• Member Since 25th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Yesterday


Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice.



Out for a pleasant walk through the woods, Princess Celestia takes a break from dealing with Earth politics and finds herself exiting next to a long, black road. As it just so happens, a native comes by and hits her with roughly two tons of steel, plastic, and glass.

Luckily, the vehicle's occupant carries lots of napkins and bandages.


Now translated into Chinese thanks to Nova Twinkle!
Now translated into Spanish thanks to SPANIARD KIWI!

This story is based on true events. Written for my good friend, Admiral Biscuit, as a commission/payment for a set of rear wheel bearing puller heads for a slide hammer. He also pre-read and edited it, because that's how he rolls.

Box of Shame second position 12/25. Bah humbug.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 114 )

Is this a reference to that time Stephen King got run over by a van

No, this is when Admiral Biscuit hit Princess Celestia with his minivan.

Well that was entertaining, I would have loved to see the scene where they walk into that bar. I have a sneaking suspicion that Celestia is a pool shark. She seems the type.

Question though, why is this tagged "Dark"? seems quite wholesome to me.

Is this a reference to when—

Glances over comments

Son of a bitch! You beat me to it, you... culutred, quick, devine writer!

What a nice deer.

All good authors have been run over by a car. I got run over by a Subaru once.

Good question. I'll figure that out or fix it or something.

9365917 Yeah, but we try not to advertise that to new writers. "Ok, so you want to be a good writer, right? Just stand right here and close your eyes."

I was hit by a Chevy Caprice Classic. The Square body, so it had the hood ornimate.

Wanderer D

I think This is a reference to when a deer fought Admiral Biscuit on the road and we saw him arrive with his car stapled together. Literally.

Aw, I was only run over by a bicycle.

I ran myself over with my own 3 wheeler.

Hooooooo boooooooooooah!

That sounds like one BANGER of a story.

I got run over by a canoe trailer... does that count?
Alternatively, I've been run ove by my brother's bike.

Hahahah, oh man... that was quite the story right there, nicely done Rob :rainbowlaugh:

B_25 #17 · Dec 25th, 2018 · · 1 ·

Jesus fuck.

TFW it's not a meme.

Y'all are GODS. I hope ya know that.

Yr. pal, B.

Only you, Biscuit.
i love you

Grandma's minivan got run over by a sun princess.

Hey, I got run over by a full-size pickup truck. How come I’m a terrible author?

Don’t let them know, they’ll come back for a second try

Great story :)

That doesn't have quite the same ring to it..

Dude, that's like 23.6 hp worth of drift stitching, I bet you can round corners harder than Paul Walker.

That will make for one hell of a story at the pub.

Sounds like I'm not the only one who keeps a hydraulic floor jack in my trunk. (Because really, those scissor jacks are more of a hazard than a help...) And a crossbar, and of course a *real* spare tire, not one of those stupid donut spares. (Even if it didn't fit in the spare tire well, I'd just stick it in the trunk anyways and store the 12V mini compressor and such in the spare tire well instead.)

Princess Celestia trots into a bar and gets Drunk

That's because we're all also terrible authors. Welcome to the club.

What's funny is I used to also criticize donut spare rims, but then I had a friend at the airport who changed all four of his wheels to donuts because he found them cheap at a junk yard. He put almost 75k miles on those damn things, and while his take offs were slow because less surface to grab, he barreled through any snow and muddy roads. That's the reason early car tire were so narrow, to handle the horrible road conditions. I now buy skinnier tires for my vehicles because of this.

this was rather amusing, i liked it plenty

would like to see a sequel or some sort of continuation if possible its really good

gauze to cover, or vise versa? Either way


her left front leg, He saw her wobble and stagger


Yeah, I've heard that narrower tires can be better for snow. Also probably better fuel mileage, because less rolling resistance because smaller contact patch. Though aren't most donut spares only rated for like 45 or 50 mph? Probably not so hot an idea to go flying down the interstate doing 75 on those in that case...

Also I'd imagine that there's probably a difference between one tire being a mismatched donut versus having a a full (semi)-matching set of them on a car.

Reminds me, one of these days I need to do some work on this '90 Caravan C/V that I have sitting around, get it going and plated and such. Has the big flat front grill (last year like that), the 3.3l (first year with those, only year the Caravan's 3.3l had no EGR as I understand), no interior behind the front (vinyl) seats, and as I understand it, it should have extra leaves in the rear springs compared to a standard Caravan. Thinking I'll put in fresh gas, replace the throttle body with the larger version from the 3.8 towing package, grind the intake manifold opening to match, rebuild a newer one of the transmission (with the flashable TCU) and all the newer fixes for some issues the older versions of that trans had (also adding a mod I found to make it shift more firmly, involves enlarging and adding holes in a plate inside), maybe if I get excited throw in a set of poly bushings/mounts and maybe some anti-sway bars. (Yes, there's actually a site that sells the various bushings/mounts and anti-sway bars for older Caravans!)

hahaha, That picture is of Admiral's Van! I knew i was gonna be about him just from the mechanic and minivan bit. Good show!

What's with you all getting hit by cars and whatever has wheels?

Does the reverse happen if you run over the car? My brother ran into the back of a Jeep Cherokee on his bike once.

I wanna see another story just like this, but where Celestia totally demolishes the car instead of her getting hurt by the car. That would be rather funny.

It's the secret to being a great author. You gotta get hit by a car.

I love these types of "ponies on earth" stories, they're all usually cute and great :trollestia:

*Applause.* Careful, Admiral, you may have a bit of competition here. Not that we all didn’t already know that Rob was capable of doing magic, but this was awesome! :pinkiehappy:

Next, your car picks up a Death Scythe...

Ah, this explains my (lack of) writing skills. All I do is crash my car on ice.

Hmm... So this is basically a satire on the portion of FiM writers who got ran over by automobiles?


very nice story, I'm waiting for more similar, good job👍👌

The story is written in third person, but there are some shifts into first-person that feel weird imo.

She bowed her head at me, standing up on all fours.

Her other ear turned towards me

She nodded her head, taking a seat beside me to watch as I worked

Too much force and you can break the studs off,” I said

His palms were sweaty

Knees Weak
Arms are Heavy

I agree with this random person!

I barely missed getting clipped by a 1999 Camaro two years ago. I had to do a running jump for the sidewalk. That counts, right?

Also, Peter New stepped on my foot once.

His editor didn’t do a very good job. I’ll slap myself on the wrist for that.

Was this just a ploy for Celestia to get away from Bureaucrats?

Does a tricycle count? I got run over by one of them once.

Is this based on what happened to Stephen King?


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