• Published 9th Jun 2018
  • 4,218 Views, 227 Comments

Discord vs. the Greeting-Card Industry - SoloBrony



Starlight Glimmer and Chrysalis find themselves the subject of Discord's latest prank; shipping them on a dare.

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NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG

True to her word, Starlight Glimmer had planned out a second date. This time, they were in Canterlot – a place which inherently made Chrysalis nervous to be undisguised, even if no one recognized her post-change – and Starlight had sent Chrysalis out on a quick errand to grab a few supplies.

She'd pointed out that this was an obvious diversion so Starlight could prepare things, but all she'd gotten in response was a wink before Starlight teleported away.

She loved it when Starlight got devious.

With a bag full of paraphernalia, Chrysalis was making good time trotting to their assigned meeting spot when it happened.

It started as just a general sense that something was wrong. She instinctively moved towards an alleyway for cover, and her ears pivoted around for the source of the disturbance. Really, she need not have taken the time; a few seconds later, the yells and screams of panicked ponies rushing by made it clear where the disturbance was. Chrysalis spared a quick glance while preparing to flee alongside the citizenry.

Three timber wolves. Not little ones, either; these were taller than some of the buildings nearby, massive amalgamations of smaller wolves. She'd seen it a few times in the Badlands, but never more than one at a time. This was bad. This was deliberate.

Chrysalis felt an intense sense of relief that this was not her problem, and was mid-turn to run when one of the timberwolves broke a hole in a nearby house, revealing a group of panicked ponies taking cover inside.

Protective instincts, honed from decades of leading and defending her subjects, took over for just a second. Chrysalis had already dropped her bag and taken a step towards the confrontation before she halted herself.

Not my problem.

Not my problem!

Chrysalis grimaced as a memory of something Starlight had told her came up. 'You're joining a much bigger hive now'. 'Everyone in Equestria is linked by bonds of friendship and love. No one is really a stranger. When one of us gets hurt, it basically spreads out to everypony. Well, that's what Twilight says, anyway. It was like that in my village, too.'

Twilight Sparkle.

Idiot.

Idiot... but not about Equestria, or friendship.

Horseapples.

Chrysalis hesitantly took flight, and did her best to shake the uncertainty away.

Commit or flee. If you're going to fight, fight to kill.

Just like you told your soldiers. Do it. DO IT.

Chrysalis rapidly gained altitude, craning her head uncomfortably to watch the timber wolf beneath her, until it looked almost like a large insect to her sight.

Then she swerved into a dive towards the creature.

The timber wolf was on its side on the ground, desperately trying to paw into the house at the ponies. It didn't see or hear the incoming dive-bomb. It didn't see the corona of green fire that spread around Chrysalis' forelegs as she picked up speed.

The dive-bomb was one of the most dangerous and reliable tools in the changeling arsenal. All of Chrysalis' warriors had been trained in its use. But it was most effective when used as a swarm against small targets, pelting the battlefield with inaccurate-yet-dangerous attacks. Against a single, large target, a typical changeling would accomplish very little.

Chrysalis was no typical changeling, and stood tall and proud with immense satisfaction when timber-wolf exploded in all directions around her. She had made a two-foot-deep crater into the street, but the corona had protected her hooves, and she was sure the ponies could fix the damage.

Maybe they'll erect a monument in my honor here. They should

Chrysalis' thought was cut short when another timber wolf, having seen her descent, bounded over a building at her. Chrysalis barely had time to activate a fire-portal, melting into the ground beneath the wolf as it descended.

For years, the soldiers had been taught that if a dive-bomb missed (or failed to eliminate active targets), they should flee or rely on strength in numbers. The technique was too draining to follow it up with shapeshifted combat. Furthermore, most soldiers could only shift into relatively small forms while maintaining any semblance of strength or speed.

Too draining for a soldier, true, but Chrysalis was a queen. And her options were far more broad.

Chrysalis reappeared on the roof of the building the timber wolf had bounded over, and leap towards it, transforming into a mid-sized dragon in the process. The timber wolf had just enough time to stand up and look underneath itself in confusion at the disappearance of its prey before Chrysalis' fire-breath lit it up, followed promptly by a body-slam into the ground.

Fireproof scales. Really, it's the little details that make a combat shift effective.

The burning timberwolf thrashed wildly, but wasn't able to break Chrysalis' pin before the flames had done their terrible work, and it began to fall apart.

The last thing I need is to explain why all of the buildings in the neighborhood caught on fire to Celestia.

As soon as the timberwolf ceased its struggles, Chrysalis leapt off of it, turning back to normal and landing nearby.

