At the bottom of Stable 10, the great generator that has kept its residents alive for centuries is beginning to fail. As solutions are sought within, one pegasus sets her sights on the very ponies who built - and possibly sabotaged - her home.
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Well, that wasn't entirely unexpected. Kinda nuts how powerful F&F is, but I guess that power is magnified by Ginger's business being smol. But hey, third party member and free armor!
Was going to wonder why there weren't facilities in the Stable to exercise wings, but upon pondering further I suppose even if they had them or someone invented them, with nowhere interesting to go it might well be preferable to just try forget about one's wings as much as possible.
I keep looking for details that might hint at when this happens in the time line for FO:E.. or are you just doing your own thing and ditching it?
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I'm doing my own thing, in all honesty. The reasons for the war and a few notable details in Kkat's story remain, but I'm opting for a different history of events after the war. If Littlepip and her friends exist in this world I'm trying to create, they might not do so in the same capacity as the original FO:E.
You know, we all have a very love/hate relationship with Bourbon. We can all agree that she's fun at parties, but only in small doses. However, when Bourbon get an electric personality, she can catch fire for days and....kill all the fish? Ya, current events!
Anywho, who is this F&F and what does it stand for!? I'll take some wild guesses.
https://i.imgur.com/avhPs3n.gifv
With Ginger being in business with Bourbon and Frocks&Fedoras, I don't know that Bourbon would have too much issue with a potentially serial rapist getting his just due. Rapes are certainly not good for business. Business folks are generally pretty good at keeping public perception to the positive. Just look at how some drug cartels treat their home countries. I also think that Fentanyl&Fermentation is into the drug and alcohol trade. With the sure demands for Jet, Mentals, and Psycho out there, and Raider civilizations, I wouldn't be surprised. I'm not saying Forms&Files would be ethical; the business pony is called "Filthy" Rich after all. And what about potentially repopulating Equestria! Fornication&Foaling?!?! ... I've gone too far... It's probably something that makes more sense like Sofas&Quills or something.
I let out an audible laugh on this one. Another solid addition to the "I would totally do that" list. It goes back to the growth of the character. Thank you for not letting her be amazing at something she's never done before. I love seeing the fight that comes out when you eat "dirt" a few times. I've called it eating something else, but it's all the same. And interestingly enough, I could feel the wind. Jeez, it felt like a beautiful spring day. I wouldn't have taken it to be a wasteland or whatever season it is. Do Stable ponys have seasons and feel cold or hot? I'm looking too deep into it.
Anywho, I look forward to the next installment of Aurora's Adventures with the Feisty&Fighty Group, and who could be behind that Spritebot! I can't wait for the next one!
Now for some crazy musings:
Will RD and Aurora ever fly together!? Can she teach Aurora a Sonic Rainboom? Will Roach do a Sonic Radboom? If they do it together, will it be like crossing the streams? Can this changeling ever change (without killing everyone)!? Will Ginger's artistic talents ever be truly appreciated? How does Aurora feel about walking around naked after her incident? My mind is awash with questions.
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Holy crap, *I forgot to explain that F&F was a Flim & Flam abbreviation.* For the love of-- I'll have to retcon that in! It wasn't intended to be a mysterious reveal, just a harkening back to a prewar pair of scheisters who sold snake oil! I completely deserved that ribbing :) No comment on Bourbon, though! Spoilers!
I really enjoyed writing and rewriting Aurora's first flight, brief as it was. The scenery comes from an area I live near and I couldn't bring myself to write it as a barren mudflat like most of the Fallout 3 and 4 terrain tends to be. One thing that always bothered me about Fallout is that the radiation always mutated the fauna and killed the flora, which made no sense given how easy it was to grow food in a settlement. I'm using that gripe as an excuse to walk back the desolation and reimagine Equestria's ecosystem as heavily weakened, rather than dead. Especially with an herbivorous species being my main source of characters! ;)
Working on Chapter 7 this weekend! I hope to have it done with enough time to spare to go to war on my front lawn. I thought I was letting clover grow in the dead patches. Nope. **Creeping Charlie.**
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Wait, Flim AND Flam!? Shut the front door! You know your way around a good joke, but sorry if I go too far. It's all meant in good fun.
I never thought about that flora bit. How in the world are there two headed cows and no ag or grass to feed them! Double down that sentiment with FoE. But if we're getting close to home, I think a race is in order. Fastest 2 minutes in Equestria! Sounds like fun and hats!
