- Member Since 31st Aug, 2012
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xvos1337
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xvos1337
Joined 31st Aug, 2012 ·
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xvos1337 · 6k words · 76 21 · 3.9k views
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Kinda hope there's a fic in the series at some point where things get turned around on her.
So which one of main five will Queen Chrysalis go after next?
Hrmmm...
Hmm should have added some points about the breasts. No doubt the teats would be oversized and sensitive
Well, that was a nice read, can't wait for more!
The transformation was pretty unique and a joy to read.
As for criticism, though. It certainly had its flaws and inconsistencies:
Small things:
Some things were left out that could've made this even better:
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And don't forget Starlight (and Trixie)! They "stole" her hive, not the Mane Six!
I wonder, will Sunset ever figure out that something is wrong if Twilight never replies to any more messages?
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Thanks for all the feed back! I'll have to go back and see if i can make a couple edits to fix those 2 inconsistencies and do another read through proof reading to fix some more errors. As for the sugestions that could have made it better refering to her as doll or inflatable through most of it, I was going more for Chrysalis mocking her and acting as if her fate is already sealed even if the magic hasnt actaully made her and inflatable on the inside yet. I suppose I didnt get that across well enough and will have to try to do better in the future. As for the other 2 sugestions, in retrospect I agree that could have made for a better and more dramatic reveal that it was Chrysalis toward the end. Thinking back on it I did kinda under play the wings a bit and that could uave been a lot more discriptive. Thanks for all the feedback.
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Still haven't decided who will be next but as of right now I'm doing the main 6. I probably will do trixie and starlight eventually probably as part of this story line. maybe thorax and discord too but idk about those 2 yet. Also maybe much further down the line do an alternate ending of some of the chapters where various characters play that uno reverse card on Chrysalis but again thats not set in stone and I have no actual plans on it as of yet, but I do like the idea.
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It actually did come across as Chrysalis just rubbing in the fact that Twi is screwed now that I think about it. I suppose it could've been just my own desire to see more inflatable aspects in it.
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That sounds lovely. I'd definitely like to see what squeaky fun could be had with the evil bug horse.
And while we're at it, while the more character there are the harder the scene is to write it would be pretty interesting to see for example Starlight and Trixie being turned in the same chapter. Or maybe some shared squeaky bondage? So many possibilites...
Please add to this, I would like to see how Chrysalis deals with the other ponies
Oddly imagined glitter doll having Molded animal paws on her hooves. Or even a red collar that part of her inflatable form.
I hope that either Celestia or Cadence will buy Twilight
i partly hope at the end the queen relase twight and learn she the evil queen twin sister who just latex/rubber loveing slut
sorry, I was hoping for more than I got..
as if you were not quite getting the details right.
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"Not quite getting the details right"? What a singularly unhelpful piece of criticism.
And coming from an author whose numerous stories suffer from the same chronic issues of contrived situations and haphazard characterizations, one that doesn't bear much weight.
Honestly, this story, while by no means perfect — but, then again, what is? —, reads better than any of yours.