Airship Mauled

by Darkonshadows

Chapter One, To Canterlot and Back: A jump is never so scary.

Thanks to Fresh Start, I could now ditch the towel for a yellow shirt, unmentionables, green shorts and a forest green cloak with my fish necklace underneath. I insisted on the cloak, I was going to be a heroic rogue and nobody could stop me! I’d look into the possibilities of what the cloak can do when used as my magical alchemy sustain.

Speaking of stopping me, I noticed that Fresh Start was looking at me expectantly with her own pack. My canteen was full of water and the dried food mom made was still good.

Whatever Celestia was busy with, I better bounce before she gets back to me. If I could ditch Fresh Start on the way, then she wouldn’t get in trouble. The perfect plan right? First I had to see a phoenix about her feathers, because the feathers she molts could be useful in restoring Tempest’s horn.

“Do you know where Celestia’s friend Philomena is? It’ll keep me in the castle longer and I’ll return to the room after I bargain with her and then I will try to make my escape, I hope you’re a fast runner.” It was thanks to my wording that Fresh Start led me to phoenix’s cage and she wasn’t currently in it. Instead she was at a nearby table playing cards with three pegasus guards and she had a large pile of bird seed next to her. “Seriously… gambling? I thought the royal guard were better than that! Your even implicating Philomena too, shame on all of you.”

The phoenix chirped something unintelligible yet intelligent sounding for about thirty second, the guards around the phoenix had frozen up at our approach. They stared at me in horror at being caught out gambling bird seed with Celestia’s favorite, supposedly pet, fire bird.

Of course it might have been Philomena who started these card games, but I was going to blame these guards anyway for letting Philomena run roughshod over them like this. At least they weren’t betting bits, so they’d probably only get a few slaps on the hooves if caught.

“Yeah, I didn’t understand a word of that.” I didn’t speak phoenix and wished Fluttershy were here with me. Her special talent reads as understanding animalistic languages, it would have been really useful. “I’m not going to narc on you guys for this if that’s what you’re worried about, as I have better things I could be doing. I wanted to trade something for some of Philomena’s less useful feathers or feathers she was going to molt off anyway.”

The phoenix tilted her head and gave me a curious warble before pointing out the pile of bird seed with a wing and then poking an empty spot on the table while giving me a look.

“What’s my offer?” I received a nod from the flaming avian, I pulled out two packs of unopened plastic bags loaded with dried apricots made lovingly by my mother. “Okay, how about several bags worth of dried fruit for say… four feathers? My mom’s really good at making food and promise you’ll enjoy this.”

Philomena gave it some thought and tapped the table twice, she wanted some more. I place a bag of dried pears down and she tapped the table once more. I placed a pack of dried banana chips on the table and she shook her head no, I took that back and sighed as it seemed Philomena didn’t like bananas for some reason. I was going to regret this as mom rarely ever made these for me, but it was going to a good cause.

“Okay, so you don’t like banana chips, how about half a bag of kiwi candies?” Half a plastic bag of kiwi chunks were set on the table, I opened it up and took one out for Philomena to get a taste of. “They are rarely ever made and I can assure you that you won’t have tasted anything like them. Try one and tell me if it’s worth the price.”

Philomena took the kiwi candy and threw it in her beak, after chewing the candy a bit she froze and seemed to shiver. Yep my mom’s really good with candied fruit whenever she can get the fruit to make it. Philomena started to rapidly nod at me and pointed to the bag, I sighed sadly and placed it on the table and Philomena started preening for loose feathers. I didn’t get the four feathers I originally wanted, I instead received ten loose feathers as Philomena was making this as fair a trade as possible.

“Pleasure doing business with you Philo!” Cheerily turning about face and ignoring the happy cooing noise at my back as I stowed away the bushel of feathers in my pack, I looked to Fresh Start who was staring at me with disbelief before she started leading me back to Celestia’s room.

“I think… I might have seen some things that I really didn’t need to know.” Apparently Fresh Start’s world view was shattered, poor her.

Now time for my amazing escape plan!

-

Okay back in Celestia’s room, I have two raven feathers to burn for a casting. I moved over to the balcony and looked over the city, the view was spectacular and quite fitting for a princess who raised the sun. More importantly, I was looking for a target nobody would mind me landing on.

“So, when are we leaving?” Fresh Start asked as I saw a blond fop of a white furred stallion approaching the castle and he started talking to guards which seemed to have annoyed them quite a bit.

“Oh I’m leaving right about…” I tapped my dagger to start using it as my magical sustain and then I pulled out a raven feather and it evaporated as I used the cast on myself. I focused on targeting the blond haired unicorn, took a few steps away from the balcony and then charged towards it. “Now!”

I pushed off from the edge of the balcony and soared, my fall stopped for a second twenty feet above my target.

I gave grin back to the horrified Fresh Start as I froze in the air, then I came down upon the pony known as Prince Blueblood feet first and stomped down on his head.