Looks like you picked a good weekend to get some work done. I'm not afraid of a lilac bush, but that humidity is another story! I got some weeding in the garden to do, ribs to smoke, perhaps some pickling, and maybe a chapter to read . Good luck with CH 7!
9728589 Jokes are what I do, darling!
The humidity is why my lawn is now 50% creeping charlie, blech. I dosed it with borax last night. Time to roll out of bed and see if I didn't kill the entire lawn!
Holy shit! Watcher!
Also: Is that song in public domain? If not, you're gonna want to remove it, since copyrighted lyrics of any sort are a massive no-no on FimFic. Just FYI. Not that anyone who uses the site cares a fig, but the site has to protect itself from any potential suits. You know how it is.
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It's past copyright, yup! Also, Watcher? Hmmm...
Chapter Update!
Thanks to a keen-eyed reader, I went back here to correct an error I'd forgotten to correct after writing the subsequent chapters. Cider's sister, previously named Bourbon, had been renamed Autumn Song and I didn't catch it. Sorry for the confusion!
Feminine and dulcet.... Hmm. I completely missed that detail before. Either Watcher got hisself a fancy new voice modulator, or this isn't your usual Watcher....
As always, Aurora learning to fly is adorable! I half expected some moment of flashback or need to repress memories to ruin the fun, but I guess not every FOE fix has to be edged up to 11.
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Aurora stretched her wings wide, her breath catching in her throat as the wind fille--
SUDDENLY SHE WAS BACK HOME AND SLEDGE WAS BREATHING DOWN HER NECK
Edit: That came out sounding more erotic than I intended. *makes note*
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MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER. ABORT! ABORT!
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I regret nothing!
Yeah, he's gonna die... Again?
With all this talk of the Enclave, I'm getting really hyped for when they actually show up. I just hope they have more personality than in the original.
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The Enclave with personality? Nonsense, I've modeled them all off of Maud and that's how it's gonna be, see? ;)
Ah I’ve been waiting to see if some one makes a reference to this song
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It's a great bit of the soundtrack :)
I've been reading this on my e-reader, but I had to finally leave a comment.
I love this line for a specific reason:
"For a brick, he flew pretty good!"
Couple of rogue plurals there.
I must say, on a purely technical level, the overall writing quality on display here is exceptionally good; you've avoided many of the stylistic narration problems that are hallmarks of many fanfic writers, although, at least thus far, I've seen a few instances of words and turns of phrase that many pony fiction writers tend to omit or replace (such as "on the one hand," use of arm instead of leg or foreleg, and a few instances of body language or terms that make less sense for quadrupeds, i.e., referring to a one's lap, which isn't something a quadruped really has). Your narration is clean and succinct, and I've seen no excessive wordiness so far.
You did a fantastic job of introducing Aurora as a character and giving a clear view of the situation in her Stable, but kicked her out the door quickly with a clear goal in mind. Roach's and Rainbow's introductions were similarly punctual, and Rainbow's story in particular was perfectly short and tragic, and didn't overstay its welcome. The pacing since then has been excellent; every scene has lasted just long enough to get to the point. I don't know how much I care for the reinterpretation of the Steel Rangers and Enclave's paradigm, but so far, you've done a great job with the exposition of it, so I'll hold off on judging that.
I get the impression that you're a reasonably experienced writer diving into Horse Word Land for the first time. Have you authored anything prior to this elsewhere?
If not, then brava--bravissima--because so far, this is seriously impressive.
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Thank you! You're right, this is my first foray into technicolor horse fiction but not my first rodeo with writing fiction in general. I've never published or shared anything I've written before now - it's just a stack of printouts I have left over from college - and prior to writing Renewal I had gone on an 11 year hiatus from writing as a whole. I had ideas and a little bit of technical skill but nothing worth barking over and nothing that motivated me enough to get off my duff and do it. Some major life changes a few years ago pushed me to step back from what I was doing and reassess what was important. I won't go into all the gory-gory. Long story short, I decided I wanted to write something. Not for a publisher or a paycheck, just for me. Best decision I've ever made. :)
Horseworld fiction is definitely something, several years on, I'm still working out my own personal "rules" for. There's a lot about the Fallout Equestria genre I like, but also a lot that is distracting. I don't use the "anypony/everypony" identifiers because... well, we all get it. They're horses. I don't say "everyhuman." Blech, haha. Same with how each type of pony interacts with the world around them. My inner sadist prefers that earth ponies can't use their hooves for everything and instead have to make constant use of their mouths or what limited range of motion their forelimbs can manage. Realism makes my brain happy, and I feel like throwing rainbow ponies into the magical equivalent of the apocalypse qualifies as a good reason to take off their training wheels.