She braced for the wave of exhaustion that would follow such a complicated shift.

It didn't come.

What...?

Realization dawned on her face, and she threw her head back in ringing laughter.

A queen with a loving marefriend!

Chrysalis had not once tried to feed on Starlight, but she could hardly claim to be an expert on how her new form operated. Doubts about Starlight's feelings for her faded from her mind as she took stock of the situation around her. She saw the third timber wolf doing battle with the royal guard down the street, but it was in terrible shape, having already had a front paw taken off by a daring pegasus with a sword, and it quickly collapsed as well.

Victorious pride in herself and the guards – for a moment, she thought of them as her warriors – swelled in Chrysalis' chest. Another threat to the hive, dealt with, swiftly and easily. Without another thought, Chrysalis merrily cantered to where she had dropped her bag, picked it up in her magic, and started down the street, until she heard hoofbeats approaching quickly.

"Miss! Miss changeling! Thank you! You saved our lives!"

Chrysalis glanced over to see the ponies from inside the shop she had saved gathered in a group nearby. The one who had approached her was a well-to-do-looking mare with a cerulean coat and brown mane, sporting an expensive-looking business suit. Chrysalis considered for a second and shrugged.

"I did."

The pony seemed taken aback by her response, and Chrysalis just smiled to herself as she turned to leave.

Then she heard another mare's voice from the back of the crowd.

"Wait. Isn't that Chrysalis?"

Murmurs went through the crowd at that, as more of the onlookers started to see the connection.

Oh bugfur.

The lead mare, hearing the murmurs and glancing around in confusion, strode forward a few paces.

"Is it true? Are you Chrysalis?"

Chrysalis sighed, rolling her eyes and looking back at the mare in annoyance.

"Yes. Now, I have an important appointment to get—"

"GET HER!"

Chrysalis reared in surprise when the group began charging her, and her mind prompted a very important question.

Fight or flee?

The whole idea of a 'fight or flight' instinct isn't quite accurate. Most ponies opt for 'panic' or 'freeze up deciding whether to fight or flee'. Chrysalis didn't. The choice was simple; fighting involved a lot of complicated feelings over how much force she should use. Fleeing felt simple. So she went with the simpler-feeling option and bolted, her bag with her. A block down, she glanced behind herself, seeing she hadn't gotten much distance on her pursuers.

They also had... pitchforks and torches?

"OH COME ON! WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THOSE?!"

"We got them to fight against the timber wolf!"

Damnit, that makes sense. But why are there pitchforks in Canterlot?!

Nearby, a home-defense/mob-offense pitchfork salespony was counting his bits in satisfaction, the recent attack having driven sales through the roof.

"I JUST RESCUED YOU!"

An angry-sounding mare retorted, "YOU TRIED TO ENSLAVE US ALL!"

"THAT WAS YEARS AGO!"

This time, a wheezy-sounding stallion responded, "I AIN'T HEARD AN APOLOGY!"

Wait, isn't he from Ponyville?

Oh, right. We attacked Ponyville, too, sorta. Years later.

Chrysalis groaned at the fact that her past was literally chasing her with pitchforks and torches. This was stupid.

This is stupid.

Her patience lasted another two blocks before she finally came to a grinding halt and turned to face her pursuers, irritably flicking her hair from her face and charging her horn. The ponies came to an abrupt stop as she glared at them.

"Okay. I've tried to leave peaceably, but I really do have somewhere to be, so this is how it's going to be; you're going to lay down those weapons and—"

Chrysalis heard a very loud whoosing noise, and suddenly all of the ponies' weapons were on the ground.

"—huh. I didn't expect you to be so quick to comply."

The ponies looked around in confusion. There was another whooshing noise, and Starlight suddenly came to a stop in front of Chrysalis, squaring off at the pony mob.

Holy mother of Celestia. My marefriend can seriously move.

Starlight growled at the mob – no, really, like an angry dog – and her horn lit up, striking the ground in front of her and causing blue crystals to grow out of it. Another beam from her horn caused the outer layer of crystal to shatter, revealing a wicked-looking sword, which Starlight quickly lifted in her magic and swung around menacingly at the mob.

"It's a good thing there's so much wood lying around now, because THE FIRST ONE OF YOU WHO TRIES TO TOUCH HER WILL NEED A PEG LEG!"

The mob drew back a few paces from the carnivorous-looking unicorn in front of them, who was snarling hard enough she was starting to foam a little at the mouth. Someone in the back of the crowd meekly offer, "You can't take on all of us!"

Starlight's horn flashed, and suddenly duplicates of her split off to the side, sword included. All three of them took a couple steps forward and waved their swords around some more, all in perfect sync. "COME AND TRY ME!"

