Airship Mauled

by Darkonshadows

Chapter fifty, all around the world: Nowhere.

-months later, early morning, ???, Flamberge-

I had been a long time since we left Autumn Breeze behind, I seriously hoped she didn’t go back to hurting herself.

We had been on a hundred or so small misadventures, sometimes twice a day if we did some things fast enough.

We were currently in the travel stream, the mists were flowing around the boat like usual and then the boat hit something in the misty traveling stream.

A surprised looking strange white fox yelped as it flew overhead and then the boat came to an abrupt and highly volatile stop that threw us all out of it.

I picked myself up and was slightly dazed.

“Is everyone okay?! Aside from that, do I even need to ask where we are anymore?! We’re always lost and we always appear in a place we’ve never been to before!” My tirade was about our current location, we were in the middle of a badlands kind of region and didn’t seem to be anything around for a vast distance. “Also what did we hit and how did we even get hit it in the middle of the mists?! I seriously doubt that was an ordinary fox that I saw!”

Travel On was currently sitting in the middle of a large mud puddle. So the thing about us always parking on, in or near water was debunked, at least we were not being actively hunted by Breezies anymore. Long story that, at least it was better than what happened at the library in Sire’s Hollow.

Looking around I didn’t see hide nor hair of said white fox that we had somehow hit in transit, didn’t even know Travel On could hit anything but a destination.

Fortitude pulled his face out of the meager mud puddle around us.

Skelly was on her back nearby with her eyes wildly spiraling in their sockets.

Sweetcakes… I hope she was okay, she was definitely unconscious from her tumble with the ground.

“I am thinking that that was a Teumessian, we are now even more lost thanks to the collision with an infamous blink fox… oh….” Fortitude looked off into the distance. “So that is where we are being. We are in the middle of nowhere, this is about as lost as we can get!”

“Yes, but where in the middle of nowhere are we?!” We were definitely lost again, I calmly watched as Skelly rolled onto her hooves and stumbled around a bit.

Skelly eventually slapped her head to make her eyes immediately stop spinning. After looking around for a bit, she blinked confusedly at something turned to me and to sign something.

“Yes I know we’re in the middle of nowhere, but where do you suppose we ended up?! This doesn’t look like the equestrian badlands… and there doesn’t seem to be much out here for miles!” At my question, Skelly just ran a hoof through her mane while looking exasperated with me.

Skelly noticed Sweetcakes was unconscious and looked to me. Skelly flicked her head at Sweetcakes while giving me a concerned look.

I sighed and carried Sweetcakes over to the boat and gently put her in, I even dusted off some bits of her admittedly soft golden fur. After I was done dusting off our traveling companion, Skelly came over to me and gripped my head with both her hooves and turned it to a sign that I had yet to notice.

The sign was a large arrow point at the ground and the writing on it declared ‘The exact middle of nowhere’, on the ground there was a large black dot that the sign was pointing at. There was nothing else the downwards pointing arrow could possibly be focusing on.

“Are we here because of a species of fox that nobody can ever truly capture or are we here because Travel On wants us to be?!” We actually got lost right next to the exact middle of nowhere, I had no idea how to feel about this and previously didn’t think it was an actual location in the world.

I mean who thought that such a place like this actually existed or that someone would even be able to place a sign pointing at the exact spot where the middle of nowhere was.

“There is one way to find out brother, we try to use Travel On!” Fortitude was kind of our leader on this one. He, Skelly and I got into the boat and Skelly worked the oar into the mud, nothing happened. “We are being quite stuck out here.”

“Yes, but where are we going and do we drag Travel On along with us?! Getting back here might be impossible if we go too far from the boat, so do we just wait here for something to happen?! What exactly are we going to do?!” After posing the question I just sat next to Sweetcakes. “We have supplies, but they are not going to last forever! Skelly won’t have much of a problem, but the rest of us however… I could fly up and scout the area I guess!”

Skelly just shrugged, at our plight and looked around. She went to look at the backside of the neary sign and blinked, she then waved to us excitedly. We looked at her curiously when she got our attention before I could take off to do some scouting.

Fortitude and I made our way over to her, we looked at the backside the sign and saw a message scrawled on it.

“Well it’s as good a direction as any to go!” According to what I and the others saw, there was a town nearby called ‘Anywhere But Here’. “I think we’ll be taking Travel On with us this time. Fortitude get ready to push!”

-One hour later-

“I am not liking this adventure.” Well it wasn’t like I could push your weight around Fortitude, also Skelly was at least helping you to pull the boat.

