Airship Mauled

by Darkonshadows

Chapter twenty four, Guard Goading: Dated evening.

-Fizzle-

“Over here Fizzy.” Jade pulled me off to the side to look into some bushes, I blinked when I saw a unicycle with a green seat. Jade looked at the unicycle and then seemed to eyeball the direction it was pointing and nodded. She also looked up and nodded again. “Right, if the unicycle is in the correct position then so too are the buckets of magical pink dye. Now all I need to do is sneak my stuff past the guards.”

“You do realize that they are going to check all your stuff for weapons right?” I thought I looked nice in my gown and she looked nice in the tuxedo and skirt combo, I don’t think I’d ever actually see Jade in an actual dress. “I mean you did kind of imply that you were going to make someone die tonight.”

“Oh ye o’ little faith.” Jade pulled her pack off her back and stuff it into her top hat where it disappeared. She also put her necklace, knife and other stuff in there that wasn’t part of her tuxedo outfit as well.

She then walked over to a nearby empty carriage, I noticed a lazy looking grey furred squirrel with a pink bow around her neck sitting in a tree nearby. Jade glanced at the squirrel with a small smirk on her lips, she proceeded to remove the two wooden wedges that kept the carriage in place and tossed them into the hat as well. She then places the hat back on her head and winked to the squirrel, said squirrel lazily waved to Jade while trying not to look interesting.

“Okay, what’s the magical sustain of a top hat… or does it count as a magician’s hat?” A small smile met me as we started moving towards the door being staffed by royal guards.

“Oh Fizzy, don’t you know? A real magician never reveals their secrets… well at least not until later after they’re retired.” We were almost upon the door that the guards were watching. “They mostly do that so if anyone else does the tricks they aren’t as mysterious, so the magician leaves behind a bit of a legacy that is secured and can’t be followed without the next person being called a copycat. Like the amazing escape artist Hoofdini!”

“You’re not a magician Jade.” Though I will silently admit that she almost came off as one. “But yeah, that does make some level of sense.”

“I know, but that doesn’t mean I can’t pull something out of a hat… which as you can see has nothing in it.” Jade showed the insides of the hat to me as we came to a stop in front of the guards, nothing was in there. Once we were standing in front of the guards, she put it on her head and tipped it to their suspicious looks. “Ello’ there gents, I believe you should announce that La Perm, party of two, is here... to impress!”

“Of course, but first we’re going to need to search you.” One of the guards said coming forward, giving Jade a rather ironically guarded look.

“Have you searched everyone else?” Jade asked with a bright cheery smile as she leaned on her cane.

“Of course we have! Now hold still while we scan you and check you for dark magic, weapons and other things.” They were very thorough, they even considered doing a cavity search.

Jade put a stop to that when she said that they've already scanned her and that she knew her rights and asked them if they were going to do the same thing to Fancy Pants. Said pony just so happened to queue up behind us with Fleur De Lis and glared at them, we were let through in short order to be followed by the other two once they were searched thoroughly as well.

“Oh my, is it? It is! You’re that brazen and sweet little kitty that infiltrated my home!” Fleur came up and pulled Jade into a snuggling hug, much to Mr. Pants’ amusement and my displeasure. “You are still very adorable and fluffy. Also the tuxedo looks quite cute on you, but wouldn’t a dress have been a little better for the occasion?”

“Said sweet kitty is also taken!” I stated sourly, Fleur quickly backed off while looking towards me. I was a bit jealous of her, she was a supermodel and she absolutely looked and breathed it. “By the way she dislikes dresses.”

“Truly?” Fleur said while glancing at me, she looked at me from the tip of my nose to the tip of my tail and then turned to Jade. “You have a very beautiful friend there Ms. Kitty.”

“I keep trying to tell her that, but she just doesn’t seem to believe me and says I’m the pretty one.” Both Jade and Fleur smiled at one another, Jade held out a paw and shook her hoof. I stood a little off to the side and blushed a bit. “My name is Jaded La Perm, but you can call me Ms. Kitty if you want. Can I have that autograph now?”

“Of course.” Since Fleur acquiesced so nicely, Jade pulled a notebook, quill and ink out of her hat. She opened the notebook while letting Fleur levitate a pen out of her hand to sign it. Once that was done Fleur smiled at Fancy Pants. “See, this party is not to be boring as you say it will be, especially with the guard’s infamous 'Bogey Cat' on the prowl.”

