• Member Since 5th Mar, 2018
  • offline last seen May 23rd

StarsWillAidInHerEscape


T

This story is not meant to be offensive and is purely written for the story. Each chapter is a different account of the story. The points of view are:
-Flash Sentry
-Derpy
-Snails
-Microchips
-Vinyl Scratch
-Wallflower
Each character recounts the experience and finds there own way to acceptance. This is a touchy subject, so please do not read this if you are sensitive about it. This is my first story so please give lots of feedback in the comments.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 35 )

Maybe for your first story you shouldn't pick something so sensitive and personal to a growing number of people. I for one would feel horribly insulted and upset at someone who would attempt a story like this who as never had to deal with this sort of thing or talked with someone who has.

But what do I know, for all I know you may be a survivor of one of these horrible shootings though, judging from the first chapter, I'm going to say not and I wouldn't be surprised if this story upsets a few people.

Wait.... what? She... found the gun... underground? Did I miss something?

Other then that and a few spelling errors, not all that bad.( Writing-wise, I mean.)

Topics like this are one's writers only ever cover once they've written a few dark stories and have a firm grasp on what they're doing. You took it immediately. That is both a bold and risky move you did. Bold in the fact you made it your first story. And risky in the fact there was a huge chance you could've easily screwed it up. But to me, with the way you presented it, it seems like you did relatively okay. I will say this though. School shootings affect everyone, student, faculty, and parents alike, differently. It could've helped if you presented a chapter based on the perspective of a parent who lost their kid or even one set in the perspective of a faculty member to really set how tragic the situation was. Maybe even a small chapter where the Twilight from Equestria comes to check up on Sunset after not hearing from her in a while only to learn the horrible truth and it hits her the most. Things like that.

Read this story while listen to this song

https://m.

Oh, my gosh! Why?! :raritycry: Why does life keep trying to break this poor sweet cinnamon roll? He's been such a good boy. He doesn't deserve this. Why?! :raritycry:

I know my reaction's pretty over-the-top, but this story was just so sad. Thank goodness no one died. For a second, I thought Twilight had died.

Someone give these kids a hug. This is just so sad. :raritycry:

Hey. Don't let the downvotes discourage you. It's probably just emotions running high. As sad and painful as this story is, it's very well-written.

Okay, this chapter made me feel sick. I mean, they all did, but this one especially. You must be doing something right.

Hold on. I'm with 8852581 on this one. She found a gun and some magazines buried underground. How is it even still functional? It was probably caked in dirt inside and out.
Other than that, this chapter was pretty scary to read.

2 things.

1. Code red is more for fires, not shooters.

2. Extremely bad idea

8853067
Um, I did a little research on the internet. Code Red in hospitals means fire. Code Red in a school means lockdown.

You got very lucky not bombing this...

Decently done for a first story, and it was a high risk topic you chose so this is one time where you should ignore the upvotes/downvote ratio. I suggest you write something either warm hearted or clop for the next one so you can showcase your range of skills with different subjects and ratings (E ,T, M).

I'm gonna be the unpopular opinion here, and say that subject matter should never limit a writer's creative scope.

In my opinion, you can never touch a topic too sensitive or too dark as long as you do it right.

Writing (even fan fiction) is an art form after all.

Just my two cents.

I feel like you need to hear this. You did a great job handling this story. It was sensitive, emotional, sobering, yet hopeful. If you had made this subject matter a joke, I probably would have hated this story, but you didn't, so I don't. Well done.

The whole reason I joined this site is so I could write this story. Ever since the recent Parkland shooting I had this story in my head. This really was an awakening for me about life. I am very sorry if you did not like my story, I just hope that it will make you think. I will write more lighthearted stuff in the future. Thank you GodsLittlePrincess, Renderin, Sandstorm98, ace_attorneyfan800, and pvtspoon for the feedback. I will keep that stuff in mind. Do you think I should write a sequel for some of these ideas?