“Look, it could be worse Fortitude, we could be running from highland pukwudgies!” My eyes widened, why did I just say that? Wait… maybe… just maybe it doesn’t work out here in the middle of… a rapidly flipping axe abruptly struck the ground a foot just behind Fortitude and we could hear war drums. Looking behind the boat we could see a large army of pukwudgies gathering. “Okay, before you can get mad at me Fortitude, I swear that I didn’t think it would work out here in the middle of nowhere!”

“Also those are not being highland pukwudgies, I am thinking they are viking pukwudgies.” You know brother, that’s a horrifying thing to hear. “Yes brother, I too am terrified.”

“Gaga-Fragah!” Returning my attention to the pukwudgies, I could see them dragging several pukwudgie sized viking ships up behind us. Hey, at least they had some sense of fair play. Those boats would slow them down to drag or push behind us, now if only those boats weren’t loaded with well manned axe launchers.

The lead pukwudgie had a comically large braided beard and mustache, it wore a slightly ridiculously oversized for it viking helmet. The fork it held was being waved wildly around as a weapon and it even had a tiny shield.

“Skelly… I know you have no clue as to what’s about to happen, but I’m just going to preemptively apologize for it!” I shouted to the skeleton who tilted her head and looked at the army of aggressive mutant hedgehogs that showed up for a fight when you talked about them.

Soon axes started falling around us in waves. I quickly took to the air and started spitting fireballs at them to slow them down.

-After evading the Viking Pukwudgies-

Fortitude’s smell was getting worse the more he sweated and he has already gone through his canteen. My brother might start getting heat stroke out here and I was worried about his health, but then I saw the town of ‘Anywhere But Here’. At least that’s what the dilapidated sign halfway rotted and partially lying on the ground said.

It was built around a nice looking large oasis, seems kind of like one of those dusty western ghost towns that you’d find in the middle of… ah… I get it. I will now swear up and down that Travel On is a sapient boat and has a thing for jokes.

Sweetcakes was at least awake and she seemed okay, considering she cuddled up to me like usual. Skelly gave me a curious glance and looked to Sweetcakes and then to me, she then got out of the boat as Fortitude flopped to the ground completely tired.

Skelly got up under his left leg and lifted a part of Fortitude up, then began dragging him to a nearby building.

“You go with them Sweetcakes, I’m going to set the boat off to the side.” I think we were going to find out what was going on in this town, because there was obviously something wrong with it that we may have need to fix. Why else would we end up here?

Also I took note that despite the oasis being here, Travel On didn’t drop us directly into the middle of the town. I carefully dragged the boat behind a building, I wasn’t going to put it in the water due to some suspicions about this location.

I then made my way towards the water slowly while staying off the street leading towards it. After hearing about the cursed water in the valley that Autumn Blaze lived in, I was a little more than wary of water based curses.

-Cistern Saloon, Skelly-

The name of this place was not very promising for its cleanliness or good service, like how some breezies were not very peaceful or as innocent as they looked for their statures.

“Well now, we don’t see strangers around these parts very often.” The earth pony purveyor of inhibition breaking substances eyed us curiously. He pale brown fur, short burnt orange hair and silver eyes. “Names Rinse Swill, ‘need’ anything? I can ‘help’.”

“I am being tired from the journey, but I feel too wary of this place to order water. So what is wrong with this town?” So Fortitude was also getting the same vibe I was, this town stunk of trouble. “I am quite sure there is a problem with this town.”

“That obvious huh? Saw the ‘sign’ laying halfway on the ground rotting away did you?” Rinse chuckled, it seemed really forced. “Yeah this town has ‘many problems’, but most of them are really simple. You have very ‘good instincts’ sir.”

The emphasis he place on the words ‘sign’, ‘good instincts’ and ‘many problems’ earned my attention slightly.

“Something is very off here.” What with everything we’ve been through Fortitude, and given who I am, I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment that there is nothing that we can imagine as being impossible. “So tell us what plagues this town.”

“Well you’ll find out soon enough, but ‘it’s’ not ‘a major problem’.” Rinse looked beyond the bar's doors warily. “In any case, 'the reason for the towns name is’ not ‘important’. Everyone here knows what to look out for and how to ‘stay safe’. As the town’s name implies, some who live here would rather ‘be Anywhere But Here’. Otherwise ‘those who live here have a very good reason’ for doing so, like if you fell in love with a local mare, it’s ‘totally safe to love’. ‘I want to warn you travelers’, we don’t have any inns.”

There’s that strange emphasizing again, it’s like he’s trying to tell us something. He says ‘totally safe to love’ as if everything else here… wasn’t… safe… hm.

“Warn travelers how? You are being rather vague. What is going on?” Sweetcakes asked with narrowed eyes. If our lovely three tailed friend was on edge, then so too should the rest of us be.

