Airship Mauled

by Darkonshadows

Chapter Sixty Nine, Wounds and Time: Abrasion.

-???, ???-

Sleeping in their bed a figure seems to be in a dreamless state, it was likely the dream catcher that prevented Luna’s interference with their mind.

Slowly a figure, one that is not visible to the world, came to a stop above them and stared at them. A figure with cat ears, a slowly shifting tail and a pair of bright slits surrounded by green hovered over this form.

Invisible, intangible, untouchable, the figure that stared at the sleeping form. She was grinning quite maliciously.

“Soon… you’ll learn exactly why no one should give me the time to plan anything. I want you to know personally that you’re not safe and never will be with me around.” The voice of the floating figure went unheard, a giggle escaped her lips as she crossed her arms. “All your protections and you don’t protect against astral projection because most ponies don’t believe in ghosts? Gods and magic exist, so superstitions and myth should never be overlooked. I’m surprised you don’t have defenses for something like what I can do. After that first time I spilled alicorn only potion, it was my first lesson in learning how to astral project. Not quite the same as having my soul projected and visible like the potion did to me, but close enough and fairly useful. At least death gods will know that I’m still alive so… I could visit my granddaughter in my sleep.”

Jade leaned back on the air and floated outside the place and looked to the starry sky.

“Beautiful night tonight. I wonder if everyone thinks Sombra ever had a truly physical body after Celestia and Luna defeated him, then he was defeated by the crystal heart and then the elements of harmony not too long ago… I should really use the End of Immortality on him to prevent Discord or someone else from reviving him again should he make another appearance.” Stretching out the floating Abyssinian started to head towards a different place. “Evil guys like that, the ones who can be brought back from death by numerous means, really need to stay gone. Sleep well oh leader of GODLESS, for you’re not going to get much more now that I’m back.”

-One hour later, treehouse of Harmony, Astral Jade-

“Hey Harmony!” I said pleasantly and the tree glowed slightly.

“Hey grandma!” The magical shapeshifting tree said to me with a happy tone. “Oh wait… are you stuck again~? Please tell me that you’re not my beloved grandmother and friend~!”

“Nope, my body is just sleeping. I still think it’s odd that the pillars found your seed and grew you… from my daughter Icky. Small world that they found a seed from such a legend, which is also my Icky Dress La Perm.” I started the conversation easily enough. “I just came by to see how you were doing, I don’t need my visits to have special reasons for them… and to make sure you weren’t overdoing it on the Cosmic Kool-Aid Harmony.”

“I would never do that~! I don’t want to be as big as mommy got… or as fat~. Even she’s making a bunch of odd error universes, I mean the one where those guys sing the song ‘with cat-like tread’ happened was pretty funny.” Eyes were rolled at Harmony, then I just shook my head. “It reminded me of you~. So did you need anything else of me too~?”

“Again, no, I just came to say hello to my granddaughter. My life is going to be much shorter than yours you know, but I want to at least get in some time with you every now and then.” I had to point this out, I was making sure Harmony remembered me as well as I remembered her, she’s survived an assassination attempt already and she’s only a demi-goddess tree. A powerful one that’s really hard to kill as Sombra found out, but still a tree. “Also that song has the moniker of being and I quote this verbatim, 'The World’s Loudest Sneak Attack… That Actually Works'.”

“Yes, but the memories will be golden and untouchably sweet~. With a wonderful cat like you grandma, you can sweep most beings off their hooves… or feet~. I hope your love lasts forever more~. You’re standing at life’s favorite door~.” The tree started to hum softly. “Living it… and more~. For that’s what’s in store~!”

“It was nice to see you too Harmony, don’t try to take over the world now you hear!” Throwing my best crotchety grandma impersonation on. “At least not while I’m still alive and doing it myself!”

“See you later grandma!” A giggling Harmony stated.

“I sure will, but I’ll try to be here in the flesh to give my granddaughter a hug. Keep Ever Free from getting too big for its britches and branches you hear me?” I started to float away and head for home, I had to rejoin with my sleeping body, finish sleeping and then I’d wake up and catch the train to Canterlot… then well… I would see Twilight become the leader of the nation.

I’m kind of sad that I didn’t even get the chance to screw things up.

The other reason I had to visit Canterlot was that I was still waiting on the ‘Squirrels’ to get my supplies together. It would take a while for them to get them moved to where I would need to pick them up no less, it required help of the ‘Bees’ and the ‘Birds’ too. Didn’t know much about the other two organizations except that maybe humming birds would be involved, but I was an honorary member of the Squirrels at the least.

Not that any of these underground operations that Celestia now knew about were going to be bothered, they weren’t doing too much illegal stuff. Well at least not enough to be noticeable in any way, shape or form.