Anyhoo, I'm getting long-winded! Thank you for the kudos and the notes on those pesky plurals! If there's one thing I like to abuse, it's my use of the word "pegasi." ;) Let me know what you think going forward! I'm sure you can see the chapters get a little chunkier further down the line and honestly I'd like to know if there's ever a point where they begin to feel bloated.
The trio sets off on their journey! It's taken a bit to get here, but that's fine. I'm not so sure how I feel about Ginger's inclusion. I'm not so invested in her character or backstory. Compared to Roach, with his mysterious past and odd characteristics, Ginger is a bit flat and dull. It feels like her presence is for the party to have a better chance at the wasteland, which in turn makes it feel that Aurora is facing the wasteland with a set of training wheels. It makes sense, given her inability to fend for herself at the moment, but Roach served that purpose before. My knowledge of the plot is obviously limited to what I've read so far but I have to wonder, would it be more interesting if she and Roach were forced to make do with limited magic? The dynamic of "I have magic but it is also poisonous" is great, but it's neutered with Ginger around, at least for now.
I can forgive the convenience of Ginger having to leave her store behind, and thus Aurora's free access to valuable armor that will almost certainly save her life. It makes the sold apples + chems from before feel half-pointless when they get '4-digit' priced armor essentially for free, but that's alright. It gets the plot moving along without another buying scene so soon after the first. I'm a little more confused at the lack of anger or frustration toward Aurora from Ginger. Though it obviously wasn't intentional, it was Aurora's presence and actions that just destroyed her entire livelihood. Maybe this is some hint at her generosity, but I'd expect a normal person to be at the very least marginally angry about such a meaningful loss.
Now, finally, the Enclave gets some info, and the Steel Rangers show up too! Setting up the overarching conflict, I see. This seems to be another deviation from the source. I haven't read the original in a long, long time, but I recall the main antagonist group was slavers. Having structured factions like this certainly gives more life to the wasteland. It's still empty, but not so empty that two powers can't have proxy conflicts with each other. On top of that, they've been in conflict for a hundred years. The prospect of breaking that stalemate is very, very interesting. You know what they say about war.
I see the same issue when loredumping as the previous chapter, with both Ginger and Roach now speaking strangely. This especially goes for Roach. Just a few paragraphs earlier he's shown to not be exactly forthcoming. It's not as noticeable here, but I still think it would be worth it to rephrase some of those chunks to be more in-line with the characters and their methods of speaking. Maybe move some of the explanation of the Enclave to earlier, and have Roach give Aurora a rough, not-entirely-satisfying description of their whole deal in a previous chapter? I would say cut down the Steel Rangers' explanation, too. Maybe have Ginger and Roach guess at means and motives, or specify that details are hearsay. It probably wouldn't hurt to leave gaps in their knowledge, too. I bet that would provide some mystery, and from the looks of the plot, the story will eventually show readers those answers, rather than tell them.
Finally, I personally don't like the inclusion of Big Iron for the sake of a reference - it pulled me out of the story, I would have preferred some kind of pony original with the same vibe - but I love Fallout too much to be very bothered.
Still, very interesting. I like the dynamic of Canterlot retaining its importance as the heart of the Enclave, or near it. It's a great deviation from Kkat's forsaken Canterlot (though that's good too!) Like I said earlier, I'm interested in the conflict laid out, and the danger posed by Aurora being mistaken for Enclave and Roach being generally hated on sight promises hardship on the road ahead. I liked Aurora's discovery of flight, too. It's a cute moment for sure! And what a twisty cliffhanger! I'm glad I don't have to wait for the next chapter to be updated, but I'm already eyeing that 'incomplete' tag.
Very nice work.
Also:
I am enthralled by the capers that are coming with her bringing a set of tools from the stable. Removing the wheel axel.. brilliant!
This scene played out so vividly in my mind!! It was so sweet and wholesome, the image of 4 legs sticking up over the edge of a ridge / bush and a "wooooo!!!!!!!!" is just so damn cute!