The mob clearly didn't like that idea, and several of them turned to flee. They stopped when an alabaster (or was she actually slightly pink-tinted? Maybe that was Chrysalis' imagination) alicorn slammed into the ground behind them.

Oooooh today is just going straight to Tartarus.

Like me. Probably.

Celestia scanned over the ground with a neutral expression. It wasn't precisely unfriendly, but it lacked her usual warmth.

And from a being that powerful, that's really all it took.

Life goal: Get that scary.

Celestia rose an eyebrow, and the entire mob held frozen. Chrysalis held tight-lipped, unsure of what the score here was. Starlight, for her part, let her duplicates fold back into her, panting, but still held the sword ready.

My marefriend is the best.

Also, the mare I wanted to take revenge on apparently had superspeed, crystal-growth, and self-duplication powers. Oh, also TIME MAGIC.

Mental note: Send Discord a thank-you gift basket. Gift baskets are what ponies do, right? I'm sure I'll think of something.

It was Celestia who finally broke the silence. "What's going on here?"

One of the ponies stood up on her hind legs so she could point over the crowd. "That's Chrysalis!"

Celestia glanced at Chrysalis. For a second, Chrysalis felt like her blood had been swapped out with ice.

Mental note: Find a spell to swap a target's blood with ice.

Celestia shrugged slightly. "I can see that. What of it?"

"She's returned to enslave us all!"

Starlight screamed in frustration. "THAT'S NOT TRUE! She's here on a date! With me!"

That drew some confused and disgusted looks from the crowd. Chrysalis and Starlight both flushed hard at that, and Chrysalis just idly kicked herself in the face.

It was like a facehoof, but with much more force.

"More specifically," Chrysalis said, finally breaking her silence, "I just rescued these cretins from a pair of giant timber wolves. They came out to thank me, and then pursued me when they figured out who I was."

Celestia glanced down at the mob.

"Is this true?"

Several murmurs of vague protestation went up from the mob, and the mare who had stood on her hind legs earlier waved her hooves around frantically, saying, "Before Starlight got here, she was threatening us!"

Celestia's patience, evidently, had some limitations. She gave a small eyeroll – one Chrysalis empathized with from years of panicked mobs of subjects acting stupid around her – and suddenly all sound in the area simply died. The ponies continued flailing and trying to speak, but nothing came out. Celestia sighed. "Once more. Is this true?"

There was an uneasy silence from the crowd for a few moments, before a few ponies gave shamed nods. Celestia looked up to the sky and made a few hoof gestures, and a few royal guards landed nearby. Celestia gestured to the small mob.

"Put these ponies in lockup for the rest of the day. They attempted to arrest somecreature without alerting the guard or confirming their arrest status – and after an act of heroism, no less."

There were a few protests from the mob, but the fierce, stoic glares of the royal guard quashed those quickly. Chrysalis and Starlight just watched in stunned silence while they were escorted away. Celestia, for her part, watched them depart with that same, frighteningly neutral expression.

Then she turned to Chrysalis with a smile, and strode up. Starlight reflexively bowed, setting the sword down in the process, but Chrysalis just looked uncomfortable. Celestia stopped when she was just a few feet away, still smiling amiably. Chrysalis gave a deeply uncomfortable smile in turn, and Celestia snickered, slightly, merrily, closing her eyes and drawing a hoof up to her mouth. Chrysalis winced, instinctively curling a leg defensively to her barrel, and bit back an invective, settling for, "Are you... laughing at me—"

Celestia waved a placating hoof and shook her head. "Chrysalis, I just can't believe it. I'm just... I'm so glad to see you here. Twilight has written to me so much about your progress, your young romance with Starlight, I simply..."

Celestia let out a happy sigh, and Chrysalis slowly lowered her hoof and regarded Celestia in a new light. She chewed her lip over in consideration for a few moments before speaking again.

"I'm sorry, Celestia."

Celestia raised an eyebrow.

"For what?"

"For... attempting to enslave you. Canterlot. For all of it."

Celestia's face took on a carefully neutral expression again. "Why would you be?"

Starlight looked up at Celestia in confusion. "Uhh... isn't that obvious?"

Celestia shook her head, never breaking eye contact with Chrysalis. "She did what she did for her subjects. She thought it was right at the time, so why apologize?"

Chrysalis took a deep breath, and studied the ground for a moment.

"That was what I said, at first, too. That I had nothing to apologize for. But that's not true. I was wrong... about several things. About my needing to steal love to survive, for one thing. And I could have found that out if I had bothered to look into it, to actively seek alternatives, but I decided I didn't even care if there were alternatives. I was wrong about that, too. And if I had succeeded.."