8854118
Well, I am a little curious as to how the Mane 6 is handling Sunset Shimmer dying.

You will get flak for writing this story. But take solace in the fact that you told a story that needed to be told.
The issue with school shootings creates hysteria everywhere in America, so I applaud you for choosing to not be silent about it, or how to deal with the problem.

Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold

School shootings are a very tough pill to swallow for everyone, and you took a huge risk to write this story. You did a brave job of writing this and I really enjoyed it.

8854118
Okay, I don't know if I should feel bad for this, but I couldn't stop reading this story. I just kept coming back to it and back to it, and I didn't know why. I mean, I liked it, and it hit all the right emotional notes, but (and I mean this in the least offensive way possible) it wasn't THAT good. After maybe the fourth or fifth reading, I realized why I kept coming back. This story doesn't quite have the closure that it needs, and I was looking for it. It was nice seeing everyone take the first steps of accepting what happened and moving on, but I wanted to see more of that process. I wanted to see them deal with the grief of losing friends. I wanted to see them reaching out to and leaning on the other people who were effected by this. At the moment, each character feels like they are suffering and moving on alone. There's nothing wrong with that. Seeing this experience through the lens of each character helped me empathize with them, but now, I want to see them suffering and moving on together. I want to see how this experience changed their relationships with each other and the rest of the school. I'm sorry if I'm making a tall order, but if you want to write a sequel going deeper into what happened in this one, by all means, go ahead.

I am working on the sequel “Retrospective Red”. I hope that it will help finish the story ark and fill in the missing pieces. GodsLittlePrincess, you have been especially helpful with all your comments. I do not know when I will be done with the sequel, as I have stuff I am writing, but it is one of my priorities, So far I have:
-Princess Twilight will return to Pedestria
-Vice Principal Luna
-One of the Mane Six’s parents
Is there anything else I should include?

8866084
Maybe having the characters in this story interacting with each other and the Mane cast. I am strangely curious as to how Pinkie Pie is dealing with this. She can be pretty tough to write in a serious story. Maybe you can give someone featured in this story nightmares or something and use that as a jumping point for the process of these kids reaching out to each other. Just suggestions.

CODE RED?! :pinkiegasp: are the Reds are coming?

They were in the middle of working a problem when over the speakers came Principal Celestia. Her voice was high pitched and nervous. “Code Red...Code Red...this is not a drill...this is not a drill.”

CODE RED?! :pinkiegasp: This only means one thing? THE REDS ARE COMING!! (Grabs a double barrel shotgun from the vent) I'm not going to be forced into Labor of another time!

The Aftermath:
News anchor: today on live reports, we have a mass school shooting in Canterlot High School, the shooting actually took place when one of the students has been killed or wounded during the shooting, many parents outside the High School we're actually praying for their children do not get killed unfortunately for the other parents who weren't so lucky that one of their sons or daughters where been killed there sorry to say but fortunately other parents have been felt relief dr. Other Sons or daughters have an unharmed and the wounded get sent to the hospital, will get into investigation later afternoon. This ENN, signing off.
(Note: ENN is a EG version of CNN and ENN stands for Equestrian News Network just do not copy my favorite news media) and if there's something that I left a mistake, Let me know.

