Airship Mauled

by Darkonshadows

Chapter twenty three, Hayburger Helpers: Menial work.

Author's Note:

Had this on loop while I was writing this chapter. I imagine table slapping sounding like working in a kitchen now.

-Blade-

I was ready for the day, it started off simple enough with Pinkie and Fluttershy’s order. It was after that that it slowly became increasingly difficult. For some reason the crowd became larger and large while we worked.

It’s when the first ponies started marching in that it was time for the breakfast rush. I pointed to the coffee pot and Flamberge nodded, the dragon was an interesting member of his species because he could hardly talk without shouting.

Kind of like my opposite really, but his voice was really grating on my ears.

Why was I stuck working with him? I shook my head as the first order came in and I turned to Jade and pointed towards the hash rounds, she nodded and got to work. Jade never seemed to hold my threats against her life personally at all and like her mother, she understood me quite well.

I looked at the first order and slapped a solid bit of hay before me and started chopping as I looked at what was going into this hayburger.

I tossed up a head of lettuce and slashed off a piece with the edge of the spatula and sliced out a chunk of the nearest tomato with one swing of both spatulas, both of which grabbed the tomato slice between them and then I started grilling that while adding a bit of salt and pepper.

I flipped the slightly cooked hay patty and Flamberge blasted it with a bit of fire from his mouth. The pony standing in front of the counter in front of a bored looking Fizzle seemed to be slightly amazed, didn’t understand why.

I had finished the order in short order after that, but Jade still had to take time to fry some hash browns.

-Fry Hard-

I was a blond and light brown furred pony with a cutie mark of fries on my flank, fry cooking was my specialty and my green eyes were watching something absolutely delightful.

I came in to the restaurant as a customer for once and I was surprised at the skill of the thestral cook they brought in.

The way she chopped the vegetables using the two spatulas without touching the food was kind of hypnotic in a way and even got the strange order call from the bland sounding mare running the cash register correct.

Now these guys looked like a professional unit, especially since they were already getting started on the coffee. I wondered where they came from.

They had a cat running my station and she wasn’t too bad, she at least knew that fried food took time and didn’t overdo it.

The dragon was helping cook the hayburgers faster, which was interesting as his aim was impeccable whenever the thestral tossed a hayburger high up in the air. The hayburger always became evenly cooked on both sides when it came down.

There was something large back there, but they were keeping their head down. I didn’t know who was running the managerial or support stuff today, but I had a sneaky suspicion that I wouldn’t want to mess with them if they were a big guy just waiting for a customer to make a fuss.

Speaking of which I looked to see Sell Hard my finicky brother come in, grey fur and dark blue mane with a cutie mark of a bit pouch with symbol of monetary gain on it. The look in his grey eyes meant he was going to try and bum food off of them I just know it. What was he going to order this time?

“Extra onions, ketchup, mustard, pickles, hold the mayo, toasted bun, well done, with some butter, animal style.” Yeah, he added animal style to just be difficult, I disliked my brother sometimes.

“Okay that’ll be a… crying over the chariot that ran over your favorite tomato, a yellow sponge soaked in its own juices with added yellow, dodge a kappa, no friend of the protein hammer, on a well-made raft with wagon grease?” Wow the mare had my brother flabbergasted, it sounded like she knew what animal style was. Even I was a little flabbergasted. “Do you want that wagon grease melted into the bun, the patty or still somewhat solid Mr…?”

“Sell Hard. Yes, that…. sounds about right. Wagon grease?” Oh great my brother was confused, this won’t end well. “Whatever you feel works the best.”

“Right, wagon grease the insides of the well-made raft!” The mare said after a moment, she sounded rather bored. I wonder how they’d deal with my brother when he tries to scam them over this.

A minute after getting his food my brother sat down took one bite and he smirked he got up and made his way over to the mare to ask for a refund. The mare narrowed her eyes slightly, after a moment she smirked as if she knew what was about to happen. I continued to eat my food in silence watching what was bound to be a spectacle.

“I want a refund, there are no pickles on my…” My brother didn’t get any farther as the mare’s right hoof snatched his tongue and her left scraped the pickles off the underside of his tongue.

