• Member Since 5th Jan, 2015
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NaiadSagaIotaOar


do not throw souls

Comments ( 28 )

I have no idea how to feel about this! Lots of emotionally confused :facehoof:

8959016
I got some kind of emotion out of you, then, so I’m calling that a victory :pinkiehappy: Thank you for indirectly but also kinda directly inspiring it!

8958796
Thanks! Bits of it had been stewing in my head for a long time, so it was fantastic to finally find a place for them :twilightsmile: Any highlights for you?

8959120
Yes, but the line is a blatant spoiler!

8959120 If anything, the issue would be too much emotion! Makes me worry about my insurance and stuff.

The first exchange in particular was great :pinkiehappy: And ending the scene of them going to the cinema with that one line was brilliant :rainbowlaugh:

8959342
So... spoil it, maybe? :trollestia:


8959349
Too much emotion, you say? Hmm. What a novel concept. I’m sorry to say I’m not quite sure what it entails in this context, though :trollestia:

Ah, so. In the first draft, which was stupidly structured and also edgy and pretentious, they never went to see a movie at all, and it was that very line you mention and the accompanying mental image that made me think to change it in the second draft.

8959712
“I wanted to see if the part of you that smirked when you beat me was still there.” Favorite line in the story

8959712 It just came down to whether the harshness of the dream sequences, and what they hinted at, left a lingering feeling that lasted into the other scenes. Then, suddenly, you've got the positive feeling from one scene mixed with the overhanging negative one of the last :twilightoops:

It was that very line you mention and the accompanying mental image that made me think to change it in the second draft.

So it's Adagio's breasts to the rescue of a story again?!

8959767
Thanks, I liked that one too :twilightsmile: I can’t take all the credit there, though, because Summer gave me the idea for that one a little while ago :twilightsheepish:

8959788
Ah, okay. That does make sense, I can see how there’d be a bit of incongruency there :twilightoops: Were there any points where it particularly stood out to you, would you say, or was it more of a general problem with the dream scenes mixed in with the waking world ones?

So it's Adagio's breasts to the rescue of a storyagain?!

I... guess so? :twilightsheepish:

But, I mean... I think every time I’ve mentioned or alluded to them in a story, you’ve remarked favorably on that exact moment, so I can only assume that they make literally any scene better when acknowledged :trollestia:

8959836 I'm not sure I'd have kept reading past the first dream sequence if I didn't have such high hopes for the rest of the story? But it was the "I'm not done with you yet" line that left a real mark. Not sure how well the story would work without it, though; if you have a dark story and then take away the darkness, you normally just get angst :twilightoops: So it was nice that Sunset had something genuinely haunting haunting her, but also an ordeal to read about?

I was hoping that near the end, after Adagio admitting her plan, she'd turn and stroll off, and leave Sunset to deal with it on her own; I think that might have balanced it out a bit more so they both got critical hits in there? But that's just me :twilightsheepish:

I think every time I’ve mentioned or alluded to them in a story, you’ve remarked favorably on that exact moment, so I can only assume that they make literally any scene better when acknowledged :trollestia:

The data does strongly suggest a correlation. But maybe further testing is needed? :trollestia:

I like the idea of Adagio being an influence to Sunset's inner "bad girl."

8959881
Sadly, while I appreciate that it’s that line that’s probably the darkest, I feel like it’s also the most integral; when the whole story revolves around Adagio offering herself as an outlet for less-than-savory fantasies, I feel like Sunset needed to have that want to make the dreams scenes connect properly to the waking world ones. If I may ask, though, what was it that gave you high enough hopes to continue?

after Adagio admitting her plan, she'd turn and stroll off, and leave Sunset to deal with it on her own; I think that might have balanced it out a bit more so they both got critical hits in there?

Oh, hmm. That’s an interesting suggestion--I’m afraid I’m not quite seeing how that would work out, though? Part of that, I think, is just me being hesitant to include much of Sunset being on her own, though :twilightoops:

The data does strongly suggest a correlation. But maybe further testing is needed?:trollestia:

:trixieshiftleft:
:trixieshiftright:
Quite possibly, yes :raritywink: Problem is, now that you’ve recognized the trend, I’m going to have to get sneakier :trollestia:

8960116
I’ve been wanting to do a story addressing that topic for a while :twilightsheepish: Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it :twilightsmile:

8960565
Personally I think it's the emotional whiplash that makes the story. It's all about Sunset's struggles with, well her inner demon. And the contrast between who she is when shes awake versus asleep. Plus, the different tones make it much easier to keep the dream separate from reality, until halfway through when they are meant to blur together.

Did you get this story title from a verse in the Nitewish song "she is my sin"?

8960628
Yes, I did get the story title from that song! Got the idea for the chapter title from there as well, but I think I strayed a bit more for that one.

8960565 I agree, it needed that line to sell the premise, and I think that's the best balance on how it could have been phrased :fluttershysad:

If I may ask, though, what was it that gave you high enough hopes to continue?

This :twilightsmile:

And the opening scene was a fun setup for wanting to see more of it. But mostly it was on the strength of the first thing, truth be told :twilightsheepish:

Oh, hmm. That’s an interesting suggestion--I’m afraid I’m not quite seeing how that would work out, though? Part of that, I think, is just me being hesitant to include much of Sunset being on her own, though :twilightoops:

My thinking was that I understand what Sunset gets out of their suggested future relationship. Whereas I'm not so sure about Adagio. I get that she was trying to bring out darkness in Sunset, and feeling powerful by being able to do that against Sunset's will. But now they've had their talk and established that that's ok when it's just the two of them, I don't think any future private darkness from Sunset is particularly a triumph of Adagio's manipulative wiles, and becomes more just something they'd agreed was in her and was alright to let out when Sunset wanted to?

