Airship Mauled

by Darkonshadows

Chapter Seventy three, Battling Bachelorettes: Premise.

-Airship Mauled, around the eternal campfire, Jade-

So it was a few days after Maud and Mud Briar got happily married, I’m only assuming it’s happily married as they both tend to share a similar low emotional range to my brother-in-law Gene.

The resulting casualties was the Quarrelsome Quartet, which weren’t arrested because we thought they had been punished enough by way of Maud Pie mauling them. Another reason why they couldn’t be arrested is because more than seventy percent of the royal guard was currently hospitalized by Maud’s rampage.

Seriously, Maud just got married and went off with her husband and there was nothing to show that she was guilty about everything she just did. Nobody bothered to stop her from going off on her honeymoon either.

It was quite horrifying to witness Maud and her pet rock decimating everything, setting half a city on fire and managing to come back from brutally dealing with everything without ruining her wedding dress or even mussing up her appearance doing all of that aforementioned stuff.

This is why I would never try to make Maud mad. My survival instincts were likely getting lower by the day, but not nearly low enough to earn the ire of the world’s strongest earth pony.

That rampage of hers literally earned Maud several world records and she got away with destroying a large portion of Canterlot. This was mostly because of the sheer fear factor she had instilled in all the nobles, no nobles were calling for Maud’s blood or pressing charges when she wiped out every unicorn squad available for the whole week in less than an hour.

There was also the fact that the remainder of the royal guard were mostly earth ponies and they protested that they weren’t idiotic enough to try and arrest Maud, especially not after she escalated to a point that nobody wanted to mess with her on her special day.

Even Twilight Sparkle was at a loss of what to do and wasn’t going to bring Maud in, she was quite willing to turn a blind eye to the whole mess entirely. At least Twilight had learned a lesson from Ponyville’s mayor about how to always have a good construction company on hoof at all times and ready to quickly rebuild.

Of course, when Maud threw her flowers, they knocked me to the ground after bouncing off my skull and I caught them. It didn’t matter that I caught the flowers, me and my herd were already done planning our wedding and we only had to settle on day.

Our wedding would involve giving everyone extremely short notice, as in everyone would only have one day to be ready for our wedding as we weren’t going to give anyone time to plan what the Quarrelsome Quartet tried. To that end we were going to marry in Ponyville, because I didn’t want to deal with a sudden ‘Puk’ invasion or the possibility of something else happening to Airship Mauled.

To be clear, I’d rather have something happen to Ponyville since they could obviously take it.

It is fairly obvious that we were going with being obscenely prepared and overly paranoid about our wedding. Mom assures me that she will be able to slapdash the catering together as quickly as possible so nothing too horrible could happen on our special day, Pinkie Pie was on cake duty and Fluttershy was my choice of best mare.

Our herd was going to Las Pegasus for our honeymoon with Sekhet being the transportation because she and Baast are going to spend some quality time together as sisters, plus nobody could intercept us on the way if we have goddesses teleport us there.

We even made sure to not book anything in Las Pegasus and we have a decoy prepared with Arizona, Velvet and Paprika who were planning to hold an official ceremony on the same day as our wedding. They were going to hold their ceremony before us for various reasons.

It’s not paranoia if something actually happens at the planned decoy site.

Now that my exposition based thoughts are done… it’s time for me to have a bachelorette party! Maries and Fizzy were going to do their own parties on the same night too.

“So…” I turned to Paprika who was staring at the fire with a look of slightly disturbed concentration on her face. At the sound of my voice, the alpaca jerked and looked towards me. “Let me guess, Dr. Bones gave you the run down on sexual education?”

Paprika nodded quietly and her face turned red.

“Does it bother you that you might never have Cria if Fizzy can’t figure out my father’s ‘crossbreed’ spell?” Chances are that, like me, Paprika was going to eventually want children. “She’ll have to modify it to work 'same sex' too, but that shouldn’t be too hard. I’m living proof that it’s possible.”

Paprika made several calm and intricate gestures with her hooves as she looked toward me with friendly eyes. I only ever see hearts I those eyes when she looks at Arizona and Velvet, she loved them above anything and I felt similar with Maries and Fizzy.

“Yeah, I guess adoption sounds good too if you can’t get pregnant with your soulmates through unusual magical means.” It seems to me that Paprika has thought a lot about this. She didn’t know how cria were made until Dr. Bones gave her a complete run down in a manner that even she could understand, at least she didn’t seem too entirely devastated. “Are you sure it doesn’t bother you?”

Paprika made several more intricate, but relatively understandable gestures as she looked me in the eyes.