“There are your pickles sir, don’t lose them next time.” She said in a smarmy voice, she had to have seen this tactic coming a mile away. “I may just have to help them down your throat if you do.”

Makes me wonder if she’s seen this or Sell Hard before, because now he was a mess of spluttering words as she held the pickles out to him with other ponies watching on to see how she’d deal with him. He took the pickles back at the very least.

“I want to talk to your manager!” Oh here we go, who did they hire to be the manager? I bet it was some big bulky guy that looked like or was an incompetent idiot.

“Maries, jerkass customer problem!” Quite a few ponies panicked and backed away from the counter as the mares shouted words had an immediate reaction, I admit I slid a small distance away from what was about to happen to my brother. “I have to go wash my hooves now. Take care of him, will you?”

Couldn’t happen to a worse pony, my brother probably shouldn’t have pushed it with a seemingly rookie crew working today. Out of the kitchen came the manager as the mare walked in, said manager was a chimera. All three of her heads stared down my brother and his tail immediately shot so far up between his hind legs that they were going to need surgery to get it back out.

“Is there a problem?” They all asked calmly in unison with a hint of sweetness in their voices belying their dangerous nature as the managers here.

None of these hired helpers seemed to be scared of her and the warning was quite implicit. You just had to look the chimera in the eyes to see it.

I took it that all the hired helpers personally knew the chimera and had nothing to fear from her, my brother on the other hoof... Well there would be no scam attempts for the rest of the day.

My brother shook his head no and turned around to go back to eating his food, this caused a few ponies to cheer. They really didn’t like my brother all too much and even I hardly liked him. It wasn’t long before the mare was lazily sitting at the register once more.

They only needed one warning to stop customers from trying to run roughshod over them and that warning had claws, poisonous fangs and sharp horns. Then I heard the strangest exchange that let me know for certain they’ve seen my brother before.

“Did he seem familiar to you Maries?” The chimera turned to the mare and the three heads looked thoughtful.

“Yes, in fact he did, wasn’t he the pony that got turned into a mouse for an hour and chased around by Jade for trying to pull one over on the matriarch?” They all started giggling about my brother being turned into a mouse like it was normal. The chimera walked back towards the back to make sure things were running smoothly.

“That’s why you don’t try to mess with a mothering witch who feeds hungry mouths like mine!” The cat in the back said with a toothy grin. “Makes working as a waitress for mom worth it, I get some exercise and someone gets a little comeuppance.”

So yeah, nobody was messing with this crew… ever.

That didn’t stop a flood of customers from coming in to watch the thestral juggle various amounts of food on two spatulas with expert precision, in fact it was highly entertaining to watch. Never quite saw a spectacle like it really.

I couldn’t help myself, I approached the mare at the counter.

“Excuse me, but where did that mare learn to do that?” I pointed at the thestral flipping burgers, flinging cheese and vegetables every which way. When she flipped a burger high up, despite having his back turned at the time, the dragon once again turned and expertly blasted it with fire to get it nice and crisp. It was too well choreographed to be normal.

“Eh, she used to be an assassin that has tried to kill my girlfriend currently working at the frying station. She’s certainly come a long way since learning to be a sushi chef with the Witch of Good Taste, Mayor Kurillian La Perm of Airship Mauled.” Why did that sound like an advertisement for a… oh… no way! “Our mayor runs The Witch’s Fare there, it’s a really good restaurant. Now if you will excuse me... next!”

They worked for another restaurant and one of them used to be an assassin?! How in the world did they even end up with these jobs? At the very least it didn’t seem like they were trying to destroy Hayburgers reputation or sabotage it. They didn’t seem quite efficient at the start, but were quickly becoming a well-oiled machine and it was a good thing they were only part timing for a few weeks.

The thestral chopped the hay, got it quickly organized into patties and was keeping up with the influx of orders even while she performed theatrically in front of everyone. Some ponies were having seconds just to watch her work the two spatulas in a mesmerizing fashion, twirls, flourishes and flying hayburgers, vegetables, slices of cheese and occasionally the buns when ordered toasted.

I’m quite sure the fillies and colts were going to be sad when the showmanship of this crew ceased to be around anymore. Speaking of, the young ones were enjoying this immensely and even gave applause as the thestral formed a small volcano out of onions. The blast of heat from the volcano turned the battered onions into fried onion rings.