Chrysalis strode over a bit, Celestia tracking her the whole way, until she stood next to Starlight. Starlight instinctively rose and leaned into her, and Chrysalis draped a gossamer wing over her marefriend.

"... If I had succeeded, Twilight would have been devastated. Equestria would likely be in ruins. Who knows what would have happened, but... one thing that almost certainly wouldn't have happened is us."

Celestia gave a faint smile. "Interpony connection. You've been talking to Twilight."

Chrysalis shook her head and smiled down at Starlight. Celestia smiled more broadly. "Ah, I see."

Celestia gets it. She gets that I get it.

She's... actually okay with me being here.

For the first time since her dethroning – no, if she was being honest, for the first time in her life, since she had spent her years of leadership in constant low-key anxiety – Chrysalis felt like things would actually be alright. She nuzzled Starlight, sharing their warmth.

Celestia regarded the two of them in silence for a moment, and then strode forward to offer a hoof to Chrysalis, which she accepted after a moment's hesitation.

"Chrysalis, I want to apologize for my subjects' behavior. Welcome to Canterlot. And... welcome to Equestria."

And just like that, Chrysalis knew she was one of them, now.

And that was good.

~Fin



Bonus:

"EEEEE!"

Chrysalis and Starlight both looked up at Celestia in alarm, to see her holding both of her hooves up to her face.

"I'm sorry, I just can't get over how cute the two of you are together!"

Chrysalis and Starlight both flushed and glared at the princess. "Hey!"

Celestia just laughed as she took flight. "Get a room next time!"

~Double-fin

Author's Note:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKHUF7e0hK0

Wonder what the kids'll look like

Sequel here: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/411966/discord-vs-harmony-the-greeting-card-industry-strikes-back

If you want more comedy written by me, check out the "Librarian Twilight" series

If you want more drama/shipping with some comedy, check out The Queen and I

Comments ( 54 )

Thank you to everyone who stuck with this story this far! Phew, that was a ride!

8980960
that's it

that's all I get

>initiating author self-destruct protocol, please clear blast radius

8980963
Sorry, was on my incredibly slow phone. This story was a blast all the way through. I especially loved how you portrayed Chrysalis. I was hoping To see more of their adorable interactions with each other. But hey, you do you man. Thank you for writing this wonderful story. <3

8980966
I already have a sequel planned. I might post the first chapter today, but I have another story I'm working on. It was originally going to be pony-related, but I'll probably add it to an original work as a chapter, instead. PM me if you want to read that stuff, too.

Ri2

Awww, that was cute. My only complaint is why were there timberwolves anywhere near Canterlot?

Also, Starlight is BAMF.

I hope you plan on writing a sequel to this

8981002
I thought about having Celestia work in an explanation, but it felt awkward. I guess that got lost in the shuffle. I'll probably add another post-ending note on it or something. Basically, Flim and Flam developed Timber Wolf Repellant. They tried to debut it in Canterlot. It repels timber wolves... until it fades, at which point it attracts them. A LOT.

That way you buy more!

8981048
Notice sequel comment below.

Best ship evar.

Okay, the only reason why I read something beyond my comfort zone is because I knew it was going to be Starlight/Chrysalis. And even me, the self-proclaimed master of crack shipping thinks that I could never be able to make a smooth storyline with this, let alone anyone else, thus catching my interest.

Bravo. You got yourself an upvote. Celestia's reaction at the end might as well have been mine. :trollestia:

8981121
This ship hit me like a ton of bricks. After watching the most recent episode, the idea came to me of Discord screwing with Chrysalis, and we had a running joke at my house about Discord's greatest enemy being the greeting-card industry (The way he says the phrase greeting-card industry in a previous episode is just... venomous).

Starlight had also caught my attention in the most recent episode, and I just kinda kept thinking about it, and suddenly the ideas clicked together. And it took all of about thirty seconds for me to go 'holy crap, that ship is real'.

And then it sailed off into the sunset on momentous waves.



8981105
Right?!

8981231
Well not old for me, on part three of Jo Jo (food guy) so I am happy all those memes mean something to me now. (Was that a Bioshock reference there?)

8981057
Well sounds like someponies are gonna get sued and arrested for that stunt.

8981636
Yeah. If I write the sequel there'll probably be at least a couple of throwaway jokes about that.

8981638
Indeed ,even more so if they actually get put in a trial over it. Especially with one additional charge against them as far as lawsuits go, the Windigo, Windy suing them for the stunt they pulled during last Heath's Warming using her likeness to sell merchandise and not seeing a bit from it in addition to nearly ruining the Heath Warming spirit by having all of Ponyville nearly tear itself apart for the merch. I mean she's the friendly Windigo, the Casper, the Frosty.