The Aftermath 2:
News anchor: Welcome back to ENN everybody, today we will continue the mass shootings in Canterlot High School, we will go into police investigation we're going in live with Michael Douge.
Michael Douge: thank you. We're actually live in the front entrance of Canterlot High School we actually round up survivors, and brought them home to their parents. But police had founded one student in the trash can, her name is Derpy Hooves and she was frightened about what she saw during the shooting she was actually too scared to talk but when the police got her to talk we actually had her talking in a recorder with the police.
(Male) Police: Tell me ms.Hooves, what did you saw while in the trash can
Derpy hooves: Derpy was going to get lunch when she heard Principal Celestia saying Code Red I was scared I was going to our class to hide but it was locked then I hit in a trash can and...and... I CAN'T TELL YOU (cries)
(Female) Police: it's okay sweetie, you can tell us everything, we're here to help you.
Derpy hooves: BUT...IM...TOO...SCARED...TO...TELL..YOU! (Sobs)
(Male) police: listen, I'll give you a muffin if you tell us what happened, Deal?
Derpy nodded yes
(Female) police: good, now wipe your tears honey.
Derpy hooves: ok, I will tell you (sniff) when I was in the trash can and I saw (sniff) sunset shimmer had nowhere to go, when she tried to charging the Gunman, she said "You..." and then a loud bang happens, I was so scared (sniff) I had to hide in the trash can and pretend this is all a bad dream, But (sniff) But (sniff) BUT IT'S NOT!!! (cries and sobs).
(Female) police: There, there, it's over, what a muffin cheer you up?
Derpy nodded
(Male) police: here you go Miss Hooves.
Michael Doug: and that's the recording everybody, when Derby Hooves described a gunman shooting a student named Sunset Shimmer and we're close, I'm sorry for any of you families that Sunset Shimmer just got killed Wherever You Are. This is ENN signing off.
(Note: Michael Doug is a name I come up, for him to be live)

Aftermath 3:
Michael Doug: Hello everybody welcome back to enn as in today, police has found two individuals the one name snips was actually dead and the one named snails was actually living, he was actually too exhausted to talk police had sent him home and he'll be fine for a couple of days, this is ENN signing off.

Aftermath 3:
News anchor: welcome back to ENN, when police actually investigate inside the school, they have found the body of cranky doodle donkey, one of the teachers staff in CHS but for somehow police had actually founded a paper stick on his torso, when police investigated they have found out that this paper was actually a quiz and it was finish none other than a student named microchips when we interviewed with microchips he actually quoth "I want to write down the paper so I can let him know that in heaven I completed the test"~microchips
And especially microchips is one of the witness to actually saw the shooting in person, but we will get into that this is ENN signing off.

Aftermath 4:
This is ENN, we have reports that we found out the murderer, when officer centri has found out the murderer thanks to a student name Vinyl Scratch, she has given us a note and also the picture of a murderer from a deceased photographer name photo finish, Vinyl Scratch has given us some help but in the aftermath she would be awarded with a girl scout medal of America, After her Vital Information, this is ENN signing off.

Final Aftermath:
News anchor: we have new reports that a student name Wallflower blush had been punished for murder, and been sentenced to juvenile detention center, the police have actually search the gun and empty magazines and they found out where she gets the gun and they found out where is she gets the gun and it's at the Garden, many of the children had died and also tempted to put a funeral one of the one of the children have been wounded and some of them were alive scarred for life, we will never forget this day as it was actually called the Canterlot shooting, it would be a tragic school shooting in history, this is Eileen Tasman, signing off from ENN.
(Note: Eileen Tasman is the news anchor that I mentioned on previous pages)
1 day later... in Washington DC
Announcer: ladies and gentleman, the president of the United States.
President Faust: My fellow Americans, yesterday in Canterlot City, there is a school shooting happening a student named Wallflower blush, has killed a student named Sunset Shimmer, we are actually aware with Firearms hiding in objects and also Underground, I would declare a law that every school across America and Alaska and Hawaii to detect any possible firearms and chemicals in everyday objects, we could make this possible to protect our families across America and make sure that this shooting should never happen again, rest in peace students of Canterlot High, and thank you Vinyl Scratch for helping us catch the murderer, God bless the United States of America and God bless children in Canterlot High.
Everybody clapped
Meanwhile in juvenile detention center
Wallflower blush: (sniff) glad this is over...

It is well written for a first story, well done 7 Elements.

I’m really sorry I haven’t written a sequel yet. I’ve tried several times but nothing seems right. I might come back to this later.

9909822
These things take time, no worries.

I Instantly shit and cummed

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