“Oh… it does, you’re just trying hard not to think about it.” My answer was Paprika nodding in response. “You’ll love and you’ll be loved Paprika, remember that your wives like that positive attitude of yours. So don’t look so down or they’ll be all over you with worry.”

She nodded gently and smiled to me, she reached over and gave me a near bone crushing hug. She eventually released me before I lost too much air.

My first children were likely going to be chimera through Maries’ parthenogenesis. The fact that Maries could get pregnant at the drop of a hat was a scary thought, especially when Dr. Bones declared that it was actually completely possible and likely for them.

“So, any ideas on what we’re going to do for our bachelorette night?” As a first option I would have gone with Arizona as being my buddy for a girl’s night out, but for some reason Maries absolutely wanted Arizona and even called her for their personal bachelorette party.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d think Maries were planning on doing something crazy with my best cow friend.

Paprika took on a thinking pose and tapped her chin, it seemed like she was going to be a while.

I had nothing planned for a bachelorette night and didn’t know what to do during my last few days as a free queen. Well technically free, Fizzy pretty much owns my backside with how possessive she is and Maries weren’t much different.

I didn’t feel like doing anything too strenuous as attracting trouble, saving the world or seeking to free all of Minos from Fortitude’s unusually successful regime that nobody actually wants to put stop to.

Apparently Fortitude is the best leader the Minotaurs have ever had and he’s not even living in the land of the Minotaurs or even doing anything you would expect of a leader. He hasn’t been there for several years since the random visit with Travel-On.

Said teleporting magical adventure boat was currently in storage with a sign on it that says, ‘use if extremely and completely bored’. There was also an explanation as to what the boat does and everything.

Airship Mauled does have a minotaur liaison, but they really don’t interact with Fortitude all that much aside from worshipping him for being the greatest leader to ever exist.

Even without Fortitude to actually act as king would, Minos is apparently on a huge upswing of good times. They had gained a lot of economic and political power, they were even recognized as one of the world’s greatest rising powers.

It was like how the griffons of Griffonstone were rising back up to prominence thanks to single a baked goods stand. Only in this crazy world can something like that happen.

Twilight would eventually have to sit down with Fortitude and General Skeletal ‘Skelly’ Noria to negotiate trade agreements and the like. I wonder if she’ll have an aneurysm when she finds out who the leader is and where he is currently living.

Paprika tapped my shoulder earning my attention, she waved at me and started to strut in place while happily bouncing her head side to side with a cheerful smile. She glanced at me and was awaiting my response.

“Sure, dancing sounds fun. Where are we going to do this at though and who else we should take along with us?” I already knew who Paprika wanted to take along with us, I cut her off before she could even suggest it. “No, Velvet and Arizona are going to be busy with Fizzy and Maries respectively. You’re partying with me Paprika, so think of a few others and be a little outside the box.”

“Meep.” Paprika suggested. From what Arizona and Velvet say, her voice was like that of an angel when she actually talks.

“No, I think Wary Berry and I would be fighting about fruit all night. This is to relax and have fun.” Another thoughtful look to me from the alpaca and she clapped her hooves excitedly.

“Meep!” She suggested this time while raising her hoof into the air excitedly.

“Well… I do actually want to get to know Flotsam better.” The only sea pony in the world who doesn’t know the heritage of ‘shoo-be-do’, I would have to be the one to teach her about it all. “Though I’m not sure her tail fin will be friendly in packed dancing spaces… but a very good suggestion though.”

“Meep?” This time Paprika really had my attention with her suggestion.

“Sweetcakes… yes, I definitely wouldn’t mind Ms. Haiku Hellion joining us on this excursion!” I heard Sweetcakes has a history and she sounded quite fun. Also kawaii kitsune were a rogue’s best friend, especially the mischievous and sneaky kind. It would certainly add spice to a night of fun. “So Sweetcakes and maybe Flotsam… where to go dancing though?”

Paprika simply pointed to the north towards some very distant mountains. Since she just pointed to Canterlot, I had several ideas I wanted to run by her.

“Would you mind if we caused a little trouble while we’re there?” There was a friendly grin on the alapaca’s face in response to my words. “What if we hypothetically crashed a noble’s party in progress or decided to rob one blind?”

Paprika simply nodded and stared at me with an exasperated, but accepting grin. She made several hoof gestures and then held one hoof up and flicked out a portion of her cloven hoof like a thumb to show her willingness to cause mayhem.

After this Paprika made several worrying and heartfelt gestures.

