Airship Mauled

by Darkonshadows

Chapter Thirteen, Salve Searching: Partially hydra-genated.

-Blade-

Life was a horrid thing… at least it was sometimes. Being tied to a chair wasn’t so bad, but I was missing a lot of exercise. I think I could get free, but my target wasn’t currently around.

The food here was good, but that woman should stop treating me like a little filly... though I appreciated the effort she’s putting into it.

-Fizzle-

“Okay, let’s go!” Shouted Jade as she stuffed the scales into her pack, behind her I could see the blue scaly tail of the Blue Back Hydra slapping the three heads of the yellow hydra across all of their faces. That staggered it quite a bit, but it recovered within seconds and was already biting back with its razor sharp, ‘pony rending’, fangs of imminent death.

“How are we going to get down?” We were currently standing on the back of a large hydra and our position was rather precarious at the moment. We stumbled as the blue hydra stumbled from the swing of the yellow hydra’s tail.

“Yeah, that’s going to be a bit of a problem.” You actually think Jade? This is already seriously going to be part of a large number of problems, getting down safely wasn’t even the worst of them. It’s getting a good enough distance away to avoid getting trampled underfoot or hurt. “We’ll have to hold on until we get an opportunity to run for it.”

“Can I ask you a question before we inevitably die from this?” I don’t see any other direction this was going in as the back of the hydra we were on shifted as it stood up to claw at one of the heads of the other hydra.

“We’re clinging to the back of a hydra and we’re not going to die Fizzle, at least you’re not going to die while I’m still alive to make sure nothing happens to you.” Either you were just being chivalrous or you loved me more than you cared about your own life, Jade you're a lovely idiot. “So what’s the question? If it’s about marriage then I’m just going to say we’re too young to be thinking about that. That and I’m surprised you would think about that at a time like this, not to mention I’ve upset you greatly in the past and will probably do so again in the future. You might need to get your head examined.”

“No, that’s not what I was going to ask about.” Keeping my blush under control, I stumbled when the hydra was rocked by a particularly rough hit. Jade grabbed me and kept me from falling over or rolling off the side of the hydra. I certainly wanted off this ride, and like yesterday at that. “What I wanted to ask you was, what would have happened if Billion was actually a noble and could actually recognize you as a Sun Priest?”

“In the minor scheme of things, nothing much would have changed… watch out!” Jade tackled me out of the way as yellow head dug its teeth into the back of the blue hydra, I had almost been swallowed alive and Jade had just managed to keep me from being hydra food. The blue hydra made several of its heads roar in defiance and then they all bit into the offending neck of the head digging into the flesh of its back. “In the long term major things, the public would be outright informed of my very existence. I’d publically recognized in an official capacity and then assassins would be able to find me easier as my place of residence would be public knowledge. Not that the thestral we have tied up doesn’t already know where we are. Not to mention that there are still people out there that are trying to have me killed, but that’s not exactly of immediate worry. The plus side would be that Billion Karats would have allowed me to get away with a lot more stuff than I do, but I’d definitely be in far more danger than we currently are.”

“How can we not be in more danger than being stuck in a fight between two hydra?” I tackled Jade, returning the favor as another yellow head snapped at us.

“Well for one, the one we’re on doesn’t know we’re here yet and…” The blue heads of the hydra we were on roughly ripped off the offending head that tried to make a snack of us again. We were hit with a spray of bodily fluids and the now two headed yellow hydra stumbled back roaring in pain. “We’re not technically between their fighting yet.”

The stump where the yellow hydras third head used to be started to split itself in half and two new heads started to form on the two expanding and growing necks. The blue hydra was in the midst of brutalizing the yellow hydras body during this.

“Doesn’t make the current situation any less horrifying Jade.” I flatly point out while wiping off my face with my right hoof. The ripped off head was now creating a pool of blood on the ground and now there was a four headed bipedal yellow hydra fighting a four headed quadrupedal blue hydra.

“Eugh… my poor fur… the smell is going to take forever to get out.” Whined Jade, I think we had more pressing matters at the moment than us getting drenched in hydra blood. I knew she wasn’t really as upset about it as she sounded. I watched as Jade licked at the blood on her right hand. “It doesn’t taste too bad though.”

