Airship Mauled

by Darkonshadows

Chapter Eleven, Blueblood Bandits: Permission slanted.

-One week later, Jade-

Okay I couldn’t have known this at the time, but now that I thought about it… I might have been partially responsible for Cranky getting the run around from Matilda. When Cranky said he searched everywhere for her, he was literally searching in all the right places only for Matilda to start running.

From Matilda’s side of things, she could have been avoiding someone chasing after her that might know she’s an assassin or she might think someone sent assassins after her. As an assassin she was rightfully paranoid, thus it would be years before the two donkeys met and got together.

I felt bad about that, but it’ll happen eventually… right?

Anyway, it wasn’t my fault that Cranky missed the note that Matilda left about finding her in Ponyville. The note likely went ignored and was put in the trash somewhere by a maid, so that clearly wasn’t on me! What was on me is Cranky missing Matilda in Ponyville because I caught her trying to poison me.

As interesting as it is to be a part of fate, among being an absolutely large gray area for me, it was time for me and my friends to do something huge and get away with it.

First I had to run it by my team first, by letting them know that we even were a team to begin with. I would then run it by Celestia by not speaking directly about what I’m actually going to do and then, and only then, can I carry out my plan to steal a heavy malleable precious metal ship that’s eating up a ton of resources in upkeep that could be better spent elsewhere.

Does anyone know how expensive it is to replace machinery made out of gold? I’m sure Jacky does and could crunch those numbers.

Hopefully Celestia didn’t believe in solid gold toilets.

I would just be bringing it to Celestia’s attention, like how Sekhet was brought to her attention. Said attention would happen by no one ever telling Celestia anything about it, at least until it was too late and she finds out on her own.

“Jade… hello… you feeling okay in there?” Fizzle was in my face and I jumped back in shock, she gave me a worried look when my cardboard box flipped onto its side.

Her mane was back in its customary pulled back style, as for me I told her if she wanted my hair to look nice then she’d have to take care of it herself outside of dates. Fizzle took that as a challenge and was now brushing and combing my hair daily. I appreciated the effort and it felt nice to have someone care about you that much.

“Sorry Fizzy, I was a little preoccupied with my thoughts.” I flipped my cardboard box back into position and stood up, I have had an odd obsession with it ever since we got it at the furniture store. It sometimes made me wonder how much of my cat instincts were coming into play when it came to loving my cardboard box as I did. “Did you get everyone together?”

“Yes, that’s what you asked for, even Sekhet is waiting on you. What’s this all about? Is this about the salamanders we fought on our date last week?” We handled ourselves pretty well that day Fizzle.

Salamanders were easy to handle when you throw what amounts to a bucket of water down their throats. It left them completely incapable of breathing fire for a while, I knew for a fact that something like that wouldn’t ever work on a dragon’s magical flames.

“No this is something else, Celestia is visiting today and I’m about to make Jacky a happy bird.” Okay, maybe I should have worded that a bit better. Fizzle was now delicately raising her brow with the scar running through it at me. I had to admit she was cute when she got jealous over me. “I hope you assume I meant that in a platonic sense, we’re going to do something huge that will attract a lot of attention in a pirate like manner.”

“You better have meant that in a platonic sense Jade! It’s already complicated with Maries making moves on the both of us. I don’t exactly dislike that she’s doing it either…” It was so nice to be told off by my special some pony, it let me know that not everyone agrees with the things I do. They would definitely tell me if I was going too far and it was nice to hear Maries was making some headway with Fizzle, she hasn’t gotten very far with me yet. “I think I might have an addiction to receiving special attention.”

“Well you have my attention right now Fizzy.” Just lay on the charm and I could make her smile while blushing a bit.

“Right, come on down and explain to us what you’re going to get us into this time Jade.” Why of course my dear Fizzle. I went to the door and held it open for her while bowing. “It better not be something we can’t handle.”

“After you my lady and I assure you it won’t be that bad.” She nuzzled me on the way out the door.

-Thirty minutes later.-

I had laid everything out to them and the first to respond was our friendly morning pony Fresh, who was busy serving our needs as I told everyone the two things I wanted to do.

“What!?” Fresh Start obviously didn’t like my idea. “Are you insane?”

“Yes.” I calmly answered.

