim packs, Aurora, and just... everything. The moment Prim said she wasn't sure about the talismans, I knew. I knew and I was scared it would be Ginger, and I'm so damn upset. I'm SO upset. Everything led up to this. Eating a salad. Feeling safe for the first time in her life. Prim refusing to sleep bc she likely knew that Tandy could read her mind, and would tell Ginger. My poor girl. My FAV. I was rooting for their ship since the moment she came in trying to be Rarity, and now she's GONE.
You're getting the angriest book report known to ponykind.
OMG... in my feels. RIGHT IN MY FEELS!!
Or, ya know, just wait to see the sky until after the enclave leaves? Come on rainbow we all know you're enough of an egghead to be able to think of that
I should've known not to get my hopes up with so many words left in the story :( I admit this did catch me by surprise and the little hints ahead of time didn't clue me into this. I actually had hoped that they'd have sent an actual ignition talisman .-.
For some reason I mistook my previous quote for the end of the chapter and then noticed people talking about the chapter title. Didn't expect this :c
Well, I guess it was stupid of me to think that even though Primrose did try to kill Stable 10 years ago that she would just be like "it'd be better to have them survive this time to make myself look good for protecting that stable". I thought the fact that they were surprised at Rainbow/a ghoul being in the stable and how they didn't let Roach into it pointed towards that direction....