Penalt
Joined 19th Dec, 2015 ·
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It's good to see this idea bear some fruit.
Thank you for letting me run with it.
7846947 Oh good heavens yes. This is most delightful!
oh dear sweet green baby floating down a river in Azeroth... what have I done?
darn flash fiction . door belle and penalt is a scary combo.
Well..... that was something alright
Aw but it just ends there?
Erh...more, please?
good story need moar
*rocks back and forth* I did a bad thing...
7847838 It's good to be bad.
oh please more pleasseeeeeeee i want to see a chapter where twilight decides to stay with moonie
Nice. Would like moar.
way too fast. They shouldn't be going into clop right away. This would be better if drawn out more actually have them talk with Twilight gettign the answers she wanted. THis is an intersting idea. Question how Twilight could get there withotu altering her history but this could be far better.
7848009 Then you really wouldn't have liked my original draft. It was barely 1200 words. But Door Belle kept telling me, "Oh, this should be a scene" and "that should be a scene." Next thing I knew, here we were.
7848009 And then Penalt said "I need help cause Door says this should be a scene and I suck." So, I unsucked it and added more and more and a bit more.
Sweet in it's own way and sexy.
On one hand, I appreciate the eroticism presented here, and that aspect is written very well. On the other, unless Twilight is in heat, some variation of that, or NMM is actively brainwashing her, then she is giving in way too fast to the pleasure here.
I mean, think about it. She goes from finding NMM terrifying to eagerly having sex with her which, by the way, started off with rape no matter how you look at it.. I can't say the same for everybody and I admit I would feel pleasure in a somewhat similar situation, but I'd have a whole lot more hostility and suspicion in this situation. I'm sure NMM has her reasons for immediately finding Twilight attractive-perhaps a combination of loneliness without peers on top of finding another, unrelated alicorn attractive, but Twilight just gave in way too damn fast and, well, submissive here for me to believe any of this is happening beyond being an oddly detailed dream in a scheme by Luna to make Twilight fall in lust with her.
7848312 You do realize, that now I have no choice but to start writing sequels to answer these questions? Dammit, Hidden, this is how Bridle Path went from three or four chapters to the epic it wound up being.
7848565 And I'll be there to overthink and poke at those as well.
laughs evilly
Good, though short...
And even though this is meant to be erotica, the worldbuilding leaves one wanting more.
Is there a sequel/more chapters in the works?
7848697 It's becoming more and more likely all the time. The idea came up in Discord chat and now I have six pages of ideas and vignettes I could craft sequels from. So, probably there will be sequels or more chapters.
Good premise, but I have neck pains from how quickly the progression from fearful tyrant to loving mistress happened.
You've abridged an easily 30k word story into one tenth of that.
7848152 THis has the potential to be a much longer story and would be awesome as that. I severly recommend rewriting this for a longer run
7847841 I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. Cause there's no one I'ld rather be then me.
7848981 Heh, I was actually just chatting with him and one thought for a "sequel" was to go back to the start of this and slow right down, take the time to build the relationship. I guess we will all see how things will end up :)
Nicely done, Penalt. It's good to see such a thorough coupling of those mental and physical feels in this piece. I see the other comments are practically begging for more... kinda like Twilight, hue... and I think this, in a large part, has to deal with the way you made Nightmare Moon's mystique absolutely pop. :)
-fires the "MOAR" cannon Pinkie let me barrow-
will there be a follow up?
7848565 sequela are great and all, but you should expand this into a story rather than a series of one shots!
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I am planning to develop and expand this story. Despite my original plans of for this to just be a one shot piece of simple clop it has well and truly passed my threshold for a sequel. But it really doesn't feel like it needs a sequel as much as a revisit, expansion and multiple chapters to grow and develop the characters. Unlike my "Thruster" stories.
Thanks to Damaged's Discord chat I have 6 pages of notes already.
So, yes, there will be more. But it will be a few weeks down the road as I am in the middle of two other stories as well.
It's great but it honestly needs to be expanded upon. The clop scene is very short, and leaves more to be desired. Great job though.
I feel like this needs to be continued because of how good it is.
Got featured
7850369
Love the idea. was sexy and cute. loved the line at the end about time not touching them. However, I feel that Twilight just gave in immediately. Now not saying she had to resist but that first encounter scene was very rushed. Still, very enjoyable read. Would love to see you take this idea and run there is definitely more chapters in this story waiting.
7850369 that's fine.
Looking forward to the expansion.
i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/019/698/d96.jpg
Looking forward to more.
7850369 hooray i cant wait to see it you got a follower in me!
7853245 Thank you, I hope I make it worth your while. :)
7853251 im easy to please so i know ill be happy with it.
Someone really likes the idea of tying others up. Nightmare, you kinky bitch.
Aw, this is where Twilight realizes she likes being a sub, even if she doesn't know what it means.
Wait, top? Is NMM on her back?
This was a very quick clop story with little plot development. Though it is exactly as advertised.
More, please!
7865472 There is going to be a revisit and likely multi-chapter expansion.
7854355
Sorry... I got... turned around in my anatomy... I prefer writing human stuff, not pony and my brain was hurting.
7867867
No problem, just something that caught my eye. Had to read this after your husband posted on Reddit.
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He likes writing clop. I like writing pron elsewhere. Human or orc and elven pron. or fae and vampire...
7870078
I can get behind the orc, human, elven, fae, but vampire... unless the vampires can burst into flame I don't much like them. Then again, I would have to read it to make a final judgement.
Rushed in character moments, and the intent to repeatedly gag her will mean she'll have to be very patient and/or come often to get that for which she originally came.
Pun intended.
The bindings are nice, esp. with not forgetting tail—bugs me when writers do.
So yes, we can lay the problems at Penalt's door. :discordamused: