Airship Mauled

by Darkonshadows

Chapter Ten, Ass-assins and the "normal date": Donkey wrong.

-Matilda-

Okay, time to approach them and ask about that unique skirt, don’t think I’ve ever seen an Abyssinian wear something like that. I haven’t really met many to begin with.

“Excuse me, but where did you get that nice skirt miss?” I approached the two and prepared to lace the drink with poison when I’ve managed to distract them well enough.

“A local unicorn made it, but I prefer wearing shorts though and I don’t care how fashionable it is.” The cat that was our target seemed a bit flippant about her appearance. “I’ll only wearing skirts on dates.”

“Why, I think you look good in a skirt.” Her protective pony companion asked while looking at her.

“Too much loose fabric that can get caught up on things while running around, even if I can hide things in it like a knife or a few spare arrows for Jacky.” Okay I’m getting the feeling that the cat was not just a regular priest just from hearing that, she was armed and dangerous. “Do you think a skirt would work better on Jacky? We don’t know what she would look like outside of her pirate outfits.”

“Jacky wearing a skirt wouldn’t be bad, I think she’d wear one if it were pirate themed.” The pony snorted and started giggling into her hoof. “I’m just imagining all the trouble she’d get into wearing a skirt.”

“Yeah, that would be pretty bad.” The cat agreed snickering.

“Excuse me, but did you need the name of who made my skirt miss…?” The target looked to me for a name.

“My name is Matilda, it’s nice to me you.” I never needed to use a false name, because I was never caught in the act. I started hoofing my choice of poison delivery, I just needed a single moment to get it in the drink. “Also yes, it might be nice to know the name of a new clothier.”

“I’m Jade and this is Fizzle. My skirt made by a pony named Rarity and she’s not a clothier.” Well that was disappointing to hear Miss Jade. “At least not yet anyway, she’s training to be a fashion designer. I think she’ll eventually get quite good at it.”

“She made that skirt for you for free right?” Fizzle narrowed her eyes at Jade.

“Yeah, but she has delusions of grandeur, is forcing a fake airy Canterlot accent and wants to eventually marry a prince.” Jade reached out with a paw and settled it on one of Fizzle’s hooves, they were looking into each other’s eyes. I took this opportunity to drop the dissolving poison cube into the glass. “So really, you don’t have to worry about much there Fizzy.”

Sorry girls, but that poison will make the Jade very sick and she’ll die of natural causes thanks to the antibody killing poison.

“As heartwarming as this is...” I made my way for the exit as the waiter was bringing them their food, no one was the wiser. “I have other things to do and I thank you for your time.”

-Jade-

I dipped my claws carefully into the glass of lemonade and pulled out the barely visible melted cube, barely visible to a pony's eyesight anyway. Fizzle looked at the cube with a highly perplexed expression on her face.

I turned to the waiter and could not believe what I was about to ask him, what’s more I could not believe that Matilda was an assassin. Good thing Fizzle’s eyes are so reflective, bright and wonderful to look into, or else I wouldn’t have noticed Matilda making a move to put something in my drink.

Matilda was supposed to be a nice jenny, I guess even a friendly face like hers could be dangerous. This might explain how she got into the gala to meet Cranky, which is a rather exclusive stomping grounds for nobles, a who’s who of high profile people and those rare few that could get a ticket to the event.

It made me wonder if Cranky was also a… no… that thought led to complete madness.

“Waiter, could you get me a new glass of lemonade, I think an assassin just poisoned this one.” I dropped the cube onto the napkin and carefully wiped my claws off on it.

“Very well miss, I’ll see to it that the glass is thoroughly washed and will bring you a new one.” That was the calmest response to an assassin trying to poison someone that I’ve ever heard, the stallion started placing our food on the table. He took up my glass and looked at the melted cube questioningly. I carefully wrapped it up and moved it over to his tray. “I’ll just dispose of this safely, I’m sorry you experienced trouble at our restaurant miss. I offer my humblest apologies.”

“I should be apologizing, the assassin was after me and they possibly ruined one of your glasses.” The stallion simply nodded.

“Very well then. I accept your apology and you must accept ours… would a free dessert for two help?” The stallion got an big smile from me.

“It sure would! I need to go wash my claws, I’ll be back in a minute Fizzy.” I got up and went towards the bathroom. “Oh and you can start eating without me!”

-Fizzle-

“You seem rather unperturbed by this.” I idly commented to our waiter, I looked around the streets for that ass and didn’t see her anywhere.

Well no point in going after her now, I might as well dig into the food. Only, I was a bit hesitant.

“This isn’t the first time someone’s tried to ruin our good service record miss.” The blue haired stallion took up his tray and nodded to me. “I’m Mr. Fare, one of the owners of this restaurant. I can at least assure you that the food wasn’t tampered with, for what it’s worth I can take a bite out of those dishes personally to make sure.”

“No need to do that, I trust you.” I doubt the owners of this restaurant would want to poison us or let it be known that one of their customers was poisoned by a sneaky ass.

What would have happened if Jade hadn’t caught seen the assassin poisoning her glass? We’d be down a phoenix feather at best. Well I would have to hope that she’s carrying a phoenix feather on her for safety from things like that.

“Very well, I’ll be back with the lemonade for your special friend. Tell her that when you’re done with your meal you can either take a dessert for two now or you can do so later with a voucher.” He smiled at me. “The two of you are quite cute together.”

“I… well thank you Mr. Fare.” Knowing my cat as well as I do, I felt like Jade would go for something sweet and delicious. “Knowing her, she’ll want that dessert after we're done eating.”

“That Abyssinian seems to want to have you for dessert, but I personally think the both of you are far too young for that sort of thing.” His chuckling caused me to blush a bit. “Oh, so you know about the birds and the bees?”

“Yes, what do you know about the hummingbird mafia personally?” I didn’t understand why I was getting such a perplexed look.

-Matilda-

“You’ve failed, the cat immediately knew the glass was poisoned somehow.” Thanks for informing me that I should watch my back Mr. Obelus. “She didn’t even see you slip the poison in, yet she already knew it was there as soon as you left and pulled the remaining bit of the cube out more than halfway dissolved.”

“I guess I’ll need to lay low for a while, a nice trip to Las Pegasus is in order.” I wasn’t sticking around here, I didn’t want those two to point me out as an assassin if they stuck around. I had a good reputation in Ponyville. “I have a few easier contracts that I can take around there.”

“You go do that, I can easily take the target out myself.” You are a cold jack Mr. Obelus. I tried and the target is smart enough to catch me in the act, so I’m definitely out. I might try getting out of the game of intrigue entirely.

“You can try, but I’m not going to pursue this any further.” I left Mr. Obelus to his work to go pack for a nice relaxing stay in Las Pegasus, they’d forget me eventually if I stayed out of sight and out of mind. “The pay may be good, but it’s not worth sticking around for at this rate.”

-Obelus-

I set up after Matilda left, she had gotten pretty close with her poison. Blade hadn’t even scratched them and the pony took her down swiftly with a little help from the one that is supposedly a priest.

Useless the both of them, I took aim and was ready to shoot the girl as soon as she left the restaurant. I was using a full sized crossbow this time.

-Jade-

This lasagna was pretty good, I wondered if Fizzle would want to discuss the things mom learned from Zecora. Mom could feasibly make potions now, she just hasn’t tried yet. Instead I focused on the food.

“So how’s your broccoli casserole Fizzy?” There was a problem with my date, she looked a little glum while she was eating. “Fizz… are you feeling alright?”

“How can you be so carefree Jade, especially when there are assassins out to kill you?!” Don’t worry about this so much Fizzle.

I wonder if mom knows the recipe for this lasagna?

“For one, I know for a fact that you’ll protect me if I’m in danger. You’ll come to save me, like I would you.” Please understand that I trust you to watch my back Fizzle. “Sekhet's training is really paying off, did you see what you did to that poor assassin in the park? You bounced her off the tree and then smashed her down into the ground, she could hardly get up after that.”

“Yeah and I almost took a knife to my back because I got careless again.” She looked down at her plate, I stood up and moved my chair and food around to her side and lifted her chin with my left hand. I looked her in the eyes.

“Fizzy stop being sad, no one’s perfect and I’m definitely not.” I kissed her on the cheek. “A pretty pony like you doesn’t deserve to be sad.”

“I sometimes feel like we don’t deserve to be friends.” She threw a leg around me when I frowned at her, she sent me a reassuring smile while pulling me close. “Though I’m definitely glad to have met you and I can say for certain that we have something special. So what do you want for dessert?”

“A lady always chooses first.” My chivalry was met with a derisive snort.

Fizzle gave me a simple humor filled smirk, it reminded me of an echo of her future self.

“Aren’t you a girl too Jade?” At her words I shifted my backside a bit and my tail swatted her butt making her yelp.

“I may be female, but you know I’m no lady Fizzy!” Forking the remainder of my lasagna, I thrust it messily into my mouth. I wiped my face off and leaned into Fizzle who was almost done with her food. “You, Fizzy, are like a princess to me. I can be your shining knight, even if the princess herself can fight harder than her knight can.”

“You’re not a knight though Jade.” We waited for the waiter to get back to us about that dessert, she started giggling a bit. “You’re a rogue priest, but I guess I can settle for that.”

We chose the baked apple dumpling and ice cream, served with chocolate, caramel and nuts.

“This was a nice choice Fizzle, but not nearly sweet as you are.” I spoon up a bit of the ice cream, caramel and chocolate for a bite. Smiling, I dabbed what was left onto Fizzle’s nose. Making her blink at me questioningly. “It seems you’ve got a bit of something on your nose Fizzle, let me take care of that.”

I licked it off and she turned straight red. That was a new record for me.

I giggled in amusement before my own noise was swatted with a bit of apple, Fizzle was looking at me with her narrowed eyes. She then smiled fondly and took the apple chunk in her teeth and swallowed it, then followed that up by licking my nose off.

“I took care of some of the stuff on your nose as well.” I swear, we were being so sweet right now. It was to the point that we were giving people cavities by proximity. “Now I know why you do it so much. I’m not meek Jade, I will and can retaliate by making you blush too!”

“I think I may have bitten off more that I can…” Fizzle kissed me and forced bits of dumpling and ice cream into my mouth.

“More than you can ever possibly chew Jade.” Seeing Fizzle’s brave side was something I liked. “You’re my special some cat.”

"Says my special some pony." I think we’re done here, especially since Fizzle fed me the last of the dessert.

I just have to pay for lunch, then we’d do something fun to work off the weight.

-Obelus-

It looks like they were done and coming out. I took aim and stopped, I glance around looking for anything that could possibly disturb me. No crazy pink pony asking for a party, no insane turtle that could possibly pop up out of nowhere and no evil Sphinx.

This shot was one hundred percent foolproof. I aimed my crossbow, they walked out and I was about to pull the trigger. Only something familiar entered my nose, I looked up at the cloud with a small dent in it shaped like the dart now taking up my face.

I hated life and everything in it right now.

The poison started screwing up my vision immediately. I quickly scrabbled to get a syringe with the antidote out and flailed about trying to stick the needle into myself. Once I managed to stick myself in the leg, I started to lose control of my limbs and it became a bit hard to push plunger down.

Once I managed to finally solidly push the plunger on the syringe in, I sighed with relief. Only then did I realize that I was missing my opportunity!

I sat up and took aim. I fired at the green target despite my vision blurring, afterwards I fell over and waited for the antidote to work its way into my system.

-Bon-Bon-

Ugh, why couldn’t life stop being so… darn it! I quickly flicked up the nearby trash can lid and it took the arrow sailing for Lyra’s head with a clang. I immediately slammed the lid back onto the garbage can before Lyra noticed anything was off.

“What was that Bon-Bon?” Lyra turned back to me with a curious look on her face.

“Just a raccoon Lyra, excuse me.” I had an assassin to beat up.

-Fizzle-

“Can’t we just ignore the salamanders Jade?” I knew we would fight the fire breathing lizards.

"Nope!" Jade charged forward.

I sighed, rolled my eyes, smiled and then followed after her.

Author's Note:

Comments

[Velvet-Fresh]

Dang, Jade didn't tell Maltida Cranky would move to Ponyville? even if she did try to kill her.

[FridayPie]

Obelus has been s.m.i.l.e.d.

[Thy Lord]

I wonder how Jade/airship mauled will affect the show.

[Shadowshame]

All three assassins missed their opurrtunities