It was around lunch time that the most miraculous thing happened, were these guys born under a lucky star? Princess Celestia came in with a young purple mare with her nose in a book, on their first day. The cat glanced at the pony next to Celestia and seemed a bit spooked for whatever reason.

“Hello, I had heard you guys were doing something unusual today.” Wait… Celestia knew them? Okay, what is going on here! “At least it’s not as dangerous as what you could be doing, I hope you know I worry about Jade and I don’t want to hear she’s been physically traumatized again when I wasn’t watching her carefully enough. I really should get her a moon priest… and I will, but it’s going to take some time. The moon priests are being a bit… retentive. I would have to bring Jade to them to get them to lend her a moon priest for her defense.”

-Fizzle-

“Welcome to Hayburger, home of the hayburger, may I take your order Celestia and that of the young mare companion with you?” I might not have known it at the time, but I would have an interesting history with the mare next to Celestia. “Also, it’s not like Jade means to get traumatized. It’s just that she likes to throw herself at problems that are bigger than her and she apparently comes across a lot of those. I seriously doubt a moon priest would really help Jade at this rate. Who’s the nose in the book?”

“Oh this is my protégé Twilight Sparkle, she loves books… a little too much.” Getting a real smile out of Celestia was worth its weight in gold, or so I’ve been told numerous times. I was ready to take her order and had my pad ready, I had heard Celestia was a big eater. Let’s see if the rumors are true. “So, I’ll have one full-on Fillydelphia, with a twist of lemon, a Palomino press stopper, a Hoofington heart attack, a Manehattan mangler and three double loaded Ponyville Pounders with extra cow secretions…. oh and fries with a spot of tea. What will you be having Twilight?”

“I’m sure whatever you’ll be having is fine Princess.” The mare still had her nose thoroughly lodged in Star Swirls a thousand and one uses for sock cleaning spells.

I gave Celestia a slowly quirked brow and her smile turned somewhat sad, did her protégé even have any friends? This was a thought that would come back to haunt me later in life, but for now I was curious as to what I should do about this Twilight’s order.

“She’ll want two moderates, a side of pudding, no taco filler, chariot smashed tomato off the side of the road, but do something interesting with it so that I can get her attention off that book for a moment… with fries and grape juice.” Once Celestia said that, I nodded and smiled. That was the simplest order I’ve gotten yet.

“Stick around and watch the show Princess, Blade’s been getting a bit flamboyant back there and it’s quite amazing to watch given she’s yet to drop anything and she’s got every order correct without many complaints. Order for a Ms. Hooves!” At my call, a blond mare with bright gray fur and strange amber eyes smiled as she came forward and took the tray loaded with goodies to a nearby table. She was a sweet mare and Ratatoskr mentioned her, from what I heard she gave muffins to sad or upset ponies and was quite passionate about her favorite form of baked good. “So did you need to talk about anything else Celestia?”

When I had a lull in orders thanks to you drawing attention away from the counter.

“Well I can’t think of anything at the moment, come along Twilight.” The mare with her nose in a book followed after Celestia to sit down and I just shrugged. That’s when a stallion in a hat, tie and trench coat came in.

“I’m a health inspector, I need to check this establishment for problems.” Okay, suspicious green furred stallion with short pink mane just waltzes on in and I can’t help but think there’s something off about him.

“Did you send prior notice of this inspection?” I ask because I knew a thing or two about health inspectors from Kuril, and surprisingly Maries who read up on the laws about this kind of thing. Prior notice is required, as is a warrant.

Comments

[Booster Spice]

All they need now is a telephone scammerselling out of date chocolate and theyll be all up?

Trying to close down Celestias favourite eating place while occupied?

Oh dear.

[WARGAMES]

Couldn’t happen to a worse pony, my brother probably shouldn’t have pushed it with a seemingly rookie crew working today. Out of the kitchen came the manager as the mare walked in, said manager was a chimera. All three of her heads stared down my brother and his tail immediately shot so far up between his hind legs that they were going to need surgery to get it back out.

“Is there a problem?” They all asked calmly in unison with a hint of sweetness in their voices belying their dangerous nature as the managers here