“Thanks agent Fleur, have a good time at the party… provided that you weren’t sent here because of me that is.” Jade turned around and led me into the ball room with a paw on my neck. “I’ve got some fun to squeeze in before I start causing trouble around here!”

-Fleur-

“She is very sweet is she not?” I said with a smile to Fancy Pants, the stallion with a bright blue mane, white fur and tuxedo. He grinned and nodded, I adored his small fancy immaculate mustache and the monocle just made him seem even fancier. I looked at the three crowns marking his flank, he was a true noble of heart, mind and body.

“I do say, she’s quite a bit more lively than some of the dullards around here… do you think Celestia invited her for that very reason? Best stay out of the way of that one, she seems quite wily.” There was no comment from Fancy on them somehow being outed as S.M.I.L.E. agents by Jade, not that they needed to worry about it. He tipped his bowler hat to me, his very beautiful and highly attractive friend, then he winked. “Whatever the case, I believe this evening will be quite simply smashing my dear Fleur.”

“Ms. Kitty’s intentions are to make someone kick a bucket tonight, I believe that to be more literal than the guards think it is.” I gave pause once I realized something, she pulled notebook, ink well and quill out of the hat. That was after she was scanned for not having anything dangerous on her, she had gotten her stuff past the guards magical scans! “She is quite a sly one...”

“Oh indubitably. Just a fair warning, don’t be standing near Blueblood or Shining Armor tonight. I’m the one that got tasked with bringing two cans of magical pink dye past the guards, Jade apparently has made contact with The Squirrels.” Well will wonders never cease, at least Fancy came clean to me about this before I got caught in the crossfire. Not like I was going anywhere near Blueblood, but I do like to talk with Cadence and Shining every now and then. “That Jaded has planned her escape to the finest degree. Why I can’t wait to see what she’ll accomplish this fine evening!”

-Fizzle-

As we walked in Jade looked to the dance floor and then glanced to me, she held out a paw.

“Would you like to dance Fizzy? Don’t care much for the elegance kind of dancing, but I know how to lead.” Thinking over Jade’s offer, I might as well while I’m here for the duration of the evening. I just nodded and held out my hoof, I don’t see why not. Jade was going to great lengths to make this day quite memorable, like getting me a dress in my size and having a tiara that hid my horn waiting for me. “Alright then, follow me and then get your hooves up on my shoulder I’ll help you balance and we’re going to perform a two legged tango. Just flow with me.”

Holding my hoof she led me out on to the dance floor where she turned to me, I made the effort to get my hooves up on her shoulders. She placed the cane on her arm and held me up.

“So how low do you want me to hold you? Back, waist or… butt?” Jade held took my right hoof into her left paw and her right hand went to my flank and squeezed it making me blush.

“Waist is fine…” I squeaked out, I just couldn’t hold my composure with Jade being affectionate with me like this. She moved her paw up to put some pressure on my waist.

“I move back you move forward, you move back when I push forward, we swing around and I twirl you into my comfortable grasp…” Jade was in fact doing these things as she spoke and I felt her chest pressing up against my back as she held me close then twirled me away, but kept a good grip on my hoof. “This is how you tango Fizzle. Now you push, pull and swing me whichever way you want… also squeeze my butt right on back.”

I immediately did so and Jade gave off a cute yelp and blushed. I smirked at her, she did say to squeeze her back and my left hoof was currently on her waist like her paw was on mine.

“So what’s the plan?” Now I really wanted to know what it was.

“I’m going to rob half the nobles in this room of their bits, make you kick ‘that’ bucket at Blueblood. If you miss I’ll just use the spare under that table I’m going to lure Shining Armor over to.” Looking over to where Jade pointed out with her eyes as we danced, I saw one bucket of magical pink dye next to the snack table. “Oh and I’ll steal some of Cadence’s loose feathers while I’m at it, she’ll forgive me later I’m sure. Bonus points if you can talk Fleur into flipping the food tables, sending all the food at the other guests as a large distraction. Once I give you the signal to kick the bucket, you do that and afterwards you are to run up the left stairway while I toss my bucket. If you miss, I’m aiming for Blueblood. If you hit, I hit Shining. I’ll go up the right flight of stairs and meet you in the hallway where we’ll hide for a bit and then sneak out the window overlooking the unicycle to make our great escape.”

