• Member Since 9th Sep, 2012
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little big pony

Remember kids, eat your veggies, go to school, and murder all your enemies.... I murder all my enemies....


A pony walks into a bar. A very royal pony. She proceeds to drink far more than she should. She also cheats at ping pong.

Written as a next step for This story, with ROB's encouragement and help.

The artist of the pic is Nobody

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 44 )
Ec1ipsis #1 · 1 week ago · · ·

I would give every dime in my bank account just to be a fly on the wall when the agents saw a brutally hungover Celestia riding a human asking for all of the bacon. This is amazing, great work.

“We can’t eat hay,” Thomas replied, him and the other two ignoring the men in black and Peter as they walked by. “We got bacon though. It’s a million times better than hay.”

bacon equivelant to smg

Oh my :trollestia:
The story by itself is hilarious, but the last sentence .. OMG ... my sides! :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

What I like best about the story is just how nice they are to Celestia.

Lucky they didn't find out about her diplomatic immunity, chaos would have followed.

I really liked this. I would like some more, please.

Hey I got a heartsong for ya...

I'd love to see Twilight's face after finding Celestia and co. happily singing that one night.

So glad you wrote this. Such a fun read, and like you said, too real.

My only displeasure will be names of characters, but that can't be avoid in English and i suspect is a bar in foreign country.
Peter = Piotr
Thomas =Tomek
Phil =Filip
That is my interpretation of their names.

I liked this far more than I feel I should have. It is an odd feeling, and I'm not sure why I feel vaguely guilty about absolutely loving this, but I do. Take from that what you will.

My weirdly conflicted feelings aside, this is great.

Well not enough kurwa's

Polish Pub? :0

Well, I'm interested, because I'm Polish, guys.

Jeszcze Polska nie zginęła, kiedy my żyjemy.

Well, your interpretation is right

I like it...


I know for same reason you know.
Co nam obca przemoc wzięła,
Szablą odbierzemy.

Marsz marsz Dąbrowski, z ziemi Włoskiej do Polski

Now I need to see Luna in an Irish Pub. Someone get on that!

This was silly. Upvote.

That really was a great little story. I do echo others and think you should do a "addendum" story of her having to face the music so to speak, hung over, and dealing with whatever government whoevers that were up in a tissy with her.

Horse walks into a bar, bartender says: "It's probably not a good idea that you're in here.
You are a very large animal, any sudden movements and you may injure somebody.
I don't know why you're here, none of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them, so ...you should probably leave."

I'm just imagining Celestia fancying a hair of the Diamond Dog that bit her at home and bringing back some duty-free to Canterlot.

Alcohol sales would go through the roof.


A barkeep that can't handle his patron's drinks is no bartender at all.

And that's what the extra snack bowls are for, anyway. Some drinks are sippin, some are chugging, and for the pretty pony, she can just lap it up.

I've had to work a bar at a LARP. Not all the patrons had hands, or even tentacles for a mug, and the weretiger preferred a bowl anyway what with the foot long claws. I got to keep my guts, he got his drink, I didn't have to mop up anybody's lifeblood off the floor, everybody wins, and he wasn't a bad tipper even if the finger was still attached to the gold ring.

Now, that is how you write random humor. Have a like and a favorite, author.

this was fun

wonder how she will enjoy the bacon and sausage


Tiny typos:

there seemed to be a pair of wings on it’s back.

It’s movements were too natural, it’s fur too lifelike.


This needs a Profanity tag and then some, but it's definitely hilarious.

Celestia, I don't know how to tell you this, but...

that picture makes you butt look big

Not polish, but I'll leave it here anyway.

This fic is being supported by the

Inquisition of

They better be careful or Luna will show up next. I keep think she would be more like a viking, lots of laughs from stories and smashing of mugs, much to Jackie's ire of broken glasses instead... tho a pile of gold pieces would certainly ease the pain.

“Hey, this is a Polish club. As long as you pay the dues and aren’t black you’ll fit right in,” Thomas said.

So the Polish don’t like Blacks, or at least these don’t. Interesting, I didn’t know that.

I expected Celestia to put down something like having somepony named Hoof Polish as her relative to get in the club.

I think the joke was more along the lines that black people are unusual and rare in Poland.

Silly, funny, awesome... Great little story...

Sadly, it is true IRL.

“We’re sorry to bother you sir, but received a report that you may have a VIP that we’ve been trying to find the last few hours,” he said. “She goes by the name of Princess Celestia. She’s this tall, looks horseish in nature.”

Just then, a commotion came from behind Peter. Phil, Thomas, and Celestia were making their way toward the kitchen. All of them looked worse for wear and haggard. Celestia’s finery was gone and her mane was messy. She was riding on Phil’s back, her muzzle resting on his shoulder and her eyes half-open. Her wings were dragging across the floor, not that she seemed to care.

“Are you sure there’s no hay bacon?” she asked.

“We can’t eat hay,” Thomas replied, him and the other two ignoring the men in black and Peter as they walked by. “We got bacon though. It’s a million times better than hay.”

“I need it then. All of it,” Celestia said, closing her eyes with a whimper. “And some juice please.”

Peter and the two men watched them disappear around a corner. Peter turned back toward them.

“We don’t got any princesses here, just Celestia,” he said. “And she’s not a horse. She’s a pony.”


An if U add to mix different religion, U get social isolation and in extremis aggression.

Vodka! Celly must be tipsy after.... A few drinks

The last line absolutely makes it :rainbowlaugh:

“Hey, this is a Polish club. As long as you pay the dues and aren’t black you’ll fit right in,” Thomas said.

This is my new favourite line of dialogue

This was a very amusing read. I do like how they did puzzle for a moment just how insane all of this was. But decided to say screw it and just be friendly. Made for a really light-hearted tone overall.

When Celestia gets back Pigs are going extinct. But hey! She gets a key! Eventually.

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