You were an absurd being Jade and I loved that about you.

“Focus Jade, I have a plan!” She turned to me with her ears at attention. The heads were gnawing and biting at one another, the hydra were both bloodying one another and ripping into flesh in a sickening display for dominance. I was more focus on our exit strategy, I pointed at the felled head. “We’re jumping off and onto that, the flesh of that dead head should be pliable enough to cushion us.”

“Sounds fair, get on my back and I’ll jump us down there and do a secondary jump by sustaining my griffon feather.” Of Jade’s repertoire of magical alchemy tricks, she really liked the griffon feather long fall trick. I clambered carefully onto Jade’s back and wrapped my hooves around her tightly digging my neck and face into her pack shoulder. “Hold on to your bowels Fizzy and get ready to start running!”

Oh trust me, my bowels will be the least of your worries when we finally get out of here. Jade ran towards the side of the hydra the torn off head fell on and leapt off the side of the blue hydra. She narrowly avoided the snapping jaws of the yellow hydra's newly forming heads from biting me off of her back.

We were going to fall short of the decapitated hydra head, but Jade kicked off the air and landed us right on top of it. It did in fact cushion our landing like I thought it would.

I quickly let go of Jade as we started tumbling down the ripped off head’s neck until we came to a complete stop on the chin near the ground. The head had landed upside down after it and a portion of its thick neck was ripped off.

Jade sat up and pulled out her knife to start prying up the freshly dead head’s scales. Ever the opportunist, Jade was collecting more scales for whatever reason she needed them. In the background eight heads were in a biting frenzy as the two hydra continued to rip and tear into one another.

The yellow hydra was heavier and able to get more force out of its tail, which it just slapped into the side of its opponent sending it tumbling. The blue hydra had more balance with its four legs giving it stability and it was quickly up and using its front claws to tear at the meatier body of the yellow hydra.

It was brutal to watch, and yet for some reason I couldn’t look away from the battle. It was like train wreck.

I felt a tug on my mane, it was Jade pulling me away from the fight and my hooves started to follow her tugging automatically.

“You know, this isn’t so bad, I mean it’s what amounts to two sumo sized opponents trying to push each other out of a circle.” At her insistent tugging, I turned away from the two large monsters and started following Jade off the chin of the head we landed on and into the trees. “Also they’re too busy with each other to pay us any real attention, so let’s get out of here before one of them wins and decide to snack on us!”

The last thing I saw of the two hydra was the yellow one managing to dig its larger claws in the blue hydras chest. We got away relatively unscathed, slightly bruised, covered in mud and hydra fluids. I had no idea where we were going, but Jade seemed to have an idea of some kind in mind.

We were a distance away when we heard the roar of the victor, it wouldn’t get us because we were already escaping into a thick forest.

“I wonder if Zecora has managed to finish setting up her home.” You would know that answer better than I would Jade, you were the one that went off with Zecora one day to explore some place called the Ever Free Forest. “Don’t drop your guard Fizzle, we’re entering the Ever Free Forest. I just hope Zecora has almost finished hollowing out the tree for her personal use.”

“Isn’t the Ever Free Forest said to be exceedingly dangerous?” I asked, I think I remember a number of warnings about entering this forest.

“Anything you hear in Ponyville is likely from those who can’t handle it… speaking of Fizzle...” She trailed off and looked at something off to the side. I turned my head and saw several wooden wolves sniffing the air, after a bit they gagged and backed off while whining loudly. “I was about to say run, but I guess there’s a definite positive side to being covered in hydra gore. Anything that comes towards us will be scared off by the smell of a bigger predator.”

“Well that’s something I guess.” I was dripping with hydra fluids and quite frightened for our lives right now, please tell me some good news Jade. “Do you even know where to go from here?”

“Not exactly, but I’m sure I can find her campsite quickly enough that it’ll be only slightly into the evening when we finally get there.” I’ll hold you to that Jade. “Could you please stop licking yourself?”

