Rocking the Fashion
“Maud!” Rarity managed to bound down the slope to the bottom of Ghastly Gorge and land right at Maud Pie’s side without getting a speck of dirt on her coat or a hair out of place. “Maud, darling, is there any chance I could ask you the teensiest favor?”
Maud didn’t look up from the mineral deposit she was examining. “Technically, you can,” she said, “but that doesn’t mean I’ll do it.”
Rarity forced a smile onto her face. You could almost hear the squeaking. “Well, you see, I’m quite busy working on my collection for the Canterlot Royal Fashion Show, and I’m in dire need of assistance running Rarity for You. Just for a single day. And… And I was wondering…” She swallowed. “…if you… might… be willing to help?” She forced her smile wider.
“I have an opening,” said Maud. “Boulder and I can watch your shop for a day.”
“Oh, thank Celestia!” gasped Rarity. “I was at the end of my rope and- You… and… Boulder?” She was very lucky Maud didn’t hear her squeak in distress.
“…divided by season, color, and price,” Rarity was saying. “Classic SCP system. All the shops use it.” She eyed Maud, standing at the cash register, and Boulder. “Are you positive you can handle this?”
“Yes,” said Maud. “This is simple. Right, boy?”
Boulder sat reassuringly on the counter.
Although her nerves weren’t significantly calmed, Rarity’s heart stopped going a mile a minute. “Of course, of course,” Rarity said. “And remember, the focus is on the customer! Now, I’m sorry, but I’ve spent too much time here as it is and really must be off. Ta-ta!” She scrambled out the door, levitating almost a dozen bags behind her.
“We got this, Boulder,” said Maud. “Right?”
Boulder sat affirmingly on the counter.
“Right.”
“I beg pardon,” said the upper-class stallion to Maud. He held up a suit. “What’s the thread count on this ensemble?”
“I’m just the cashier,” said Maud. “You’ll need to take it up with Boulder.” She pointed.
“Can’t get good help these days,” the stallion mumbled. He stared at Boulder for a moment. “Very well. …Boulder. The thread count. I can’t be seen in less than a thousand.”
Boulder sat questioningly on the counter.
“Well- Yes, they- They can tell the thread count from sight! It’s- You wouldn’t understand!”
Boulder sat skeptically on the counter.
“Okay,” the stallion admitted, “no, they can’t.”
Boulder sat confusedly on the counter.
“Because it’s a… reputation… thing. If they knew I wasn’t in a top-tier suit, I could be ruined! Because- reasons!”
Boulder sat inquisitively on the counter.
“No, I do like the suit, but if they found out-”
Boulder sat emphatically on the counter.
“…You’re right. The suit feels nice, and what’s the difference between eight hundred and one thousand threads, anyway?”
Maud rang him up for the suit. “Thank you for your patronage.”
“So, like, yah?” asked the valley mare, holding up a dress. “Or, like, yaaaah?” She held up another.
Boulder sat contemplatively on the counter.
“Yah?”
Boulder sat assertively on the counter.
“But, like, yyyaaahhh!”
Boulder sat convincingly on the counter.
“Oh… like, oh, yah.”
Boulder sat resolutely on the counter.
“Yah! Yah, like, yah.”
Maud rang her up for both dresses. “Thank you for your patronage.”
“We are but roadkill, mere carrion, crushed ants on the great path of time,” the goth stallion said as he examined a leather jacket. “Our greatest achievements will whither to nothing and be swept away in the blink of a cosmic eye. And I need something that reflects that. Especially if it’s fifty percent off.”
Boulder sat despondently on the counter.
“Or, you’re right, maybe doesn’t reflect that. For reflections cast light back out into the world, as opposed to taking that light and locking it in a box inside a safe inside a vault, never to be seen again. Should I go with black, like my soul? Black absorbs light the same way the cold, cruel, uncaring universe absorbs all happiness and meaning.”
Boulder sat despairingly on the counter.
“No, I’m pretty sure I don’t want orange with pink polka dots.” (Rarity wouldn’t be caught dead making that; it was Pinkie’s idea of a prank.) “Or perhaps I do. Such a terrible, ludicrous sense of fashion — itself devoid of all sense of culture, reason, and purpose — would drive ponies away, leaving me to wallow in utter loneliness and nothingness for the rest of my life.”
Boulder sat depressedly on the counter.
“And- Oh, forty percent off. How currently meaningful, yet ultimately laughably futile and pointless once the cosmos cave in on themselves.”
Boulder sat nihilistically on the counter.
“I think I shall, thank you. Not that it matters, just like everything else in this pathetic farce called ‘life’.”
Maud rang him up for the jacket. “Thank you for your patronage.”