“We ‘can only give hints’ about the sights around here, we ‘can’t tell you exactly’ about it because there’s not much that ‘needs to be seen’ to be believed around here!” There’s that emphasis from Rinse again, what exactly needs to be seen? “Also ‘don’t travel’ around alone ‘at night’ and ‘stick together’ to stay warm, I 'don't want you to be lost' or cold.”

Stick together at night? We can split up if needed, he didn’t push the emphasis there, so travel in pairs?

“Okay, is there a particularly good reason that the oasis is full of a very caustic acid that looks like normal water?!” Flamberge walked in holding a stick with the end still dissolving.

“Ah, that is nothing to ‘worry about’. You seem smart, that’s always a good thing to be. Since you all know somewhat, I will simply say that ‘the water’ is not always acid.” Rinse was giving us another warning, basically don’t touch any fluids around here that you can’t implicitly trust.

“If we were to ask you for a drink, would you be poisoning us?” That was a rather blunt question Fortitude and you actually picked up on what we were all hearing.

“Well of course, I am a bartender after all!” There was a strange look in the bartender’s eyes that seemed upset. “All bartenders ‘deal in poisons that mess up the body and mind’ slightly. It’s not ‘dangerous to drink’ unless in excess.”

I had an idea as to what might be wrong, I made some noise and signed something out to Fortitude once he gave me some attention.

“Our friend Skelly tells me to ask you this, is there poison that is not normally safe in your drinks here?” For some reason, at Fortitude’s query, the bartender gave a loud sigh with relief.

“Good, you’re learning already. To confirm your suspicions, yes, I would have actually tried to lethally poison you if you hadn’t questioned me on it.” He shook his head and looked so tired, his gaze was planted on Flamberge. “Thank goodness one of you understood my ‘warning, it’s’ understandable that said poisons I have in stock in the bar are ‘strong enough to kill even a dragon’. Even a fully grown adult dragon in their prime if they drink too much.”

Warning it’s strong enough to kill even a dragon? It definitely wasn’t the poison he was talking about there. I started combining it all together.

“Why would you try to poison strangers?!” Flamberge was immediately on edge, but I was more curious as to why the pony was slightly more honest about it after the right question was asked. “Wouldn’t that be where you get most of your business from here?!”

“It would have to be an accident, honest, don’t ‘be paranoid’. ‘Thankfully nobody has died’ from these little incidents ‘yet’. It’s not like anyone needs to ‘pay attention to everything’ as it’s really quite peaceful here, just drink responsibly.” The bartender sat the glass on the counter and looked about shiftily. “The folks around here are truly friendly, but sometimes they can't contain their own actions.”

“Is something compelling you to try and poison us if we were ignorant enough to order without asking?” Fortitude asked calmly.

“Yes, which is about ‘as much as I can say’ on the subject.” The bartender shivered uncomfortably.

It was dangerous here, especially at night. Be suspicious of all the locals actions as, even if they were innocent, something could force them to attack us. There might be a powerful monster here. Be careful around all offered food and drink.

Author's Note:

I hope I did this right...

Comments

[Booster Spice]

For some reason Im thinking of the words,

Hi, my name is Cozy Glow, and we are going to be 'Freinds'.

[Shadowshame]

Travel On was currently sitting in the middle of a large mud puddle. So the thing about us always parking on, in or near water was debunked, at least we were not being actively hunted by Breezies anymore. Long story that, at least it was better than what happened at the library in Sire’s Hollow.

Ahh but don't you know mud has water in it so yoytare still parked on water it's just mixed with something else

[sobianca]

*shivers* does anybody else want to slowly back out of the bar, grab the boat over head an run screaming in another direction....maybe not screaming, that takes energy that could be used for running!
<_<
>_>

[The Scarlett Mare]

“Also those are not being highland pukwudgies, I am thinking they are viking pukwudgies.” You know brother, that’s a horrifying thing to hear. “Yes brother, I too am terrified.”

I love how Highland Pukwudgies are a prominent group of characters in this story, though this is the first time I'm saying that. It adds to the action :v

[The Scarlett Mare]

“Well you’ll find out soon enough, but ‘it’s’ not ‘a major problem’.” Rinse looked beyond the bar's doors warily. “In any case, 'the reason for the towns name is’ not ‘important’. Everyone here knows what to look out for and how to ‘stay safe’. As the town’s name implies, some who live here would rather ‘be Anywhere But Here’. Otherwise ‘those who live here have a very good reason’ for doing so, like if you fell in love with a local mare, it’s ‘totally safe to love’. ‘I want to warn you travelers’, we don’t have any inns.”

Only read what is highlighted in his speech, nice work Skelly

[The Scarlett Mare]

Stick together at night? We can split up if needed, he didn’t push the emphasis there, so travel in pairs?

He said to stick together...