Whereas Adagio exposing that side of Sunset so the latter can't hide from it, and then leaving her to reel in that knowledge on her own, wondering how she can still call herself a good person and so on when that's lurking inside her, seems more like an end goal for Adagio's plan, so I'm just not so sure why she'd want to stick around after that? Remaining there as an outlet for Sunset's darker impulses and persuading her that that's ok, that sounds like something that's helping Sunset? And I'm not quite following why Adagio would do that?

I get it, of course; it's a romance story and it needs a shipped ending. And I can understand Adagio enjoying seeing that even the 'best' of people have a dark side, and delighting in bringing that out. But for me that loses some of its edge once they agree that that's not a bad thing?

Again, that's just me, and I don't like being critical about it, especially when it's written just the way you want it to be :fluttercry:

Problem is, now that you’ve recognized the trend, I’m going to have to get sneakier :trollestia:

Sneaky breasts are... best... breasts? :derpyderp1:

"As the group turned to watch Rainbow perform her flying drop kick for the eleventh time, Adagio, at the back, lifted her top for a moment. No one could work out why 'Flash' Sentry, standing in goal, made no move to block the ball Rainbow sent flying towards the net, but instead stood staring at Rainbow's friends in the stands for a few seconds after the whistle was blown, before making an excuse, stuffing his hands in his pockets, and leaving for the bathroom as quickly as possible."

8960613 Not so much the emotional whiplash of the scenes or the characters; I agree, that dichotomy within Sunset is the heart of the story's interest. And it does function well as a narrative device too.

It's not that it's 'this is sad, this is happy' or 'this is nasty Sunset, this is nice Sunset,' but that the former sections are 'I don't want to read this kind of story.' And I think that if the whole story were in that domineering dream-Sunset territory, it might be a very unpleasant read, and something a lot of people would want to avoid. And so dipping into that territory occasionally leaves a lasting impact for the whole story, and the rest of the story has to work to counter that.

8960628 NiGHTwish, darling, please. I applaud your music taste for knowing that, but if we're going to discuss such beauty we should do so with the respect of spelling it correctly.

8960716
I seen it both ways not sure witch is right

8960700
I liked the story want to see more like her friends find out or another story like this maybe with sonatas x scitwi/midnight or Ariaxl x Trixie.

8960855
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it! :twilightsmile: And while I’m flattered to hear that you’d like to see a sequel, I don’t want to get your hopes up--this was a very spontaneous thing for me and hinged completely on the specific characters involved. The odds of me writing much of Sci-Twi at the moment are borderline nonexistent, sadly; if you’d like to see something similar with her, Restless, by Tethered-Angel touches on a similar topic of Midnight haunting Twilight’s dreams and her occasionally indulging her darker fantasies. I am somewhat tempted by Trixie/Aria, because Aria could always use more love in her life, but I don’t have any concrete plans for the pairing and do have other stories that I do have plans for.

So, basically, I’m not completely opposed to doing another story kinda like this, because this one was so very much fun to write, but I wouldn’t expect one anytime soon.

8960713

And the opening scene was a fun setup for wanting to see more of it. But mostly it was on the strength of the first thing, truth be told

Ah, that’s fair, thank you for your honesty :twilightsmile: I do feel like that was one of the better first scenes I’ve done, though, so it’s good to hear that it played a part in your decision.

Again, that's just me, and I don't like being critical about it, especially when it's written just the way you want it to be:fluttercry:

Ah, okay. I’m... afraid my answer isn’t going to be terribly satisfying here, then :twilightsheepish: Because yes, I think I can agree, as a villainous scheme it absolutely would make more sense for Adagio to have walked away when she told Sunset that she’d gotten what she wanted. In some sense, that probably does make for a “better” story.

But, um. I wanted to ship them, so that’s not how it happened :twilightsheepish: Different kind of feeling, yes, and perhaps not as obviously satisfying on Adagio’s end of things (I like to think that she can still be satisfied with what she’s done at that point, but you’re right, she loses a lot of her edge when she and Sunset agree that it isn’t such a bad thing that’s happening). Thank you for the input, that’s a very good point you made that I didn’t think of, but I’m not sure there’s a way to make it work within the confines of the story I wanted to tell :twilightsheepish:

As the group turned to watch Rainbow perform her flying drop kick for the eleventh time...

:rainbowlaugh:
I can’t see her being nice enough to do that for Flash of all people, sadly :trollestia:

8960853 In forums and stuff, sure. But you can probably rely on Wikipedia to get it right, or the band's website, or their album covers. In this case, it's there in the video title?

Also, I'd recommend this one for Trixie x Aria.

8960911

I can’t see her being nice enough to do thatfor Flash of all people,sadly :trollestia:

As a 'victim' for that (the poor, traumatised boy), he comes with a built in excuse, though.

"I'm sorry, Vice Principal, I don't understand the problem. His shirt said 'Flash Sentry,' so I did."

"...Really, Adagio? Next thing you'll be telling me that's why you raked your nails across Vinyl's face last week."

"That's exactly why! Not revenge, no, I mean why would you even think that?"

The image kinda gives me the idea of Adagio and the other sirens ganging up on Sunset in the movie only for Sunsets dark side to come out and GET Them

Well, I spy a Nightwish reference! Also, this had an impeccable atmosphere.

9588395
'Twas indeed a Nightwish reference! :pinkiehappy: I wanna say it's from the first song of theirs I ever heard, but now that I say that I'm less sure. One of my favorite metal bands these days, though.

Thankies for reading :twilightsmile: It's weird to be getting comments on older stories, but in a good way.

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