Airship Mauled

by Darkonshadows

Chapter Nineteen, The Whimsical Witch of Even: Little cheesy.

-Kuril-

“You know mom, this just might work.” Well it was nice to hear that my kitten had confidence in me as we approached the large stone building. Thestrals didn’t have or get much wood up here and it was hardly any surprise that their building were all made of various types of carved stone. “Though I’m not taking part in a heart song if it forms. In the case that I do end up in it, at least it’s not about me or my feeling this time.”

I wonder if Jacky and Jade would be open to eating giant arachnid meat, it’s apparently a delicacy around here as are the mushrooms and small bugs that make up a majority of a growing thestrals diet. Any fruits or vegetables found here are obviously imported and otherwise this colony of thestrals was relatively self-sufficient.

“You have to be right by us when we do this Jade or else you won’t be able to get inside, my probing of their defenses yielded interesting results and my plan will work flawlessly. Unless they have guards patrolling around in there.” I moved forward with threstrals, one of which had a short blonde mane and bright red eyes. Yep, Macaroni was going to help me start a heart song. I started to whistle a tune as we approached.

“I’ll wait outside if it’s all the same to you.” Fine then kitten, if that’s what you want. I’ll just have more fun infiltrating the place with Fizzle and Jacky.

“Oh look, it’s the crazy pot lady. Are you going full out brute force now?” I just kept whistling and ignored the guard. “I’m warning you right now, backup wouldn’t be hard to get around here. Everyone be on your guard, make sure she or anyone else doesn’t get by us.”

Soon the beat caught and we all started to move in unison, okay Macaroni let’s see what you have in store for these guys.

“Oh it’s not an assault, it’s something more fun than just brutalizing you.” It would be fun anyway, I had to wonder what Screaming and Hollow were doing. They were more of Prime’s problem than ours, but I wanted to worry a little about their leniency towards us running around in the Grotto city like this. “Let’s hit it!”

The mare giggled putting a hoof to her mouth, she was an odd thestral out because her brighter colored hair and equally bright orange fur. Thestral were almost always more darkly colored. The two stallions with Macaroni were her herd mates.

Of the three other thestrals with us, two of them owed Jade a favor for saving them from their own idiocy when Jade first walked into the monastery carrying Sugar. The last thestral was just Blade Bright who wanted to take part in our shenanigans, she enjoyed the culture here.

I wondered if Blade was going to stay here and make a new life. Would she follow us back home after we were done messing around with the natural order of things around here?

Once we were in position, we started dancing in unison. So this is what a heart song felt like, why did my kitten dislike these so much? It felt so harmonious. Our opening dance moves were to pretending to talk among one another and then send a slow sweeping limb to the right and to the left while holding the other above our eyes. The thestrals did it with their wings.

“Run when you see our lovely Macaroni, she may seem like a super friendly pony~.” The two stallions sang together while shifting their hips with Macaroni taking the lead dancing role. “Just watch out if she takes an interest you because… hey Macaroni~!”

Macaroni, narrowed her eyes at the both of her stallions. She turned back to the guards.

Slowly a disco ball lowered from the high ceiling of the grotto which was a good two hundred feet up at least, beams of light started to dance around us and… was that a fog machine? This was getting a little weird.

“Hi~! When I cook, I make the macaroni, elbow noodles full of cheese that’s not ever phony~.” Macaroni said rubbing up against the stallion on her right and then the one on her left. “They love me, and they love cheese, but I always like to make them say please~! They want oodles, of my noodles, if they’re on their best behavior I’ll even let them play beside me~!”

The two stallions smiled at each other before leaning towards one another behind Macaroni, both had two differing shades of dark gray, one had dark red mane and the others was blue.

“We love our dear little Macaroni, but she is just two stallions shy of being quite lonely~” The stallions winked conspiratorially to each other, we were doing some pretty good back up dancing while Macaroni shifted her hips in a seductive sway with the music as her wings went to her hips. “You really don’t want to interest Macaroni because… hey Macaroni~!”

Macaroni turned around and glared at the two again.