“You’re actually going to be that brazen about this?” Though outrunning thoroughly tweaked royal guards on a unicycle does sound fun. “Do you seriously plan on escaping on a unicycle, really Jade?”

“Well I’ve set up a sequence of events for everything… oh and the art museum visit was to steal the layout plans for it for something I’m going to do later in Manehattan. I did it when I was going to the bathroom.” Jade smiled as she dipped me and kissed me on the lips. Bringing me back up, I felt dazed. “Did you know the art museum here in Canterlot was built to the same specifications as the historical artifact museum in Manehatten? In any case I wanted to use a unicycle for something in this plot, you know, like the whole rubber chicken thing I had going. Besides, doing this means less time at the Hayburger for us.”

“I’m in just for that alone, but do you really think we can get away?” I couldn’t help but smile. Jade sure had an exciting evening planned for us and I was willing to go along with it.

“Yep, now if you’ll excuse me while I go work the room… go mingle with Fleur, she might keep the other nobles off of you.” Our dance ended and with a lick on the cheek, Jade separated from me and grabbed her cane from her arm.

She idly swung the hooked end near one of the nobles and quickly shoved the resulting stolen bit bag up her hat, she started whistling and twirling her cane around as she walked off.

I have to admit this day impressed me so far, but this party was boring and wasn’t exactly our speed even if the dancing was nice.

-An hour later-

“So you’re barking up the wrong tree pal!” I told the noble to his face, he looked surprised at my rejection. I was a little upset that a lot of the ponies here thought I was an earth pony, but I did tend to hide the fact that I was a unicorn a lot.

I made my way over to the snack tables, it seemed Jade had managed to get Shining wound up and was sitting at the table with him and Cadence.

“You handle yourself pretty well, how did you two meet if I may ask?” Turning to Fleur, I answered while I positioned the bucket behind me. Blueblood was close enough for me to hit.

“After an Ursa Medium incident, the love eventually started flowing from there.” I looked behind me and angled my rear hooves just so… “Can you do me a quick favor?”

“Yes?” Fleur asked brightening, as if she was so bored she’d be willing to do anything to liven up this party.

“Fling as much food as you can at the party goers after I hit that guy with this bucket.” I pointed to the most narcissistic stallion in the room, blonde foppish hair and pristine white fur. Jade certainly had it in for him tonight.

“Gladly, so you’re the one Jade is going to make… kick the bucket.” Fleur was grinning from ear to ear. “Nice target, couldn’t happen to a finer stallion.”

“I’m going to make someone kick the bucket tonight and you can’t stop me!” Hearing Jade’s shout had attracted my attention, guess that was my cue. “Okay, kick it!”

I bucked the bucket in Blueblood’s direction and it went over his nose and splashed his entire body and several of the nobles around him, they all quickly turned hot pink.

While they were distracted Jade moved over to Cadence and stole some feathers off her right wing, which earned Cadence’s attention and then the second bucket was slung covering Shining and Cadence. Cadence’s fur color didn’t change at all.

I was already moving up the stairs, the guards that had been waiting for this moment were distracted when all kinds of food showered the other guests and a panic started throughout the room.

Once I reached the hallway, I waited for Jade to arrive and when she did she grabbed a nearby waiting cardboard box.

“Inside the box!” Jade knew what she was doing so I got under the box with her. “Please get out of your clothes now."

Author's Note:

(New Magical alchemy ingredients!)

32. Magician's top hat.

33. Magician's cane.

34. Skirt.

35. Cardboard Box (Why does this even work?).

Some tango music.

Also a little Top Cat thrown in.

Comments

[Booster Spice]

Ahh, the cardboard box. Where Cats are concerned its the Pinkiecle of structures.

Especially the luxury version with the built in cream dispenser for the Pies.

We need a distraction.

Look, a Two headed Monkey.

[sobianca]

nah, that's just Pinky with a sock puppet trying to learn how to hang upside down from their tails from a circus monkey
also

“Inside the box!” Jade knew what she was doing so I got under the box with her. “Please get out of your clothes now."

*SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!* is now really the time jade? >;3