“No, of course not, who says Arizona and Velvet have to hear any of the trouble you get up to. I won’t tell if you don’t.” Giggling as I said this, I continued with mirth at Paprika bouncing in place while smiling merrily. “After all they will be just happy to hear you had fun, not all the details involved therein need to be stated. It’s a good thing Canterlot is made of stone or Maud would have incidentally burned down all those wonderful Luna sponsored nightclubs. Some dancing, party crashing and maybe a bit of grand larceny on the side... yep, sounds like a perfect night to me!”

-Fizzle, elsewhere-

“What, what is it?” Velvet asked me as I looked off in a given direction.

“My Jade senses are tingling… she’s going to do something absolutely awful for her bachelorette night, I just know it.” So long as she isn’t caught by me or anyone else doing it and manages to get away, then things should be completely fine.

I know Jade’s not a saint, aside from still being a rogue sun priestess, but I wasn’t exactly much of one either. My mischief making kitty better not be caught when more than half the royal guard is on the mend, including the slightly more competent night guard.

“So, we’ll be taking Savannah and Brenda with us.” Velvet continued on as if I hadn’t interrupted our conversation to suddenly be all silent. Brenda was officially one of Jacky’s Blackcap Pirates and was pretty good with ropes, Savannah will agree with quite a flirtatious purr.

Wheel Twist was still trying to figure out the logistics of how to make his budding relationship with Flotsam work, he didn’t know if he wanted to be a port-of-call stallion or a pirate himself. At least he was talking it out with Flotsam and they became quite close with the short amount of time they had together.

“Good enough, we should keep it small.” There was a curious glance sent my way from Velvet. “Plus, with professional deviants like Savannah and Brenda around, no one will give us second looks or try to make moves on us.”

“Ah yes, the problem of becoming married to the most beautiful, if sometimes annoying and aggravating, beings in our lives. We will have to avoid 'those' roads less traveled.” After a moment Velvet sighed. “Well at least I’m married in an official capacity, but I still want my ceremony! Unfortunately for Tinsel, he will not be coming with us on this excursion, I shall leave him to mother’s loving care. He better not look like a round hearths warming ornament when we come back!”

“What will we be doing Velvet?” Why was I going to let Velvet suggest something, she was probably going to suggest something utterly snooty.

“Extreme Wrestling, Shocking and Jock might not mind us doing a ladies night in the arena.” Velvet cleared her throat softly. “If I’m going to be away from Arizona, I need to get my fix in a different manner. I’m sure you understand. Plus we might actually get to experience Cheerilee’s sister in action... and maybe get an autograph.”

“Here I thought you’d go for something daintier, but instead you go the masochistic and machismo route.” That was blunt of me, but I wasn’t apologizing.

“I never once denied being anything of the sort, also it’s funny that you’re calling me out on it when you wrestled a fully grown manticore to the ground and made it cry.” Velvet proclaimed softly with a snicker. “Being a prissy reindeer is part of me, sure, but there’s just something about slamming someone’s skull into the ground the way Arizona does it that gives it quite the allure. How about a tea party before the wrestling?”

“Can there be alternatives to tea at the tea party? I’m marrying an Abyssinian and a Chimera." I received a curt nod and we started hashing out our trip to Manehatten. "Just want to show some solidarity in not drinking something poisonous to them.”

-Arizona-

“Why me?” I asked immediately.

“We know where the mercenaries that threw us in Tartarus currently are.” Maries stated calmly. “We direly wish to repay them quite thoroughly.”

Author's Note:

The Epilogue, coming to a fanfic near you...

Comments

[Herald of Opera]

So, I guess they aren't worried about turning up to their wedding severely injured?

[jimerjam]

I miss the old days of silly adventures and fun

[Booster Spice]

Hopefully the two diversionary weddings will take care of the worst opponants, unless theres a particularly strategic lotleft over thats been watching? but now, due to Ponyville, Im wonderng Puks verses, or collaboration with CMC?

Could Maud use Piezo electric rocks , such as sandstone, its energy capacitance greatly increased by its water content, squeezed through Earth Pony seismastry, to generate Lightining Return Strokes to order, instead of pegasi relying on Local clouds only for her power, use The World?

[Shadowshame]

10255674
That's the thing about stories; you can always reread them

[Demonicwolf]

10257663
Rereading is great and all but it dosent have the same kick for people like me who have semi-perfect recall and will remember whats about to happen, like a spoiler, it makes rereading a fic or book less enjoyable when you suddenly remember the entire chase scene. I still reread books and fics ocasionally but the suspense is simply gone. (unless it has been a few years)