The mare spat her tea out and hurled the cup at Smoky Jr. “You call that tea?” she shrieked as the raccoons skittered for cover. “Swill, more like!” She stomped to the cash register. “You!” she said to Maud. “Are y-”
“I’m just the cashier,” said Maud. “You need to take it up with Boulder.”
The mare glared at Boulder, her ears twitching as she decided what to do. Finally, she decided to just roll with it. “You. Are you going to do anything about those rodents and their appalling service?”
Boulder sat protectively on the counter.
“But the tea they serve! It’s… lukewarm!”
Boulder sat steadfastly on the counter.
“Get rid of them! Now!” screamed the mare. “Or so help me, see if I ever shop here again! Ever! …Ever!”
Boulder sat unflinchingly on the counter.
“I’m sorry the complimentary tea you got from a fashion store wasn’t up to coffee house standards,” said Maud. “Would you like your money back?”
“Please,” groaned the mare.
Boulder sat expectantly on the counter.
Maud opened up the cash register, dug around in it for a few moments, and held out an empty hoof. “Here.”
The mare looked at Maud’s hoof. At Maud. At her hoof. “Very funny,” she said, scowling. She turned her back on the counter and stomped out in a huff.
Boulder sat smugly on the counter.
“And they’re procyonids,” said Maud. “No thank you for your lack of patronage.”
“So you’re the only pony here?” asked the last customer skeptically. “You haven’t moved in hours!”
“I’m just the cashier,” said Maud. “If you have any questions, take them up with Boulder.”
The mare glanced at Boulder and smirked. “So. Mr. Boulder. Would it be okay if I took some of these dresses outside to… ‘test’?”
Boulder sat negatively on the counter.
“Thaaank you!” The mare began snatching up dresses from every section.
Boulder sat indignantly on the counter.
“Did you hear him?” said Maud. “He minds very much. And he’s very good at crime deterrent.”
“Mmhmm,” said the mare, draping her selected dresses over her back. “I’m sure he is. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I really must be going.” She turned to the door.
Boulder slammed into the back of her head, sending her sprawling and her dresses every which way. “Son of a-” the mare mumbled. She kicked a few times, attempting to disentangle herself from the pile. When she finally got her head out, she yelled at Maud, “What was that for?”
“I’m just the cashier,” said Maud. “You need to take it up with Boulder. He’s very good at crime deterrent.”
Boulder sat aggressively on the floor.
“There-” The mare wiggled a leg, trying to extricate it from a sleeve. “There was no need for that! I was going to return them. Definitely.”
Boulder sat belligerently on the floor.
“Stupid rock,” she snapped. She hurled one of the dresses away, kicked him across the room, and turned to the door.
She faceplanted again as Boulder smashed into her head again. The door made a squeaky sound as her face slid down the glass. Breathing heavily, she rolled onto her back and looked wildly around the room.
Boulder sat menacingly on the floor.
“I’m sorry!” yelped the mare. “I won’t do it again! I promise! Just please don’t hurt me again!”
Boulder sat allowingly on the floor.
The moment the mare was on her hooves, she plowed through the door and onto the street, never looking back.
“No thank you for your lack of patronage,” Maud said. Her knees creaking from finally moving again, she walked to the door, gathered up the dresses, and hung them back up, smoothing them out as best she could. Then she picked up Boulder and carefully laid him back on the counter. “Are you okay, boy?”
Boulder sat agreeably on the counter.
“Good.”
“Uffh!” Rarity was in a busy tizzy as she loped down Ghastly Gorge to Maud. “Excuse me? Maud?”
“Yes?”
“Please tell me you have good news regarding Rarity for You. The fashion show… Well, I guess it wasn’t a total disaster, but it was far from my finest work. The centerpiece was missing a certain… I don’t know what. A certain je ne sais quoi.”
“Keeping shop was fun,” said Maud. “Boulder and I didn’t have any problems. We sold a lot of clothes. Right?”
Boulder sat satisfied on the ground.
“That’s something,” Rarity said quietly. She anxiously twirled a lock of hair around her hoof. “So I… don’t suppose… hypothetically speaking, of course… in the future… you might be willing to do it again?”
“If we’re open.”
“Thank you. And thank you, both of you, for all your hard work and assistance.”
“You’re welcome,” said Maud.
Boulder sat humbly on the ground.
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It was at this point that I knew I'd favorite this story.
In any case, wonderful stuff. Boulder's probably very popular with the goth crowd, given how he symbolizes how even the mightiest stone erodes to irrelevance under the uncaring caress of time.
Well, not irrelevance per se. Not to Maud.
Thank you for this. And I can't believe there's no Boulder tag.
8853119
I know. The motherducking Breezies get one, but not Boulder?
Yes. Just... Just yes. That was amazing. I just feel bad that Rarity didn't have Fluttershy there to get her final inspiration.
Bolder is a member of Crime Stoppers .