God, i loved this story. This was honestly was something i never knew i needed until i had it.
Now i want to ship Chrysalis with others. Can't wait
for the sequel!

Wonderful stuff, though I'm a bit disappointed we never got to see the conflict raging in Cadence's heart. Or Greeting Card's reaction, assuming he's still alive. Still, thank you for this.

8983076
Greeting Card is dead.

But you'll still see his reaction in the sequel. As for Cadance, what's she got to do with this?

8983090
On the one hand, EEEEEE adorableness. On the other, this is the pony who imprisoned her twice, tried take her place at her wedding, and was essentially her antithesis in all respects. Might be a bit awkward.

8983097
Fair enough. I did consider having her show up in this story, but she makes more sense for the sequel with the way I have it planned out. I'm actually waiting on a response from another author before I launch into the sequel. I might make it the sequel to three fics at once, tying them together.

Sorry it's over, but it was worth reading. Nice wrap up. I could stand a sequel, but if not hopefully you'll write something else as clever and fun.

8983223
Check out my Librarian Twilight series. It's got a very similar vibe.

8983224
Thanks for the suggestion, I'll take a look!

Entertaining. The relationship develops too fast for my liking, but that's the only real issue to me.

8983565
Yeah, came to see that as I wrapped the story. It depends partially on how quickly you read and whether you were reading it while it was still updating. Could have been paced better and developed better. Still, I'll expand on it in the sequel.

Really nice story, but I feel it's more the end of an arc than of a story. It just didn't feel like a conclusion. There wasn't really a closing for Twilight, or Discord, and it all just ended too quickly. I know endings are hard to get right though. Still one of my favorite stories in recent memory though! :twilightsmile:

8983673
Yeah, hence the desire to make a followup

8983565

8980966

8981048

8983076

8983223

8983673

'ere's that sequel y'all wanted, complete with reactions by Discord, Twilight, and Greeting Card, y'welcome.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/411966/discord-vs-harmony-the-greeting-card-industry-strikes-back

Gods damnit, that was just stupid adorable.

Hero Chryssie go!

Seriously, Starlight takes protecting her marefriend SERIOUSLY.

... I can totally see at least a scene of Celestia and Chryssie having a tea in the sequel and reminiscing about their subjects' stupidity.

Great story.

That was all kinds of awesome and adorable. Bravo sir, well done!

8984914
I am really glad I was able to bring a little joy into your life.

8985538
Mess with the bug, you get the (other mare's) horn?

8986776
*bows* thank you, thank you. Glad I could be of service. I hope you enjoy the sequel as well.

8986835
Preeeeeetty much.

Gonna read the sequel, but not now, just started on Reticent and want to finish that first.

Comment posted by IkraErilis deleted Jun 30th, 2018

Life goal: Get that scary.

Casting solar flare and coming out singing (I'm walking on sunshine)

Weird and Fun.

9136003
I’m not using recycled sailor moon fandom jokes to refer to anatomy.

EVERYPONY is OP. Pls nrf. :D

Interesting story, but is it okay if I'm a little disappointed that, for a story with Discord in it's title, there seems to be a rather noticeable lack of Discord? And greeting cards, for that matter?

9249727
Fine by me. But then again, this is Discord at his Discord-iest, manipulating ponies like pieces on a board. There's more of him in the sequel.

9295275
Oh :pinkiegasp: he-he-he :pinkiecrazy: lemme go slap myself....

*Facehoofs*
Repeat until story is knocked out of brain.

You know, I ended up reading a fic with what I (mistakenly) thought would be a similar vein to this story, and that just made me realize how good this story really was, and how much I loved it. I really hope you finish the sequel because... this was good. Well paced, emotionally cathartic, clever in the way it uses the show as a springboard, funny, and just all around really, really good.

So, I ended up shipping this pretty recently (cough cough this morning) due to a comment someone made which made my mind go "Oh, that would be just perfect!" So yeah. Thanks for pre-empting that discovery so well with this fic. Now I just need to get thru the sequel and maybe at least 250,000 more words of this ship before my craving can truly be sated. Maybe I can include it as a tangential background ship in my Minuette/Limestone ship fic.

Anyways, suffice to say, I loved this and I want to see more of it. Well, more of your writing at least, you're p amazing with natural conversational flow and comedy and the concept for this fic was genius. I'mma head out now before I inflate your ego far too much.

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