“Her glares are not really quite a problem, if you have issues with her then we certainly can’t solve them~!” The two sang in the face of Macaroni’s glare as she shook her rump at the rather interested guards. “She’s an aggressive sweetheart so we can’t complain yeah, because the love of … our Macaroni~!”

“Yeah~!”The two kissed Macaroni on her cheeks as she squealed happily, she turned around with a smile and a small blush.

“Now I want you to say hello to my herd mates, these are my boys Drip and Lingo~.” The two waved at all the guards now watching our impromptu musical number. The guards were either confused or mystified about why we’re doing all this. I watched Macaroni slowly shuffle backwards and then she wrapped her wings tightly around the both of them. “Ha! They annoy me, even if they’re both quite lovely~. We mix the cheese and noodles together then I…~”

Macaroni broke off singing into a fit of giggles while her two stallions went red in the face and coughed a bit. Fizzle looked embarrassed for the both of them, Jade seemed bored with this and Jacky looked like she was having fun with the dancing.

“Oh come on you three, you know what you’re supposed to do~.” I sang out, finally involving myself in the song they started. “Though I admit that all this magical choreography is all quite sublime~.”

Right wing or limb held forward, then left. Cross right limb over chest, then left. Right limb to back of head, left limb next all while bouncing to the beat. Then a saucy right limb to our hips, then a left, we all swayed our hips and then jumped together in unison. It was interesting to watch some of the guards start mimicking our dance moves.

Was it truly as involuntary as Jade says it is, because this is pretty fun for a way to sneak into a stone building considered both the barracks and R&D for the tank we’re here to steal. We performed the simple dance twice more all in unison, before lyrics floated up from us this time and it was me taking the stage.

“So you’re saying we should avoid Ms. Macaroni, because she’s a rather frightening and scary little pony~.” I sang out while as we danced. “Are you saying she’s frightening because she’s gets lonely~? This Macaroni~!”

“Right~!” The two stallions nodded in unison. “She’s likes to sink her cute little fangs into a stallion or mare, so a little early warning is really quite fair~. Not that we really seem to care since it’s… our Macaroni~!”

“Hey~!” Macaroni sounded a little indignant now, even if she shot one of the guards a seductive look with wink included. “So now you know that I love openly, so I have a small problem with not doing so solely~. Come join my herd please, I don’t have fleas, but we can certainly have a bite if it would make you happy~.”

Macaroni licked her lips as she looked at the guards who started to back away from various portions of the roof and the main doorway we were going to bypass. They were sweating a bit as Macaroni eyed them while dancing and shifting her wings as if she were a Saddle Arabian fan dancer.

There were things I still wasn’t going to tell Jade, like how I knew what a Saddle Arabian fan dancer looked like.

We continued to dance and the music was started to close out, I carefully reached into my packs lower left pocket.

“Jade you might want to move back if you wish to stay, thank you Miss Macaroni for the heart song by the way~.” She nodded to me and threw me a silly salute with her right wing, Jaded backed away and looked at the potion I was palming with a hint curiosity. We moved closer to the watching guards and I smiled give we were close enough to the wall to do what I needed to. “So this is all I can finally say… goodbye Macaroni~!”

I slammed the vial to the ground and quickly grabbed both Fizzle and Jacky. I became very dizzy over the next few seconds.

-Jade-

The dancing and music was over with finally, though it was nice that the dance moves were simple and do not require my cat like flexibility to perform bizarre aliens dance moves. Speaking of which, I should really look in on Fizzle’s next breakdance fighting session.

Mom’s vial had a bland visual effect, basically she and the others disappeared in a blast of what looked like fire and leaving a scorch mark on the ground just made everyone stare at the spot my family once occupied. I looked to Blade who arched an eye at me questioningly, I nodded and she smirked.

“Eh.” I shrugged, it wasn’t like mom didn’t know what she was doing when it came to being a witch. I felt something nudge what passes for my ankle. Looking down I saw Sugar looking up at me expectantly, rolling my eyes I lifted her up and put her on my left shoulder, my right shoulder and neck was reserved for flying snuggle turtles.

“What just happened?” The friendly Macaroni just asked.