I bounced off, rolled and then I started using my heightened agility to start running for it full tilt down the street.

I saw a particular donut shop and skidded to a stop, I calmly entered the establishment. Seconds later the two guards that were giving chase to me for knocking out Blueblood ran by. They were either going to thank me or arrest me for my actions, I wasn’t ready to find out which it was.

I came up to the counter and leaned on it, my tail flicking back and forth at the sweet smells permeating the room.

“Hello there… well you’re an unusual sight.” The slightly portly brown haired and beige furred Donut Joe said upon seeing me leaning against the counter with a canary eating grin. “Anyway, I’m Donut Joe what do you want?”

“Hello Double O’ Joe, I’d like at triple braided tiger tail with strawberry, vanilla and chocolate twisted in if you can manage that. Oh and a raspberry and cream cheese filled donut to go.” He seemed to freeze up as I stated his supposed secret agent name, I guess he was one S.M.I.L.E. agent that actually smiled. “I have a long trip ahead of me and I’m getting that donut for my mom so package it up. Oh and did Agent Sweetie Drops come by for the fudge donuts?”

“Yes… she did… I’ll get right on your order and will you be eating that tiger tail or do you want me to package it up like the other one?” Well he didn’t seem very put off about me knowing about him or the organization he worked with.

“I guess I’ll take it packaged too, I might not have the time to stop and eat it as I’m going to be very busy today Mr. Joe.” My bright cheerful tone made him smile. If I don’t make it to the next train out of Canterlot, then I’d have to improvise and eat the tiger tail on the road later. “Oh and can you make sure that both snacks are protected against being smashed? I might accidentally end up on my back at some point and I wouldn’t want to ruin such delectable treats.”

“Why thank you for the compliment and yes, I can do that as I tend to get a clumsy customer every now and then. She’s quite the muffin fanatic.” I waited for ten minutes and he eventually sat the bag on the counter and then cast a spell over it. “That’ll be fifteen bits.”

“The economic costs of living here huh? Well they are really big donuts, so I’m getting my money’s worth at least.” I’d be left with thirty bits, but this was going to be worth it and I was bringing mom something nice from my short trip to Canterlot. I paid him and took the bag. “Thanks Mr. Joe and see you later when I need some really delicious snacks.”

“Okay, thanks for the business and have a good day miss.” Donut Joe waved me good bye and I took off my pack to stow the paper bag away. I was going to eventually want to meet that muffin fanatic and worship her a bit, but I’d better get moving. I’ve dallied long enough for Fresh Start to start asking around for me down the street. “Oh and thanks for outing that Changeling for us!”

I exited the shop and started running again, now where was the train station?

-

“There she is, get her!” I paused in the intersection and noticed that all the ponies were parting for several guards and I could hear music starting to play around me.

So, heart songs were actually a thing here, who was singing it? It was then that I realized that a strange feeling was coming over me. Oh for the love of, it’s me!

I even knew why this magical tune sounded familiar, I just hoped I could fudge the lyrics well enough as I was outrunning the guards. I wouldn’t want to be the cause of copyright infringement even if nobody here would charge me for it.

“Have to go, all that much faster~. One skip, ahead of a burgeoning disaster~.” I said as I leapt up and over the diving armored winged mare that just plowed into the street missing me by a few feet, digging a small trench in sold stone. “I don’t want to be stuck here working for Celestia, because I just might get spiritually bored~. Quite frankly.”

“One hop, ahead of the royal guards~. Seriously, you guys are a joke~.” I pulled my knife deflected the edge of an incoming hovering spear. I grabbed it near the head, spun around and swung the blunt end of the shaft into the head of the unicorn that had been wielding it. I easily knocked him flat, I let go of the spear and kept running. Through the square towards the train station or at least I hope I was. “These guys probably wouldn’t appreciate it if it’s something against Celestia that I spoke~!”

“What’s that~?” Yelled one guard chasing after me.

“Darn cat~!” Another guard shouted angrily following his buddy.

“Stun spells, take that~!” Several unicorn guards teleported in and fired at me. I performed a hand spring up onto a bunch of boxes and then bounced off the awning of a nearby restaurant and grabbed a window. I pulled myself in and looked back at the guards glaring at me.

“Come on, can’t we talk guys~?” Even though this musical number was making me insult you something fierce.

“Catch her and book her for possibly spreading the Celestia is fat lies~!” Oh come on! That was too ridiculous for them to have sung honestly and with straight faces. I ducked out of the way of several blasts of magic hitting the window sill.

“Okay, this song has a bent~. I need to face the facts, and get out of here real soon~!” I turned and went for the window on the opposite side of the room, but apparently the musical number wasn’t done with me yet.

“Who… oh my, it’s a sad cat with the royal guards on her bottom, is she here performing some kind of silly crime~?” A sexy white furred and pink haired mare came up to me and hugged me while rubbing up against me. Oh hey, it was Fleur De Lis. “I’d suggest you get out of here, but your so cute that I’d want to cuddle you and take up your time~.”