“Well at least the Captain admits to it.” Of course I do Jacky, I’m just making sure everyone else knew that I obviously was. Apparently Fresh hadn’t acknowledged that yet. "Sounds like they're good plans to me Captain."

“Jade, that’s almost well thought out, but how will we know which ship is the right one?” Looking to Fizzle, I pointed out the flying turtle cuddling my right shoulder affectionately. She nodded in understanding. “I rescind my question, Jade has thought of that.”

“A guild run by Sekhet would be pretty nice and it wouldn’t be too hard for her to do as she doesn’t have much to do as my secretary yet, but that second thing is a little bit more iffy my little tom cat.” Mom needed me to convince her that it was a good idea, but I knew we that we could pull it all off without charges being brought against us. I should be a lawyer that says ‘objection’ a lot. “I’m not letting you do it unless I can come along to make sure you don’t get into any trouble you can’t wiggle your way out of. I’m still rather upset that your date last week involved assassins and salamanders.”

“The salamanders were more like wimpy alligators after we doused them mom, they weren’t that dangerous.” Backup from Fizzle, my hearts aflutter! Speaking of Fluttershy, I wondered if our epic pacifistic druid was joining our game of O and O later after this meeting.

“I notice that you didn’t correct me on the assassins not being dangerous my little Fizzle.” It wasn’t like we could say that they weren’t dangerous mom, at least I haven’t had a single attempt on me for the last few days since then.

Someone out there has an open price on my head and I did absolutely nothing to warrant it, at least I don’t think I did… or did I? Huh, maybe I’m reaping what I sowed? I wouldn’t know, because the assassins never explained to me what I was being targeted for.

If it was because I was a sun priest, then that was a really flimsy reason to have me killed! It would just aggravate me into taking action against the one that was employing them. As far as I knew, I wasn’t doing anything a standard sun priest would. Therefore I don’t see why someone would go to the effort to have me killed, it was like they were actively trying to make me their problem.

“I’m willing to make my pyramid the guild and town hall.” At least Sekhet gave me a vote of confidence of that.

“I’m fine with that, but do you seriously think you can get Celestia to agree to letting you do what you plan to do?” Cheerilee seemed less worried about my plan and more worried about Celestia seeing something wrong with it.

“Easily teach. When she comes, I’ll just ask her and you’ll see. I’ll even get her exact words on paper.” Because I wasn’t going to tell her everything like I just told all of you. “She’ll be completely fine with it and will grant me permission to do as I see fit.”

“By the way your math skills are still horrible Jade. Do I need to get Jacky or Maries to tutor you?” Well that would certainly be embarrassing, did you seriously have to bring that up right now Cheerilee?

“Get Fizzle to do it, she’s slowly coming to understand Jade’s idiosyncrasies in the places where I can’t.” Go mom, make Fizzle cuddle me more!

“I don’t think that’s a good suggestion, I think Jade would get too… distracted.” Cheerilee was giving me a sharp look and I looked away trying to act innocently.

I was failing quite badly, so I decided to speak up.

“Anything else anyone wants to bring up? Something that’s not related to my minor dyscalculia problem?” It was definitely only a minor problem, they were always blowing this way out of proportion. “It’s only high level complicated math that gives me problems, I can function in society with the math skills I have right now.”

“That may be so, but I want you to get the best education I can give you Jade.” Cheerilee was openly teaching a classroom that looked like a circus.

Come and be amazed at beast tamer Maries, no she’s not the beast, she’s is in fact the tamer of the beasts folks. Come watch our professional clown Jacky Blackcap Chickadee cause humorous calamity and woe with her very proximity! Join me ring keeper Jade and my beautiful magical assistant Fizzy for a show of amazing prestidigitation that will boggle minds. Introducing our newest member the strong cow, the mighty Arizona! Despite her size, can move fast and hit hard… like a donkey cart even!

“Jade just zoned out again.” Hearing Fizzle’s words, I blinked and came back to the present.

“Sorry, was anything important said while I was thinking about my plans for the Airship Maulers?” What… why were you all staring? It was the name of our guild, it was not indicative of our local goddess’s plight or our habit of wrecking airships at all.

We still had The Ardent Survivor after all, so what if it was named to survive the rigors of our collective insanities?

“Airship Maulers, that sounds a little too on the beak doesn’t it Captain?” Oh sure, like you could have come up with something much better Blackcap.

