• Published 31st Mar 2018
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Airship Mauled - Darkonshadows



We crash landed on a goddess. Welcome to Airship Mauled, where everything could possibly be worse.

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Chapter Sixty Six, How Low Did She Get?: Zero Feet.

-Airship Mauled, The Witch’s Fare, Fresh Start-

“Huh…” I noticed some movement from the little open terrarium by the window, we’d never seal Snickers into it.

Snickers was now outside the terrarium again, but nobody got her out this time. Usually Sugar would pull her out and feed her or take care of the poor little thing, but Kuril has been much better lately about caring for Jade’s familiar.

Snickers had her flippers pressed up against a window and she was looking outside. She had never wanted to go outside before and I was a bit surprised that she still ate enough to stay healthy. Something has apparently got her all excited as her shell opened up and her wings popped out of it. It has been a long time since she’s taken to the air with excitement.

“Coo, coo!” Snickers seemed very happy about something and she attracted Gavin’s attention, the little guy made his way over to the turtle and started to hug her.

The turtle dove continued to seem very happy about something.

-Heading towards the Pyramid‘s back door, Jade-

I shivered a bit, did I feel Snickers? My little buddy was okay, for a moment there I was beginning to worry when I couldn’t feel our connection upon being brought back.

“Okay, I know I’m going to regret interrupting this loving reunion with commander queen of her own army here, but what the buck happened to you!” Well Daring, I was currently being pinned to a chimera’s back and am being currently held prisoner by a pony and a chimera’s snake tail. I’m frankly happy that they still love me after all this time, especially after everything they went through in my absence. Fizzle only growled slightly at her snuggle time with me being interrupted even slightly. “You becoming an ancient anugyptian hero is a little weird, on top of being the pharaoh of the first cake. Do you realize how many nightmares I had about you being kicked into that vortex and being left for dead with poison coursing through my veins?”

“Speaking of the assassin, I’m going to need to plan some revenge on…” I was quickly cut off from my plotting by Jacky.

“Don’t worry about it Captain, my first mate and husband already took care of that with a genie wish. Oh I can’t wait to see Gavin again… I’ll even get the chance to introduce him to his other aunt.” Oh right, Jacky had a cute fluffy kid while I was gone. It was so nice to know that the assassin was dealt with properly. Knowing how pragmatic Gene could be, I would think he did a good enough job. “I would get up, hug you and cry all over you too, but I’m still lightheaded from the glass wounds.”

“Yeah, I saw that, you’re jetpack is awesome Jacky! Though it was kind of expected that it would turn some of the sand into glass, your luck is fairly obvious at times with what’s going to happen. Though the squeaking rubber ducks of doom made out of sand was an interesting feature as much as the leaping swordfish, it was rather hilarious to see Brash getting some comeuppance even as she is now.” It was about time for us to get out of here, I didn't want to stick around my tomb. “I’m just going to put it out there, I saved your ass in Saddle Arabia and it took me a while to get back to following Fizzy around. Also summoning my fire while I was out of my body was probably the most painful experiences in my life. Impossibly existentially painful considering I didn’t have pain receptors at the time and it still registered as a twenty out of ten for the number one most excruciating thing to ever happen to me.”

“Sorry about that Captain.” Sighing at Jacky’s apology, I looked over to her and her long feathers possibly tickling the base of Sekhet’s neck and shoulders, her fluffy feathered tail was likely doing the same to her side.

“It’s kind of weird hearing you call someone else that Captain Blackcap.” Never really met Nefer Tem in person, yet I knew of him. Jacky apparently didn’t go wrong with having him on her crew.

“Don’t worry about it Jacky and don’t call me captain anymore, you’re your own captain now. As to Daring’s need for an explanation... I’m going to wait on the explanation until absolutely everyone who needs to know is in one given place. So I don’t have to tell a ratger long winded story more than once!” Since that would take freaking forever. I am not doing the whole tell a part of the story and then have to repeat it for some new guy that arrives and missed portions of the story ad infinitum. If someone leaves when I start the story, I’m not starting it all over again. “Since we’re on our way out, and before I forget to say this entirely… Baast, I free you of your obligations!”