This is amazing.
And somehow, they actually work. Huh, never thought it was possible but they are hilariously competent at this job. Good on them.
Great work for this story. A nice and funny one shot.
Ponies should remember, never to question Boulder's ability, just look at him!
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/a/aa/Boulder_ID_S4E18.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/220?cb=20140317213229
He's a picture of Competence and Trust
Better than the actual episode. Where is our Boulder tag? Take all my praise!
But who would be better: Boulder, Gummy, or Mudbriar's pet? What was it, Twig?
All this talk of Boulder reminds me of the discussion in DC COMICS involving Kirby's New Gods. The idea being that the New God dimension is gigantic compared to normal humans and that the dimensional Boom Tubes shrink them down when they come to Earth. Conversely, if Superman flew to New Genesis under his own power, he'd be tiny on arrival.
What if Boulder is a dimensional refugee and where he comes from, he truly is tremendous in size, fully fitting of the name "Boulder", but the ponies universe is much bigger, relatively speaking, and thus ponies are only 'little' proportionate to their universe?
As well as a certain foundation.
This was fun.
"You have a valid point," said Maud, "My tastes are admittedly, too simple and monochromatic to run your boutique properly. Very well, I will have Boulder run the store by himself."
Spade sat curiously opening this story.
Spade sat amusedly reading this story.
Spade sat appreciatively after finishing this story.
This was absolutely priceless. There's a lot of ways that this kind of story could have been written, but the way you handled it did not disappoint me in the slightest. It had all the humor and charm I could have hoped for. Keep this up.
I feel like this was stretched out a little, with the joke overstaying its welcome after a while. I think the story would have been better had it been shortened a bit.
That minor criticism aside, this was amusing.
8853576
Boneless probably wins, he was a key for the Rainbow Power as well!
*sigh* I hate fixfics that try to make Boulder into some Mary Sue who can do everything, it takes away the entire conflict of a rock who serves as the steadfast companion of Maud Pie. /s
Other than that, I thought it was pretty great.
not sure if she said that in the episode itself, but I kind of hope they don't write her like that all the time now just because of her boyfriend.
well the story was not bad, there is just something missing for me.
Boulder is best Pony.
A good funny story.
Is it bad that I liked this fanfic better than the actual episode?
Also, Boulder is best pet.
But when will Tom join the game?
8855240 Tom set out to rock Boulder's world. Their relationship went through a rocky period, though, and it was all downhill from there.
It was then they realized they shouldn't have taken each other for granite.
8854874 Boulder is The Allmighty.
THOU DOST DENY THE POWER OF THE ROCK OF OUR SALVATION!!! BURN THE HERETIC!!!
I love EVERYTHING about this SO. MUCH. XD Every single time a "Boulder sat [insert emotion]'ly on the [insert sitting space" I grinned harder. Perfect comedic timing, 5/5 stars, Favorited, would read again.
Boulder is Best Fashion Shop Manager <3
I don't know why I loved this so much, but i did <3
Cute.
8855198
I thought this was better written. And didn't try to shoehorn a moral.
8855394
Careful who you chide with that 'taken for granite' line:
We seriously need a boulder tag.
Well, I'm grinning. That was very well done. Not often that I see Boulder done this well. Or... ever. This is probably my favorite fic with Boulder as one of the main characters.
Not... not that there are that many, but this is still excellent.
8856244 I was thinking of that scene when I wrote it.
8856623
Well, if you're looking for other things with Boulder, a couple others I've run across recently are https://www.fimfiction.net/story/401826/on-the-origin-of-boulder-and-maud and https://www.fimfiction.net/story/328834/maud-and-boulder
8854202
SCP #2027 Pinkamena knows this all too well.
http://scpponies.wikia.com/wiki/SCP-2027_"Pinkamena/Pinkie
They say "Silence is golden", now Boulder proved it.
I would like to sit joyfully in here, but I'm sadly not as patient as Boulder. Very well written, loved it.
8854399
But Monochromatic tastes aren't that bad... Raritwi is the best ship ever, and it was Mono who convinced me.
Why does this keep popping into my head?
The would-be shoplifter peeked through the window at the temps inside. "Not happening, dude. The stiff and the rock's at the counter again."
His partner groaned. "Aw, schist."
8858977
It may be when the one color is grey
Upvoted for hilarity, but also for exceptional writing skills. Not sure where you picked up how to speak proper goth, but kudos to you for the exceptional job of doing so, along with the story as a whole.
The best part of this story is that Boulder was perfectly in character the entire time.
This was great. I liked it better than the actual episode.
I donktknow why, but I really like how you kept the fact that Rarity fialed the fashion show w/o Fluttershy inspiration.
This was already entertaining, but Maud correcting the customer on her use of "rodent" sold it.