“Excuse me, but I think I would like to bring up the topic of fruit.” Oh goddesses here we go again the daily Wary Berry report! Annoying fruit hating purple furred, blue haired busybody. I shouldn’t have saved her from the one eyed flying purple pony eater. “Everything seems fine with our fruit grove, but I think we should keep a closer eye on it. Who knows when the fruit will go bad. The fruit may even jump off the trees and attack us!”

-One hour later, Celestia.-

I walked into The Witch’s Fare, everyone turned to me and only the ponies bowed. I was still getting used to the idea that not everyone would praise the ground I walked upon, it was very refreshing to be treated as normal around here.

It makes my day really, but only when Twilight or Spike haven’t made my day themselves. Spike was such an adorable baby dragon. I guess I had Sekhet to thank for this. In fact, I glared in her direction and she glared right back. We had a mutual dislike of one another going and it meant we were truly the best of immortal friends!

Jade immediately got up and approached me while tossing some O&O dice over her shoulder.

“Jade’s character survives, but both her legs are crippled and she’s now on the ground.” After hearing Sekhet dryly state that out loud, I watched as the pony that I believed is called Fluttershy whimper loudly.

“Darn it, I thought the end result of that toss would be cooler…” Muttered the feline sun priest grumpily.

“It happened my little tom cat, get over it.” It seems like Mayor Kuril was sour about how the game was currently going. “I don’t even see what you have to complain about, my character has a cursed spear still sticking out of her torso and can’t even remove it without dying.”

“Fresh, roll for me and make the dumbest moves possible, I’m feeling reckless today.” After telling their live in maid that, Jade turned to me. “Can we talk outside so we don’t interrupt the game?”

“Of course.” I turned and exited the restaurant with Jade on my heels. “What did you want to talk to me about? It seems the fruit grove is coming in nicely since I last visited.”

“It is coming in quite nicely, our strawberry patch is certainly producing tasty results. I was wanting to ask, what should I do if I suddenly found out about anything illicit going on in Canterlot?” There seems to be something to this question that Jade was telling me.

I pondered for a moment on my answer, she was being a bit shifty about something.

“You’d tell the royal guard of course.” That seemed like a decent response to me and the cat just frowned.

“What if they guards didn’t believe me or were being paid to ignore my concerns about such illicit activities?” She was trying to lead me somewhere, I just have this feeling something was up.

“I’m quite sure that the royal guard wouldn’t be involved in any illegal activity.” Was that a smile I saw, it was off her face too fast to tell. She knew something about the royal guard involving illicit activities, maybe it’s just Cadence and Shining Armor.

“So, would you say I’d have to find evidence of such illicit activities and then place it in your hooves directly?” You seemed almost too eager to do just that. Why am I so suspicious of you being up to no good? A sun priest shouldn’t feel like this. “You know to prevent anyone from tampering with the evidence.”

“Yes, you could do that, if you can prove to me without a doubt that the evidence isn’t forged and it comes from someone who is doing said illicit activities.” Nodding the cat ran off and eventually came back with ink and paper.

“Could you write a list down for me about this very subject?” You were being peculiar Jade, then again you’re not a normal sun priest by any stretch of the imagination. I wrote down several things for her based on the laws that she was asking about and she smiled, what did I do and why did my spine chill at her smile. “Is that all?”

“Yep, come back inside Celestia, mom made some cake brownies!” I was no longer in control of my body at her seductive words.

Author's Note:

Jaded La Perm uses Cake Brownies!

It's super effective!

Celestia has fainted... at the taste of cake and brownie intertwined.

The opponent is about to be Luna.

Would you like to change food items?

(Yes)/ maybe/ no/ cuddle.

Jaded La Perm sets out BF Moon Pies!

Comments

[dargonax]

The opponent is about to be Luna.

Would you like to change food items?

(Yes)/ maybe/ no/ cuddle.
Cuddle

[Draskos]

Cue celestia flittering in on her wingtips, drawn like a cat to cream.

[Shadowshame]

This is one pawsome story

[The Scarlett Mare]

“Sorry, was anything important said while I was thinking about my plans for the Airship Maulers?” What… why were you all staring? It was the name of our guild, it was not indicative of our local goddess’s plight or our habit of wrecking airships at all.

I never laughed so hard at two paragraphs as much as I did for the circus paragraph and this one too

[Fresnor]

Where was Wary when the apple nation attacked?