“Yes, thank you! I seriously thought you were going to hold a grudge against me for failing to hold up my end of things.” Baast sighed with relief as we were nearing the backdoor exit to the pyramid. “I can sit by the riverside and see the sun rise once more… now if only it wasn’t the perfect time for being close to a sunset.”

“Why would I ‘ever’ hold a grudge against you ‘Baasty’?” When you can make goddesses shiver in fear with a few words, then you knew you were something special. “I definitely held a grudge against those other guys and we both know how that went.”

“I relish never having to be on your bad side while giving you time to plan things out… it is also nice that I was able to help you reunite with your family and loved ones after so long.” Despite some hitches in the plan and Baast not being able to fully carry it out, things went pretty well. “See, even mortals know how to choose odd partnerships they’re happy with, why can’t you enjoy a banana cream pie for once in your life?”

“Baast, I swear, I will have Jade come up with a plan that leads to your eternal torment!” Rolling her eyes, Sekhet turned a glance to me and away from her visibly paling sister. “It’s nice to have you back Jade. You’ve always been a curiosity to me, I can see that that curiosity is not going to fade anytime within your life span and possibly beyond. Never knew you were the pharaoh of the first cake or Pharaoh Emerald, though this does raise a lot of questions that I’ll want answers to.”

I had to search my memories for a while.

“Yeah, I tried to make sure to do exactly what I was supposed to and never had reason to appear in front of you.” To say I avoided Sekhet was putting it lightly, I treated her like she was a plague. “Things have mostly worked themselves out at this point, so let’s not dwell on the details until story time.”

“Fine, this story will likely be somewhat entertaining knowing you.” Sekhet nosed me and my partners. “Don’t scare me… er… us like this again, until it is time for you to actually go mortal.”

Awe, Sekhet really likes me.

“I’m just happy to have you back. Who cares as to how or why? So long as this isn’t a dream.” Fizzle received several noises of agreement. “This isn’t a dream right? Maries could you maybe… ow… nope, not a dream. You’re actually in my hooves.”

Baast created a glowing ankh in the air and a backdoor exit opened up into sunlight, several serpopards ran in and some others ran out. The number of colorful, long necked, fanged, large cats leaving and going was fairly high. I swear they liked going in and out the entrance and couldn’t make up their minds until Baast gave them a flat look.

“In or out, I’m not holding this door open that much longer and the pyramid might soon be under new management. So make a choice my kitties!” One of the serpopards bowed to Baast and growled angrily at the others, the serpopards eventually got themselves organized and we were soon outside with the pyramid shutting behind us.

“I hope you know that we’re not letting you out of our sight for the next three months.” Oh joy, while it was entirely understandable that Fizzle missed me, this was going to be a great test of my patience. At least it would be with the people I loved and I could understand where they were coming from, I did 'kind of' miss six years of their lives. “No matter where you go… we’ll be on you like peregrine falcons the entire time!”

“Don’t you mean hawks?” Don’t know why I was querying her when I knew the response it might bring.

“We’re not about to dig claws into you like a hawk Jade, we’re just going keep you henpecked for a while like falcons. Even a Chupacabra couldn’t keep me away!” Giggled Maria in a good natured tone. We, Fizzle and I, already had Marie wrapped around our waists to keep us on Maries back, what more could they possibly want from me? Mara eventually told us flat out. “Hopefully your story will explain how you ended up in the pyramid with your body locked in a statue… nice clothes by the way, they look quite nice on you Jade.”

“Thanks Mara, red is not exactly my favorite color though, but I think I make it work.” I exclaimed as everyone was now on a long trek around the pyramid to meet up with the others.

I relaxed to the feeling of Fizzle nodding off against me, her wonderful and ever brilliant eyes sliding closer and closer to being closed with a warm smile on her face.

“Hey everyone, look who we found!” Mom shouted as we made our way around the pyramid.

“Holy… er… Jade!” The minute she was going to say it, Velvet was quieted by Arizona glaring at her as if daring her to finish that statement.

“Meep?” Looks like Paprika was back to normal, for a given definition of it since a part of her left hind leg was still black and white and still doing mime things. I think we can easily ignore that for the time being.