“Don’t worry about it, mom just exploded… again… for the fifteenth time. Yes, I’ve counted.” I couldn’t say mom wasn’t talented at it, but ‘The Witch of Good Taste’ always had to have a flair for the visibly dramatic. “Well everyone that’s a wrap, excuse me while I go talk to that unicorn over there about what she’s doing here.”

I turned and walked over to the unicorn as the thestrals that had helped with the musical number dispersed, she was sitting at the turntable that she had dragged onto the scene behind us. I looked her over taking in every single detail about her unusual appearance here. Yep, it was definitely her and I wasn’t imagining things.

“Okay, I’m horribly curious.” At my words the white furred unicorn with the electric blue mane and eyes as scarlet red as a thestrals can get blinked at me. “What are you doing here exactly? The thestrals don’t exactly let people into this place unless they’re captured or happen to sneak in.”

The mare just rolled her eyes and shrugged lamely.

“Are you visiting cousins who happen to be thestrals?” After taking a moment to consider my query, she nodded. “You do realize this place was built by evil cultists that aren’t very friendly?”

She gave me a noncommittal shrug.

“Well okay then.” I turned away from the unicorn and didn’t consider how many less than thestral beings I’ve seen around lately, I also wasn’t going to question things any further than my mind could handle at the moment.

The guards, who were watching the streets after assuring themselves that the scorch mark on the ground hadn’t moved an inch, were just as attentive as they had been when we started the song and dance.

They certainly hadn’t been alerted to the fact that the scorch marks had meaning. Don’t know how mom did it, but making a limited range teleportation potion was definitely something I might want a vial of for emergencies.

Unicorns could teleport as often as they wanted to, provided that they knew how to do so and had the energy for it. The potion had the same effect of an improperly cast teleportation or at the very least a unicorn that performed a side along teleport poorly.

Aside from mom, Jacky and Fizzle being smoked like hickory upon arrival, it worked perfectly and was probably as efficient as a being who isn’t a unicorn could possibly get it in liquid form. Now was it the jolt of the vial hitting the ground or the sudden exposure to air? I wasn’t a regular alchemist, I was a magical alchemist and that wasn’t exactly the same thing.

Now I just had to wait for them to get the tank out of there, I also apparently needed to avoid the arriving guards that were giving me some rather aggressive looks. Apparently they managed to spare some guards to come and attack me.

Well nothing for it then, time to give them the old Canterlot Guard Shuffle and make sure that they don’t bother Vinyl.

-Daring-

I stayed in the corner of the ceiling in the shadows as I eavesdropped on Dr. Caballeron and the local sanity challenged second in command, Screaming Star, haggle out details about information the thestrals had about something.

“Is the information even good or even worth the price you’re asking for it?” Caballeron was calling into question Screaming’s ability to not stab someone in the back at the soonest opportunity. Apparently he missed an opportunity thanks to a particularly grand performance at the arena by Jaded La Perm.

“Of course the information is good, but are you sure you want it? Even hollow heart won’t touch the ‘End of Immortality’ and it is said to be very powerful.” The end of immortality, what was that and why would he be looking for something like that? “I think he’s being a coward in not looking into the information further.”

“Says the coward that takes every opportunity to stab his leader in the back for even the slightest sign of weakness… or so I’ve heard.” Caballeron didn’t need to have someone feeding him information to know that, because even I knew that after spending half an hour in the city.

Every thestral around knew that if Screaming were to ever succeed, they’d all be better off because Screaming wouldn’t be so nearly as hard to dispose of after a short lived victory. Hollow Heart kind of had a monopoly on loyalty through brutality, the dark religion and military might.

At least I now knew what Caballeron was after, now if only I could find out where the Zephyr’s Fan is. That magical pegasus artifact is supposed to be around here somewhere. If it was anything like the Good Fortune Garnet, then it would be another white whale to add to my list of magical white whales of doom.

-???-

I certainly didn’t like skulking around the monastery full of dangerous looking fanged ponies, but the flying turtle seemed determined to not care about taking cover of any kind or even sneaking around at all for that matter.