Penalt
Joined 19th Dec, 2015 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- CobalttheLunarGuard · 9.3k words · 21 6 · 547 views
- Non Uberis · 12k words · 145 views
- Penalt · 12k words · 56 12 · 1.1k views
- xvos1337 · 10k words · 79 13 · 4.7k views
- StarsWillAidInHerEscape · 5.3k words · 25 17 · 1.8k views
- THEJamiboi · 5.7k words · 37 4 · 1.5k views
- GearMane · 1.2k words · 52 7 · 2.8k views
- Penalt · 3k words · 25 3 · 288 views
Featured In21
The Writers' Group56,389 stories ·9,291 members
Dark8,311 stories ·3,763 members
- Struggling Authors25,180 stories ·3,671 members
Queen Chrysalis's Changeling Swarm2,758 stories ·3,960 members
- Queen Chrysalis's Feeding Grounds1,389 stories ·1,421 members
School for New Writers9,608 stories ·5,008 members
Changelings Need Love Too1,540 stories ·2,332 members
My Little Fetish16,596 stories ·8,568 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.144 seconds
Total duration
667 users online
1,076,605 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
So this isn't actually canon to Twilight's story?
9379879
Nope. I was in a dark mood, and this story jumped into my head. Then again, if I decided to end that story with a Bad Ending...
Hm.
That ending is so forced, I dare say it hurt the story.
9380530
I wholeheartedly agree. Alternative, good ending, would compliment this story far greater than bad ending.
I feel like this needs a good ending.
Well, I for one did like the bad ending. I’d even dare say I was almost ready for more of Cadance getting thoroughly broken, dominated and reduced to mindless and hopeless subservience at the heel of her arch-nemesis (no more playing this time, which would’ve made things even more interesting), but I’ll settle for it remaining a mere implication at the end.
The scene change in the middle kinda threw me off before I figured it was a dream — still, I was enjoying how things were going and it nearly broke my immersion; in hindsight, I guess it makes for an adequate transition scene.
Anyway, given the nearly limitless fetishy potential of those control suits (be it used for good or evil), I dearly hope this isn’t the last we’ve seen of them…
i think the ending is what made the story. the dream transitioning into it captured and held my attention, and kept it from being a boring, one-dimensional dime-a-dozen porn shot.
9381454
One thing I left out of this story, from the Twilight Learned canon is the other piece of equipment the suits work with along with the control collar. The anally mounted medical probe with it's associated tail. The tail acts as a combination of power leads to allow charging and antenna to broadcast the wearer's status to a central Control location.
The medical probe is highly sensitive, to the point where it can be used to detect arousal, defiance, fear and attempts to lie to the Voice of Control. That, combined with the suits ability to constantly repeat training and conditioning mantras, along with the inability of the wearer to remove the suit, allows whoever is the Voice of Control to completely dominate, control, train and condition a pony.
It would probably do a fair job on a human as well.
9381454
I never said I didn’t like it, I just feel there should’ve been a good ending is all.
9382245
Ooh, is that supposed to herald some good things to come?
I wonder what would happen if somepony *coughsunsetshimmercough* were to smuggle one of those suits through the mirror portal…
9386279
Well, in that other story Sunset Shimmer was the original Voice of Control, and the mare who broke Trixie into 143. As for humans... well, I did do a thing where I converted part of my Twilight Learned story for a post-apocalyptic world RP setting.
Here is the story. NSFW for obvious reasons.
9380530
9380673
Agreed. I enjoyed the thought of Shining Armor perhaps going too far... then Chrysalis hijacked everything. Again. That's quite a shame.
9429948
I would’ve been fine with a straight happy kink story personally. The dream sequence could’ve been a tease of future kink sex sessions we never actually see, but then like you said: Chrysalis shows up and ruins things. Again.
Got to agree with the, Chrysalis kind of ruined the end, but now I want a sequel where Shining turns the tables and puts her in a suit also. Hey she spent time as Cadance, Shining could have twins.
I agree as well: this story should have a second chapter or sequel where the tables are turned on Chrysalis.
That said…
9379923
Please don’t end the Twilight Learned story on a bad note. She’s been doing well thus far, and you’ve come up with some brilliant ways to both expand and fix the the Flim Flam Brothers and Crystal War timelines. If you end it with Twilight succumbing and/or dying, you’re gonna get swamped with comments and messages asking/demanding for an alternate retelling of the alternate retelling where Twilight Sparkle succeeds. …or (if she just succumbs) a sequel, where she’s able to recover herself somehow and continue on her quest.
9499719
Could always make it that it s actually Shining and not Chrysalis. He's pulling a n ill-timed prank and Cadance gets back at him by reversing the tables and dominating him.
As for Twilight Learned, my plan is for her to come out on top at the end.
9500741
Awesome!
Having the whole Chrysalis ending being some prank of Shining’s? That sounds like a good idea.
9500741
I am just asking if there is going to be an alt ending? Np if there isn’t.
Thanks
9553161
I want to, but at the moment I'm involved in a nasty court battle involving my ex. As you can imagine it's eating up a lot of my thoughts.
9553430
Ouch, good luck man
I absolutely love this part of the story; I hope you do more of something similar like this one day.
9500741
You clould also make it that Chrysalis is part of Shineing harem or something. This could have been some rollplay between this girls set up by Shineing.
I love the follow up and I would love to see if expanded upon even more, especially the suggestion at the end.
ending with another "cliffhanger?" come on, I need to see a continuation of that suggestion at the end
A light hearted and sweet ending!
Cadance: "Is that supposed to scare or to excite me?"
Heh.
At first I was a bit dissapointed he leaft, but that didn't last long.
You later mentioned self-bondage, but I at first expected this would be one of Twilights pet (literally!) projects.
Good addition!
I enjoyed reading it.
Why the horror twist was bad?
10489551
A lot of people didn't like the sudden change and it was left unresolved. Until I did this second chapter.
10490014
You still had more upvotes that downvotes, people will always hate something if it's not one thing is another, as long as you like something that is the important thing
Maybe a third chapter involving all 4?
10490014
Well, I wasn't one of those people (when I first read it, I'd found the perspective of Cadance being broken for real pretty hot), but I'm also okay with the subverted bad end — and bringing Luna into the mix to give her a suit of her own was a great idea too. Can't wait to see your next installment in this universe!
YES!!!!
10540972
I have to admit that writing this little offshoot from my Twilight Learned story has been fun. I might try for a third chapter if my patrons decide they want one.
I'd wonder what Chrysalis' nightmares are, but having her own babies turn on her is likely nightmares enough.
And here I think you should have stuck with it. I do love seeing Chrysalis dominate.
Man alive, this was a fantastic story. There are many possibilities of how this could play out, I hope you keep going with it.