“She’s our friend Paprika, the one we told you went missing… apparently she was here. I wonder what the story behind this one will be.” Arizona looked towards me fondly, she had bright smile on her lips. “She never does normal and whatever she did this time is going to be quite the story.”

“It’s so nice to see you’re alright Jade… can I call you sister?” Velvet asked tentatively as she scuffed the ground with a hoof.

“Sure, my mom adopted you and you’re calling her mother, so it’s going to be a thing.” Then I had to deliver the bad news. “Unfortunately you might be the most high-strung member of the La Perm family to date, don’t worry we’ll have Maries work things out.”

“Given who my wives are, I’ll wear the term high-strung with some pride.” For a second there I thought Velvet was going to snap at me and go on a prissy tirade, it seems Arizona and Paprika had mellowed her out.

“Er… hello I’m Pom, so you’re Jade? I heard a lot of things about you… you don’t look like your clinically insane.” Turning my gaze from Pom and to Arizona, the cow lazily grinned at me.

“You’re just lucky you don’t know how right that is!” Grousing this out, I just received a tight squeeze from a snoozing Fizzle. “Story time is for when we get back to Airship Mauled.”

“I am Fortitude, the fantastically fragrant! It is nice to see that friend Jade is alive and well!” It was nice to hear Fortitude announcing his presence again, it’s been a long time since I’ve heard that. “Oh right, we are needing to get the boat of Travel-On from the jungle! Skelly will help me get it on my back.”

The named mare nodded and they both were off. They passed by Flamberge who looked slightly frightened of me as he was hiding in the kitsune’s tails.

“Why do you cower, my sweet and brave dragon love, the cat seems quite nice.” Haiku, nice, it seems we have a poet joining us at home and a nine tailed fox wouldn’t be too bad to add to the roster of adventurers. Just so long as she doesn’t try to rhyme constantly, I’ll be fine with trying to decipher her haiku if it gets a bit out there.

“I have my reasons, just leave it at that!” It seems Flamberge remembered that I could petty kitty his butt any time I wanted to, I wasn’t going to at this point as it was much more fun seeing him tripping over himself to be wary around me.

This little moment reminded me that I really needed to visit Harmony once we got back to Equestria, I also needed to thank Providence too.

“Someone should probably wake Fizzle, she did say she’s the one with our ride out of here.” I didn’t want to jostle or upset Fizzle, she looked so happy to be sleeping against me. “I’m not going to be the one to do it though, she’s too comfortable right now.”

“I’ll do it, I know how to use a communication potion.” Mom dug a paw into Fizzle’s saddlebag and pulled out a potion from it, she walked off to get in contact with Grubber. “New balloon, need to take on prisoners and pick up right? I’ll get things moving.”

“What about Oleander, we can’t leave without her or Fred!” Pom announced quite loudly for a soft spoken lambkin. “We need to pick up my wayward beasties too… if we’re heading back to Equestria, it would be on the way.”

“She can handle herself, I’m sure she’s fine.” Tianhuo patted Pom’s back gently. “She’s a fighter like we are, even if her combat prowess is mostly magical in nature. She does have Fred with her and I seriously doubt that demon would let her come to harm.”

A pillar of darkness erupted nearby and a dark looking unicorn came trotting out with her head high and a book floating next to her.

“Okay, I’m back!” Stopping to look at everyone, then Oleander asked. “What did I miss, is the fighting over already?”

“Yes, but someone should ask the most pertinent question, why did we leave the pyramid without the 'End of Immortality'?!” Daring finally decided to ask the question that nobody brought up. Everyone was too happy that I was back that they had entirely forgotten why they originally came here.

“Don’t worry, Jade has it.” You just had to say that Baast.

-Several days later, Airship Mauled-

It was a huge gathering and mom had made some potato stew for breakfast. I was a very happy kitty to be back home and I will eventually put in a visit to both Harmony and Providence, but first...

“So here’s where things started… the assassin hit me and I fell straight into the vortex expecting to die of either blood loss or whatever the vortex would do to me.” Thus it begins.

Author's Note:

Now comes the tale of what Jaded La Perm was doing and how she ended up in an anugyptian pyramid wearing odd clothing and a nemes headdress of her own.

What horrors did she go through to get back to her family?

Well she obviously survived or else she wouldn't be telling a story about it.

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