“Have to keep moving, got to get away, I would like a signed autograph later when it’s not my freedom on the line~!” I broke free of the mare and charged for the other window and leapt out of it without looking leaving smiling Fleur looking after me. “One hop ahead of the armored, one bounce as I croon… I know for a fact that I’m not coming back anytime soon~!”

I grabbed a clothesline as I fell and slid along it into some clothes and dropped into a heap onto the ground below, oh dang I was doing a perfect imitation parody of the original song wasn’t I?

“I’m still ahead the guards, slightly flush ahead of that herd~. I think I’ll just try to stop singing before I’m captured~.” I burst away from the pile of dirtied clothes and made my way down the street with the guards on my heels, I should probably look into shoes instead of being barefoot all the time.

“Freeze bandit~! Robber~!” I turned a corner and saw a pony stealing a purse, I clotheslined the pony and threw the purse back to the owner.

“Found her~!” Several guards surrounded me and backed me towards a door and I smiled weakly.

“Come on, let’s not get all huffy~!” Then I found myself being squeezed by a giant pony that burst from the door and had seen my act of heroism.

“Because she’s rather friendly and fluffy~!” The giant blue green coated pony with the green mane said.

“Do me a quick favor, and toss me onto the roof~. Otherwise I’m going to be quite screwed~!” I’m surprised I was allowed to sing that and even more surprised when she launched me upwards.

“Hey~!” The guards yelled angrily as I started clambering across the rooftops where I had to avoid several pegasus ponies trying to grab me.

“Quick feet, ahead of their hoof beats~. (Where’s that~).” I sang, I wished this song was over with as I jumped onto another roof top and saw Celestia standing near the edge of Canterlot. I eyed her pristine looking feathers. “One lunge ahead of these jocks~. (Darn cat~!).”

“I have one trick to save me from disaster~. (Founder Her~!).” I hope this worked, I dropped down to the street and charged my way towards Celestia who looked towards me in shock. I grabbed some loose feathers as I passed by her. “They might be fast, but I can be faster~. Hey there Celestia~! Hope you can find my stand in, as I hope this is a happy landing~. See you later because now that I’ve got to… leap~!”

I jumped off the side of Canterlot.

Comments

[Velvet-Fresh]

if there weren't any haystacks over there conveniently she's screwed

[SvenFoxx]

That... that was brilliant. I love it!

[Byakura]

The song was from alladin is its?

[Thy Lord]

Thanks to Fresh Start, I could now ditch the towel for a yellow shirt, unmentionables, green shorts and a forest green cloak with my fish necklace underneath. I insisted on the cloak, I was going to be a heroic rogue and nobody could stop me! I’d look into the possibilities of what the cloak can do when used as my magical alchemy sustain.

Please read any of the Ranger's Apprentice series, you need very diverse patterns on your cloak, you need a molted green/grey cloak.

[Nevermore777]

9352385
Such a good series. Though the cloaks depend on locations

[ThatBadGuy]

“There she is, get her!” I paused in the intersection and noticed that all the ponies were parting for several guards and I could hear music starting to play around me.

cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/1200/1*Mb-da6xAdWblMnlyd4WBDg.jpeg
Whoops! It seems you have made—

"STOP RIGHT THERE! CRIMINAL SCUM!"

[Eroraf86]

As much as I appreciate the Aladdin parody, you tried to cram too many words into some of the lines. If you ever come back to revise this, please try to fit the lyrics to the melody.

[Detsella Morningdew]

9482411
Yeah. While I can understand that it isn't super easy, I've written words to pre-existing music before (I was in a playwriting class, and we were making a musical). It's slightly harder than normal writing, but not that difficult.

[Chris Russell]

lol

Aladdin - One Jump Ahead

[Dashie04]

Suddenly...

Impromptu musical number!

[The Scarlett Mare]

“What’s that~?” Yelled one guard chasing after me.

ITS A MUSICAL
AAAAAH THIS STORY ONLY GETS BETTER

[The Scarlett Mare]

“Who… oh my, it’s a sad cat with the royal guards on her bottom, is she here performing some kind of silly crime~?” A sexy white furred and pink haired mare came up to me and hugged me while rubbing up against me. Oh hey, it was Fleur De Lis. “I’d suggest you get out of here, but your so cute that I’d want to cuddle you and take up your time~.”

Because of course Fleur De Lis is here
Where else?

[Pensive]

Philomena gave it some thought and tapped the table twice, she wanted some more. I place a bag of dried pears down and she tapped the table once more. I placed a pack of dried banana chips on the table and she shook her head no, I took that back and sighed as it seemed Philomena didn’t like bananas for some reason. I was going to regret this as mom rarely ever made these for me, but it was going to a good cause.

IM A BANNA!!! IM A BANNA!!!