“But it tastes like pudding Fizzy.” I sometimes forget that my beloved friend is an omnivore given how often her meals are more often than not vegetarian in general, with the occasional side of fish that I also eat so I’m not exactly one to talk. “Pudding Fizzy!”

I rolled my eyes and release a slow drawn out sigh as I followed Jade.

-Two hours later, Ever Free Forest, Jade-

“See, told you we can find Zecora here in the forest somewhere.” We approached the safe campsite and Zecora took immediate notice of us and stood up. “And there she is. Hey Zecora, could you maybe provide some assistance?”

“Of course my friends who seem to be covered in stuff that is muddy, now tell me why it is that the both of you smell a bit… bloody?” Zecora’s nose wrinkled at our approach and she looked positively aghast with our smell.

“We went looking for ingredients to do things, one of which involved hydra scales. We got the hydra scales and another hydra came along and started to attack it and us once it saw us on its back.” Stopping to lick at my fur disgusting both Zecora and Fizzle in the process I continued. “We were lucky to escape with our lives and the scales I pried off of the hydra we accidentally ended up on top of. We could have done it without waking the hydra, but that other hydra really had it in for us.”

“It sounds like quite a tale, I’m glad to see that in escaping you did not come to fail.” Zecora pointed to the logs and the fire she had going. “Come, come, sit with me, get yourselves cleaned up and of that smell I’ll certainly help you be free!”

“Thank you, Zecora. Also the sooner you do that, the sooner Jade will stop licking herself and commenting on the idea of blood pudding being a thing that exists.” You do know that blood pudding is a real thing Fizzle, you’ve even had mom’s fish sausage in the morning and that’s basically what blood pudding is. Hydra were like giant swamp fish and even tasted like it too. “Hurry up with the help Zecora, watching Jade lick herself is going to make me sick.”

So I was a bit disgusting, hydra blood just happens to taste like a really messy pudding. Probably because of all the fat in the blood that is congealing on us right now.

“For my friends a towel or two, mostly to help wipe all that muck off of you.” Zecora tossed us some towels and the rest of the day went pretty well after that point.

-One day later-

“So you’re telling me that one of the potions you made can restore certain potions of a skeletal structure in a pony, but it can’t restore the wings, horns or the hooves in the ponies where the magic is most focused? Aren’t those rather highly specific things for the potion to ignore fixing?” Seriously, I had to wonder what was it about magic that made it so hard to recover just Fizzle’s horn alone. "The potion might help a few unfortunate ponies, but the ingredients are definitely not that easy to acquire. Also, are you sure other potion only helps fix any damage done to a being dentally?"

“It helps to have some things that are floral, when it comes to fixing your teeth with the potion that is oral. The potion is short lived, but quite powerful and can fix chips, cavities and many things like that in fact. It can only fix those things when it is given after the damage is done shortly after the act.” Zecora let off a slight chuckle, then she decided to address the other potion I had commissioned of her in a slightly sadder tone. “As for the potion to restore the body, it does just that. Unfortunately for you, it can’t heal damaged concentrations of magic my friendly cat.”

“Okay, can I at least help you with the shelf life of your potions by doing some magical alchemy on your bags?” I knew Zecora might one day be able to figure out a fix for Fizzle’s horn. She could fix teeth, make ointments and various salves, but this was the one thing that stumps her? “The oral fixing salve will be nice at least.”

It's like how Twilight can give a dragon a bushy mustache of hair and can even do the same thing to Trixie, but she can’t fix her friends destroyed mane in the future… yeah it makes complete sense and I'll totally buy that.

Author's Note:

Jade is a bit upset that her efforts didn't immediately lead to success at the end there.

What was never tried was repeated casts of the mustache spell where Rarity's mane should be after it gets destroyed...

Dragon's don't have hair and Twilight says she couldn't make hair out of nowhere to fix Rarity's mane with Starlight Glimmer's help.

So what is the mustache spell doing exactly?

Comments

[Shadowshame]

In response to the author's notes

A very suspurrcious circumstance

[lainverse]

It creates not just hair, but mustache of magical nature out of thin air.