Good friends of mine in that regard, they knew how to be as subtle as a sudden brick to the face without ever letting someone know who threw it.

-Morning, Ponyville Train to Canterlot, Jade-

“She’s freaking out and sad isn’t she?” I asked as I saw the worried looks on both Fluttershy and Pinkie’s faces.

“Yes, Twilight is a little… upset that she isn’t going to be living in Ponyville anymore.” Even Fluttershy herself looked upset. “We tried to be reassuring as possible, we’ll support her no matter what.”

“We don’t live in the same town and I’ve been gone for six year due to space and time shenanigans, but we’re still friends… right?” Long distance friendships were not impossible for Twilight, they were going to be best friends to the end of their times.

“Of course!” Fluttershy reassured me and gave me a friendly snuggle.

“See, it’s not going to be that big an issue Fluttershy. Unless Twilight starts trying to shut you out.” I hugged the grown mare and she was still as soft and cute as she ever was, while being gloriously beautiful. I have good taste in friends. “You’ll need me to plan some legal throne room invasions in that case. All you have to do is ask for my help and I’ll get right on it. The royal guard hasn’t seen anything yet until they’ve seen me escape them on a giant whelk. While they’re busy with me, getting to Twilight won’t be a problem.”

“Um… thanks… I think?” Fluttershy’s hooves went downwards slightly as she looked up at me.

“Fluttershy, I love you as a friend, but keep your hooves above our cat’s waist please. I’m willing to declare ownership of one Jaded La Perm, mostly because I’m one of the four beings that can get away with it.” Fizzy blandly stated with a dangerous tone, she knows that I really like how cuddly Fluttershy was. I would stay only cuddly friends with Fluttershy, it’s not like I was making any moves on her or anything. “Jade, your fine, just don’t try to add anything odd to our herd without talking with us first.”

Fluttershy blushed and released me, suddenly looking fairly self-conscious. At least she did until the tip of my tail bopped her on the snoot. She giggled into her hooves and quickly calmed down. Pinkie quickly latched onto me like a limpet.

“What if I wanted a magical talking velociraptor?” Why was I receiving narrowed eyes from Fizzy like that? It wouldn’t be that bad… would it?

“Is there literally anything else that you would like other than something like that Jade?” Guess my militaristic mare doesn’t like toothy dangerous lizards. I couldn’t understand why, despite being torn up by a wyvern that one time while I was a griffon.

“A pet Cadmean vixen?” I would have to get angry if Fizzle said anything about Snickers being a pet.

Everyone knows that Snickers is not a pet, just a best little buddy that does her own thing while being my best winged turtle friend. Not all familiars were dumb enough to be treated as pets, Snickers was definitely an adorable and smart turtle.

“Maybe… as long as Maries is alright with it. It better not gain intelligence enough to become a part of our herd though, it’ll strictly be a pet Jade. No shenanigans!” Well isn’t Fizzy being a little harsh, but I guess she does have something of a point. Even if shenanigans are clearly what makes life fun. “Besides how are you going to convince a teleporting fox to be your pet?”

“Well teleporting foxes get lonely don’t they? All I have to do is have no intention of capturing it and it’ll be easy to befriend.” I was still receiving a flat look from Fizzle. “They can probably sense intentions which gives them a sixth sense for teleporting away from all forms of being caught.”

“We’re going to be on this topic of discussion for the rest of the ride aren’t we?” Fizzy stated in a sad manner, before I kissed her on the cheek while chucking Pinkie in Fluttershy’s direction.

-Canterlot, after Twilight’s coronation-

“Well, that was adorkable.” I stated with a hint of laughter.

“Yeah, she’s so beautiful.” That was a lovesick mare named Moon Dancer. We were now acquainted. She was positively smitten with Twilight Sparkle, she might even soon be Twilight’s personal librarian too.

“It was adorkable wasn’t it?” Spitfire said at the table we were sitting at.

“Why didn’t you keep chasing me Spite Fire?” I whined. “I thought we had something special…”

“You’re a massive nuisance and catching you without Shining Armor is like try to squeeze water from a stone.” Aw… Spitfire didn’t like me anymore, my whole world is ending!

“I can do that.” Came a bland voice, Maud walked up to the table and held up a bloated looking Boulder. She squeezed him and water fell out of her pet rock onto the ground. “Boulder has been a bit overly absorbent lately.”

“I hope the poor guy gets better soon Maud.” She nodded to me and walked away holding a slightly smaller Boulder.

“What…. the… buck… did I just witness?” We just saw an earth pony squeeze water out of a pet rock Spitfire, like duh!

“You weren’t paying much attention were you?” I wagged a finger at her. “Shame on you Spitfire.”

“No seriously, how did she do that?” Spitfire asked, still clearly dumbfounded by either the existence of intelligent rocks or the fact that they could be bloated with water as a form of sickness.

Soarin sat down with the apology pie I bought him, using the money I stole off of Spitfire the other day when I stole the princess’s crowns.

“Oh by the way, here’s your bit pouch Spitfire.” I passed her a bit pouch that should look entirely familiar, I had a smile on my face.

Spitfire sighed audibly as if she knew I was the one that had it all along.

“No, I’m not chasing you…” Spitfire muttered out as she took it back and crossed her hooves grumpily. “You insufferable cat.”

“Stop picking on Spitfire and come on Jade, we are going to be the first official audience with Princess Twilight!” Fizzle motioned to Maries and then pointed to me. “Next to her closest friends of course.”

“But she’s refusing to give me the time of day!” I whined as Mara just grabbed the scruff at the back of my neck and yanked me out of my seat. She started to drag me away towards Canterlot Castle. “But… but… it’s Spitfire… I need her to chase me!”

“No you don’t Jade, you just ‘want’ her to chase you. It’s not a ‘need’, stop being an evil kitty!” When did Fizzy get a water bottle to spritz me with?

“Gah, why do you have a water bottle?!” I yelled as I was dragged off by my girlfriends.

“You are so whipped!” Spitfire wins this one.

-Canterlot Castle, a minute later-

“Hey Fizzle, so you’re my first audience… this is actually a nice surprise.” Twilight seem delighted to see Fizzy, but then she noticed me being dragged around in Mara’s mouth and had a question on the tip of her tongue. “Who is this, new friend of yours?”

“I’ve actually known them before the Storm King… only… things happened. It was bad, but things are much better now that you helped me come to my senses and my girlfriends are now around to keep me grounded.” When Fizzle said this, Twilight Sparkle looked at me curiously. “Do you want to introduce yourselves or should I do it for you? I’m asking for some decorum here.”

“Fine.” I rolled my eyes and Mara let go of me, I stood up and dusted myself off. “Hello there, Jaded La Perm at your service Miss Sparkle! Whenever Celestia needed the services of a highly intelligent and overly beautiful Abyssinian courtesan… she’d call someone else.”

“What do you do for a job?” Twilight had been blushing up until the point I said that Celestia would call someone else, the implications eventually settled in and she blushed harder.

“I’m a rogue sun priestess, Celestia didn’t make much use of me and I’m sure you heard of the golden ship incident.” I said pleasantly.

“So you’re… a mercenary?” Twilight queried while looking a bit disturbed.

“She’s a bit more than that, but we’ll get into more detail on that later.” Answered a slightly placating Fizzle.

“Hello, again!” The three heads said in unison before they split up into three separate bodies.

“You met us before…” Mara stated.

“In the hospital after Tartarus.” Marie said before quickly rejoining with Mara.

“Chupacrabras are my phobia… anyway we’re lawyers of the Three Heads Law Firm.” Maria hopped back into being right next to Mara’s head. “We’re better than one!”

“It’s nice to see you again.” It was a genuine sentiment from the princess of friendship, Twilight will always be a sweet mare and she’d look something like Celestia one day. I could see she was already bigger than most of her friends already. “I’m sure you all do your best to make Fizzle inexorably happy, I’ve never seen her smile this brightly before!”

“Yeah, about that. My audience is not to just discuss your job offer.” Closing her eyes and inhaling through her nose, Fizzle shyly continued. “I’m here to ask you to officiate our marriage as a herd... when we get around to having a date.”

“Of course I will, it’ll be my honor Fizzle!” A cheerful hoof clapping Twilight stated.

Author's Note:

(Story)

Jade lost a fight with Spitfire... how sad. Next page, there will be a revelation that nobody's will have seen coming.

(RL)

Despite being in the middle of a 'mild' virus hot zone, I should be fine as long as they keep things contained. Fifty or so reported confirmed in my given specified area.

The lack of toilet paper in the area is highly disturbing, you'd think everyone would double down on canned food first. Got plenty to eat and I'm about to heat up some homemade vegetable, and steak, soup.

I know I don't have the virus, but I'm still fighting a head cold. I'm winning with a vat of readily available vitamin C. Downed two bottles of medicine over the last week or so, five gallons of fruit juice and at least fifteen fruit flavored vitamin C gummies morning, noon and night.

I'm fairly healthy, but the economy around here certainly isn't.

Comments

[Booster Spice]

Just a quiet chapter of freindly banter, except for the anouncement of the next catastrophe setting.

What can Possibly go wrong This time?

[Auram Potentia]

10140649
now that you said that everything can go wrong.

[Shadowshame]

10140649
Everything, everything can go wrong